After a meeting of the Ramble intercontinental senate, it's been decreed that the Ehantharajah Empire has simply been too powerful in the My Biddy Aunt arena of late, so a game of Jack's Encyclopaedia is the task this week.

The belt is up for grabs with Marcus taking on Vish. Jim's on the whistle for this one.

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It's the weekend everybody! And we've got a chocker Fri, Sat and Sun full of football goodness. Arsenal host Chelsea in the big one on Sunday. As both sides prepare for it, John Terry asks once again: "Why am I not the Chelsea manager?" There are probably a few reasons for that, JT.

Marcus, Jim and Vish preview that. Plus, Ryan Yates attempts to calm his ravenous sausage dog, André Onana eyes a return to Manchester United, and we all gather to celebrate a decade of Gianni Infantino at FIFA. Ten more years! Ten more years!

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On a night where Vinícius Júnior didn't need to answer to anyone, he did anyway with a brilliantly taken winner against Benfica. The dance goes on.

Pete and Luke are joined by David Cartlidge to look back on the action across Europe last night – including further depressing scenes on both sides at the Bernabéu, as David explains. José Mourinho behaves like a prat too, of course.

We also unpack perhaps the worst red card decision in recent memory in Juventus vs Galatasaray. Poor lovely Lloyd Kelly!

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Those Qarabağ boys didn't go down without a fight! Newcastle already had one foot in the round of 16, which allowed Eddie Howe to give Nick Woltemade a run out in midfield. It wasn't pretty, but I guess it kind of worked?

Pete tells Marcus and Jim why Newcastle need to be patient with big Nick. Plus, Bodø/Glimt deliver a huge shock as they knock Sporting Clube de Inter Milan out of the Champions League, Joe Hart becomes a coach for a day, and Snoop Dogg leaves a stench in the Swansea City tunnel.

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A nice light, noncontroversial one to kick off today’s Mailbag: are multi-club ownership models a necessary evil in modern football, or a blight on the game’s very essence?

Marcus, Luke and Vish tackle that one first, before diving into some of the lighter questions you’ve chucked us over the last week. What are some nice bits about modern football? Where would we choose to finish our own career? And who’s got the best ‘bang average career, exceptional individual moment’ in football history?

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Arsenal are back in the driving seat after a comprehensive 4-1 win over their North London rivals. Big Igor Tudor... what kind of disaster have you walked into old pal?

Luke was our agent on the ground at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium and he joins Marcus and Vish to tell us all about it. Plus, Crystal Palace fans bring out the bedsheets and Fizzer auditions for the Mayor of Portland.

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After Marcus was humiliated, embarrassed, trounced (take your pick) by Vish last weekend, the honourable Republic of Jimbabwe is entering the field to bat against the Ehantharajah Empire.

Speller will be reffing - it's Vish versus Jim for the My Biddy Aunt belt.

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Vítor Pereira got off to a stunning start at Nottingham Forest by beating Fenerbahçe 3-0 last night. First the... Europa League play-off first leg win, then the pints? The Fire Man is back in business.

Marcus, Jim & Vish are here to recap that win and preview the weekend’s action. Plus, Martin O’Neill goes on a generational rant about the state of Scottish football, Cesc Fàbregas rolls back the years, and the Igor Tudor period begins at Tottenham Hotspur.

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The Arsenal boat is desperately trying to find some more timber and generate enough steam to power them to that elusive Premier League title.

Today, Pete, Luke and Jim reflect on a night where Arsenal's biggest flaws were all exposed. Elsewhere, Newcastle were rampant in Azerbaijan and Jesse Lingard's gap year continues.

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The Champions League is back! Today, Marcus, Luke and Jim review an evening that was disappointingly overshadowed by allegations of racist abuse in Benfica vs Real Madrid. Rest assured, José Mourinho covered himself in no glory whatsoever.

Elsewhere, Newcastle prepare for an historic two and a half thousand-mile journey to Baku. Plus, Marcus’ Thomas Tuchelitis is getting worse than ever.

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Find us on Bluesky, X, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected].

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