Football Cliches

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the three minutes it takes to identify the co-commentator by voice alone, the body language of an offside striker performatively not interfering with play, why a player can be "on a hat-trick" but not "on a red card" and the sheer dissatisfaction of a new signing not being immediately unleashed for their debut.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and Nick Miller. On the agenda: More Drurian delivery from Australian football commentary, a geographically earth-shattering MLS fixture from 2015, the most likely current Premier League manager to jokingly pretend to walk into the wrong dressing room, a satisfying Saturday evening for one Coventry fan, Jose Mourinho prints off his La Liga complaints, the logical framework of being “the happier of the two managers at half-time”, Irish wondergoal commentary, Martin Tyler celebrates his birthday by finally completing a very specific set, a Belgian version of Happy Hunting Grounds and a listener asks for our favourite overlappers.

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The 26th edition of the Football Clichés Quiz sees Adam, Charlie and Dave take on trivia-savvy listeners Pat Noone, Sam Huxley and Jonny Sharples.

The questions include: Premier League Chrisses, managers of Premier League games that have their own Wikipedia pages, the Oceanian Champions League, guessing the co-commentator, football men dubbed into Welsh, Richard Keys’s World Cup rallying cries, guessing the Champions League final from the pre-match punditry, various nations' Premier League top scorers and, of course, Happy Hunting Grounds.

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LONDON LIVE QUIZ - TICKETS ON GENERAL SALE WEDNESDAY 16TH - ⁠quiz.footballcliches.com⁠

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the fallout from the Manchester derby, Tottenham's goal drought passes an important threshold, referees commentating on goals, a very familiar-sounding voice from a game in Australia, whether Manchester United vs Sabah set an incredibly niche world record, overdue praise for the steadiest commentary duo in the business, sci-fi heritage in Scottish penalty shootouts and Andy Gray’s booming return to co-commentary.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Dean Saunders continues his intermittent campaign against modern football terminology, tinpot scenes in the Yashin Trophy nominations, a Talksport debate about the threshold for in-game dominance, John McGinn's trademark caressed curler, the growing usage of "late doors", an unacceptably casual word for a headed goal, the least "rounding the goalkeeper" striker in the Premier League, commentary to the accidental rhythm of football chants and Richard Keys's top 6 commentators of all time.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: reflections on a superb afternoon at the Cliches live show, Tom Cruise deploys the football plural, Gary Cotterill plumbs new press-conference depths, Manchester United are Arsenal 2008/09 in disguise, the fallout from Mike Dean's embellished anecdote, slightly-too-casual VAR announcements, the Gary Neville noise in a Kaiser Chiefs song, and much more.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase! For more info, visit https://saily.com/cliches

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the agonising death of Sky Sports News on deadline day, whether a player can have a “knack” for scoring penalties, Darren Fletcher reviving his Copacbana obsession, footballers’ names in German pet food adverts, whether a header can be “blazed" over the bar, the threshold for a goal getting a trailing team "back in it", an apocalyptic-sounding night at the ex-footballers charity boxing, and checking in with the boys at Keys & Gray Unleashed.

Meanwhile, the panel select the Summer 2026 Transfers That Just Feel So Right XI.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are how technology will finally come for the clumsily-operated electronic substitution board, the futile abuse of the BBC's Player Rater tool, whether a team should be top or bottom of a negatively-themed league table, and a passionate defence of strikers who don't gamble on low crosses into the six-yard box.

Play the new Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Use the code CLICHES to get 60% off the annual plan at incogni.com/cliches

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: a baffling passing adjective in the EFL Trophy, how a striker would "unlock" their goalscoring account for the season, Everton's irresistible "cup run" candidacy, LASK 5 Celtic 4 and the saddest football TV studio of all time, Michael Owen mixes up his modes of transport, a curious anomaly in how we describe substitutes entering the fray, how early a new signing can be called "a revelation" and Richard Keys's optimistic claim to having originally coined a phrase.

Meanwhile, the panel ponder which is the most boo-proof position on a football pitch.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by David Walker and Nick Miller. On the agenda: Wedding guests with goal-machine names, the rude awakenings/wake-up calls/reality checks of the Premier League opening weekend, how much it would actually cost to "drive Harry Maguire to Saudi Arabia yourself", Lee Dixon’s emerging spot-kick commentary trademark, tenuous Match of the Day identity crises, Dom Ballard's pure Puskas wondergoal, the many ripples of a Fabrizio Romano typo, Jean-Philippe Mateta aiming for legislative immortality, West Brom's "curly slippers", James Trafford’s unorthodox cadence and Richard Keys's one word for his beloved Coventry City.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Use the code CLICHES to get 60% off the annual plan at incogni.com/cliches

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