Pete's been thinking about opening his own nursery, but stumbles badly over what he'd call it. But never mind all that, because as ever on The Luke and Pete Show there are gherkins to eat, sandwich shops to assess and paper fortune tellers to learn about.

Oh, and have the lads finally found an Official GP of The Luke and Pete Show? And does he know what he's doing? And is being a GP the easiest job in the entire medical profession?

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The lads have moved into a new office and are starting to roll out their best small talk efforts with their new colleagues. But something more pressing is on the agenda today, because Pete fears he may have been propositioned by a man in the local corner shop? And, more importantly, that might mean he can never go back there again.

Elsewhere, there's a weird fantasy bloke on instagram that Pete hates (is jealous of), and we also learn about people drawing their own cartoon strips as kids, with no thought for the IP ramifications.

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Are we living in an entirely new societal system? There's plenty of evidence to suggest we are. And it's called The Peteriarchy. But how many Petes are in charge, and who are they?

Also on your all-new LAPS episode, Luke meets the only person in Britain that doesn't know where the Gallagher brothers are from, we lament the lack of Rocket From the Crypt in everyone's lives, and Pete delivers his treatise on how to perform a tracheotomy. Warning: it's not for the faint hearted.

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Pete and Luke are back to ask a question that is surely on the lips of everyone - who is the UK's National Trevor? There's also time to discuss how many cats Ozzy Osbourne killed in his life (clue: it's a lot), and then we talk about our favourite Brixton-based buskers.

Elsewhere, there's the astonishing average age of the Greenland shark, why Pete doesn't like jellied eels, and a listener gets in touch to passionately defend Dutch cuisine. Does he win the lads over? Tune in to find out.

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Today on your all-new LAPS portion: Luke meets the Bad Boy of Petanque in the flesh, there's some reminiscing about the abandoned 3D TV revolution and the lads learn about who *really* invented the telephone.

Elsewhere, Luke remembers Good Shoes, Pete remembers Field Music and reveals the surprising thing they're up to now and there is a surprising plot twist in the battery chat. Could a lasagne really end up in the Battery Daddy? Tune in to find out...

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What foods would you say are acceptable to eat before midday? Unsurprisingly, Pete doesn't discriminate. Not that he can, mind you; his oven is inexplicably full of water so he can't cook anything anyway.

Meanwhile, Luke is abusing and being abused when it comes to Lime bikes, and one of the lads has been belligerent to celebrated TV historian Dan Snow, and the other has made himself ill on gherkins. When will this nonsense ever end?

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What's Peter doing in the bathroom with a shard of porcelain stuck in his foot? And why are there bloody footprints everywhere? And more importantly, is it the same foot from which he accidentally squirted a blister over a nun's habit?

Elsewhere, Luke has been to see Neil Young live, reopening last month's very lively debate about ol' Shakey, there's more Drumeo chat, and we marvel at the depths of cringe Drake is able to plumb. Oh, and we may have yet another new player flying into the Battery Daddy...

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Pete's fluent in French! Who knew? Did Pete even know until this recording?

The boys discover a definitive list of the world's hardest languages and a listener wonders if it's possible to receive a racist spatula. Plus, why pilots on YouTube are kinda soothing and Luke tells Pete once and for all: stop buying me lattes I don't drink.

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What's your favourite internet fight? Luke and Pete list a few contenders, including a man getting told he's about to be thrown into a lake before being quite literally thrown into a lake.

Elsewhere, the lads follow up Monday's music chat with a deep dive into a technical brutal death metal band that only write songs about Ancient Egypt, find out that Pete's dream festival involves quite a lot of potted meat, and still find the time to assess your latest battery submissions. Don't miss it, and make sure to hit subscribe or follow wherever you get your podcasts.

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Fill out our survey here to have a chance at winning a PS5!

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's something of a music-themed show today as Pete reveals he once interviewed Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers and he had something resembling a torture rack in his dressing room. Aside from that we pour doubt on the credibility of Bruce Dickinson's polymath credentials and then get stuck into a bit of Black Sabbath.

Also, have we come full circle in the "what to feed ducks" debate that's been raging around the UK for the last decade or so? Tune in to find out!

Email us at [email protected] or you can get in touch on X, Threads or Instagram if character-restricted messaging takes your fancy.

Fill out our survey here to have a chance at winning a PS5!

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.