Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the players' disbelieving reactions to team-mates' wondergoals, goalkeepers who react furiously to Panenkas against them, the anxiety of shooting into an empty goal in a 5-a-side warm-up and a never-before-heard grievance about scoring penalty shootouts.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel assess Peter Crouch's "streets won't forget" 5-a-side lineup and wonder if some lamentable footballspeak in a political drama is not quite as it seems.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the Stockley Park canteen saga rumbles on, inexplicable TV cameos from Sean Dyche, the closest we’ve come to locating the end of Graham Potter’s tether, footballing events that are too big to be “sliding-doors moments”, an incredible deployment of “for my sins”, some glorious proverbial-cotton-wool confusion and Richard Keys christens Everton’s new home.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Jon Champions lowers the commentary tone in the Champions League qualifiers, Sky Sports' on-screen butchering of the embryonic Premier League table, a classic football geography error in Sherlock & Co, a sat-nav voiced by a football pundit and the maximum number of footballing "times of asking".

Meanwhile, the panel enjoy Sean Dyche's date with destiny: a long-awaited appearance on Sam Allardyce's podcast.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Match of the Day's non-evolution, the opening-weekend Premier League verdicts on who to fear for/who'll be fine, the concept of “knocking on the door" of the opposition, a low-key early contender for "game’s gone" moment of the season, a finely-poised "watching football on holiday" dilemma, refereeing clampdowns down in Sunday league, Nigel Farage's unconvincing football campaign and Stockley Park's latest crisis.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the nichest world record in football is shattered once again, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink's ex-footballer/Strictly contestant spiel, the extinguishing of Celeste’s five-year Sky Sports flame, why Dominic Calvert-Lewin to Leeds just feels so right, throwaway footballspeak in Homer’s Iliad and the Robert Earnshaw of bedwetting.

Meanwhile, the panel run through some niche Premier League predictions for 2025-26, including the first 10 guests on Monday Night Football.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural mini-review of the Community Shield, some glorious crowd-noise from the Championship, the decline of the word "amid" continues, Dean Saunders reboots his campaign against football jargon, Sunderland's transfer strategy goes back to basics and yet another Lionel Messi landmark.

Meanwhile, the panel assess Wycombe's new goalscoring verb amid cricket's fascinating collections of words for batsmen hitting the ball.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Conor Coady introduces himself as a Wrexham player in customary style, the awkwardness of double-header friendlies, the alphabetical distribution of team names in the top European leagues, some astonishing pedantry on Jimmy Greaves' Wikipedia page, textbook Andy Townsend radio chatter and much more.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: more Cliches references in wrestling commentary, Adam suffers a textbook "freak footballer injury" in real life, a cultural review of UK soap operas referencing England’s Euro 2025 glory, the glorious names of the vanquished non-League clubs in the FA Cup extra preliminary round, "the most 2011 transfer of all time", in-demans strikers' names in sci-fi spin-off series, the "90s footballer anecdote" cadence, and Richard Keys' big week out in the wild.

Meanwhile, the panel endure some terrible examples of AI-generated football content and decide how long teams should get for their new signings to "gel".

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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The twentieth installment of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on James Maw, Jack Pitt-Brooke and Dan Kilpatrick from the Athletic's Tottenham podcast The View From The Lane

The questions include: Premier League sextuple goalsmen, 32-year-old footballers, incomplete XIs, the moderately well trodden path from Tottenham to Los Angeles, famous football voices dubbed into foreign languages, musical midfield maestros, footballers names on the Wimbledon champions board and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.

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Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the body language of players who should have had the ball squared to them but their team scored anyway, high-risk extra-curricular goalkeeping activity, unrealistic football skills in films and the lack of chips on sale at top-level football stadia.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices