In a special edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, the Clichés team select some of their ultimate footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among Adam, Charlie and Dave's selections are the enduring fallacy of relegation-threatened teams “fighting for their lives”, the theory behind the greatest lower-body aesthetic in football history, the haggard goalnets of midweek 5-a-side and the childish envy when new signings score on their debuts for your team's rivals.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel admire a strong end to 2024 for Richard Keys' blog and reveal the real scandal behind the rebooted European Super League concept.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a new term for slapstick defending, a historic day for Premier League manager sackings, more accidentally operatic BBC commentary, some dubious red-card stadium music in Australia and much more.

Meanwhile, the panel decide when Manchester City's "blip" became a "slump" and then a full-blown "crisis" and discuss the reported successors to Gary Lineker on Match of the Day.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Mick McCarthy on Steve Coogan playing him in a film, Charlton manager Nathan Jones takes on the weather, Martin Keown on the re-opening of Notre Dame, a curious injury league table from the BBC, Sky Sports commentators inexplicably sampled in experimental French electronica and a tautologous Spanish non-league club.

Meanwhile, the panel try to identify the most finger-wagging player and compile their ultimate generic multi-club ownership group.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Cole Palmer's perfect Panenka, the latest breach of Match of the Day protocol, the minor media obsession with getting managers to admit their team is in the title race, obscure mid-90s Spurs midfielders in Netflix comedies and the dream scenario for fans ridiculing the opposition goalkeeper's goal kicks.

Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the Club World Cup’s group of death and pick apart the “good time to play them” theory.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: some baffling new transferspeak, some glorious audio of away fans thinking they've scored and being immediately ridiculed by the home crowd, the nichest FA Cup draw content you will ever consume, more average mid-90s English wingers’ names in things and Richard Keys going 80% Partridge as he presents from the 1988 Motor Show.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder what a club legend would have to do to get a stand named after them or a statue built in their honour.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the mainstream media jump on the Pep Sacking Threshold bandwagon, some beautifully unnecessary detail about a headed goal, a commentator lets down Robbie Savage very gently, former Blackburn wingers' names implicated in boat murders, the first ever goal uploaded to YouTube, a Harry Redknapp headline for the ages and Keys & Gray visit the Qatar Grand Prix.

Meanwhile, the panel weigh up the minimum price tag for a Premier League "big-money signing" and explore the nuances of who "holds" who to a 0-0 draw.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are free-kick decoy duties in Sunday League, predicting the moment the "olés" are about to start as a team sees out a comfortable win, the delicate act of picking balanced teams for 5-a-side, football's vandalism of the word "decimated", minute's applause that begin in the wrong minute and playing the ball off the wall at Powerleague.

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Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is available to pre-order: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: A new world record for away fans slowly realising their team has scored, Mark Schwarzer ties himself in chronological knots, Martin Keown lavishes himself with the highest footballing praise, famously unfriendly footballers’ names in American T-junctions and Keys & Gray’s ill-fated 2011 bid to break into the app market.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder how many consecutive Manchester City defeats it would take for Pep Guardiola to be sacked.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

Get 10% off the Football Cliches merchandise range for Black Friday at formysins.shop

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The pod welcomes Football Ramble podcast supremo Luke Moore for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as he chooses his six personal fascinations and irritations of football.

Among Luke's selections are the early signs of a game turning into a comprehensive thrashing, the physical attributes of a classic double save, a controversial choice for the best camera angle for a penalty, the highly unnecessary admin-theatre of both teams setting up for a free kick, the demise of calling free transfers "a Bosman" and people whose footballing enthusiasm extends no further than their own team.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel - featuring returning legend Doc Brown - react to a Paraguayan football take on "hang it in the Louvre!", reflect on the quirks of Sky's mid-2000s PlayerCam innovation and unanimously condemn the word "thunderbastard".

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: England's League B promotion glory, a listener solves last week's Consecutive Hat-Tricks Career Pathway puzzle, Talksport mulls over what constitutes a "young young" player, some novel use of "aplomb" at the darts, Trevor Brooking's 1982 Desert Island Discs, the surprising origins of "tippy-tappy football" and some strange alleged behaviour from an ex-Barclaysman.

Meanwhile, the panel gauge the lowest level a referee could have played at to satisfy the "never played the game" brigade and wonder if a centre-back can be described as a "hotshot”.

Adam's new book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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