The pod welcomes Jacob Hawley and Jake Farrell - aka The Screen Rot Podcast - for the latest edition of Mesut Haaland Dicks, as they choose their six personal fascinations and irritations of football.

Among their selections are the criteria for being a "proper football club", judging anonymous 5-a-side teammates by the obscurity of the kit they’re wearing, referee bias when the ball is being kept in the corner and the modern scourge of cross-sport tribute celebrations.

Meanwhile, the epic search for the commentary sampled in the theme tune to Gazzetta Football Italia comes to a glorious conclusion.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: the art of the double guard of honour, a baffling soundtrack to Napoli’s Scudetto ceremony, England one-cap wonders' names in old episodes of The Bill, Premier League players whose names belong in other sports and the start of what could be the greatest saga in investigative football podcasting history.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder which game is the most “have it on DVD and never watch it” game of all time.

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare & David Walker. On the agenda: Will Still’s inevitable English football unveiling edges closer, the Etihad reaction to Omar Marmoush’s wonder goal, Lionel Messi pops up in Mobland, mid-table Eredivisie clubs in sci-fi novels and some glorious Anglo-Italian commentary from Serie A.

Meanwhile, the panel decide what makes a signing "shrewd" and hear a story of some overengineered 6-a-side organisation.

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the weekend's hat-trick of feelgood football stories (feat. Sean Dyche's co-commentary vindication), a surprise football name in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, a superbly named Scottish police officer, a perfectly proportionate voiceover in an advert for An Evening With Matt Le Tissier and Harry Winks' knowledge of semi-obscure Premier League veterans.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder if Dean Henderson met the "The [Player X] Final" threshold and decide what defines a striker as a "hitman".

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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The Football Clichés Quiz returns to take on EFL specialists Ali Maxwell, George Elek (and ringer ex-pro David Prutton) from the Not The Top 20 podcast.

The questions include: UEFA Cup final brace-baggers, play-off semi-final assists, stadiums with "Road" in their name, lower-division England debutants, famous football voices dubbed into foreign languages, iconic commentary recited from memory, guessing the Football League player and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.

Tickets for NTT20 Live at the Crucible in Sheffield here:

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Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the secret behind Watford's managerial recruitment strategy, Luis Enrique on "farmers leagues", a superb conclusion to a fine couple of weeks for football-themed papal conclave discourse, Premier League managers’ names in UFO sightings, Clive Tyldesley’s legal rights over the name “Clive”, bawdy banter in the TNT gantry and the optimum amount of time to be "rotting in the reserves".

Meanwhile, the panel ponder football's metaphorical "mountain to climb".

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare & David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of Inter 4-3 Barcelona (from both sides of the Atlantic), the fascinating depths of the Trent Alexander-Arnold legacy discourse, MK Dons going round in circles as they unveil their new crest, a journey into the unravelling media persona of Graham Potter, the football-inspired phrase "moving the goalposts" and much more.

Meanwhile, the panel speak to the star of last week's Footballers' Names in Things, a certain Rudi Voller.

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker as they clock up 1,001 combined pod appearances. On the agenda: some perfectly timed crowd noise to meet a commentator's 4/10 pun, Andy Gray's influence on snooker commentary, Kevin De Bruyne giving the shortest shrift possible to a stat, Crystal Palace fans vs Eberechi Eze's penalty run-up, Trent Alexander-Arnold's Bernabeu unveiling and much more.

Meanwhile, the panel decide which managers fit the criteria to be called “glorified PE teachers”.

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are gaslighting your partner with deliberately difficult football trivia, the art of skipping highlights to perfectly miss out the punditry, the modern game’s addiction to the present tense and the most "mid-game" possible celebration for scoring a penalty in a shootout.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy some very unexpected footballers names in international news stories, try to comprehend a shock David Seaman statistic and also announce the first Cliches Quiz Live in Leeds on June 12th.

Book your place at the quiz at tickets.footballcliches.com

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Wembley's drum-beat woodwork, the most "mid-2000s FIFA game" commentary of the season, why Newcastle now must win 21 league titles in a row or the world will implode, the textbook FA Cup final pairing, and mapping Manchester United's doldrums era to that of Liverpool's 1990-2020.

Meanwhile, the panel contemplate the Club World Cup, live on Channel 5, and absorb a listener's deep data dive on Premier League press-conference cliches.

Adam's book, Extra Time Beckons, Penalties Loom: How to Use (and Abuse) The Language of Football, is OUT NOW: https://geni.us/ExtraTimeBeckons

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