Cryptids. Ever heard of them? Well, they get everywhere. Including Hartlepool, it turns out.

Today’s edition of the Luke and Pete show moves from the cryptozoological to the regular kind of zoological when chimpanzees become the focus of the discussion. Trigger warning: includes details of a brutal real-life chimp attack. This is not one for the squeamish. But there’s a nice chaser in store: Pete’s “sexy” MSN pranks.

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Pete’s been off on his holidays again, this time to Moldova and the breakaway republic of Transnistria. And he didn’t even get as pissed as he could have.

Staying on the theme of states and nations, Luke and Peter touch on the war in the Middle East and how certain Dubai residents have reacted to it.

And on an entirely different note, there’s a good amount of potty training chat. Truly something for everybody in this episode.

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Luke is in the purgatory of British house-buying — a process his Wife He Has Access To finds baffling when you can apparently just kick a door in and claim land in Connecticut.

Plus, Pete has been dragged into a six-quid Vinted dispute over some trousers that were definitely brown in the photo and has emerged victorious, slightly guilty, heartfelt hospital stories and a new genre of music called Egg Punk — *basically* as it sounds.

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Welcome, intrepid podcast traveller - good to have you with us. Let Pete regale you with tales of a near-death experience involving a 25-minute walk, getting a blister while dodging a man carrying a slab of MDF, and fancifully thinking about taking up boxing. We've all been there.

Elsewhere, Luke continues to beat Pete at chess and will not let him forget it. Plus, retro video games we'll never finish, debating whether Pete Hegseth's bench press is impressive and Luke witnessing a catastrophically cringe question asked in front of a thousand people.

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A former US President said that aliens exist! More on this story right here on LAPS. In other news, Battery Robot has returned to the fold, Luke’s getting into chess and Tommy Robinson is still a horrible grifter.

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Happy Monday everyone. What better way to start the week than with some allegorical analysis of 1986’s Top Gun? Also on today’s menu: framemogging, Sci-Fi literature, hot tamales and, crucially, supermarket biscuits. Pete reckons this thing goes all the way to the top.

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On today’s episode, Luke and Pete contend with some of the grim realities of the ruling classes on both sides of the pond. In unfortunate news for Peter, a truly dreadful man shares his passion for the Toyota Century.

There’s also some ice bath chat, a big battery submission and a brief look back at Pete’s dating history.

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On the agenda today: Maxïmo Park, tight trousers and the appendages they disguise (or don’t disguise) and the astonishing number of famous people produced by one small Scottish town.

Plus, we have a look at a beautiful radio owned by Luke’s grandad and find out what Pete’s father makes of AI.

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We kick off today’s episode with a look back on the good and the bad of 1990s cartoons and satire, before taking a moment to appreciate the late, great John Virgo.

What’s more, there’s some battery business and listener correspondence to attend to. A Network Rail gentleman tells Luke and Pete a bit more about animals being hit by trains.

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Mr Donaldson’s just got in from another European trip, this time to the land of tapas and seashell-adorned buildings. Today’s topics include punctuation, close calls with rental car companies and the death of the Metaverse. Plus, loads of limestone might be cheaper than you think.

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