Football Cliches

Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are lower-league players getting fresh trims for TV games, a brief meta-analysis of the neverending debate over what constitutes “world class”, and a unanimous panning of lower-case shirt names.

Meanwhile, the panel undertake a cultural review of the Ballon d'Or ceremony and Arsenal's Carabao Cup shock at Fleetwood Town.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the spiritually correct team to have tried the most shots from the halfway line in Premier League history, a big week for the footballing concept of "dreamland", Manchester United’s latest lurch into crisis (feat. mirrors, monarchs and monologues), a (probable) record 8.7-second Match of the Day intro, Simon Jordan takes on PETA over Crystal Palace's eagle, Scott McTominay gets an undeserved and accidental commentary telling-off, Jonathan Wilson helps to demolish some 1950s-themed TV footy chat, Brazilian full-backs’ names in VAR reviews, and picking the best all-time Premier League 5-a-side team with the same surname.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: an assortment of Champions League television highlights, a delightful nickname for a Scottish League Two striker, co-existing footballers whose names match one of Aesop’s fables, "Johnny on the spot" and other name-based footballing labels, unexpected Portuguese managers in Salvage Hunters episodes, a full-length acoustic version of the old Ford Super Sunday title music, and much more.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the explosion in AI-generate fantasy versions of Mesut Ozil goals, work-permit concerns in Berkshire under-15s leagues, the Cliches pod popping up in Australian dashcam videos, a curious BBC preoccupation with Mikkel Damsgaard's hairline, how Brentford nearly caused the ultimate VAR nightmare, a deep dive into Diego Gomez’s 51-yarder, whether a headed goal can be "slammed in", Premier League centre-backs you’d trust in a one-on-one with a keeper, the "goals galore" threshold and a deft dissection of the Drurian mid-shot commentary emphasis.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Dave's evening of Watford misery, an unexpected cultural influence of Martin O’Neill’s late-90s Leicester squad, Jon Champion struggles with the Marvel universe, Coventry's bid for a rare Premier League double, why Thomas Frank to Fulham just sounds too perfect, towering Czech strikers in news stories about burst water pipes, and the latest legacy members of the Red Cartel to launch a football podcast.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the holding pattern of awkwardness after Liverpool 0 Man City 3, Lee Dixon gives US viewers a refresher course about being "on toast", Jamie Redknapp deploys an unusual punditry ratio, TNT Sports unveil their new studio innovation, hrewdly-scripted mundane football chat on EastEnders, a war reporter with Fletch's voice, Harry Kane describes German bread in a way only a footballer could, an appeal for a footballing musical gem that perhaps never existed... and Richard Keys’s top five referees.

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An immaculate Etihad goalkeeping hierarchy, nearly picking Maicon by accident, an underwhelming Pep Guardiola raid of Bayern Munich, a capable midfield wardrobe, the one turn-of-the-2010s Englishman they didn’t sign, the Messi/Ronaldo dilemma, Hulk tearing up the Premier League from the right-hand side, an agonising choice for No 9, and one charming man to lead them all.

Adam Hurrey is joined by David Walker and James Maw to sift through dozens of names in a bid to pick apart Manchester City's various transfer strategies from 2008 to the present day - from the early post-takeover splurges to the relentless squad-refining of the Guardiola era - and select a lineup of players who somehow slipped through the Etihad net.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: one of the best phone-in callers of the Man City saga so far, Richard Keys vs Liam Gallagher, England’s nursery-rhyme back four, statistical proof that it's tinpot for a country’s football association to have an actual football in its logo, David Seaman barely contains himself yet again, analysing the full weekly lineup for The Overlap Daily, Sean Dyche's favourite line gets another airing, and the greatest pound-for-pound commentator's curse of all time.

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Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker are joined by former Premier League referee Graham Scott, who answers some increasingly obscure questions from the pod and the listeners about life as a top-flight match official...

Is RefCam a positive development in our relationship with referees? What's the threshold for a referee becoming "card happy"? When would an official call a player by their nickname? Why have anti-referee chants failed to evolve over the years? Why is Jay Bothroyd now the nation's unofficial chief referee assessor? Why do referees whistle for full time in different ways? And how long would it take for a flawlessly talented 40-year-old referee to go from Sunday League to Premier League?

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the finer details of the fallout from the Premier League's verdict on Manchester City's charges, accidentally musical commentary from England vs Spain, a huge development for players who have their full names read out every time, Poland delivers the adverb that football never knew it always wanted, Andy Townsend on pub toilets, Dave unconsciously saying the names of Ballon d’Or winners, Jeremy Clarkson presenting Match of the Day, and Glenn Hoddle goes route-one in search of some international-break social media engagement.

Play our fantastic new Out of Control daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches

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