The lads hop aboard the Steven Bartlett hate train, again, and Pete accuses Luke of being just a little jealous. Elsewhere, Luke shares the tale of a house party gone horribly wrong, involving 30 mates, a wax strip, and one extremely unfortunate soul.

Then it’s on to an email special, where Pete proudly declares he’d still jump into a pool even if someone had just done a shit in it…as long as it had been sieved out. His argument? “The water’s touching your arsehole anyway.” Luke isn’t convinced.

Plus, the lads get curious about our new resident LAPS HGV driver…Amphetamines? Sex workers? What is the image of the long-distance trucker in 2025?

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Luke’s on a mission to become the most pasty man in Britain, while Pete’s seriously considering a Juicy Couture tracksuit… naturally. Then, the lads weigh in on the Eubank Jr vs Benn fight, the legacy of their famously fiery dads, and Luke recalls being genuinely terrified of Nigel Benn as a ten-year-old.

Also on the docket: is it ever okay to let a builder use your toilet? Pete probably wouldn’t mind, he’s got four, and Luke is absolutely astounded!

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After foxes ransack Pete’s nappy bins, Luke suggests a very DIY deterrent: peeing in an Evian bottle to mark his territory… not that he’s speaking from experience. And if he was, he certainly wouldn’t have been caught mid-stream by his wife. Definitely not.

Meanwhile, Pete’s overhydration saga hits rock bottom with a full-bladder emergency on the M25, resulting in an SOS wee right outside of a British Airways training centre. Dignity? Absolutely none.

Plus, Luke solves a listener’s cat poo problem.

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Fresh off the plane back from Vegas, Pete takes aim at the culinary crime scene that is Panda Express and regales us with tales of invisible man matches, and his new survival tool of choice: melatonin.

Elsewhere, Luke delivers the brutal news about Chick-fil-A’s problematic past and the lads wonder why anyone cares what other people spend their money on.

Plus, Pete narrowly avoids a risky duck blood meal before his 11-hour flight home and Luke’s genuinely impressed with his growth!

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Pete kicks things off with an identity crisis – he’s convinced he’s 34, and Luke has the unenviable task of breaking the news that he’s... absolutely not. Talk then turns to Pete’s upcoming WrestleMe Vegas trip and the truly chaotic prospect of a 120-man Royal Rumble. That’s a lot of sweaty bodies!

Elsewhere, after a brief detour into 'The Slug', the lads debate where the line is drawn between harmless kink and full-blown creep behaviour. Plus, why do homophobes always say things are being jammed down their throats? Is it just a coincidence… or the Freudian slip of the century?

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Today, Luke reflects on the pain of a joke that doesn't land with Gen Z — but insists it’s them, not him. He also shares the story of his Seven Sisters hike gone wrong, which left him injured and his wife unimpressed. Elsewhere, Pete reckons he might have worms after a week of dodgy meals — there’s always a gastrological problem with him isn’t there!

The lads also dive into golf’s strangest traditions… like the Masters champion choosing the dinner for the following year. So, what would you have? Plus, an obituary writer sends in a lovely snap of his writer’s shed.

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Today, Luke and Pete dive into the UK’s sugar tax and discover why Mexican Coke is far superior. Luke confesses he can’t stomach the punch of full-fat drinks anymore, unlike Pete, who’s mesmerised by the sheer amount of sugar he could consume — enough to make his liver beautifully sweet!

Elsewhere, they reflect on how acting has improved since the 80s, with Pete arguing that we’re expecting way too much from actors these days. Plus, he’s got some choice words for the kid from Adolescence, who, it turns out, actually did go to drama school…

And, how upset should you really be if your popcorn shrimp still has the poo sack inside?

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Today, after Pete introduces us to the world of expat DJ channels, Luke is left wondering why some expats seem to loathe British culture — especially the ones who spend their days googling Sadiq Khan and eat only English food once they've moved to Spain. Luke wants absolutely nothing to do with it, so Pete offers up an alternative: life in a swamp, anyone?

Plus, someone’s eating sunflower seeds with the shells still on…pure lunacy, and Pilot Dave is back in the LAPS cockpit!

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Today, Luke and Pete tackle life’s big questions: how much money would it take to make them disappear forever? A hundred quid would sort one of them, apparently. And whose teeth would look better in whose mouth?

Elsewhere, Pete reminisces about the time he got hench for a bit, before he pitches the idea of having entrance music in the office like a WWE star. We also wonder if Elon Musk has daddy issues and Pete has a few words for scarily ambitious voiceover thief Charlie…not from Carlisle.

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Happy Monday - it’s time for some more carefully curated nonsense. Luke recounts a bizarre standoff he had in Pret involving a truly odd policy #JusticeforMoore. 

We also get into the latest internet controversy swirling around our beloved Pete and blast through plenty of emails - including a listener who writes to us a few minutes before his vasectomy, an update on Norwich’s cultural impact and some breaking news concerning Stubbington Study Centre. Join us! 

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