Jen Haddix and I collaborated. I went on her show, Self-love Yogi, and she came on Unabashed You. You heard her in episode 84 Start by Healing Yourself. After listening to the episode on her show, I thought UY listeners would benefit from our conversation.

This time with Jen reminds me to do the work of healing, to offer grace to those who are doing their best, which is hopefully everyone in your life, and to be confident in who you are. Apologies are for behavior not for being you.

Here is our conversation on Jen’s show through Spotify: Let's Stop Saying Sorry with Rechelle.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed U Conversations. To become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Condy. Now, Jen Haddocks and I collaborated. I went on her show Selflove Yogi and she came on Unabashed You. You heard her in episode 84. Start by healing yourself. After listening to the episode on her show, I thought UI listeners would benefit from our conversation.

Participant #1:

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Self Lavioki Podcast. Today's episode is another interview episode, and I had Rochelle Renee from Unabashed You podcast. On my podcast, we did a little collaboration, and in our conversation, we talked a lot about the dreaded word sorry and how women especially tend to be really over apologetic and use justifying language. And we talked a lot about why that happens, how to curb it, how to start to bring awareness into it. It is admittedly, one of my biggest bad habits is apologizing for everything. I still do it. I still work on this to this day. And so I really, really enjoyed this conversation. I hope you like it as much as I did. I put everything in the show notes about how you can contact her if you're interested. And here we go. Okay. Welcome, Rochelle, to the Self Pave Yogi podcast. This is Rochelle from Unabashed You podcast. And I've invited her to be on mine, and I just think she's got some wonderful Nuggets to share with us that go along the same line of self love that I like to share. We're very aligned mentally and spiritually, I think. And so I think it's going to be a really good conversation. How are you today? I am doing really well. It's an honor to be here. I'm excited about our collaboration. You came on my podcast, and now I'm coming on yours. Why not? I know. I love it so much, and I love collaborating and sharing. And I was just talking to her on her podcast about there's no need to have that lack mindset. We're all in this together, sharing her beautiful gifts. And so it's really cool to have you here. Absolutely. My pleasure. So we're just going to start off I just want you to tell me about you, your podcast, what it is that you're doing and how you got here. Okay. That's wonderful. I am a native San Diego, so I live in San Diego, California. That's kind of a fun fact. And I'm part of a blended family of kids that are his, mine, ours, and theirs. So that's kind of a fun fact to there. And through my career, I was a classroom teacher. I worked in children's theater for another huge chunk of my career, bringing performing arts programs to students all over our county, hiring, teaching artists, mentoring them, writing scripts, being the face of that part of the company. Wonderful time. Had a great time. I kind of got this slow burning kind of nudge and yearning about twelve years ago or so when the podcast thing kind of I'm sure it started a little bit before that. But around that time, I started listening to a podcast, and I was like, this is really a new, weird, different thing, right? And I kind of had it in the back of my mind that'd be really cool to do sometime. And then you just sort of dismissed a little nudge, right? Time goes on. Time goes on. I'm loving what I'm doing. I realize I'm heading into act three here of my life, and what do I want to do with my act three? And I realize I've spent a lot of years with kids, which has been wonderful. I've spent a lot of years nurturing, teaching artists of varying ages. I love that. And now what sort of life that I want to play with? And that podcast notion came back to the forefront in a huge way. And it became just a burning desire, like, oh, my gosh, well, what would I call it? What would it be about? I mean, those creative things. And then right before Gosh, right before Cope had hit, I had my exit strategy for the job I was at, and I ended up moving that up because of Copen. Now when you have Copen and schools are suddenly closing, you can't do performances for your parents anymore. So my job ended in that way. I was just three months more going to leave anyway. And they knew that it was all very wonderful, and they knew I had more that I wanted to try. So it just sped up my timeline and of course, the awfulness of COVID, for sure, where I don't want to discount the devastation, the deaths, all of that, and the lingering effects of it still a horrible time of world history. I mean, we all went through this together, really, in that time, so many people, I think, rediscovered, discovered themselves, I think, in hopefully a good and healthy way, which is what I did. I didn't live in a state of fear. I just chose like, okay, I'm going to do the smart things, but then that's all I can do. I'm not going to wallow in a place of worry and handwriting and being on the news 24/7. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do the smart things, and I'm going to move forward. And that's how unabashed you got started. That's the super long winded answer. Now, the thing I really wanted to speak into was a very paralleling your arena of self love, which is this idea that actually originally the show was designed to be for women. Okay? And it was unabashed. You women talking about stuff. That was the tagline, right. As time went on, I realized that men were listening and they were like, Whoa, wait a minute. What you're saying is not just specific to women. It also applies to us. And I went, oh, okay. And then we ended up the tagline now being conversations to become who you already are. I love that. Isn't that great? So good. And I love my platform knows how I feel about men and women. There's a lot of coaches in the online space that only coach women. I personally think that men need healing, too, and I like inviting them into any space that I can. I do have primarily female listeners, but there are men there, and I want to be you've got a space as well where they can listen and go, oh, okay. That applies to me as well. And I can apply that to my own life. Right. So the whole idea behind it was to have almost a movement of please be who you are fully and don't apologize for that. I noticed amongst my friend groups and just culturally, particularly as women, we apologize for so many things. I do it all the time. Yup. Yes. And so that was part of the realization I had was we've got to stop apologizing for all these things. And one of the funniest illustrations of this for me. And you're way too young for this reference, but Mary Tyler Moore show, I remember her. Okay. Actually, I didn't really watch, but I remember her. Yeah, okay. It's a classic show. It's on one of the streaming platforms I highly recommended. Jerry Seinfeld has called it one of his favorite show of all time. High praise. Mary is being interviewed by the rough and tumble Lou Grant, played by Ed. Asner for those of us who might know who that is, she bumps into a desk and she looks to the desk and says, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. She apologizes to the desk. And he was like, what just happened? You apologize to a desk? Who is this? So that's kind of a funny illustration of a point. And taking it to its extreme that we as particularly as women, men have their own set of stuff, but I can't speak fully into that. We are too apologetic. Now, am I saying that you should never apologize? No, I'm not saying that sometimes when we choose a behavior or have a pattern of poor behavior, that's a place to apologize. I'm so sorry that I was short with you just that then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's the time to apologize for behavior that wasn't the best it could have been. But to be who you are. No, we're not going to apologize for that. I'm not going to apologize for being animated or all that sometimes. And I'm not going to apologize when I need to recharge. And I'm saying to my husband, okay, got to have quiet time. I need my quiet time. And then he better understand, like, I am an introvert now, would you know that right now? No, you would not know that you could charge by yourself. I need, like chunks of quiet and alone and all of that. I know that better about myself now. I don't need to apologize for that. I'm not an extrovert. I have moments of animation and fun and all of that. But that doesn't energize me. Anyway, you're speaking to something that I think we might have found our topic that we really want to lean into today, because just as a side note, because I am right and I'm finding that as I get older, the less I want to apologize for myself. And so I'm 36. One of my best friends is 38. We talk about how the closer we get to 40, we're getting closer to having the buckets where we're just not as invested in what other people think of us. And so do you feel like that is something that has gotten better for you with 100%? Oh, absolutely. And it just goes back to the big theme or notion or I want it to be a reality, not just an idea, but that you get to be you. You are one of a kind. You are without equal. So why should you apologize for that? And if someone doesn't is not into that? Well, that's not your problem. Yeah, they're not your people. They're them and not everybody messages to everybody. And that's okay. I think if you are respectful and kind, it's all good. It's all good. So where do you think that that compulsive need, especially for women, but I know men probably do it, too, but I have found that men don't apologize nearly as much as we do. In my experience, my boyfriend is very much unapologetic. Like, he's very sweet and kind, but he's very masculine and he doesn't really apologize for anything. It's awesome. I learned from him. But where do you think our compulsive need to say sorry comes from? I think if I really stop and think about it, it's probably originated in a people pleasing place. And when we look at studies and I wish I could cite them and I won't be able to, and that's okay. But they talk about in, like, the classroom, how at first girls and boys are fully themselves and they raise their hand in equal numbers. And then as years go on, the girls don't raise their hands as much as the boys. So something kind of shifts and starts happening. I don't exactly know what the message that we receive as girls, but I don't know. I think part of it is people pleasing. Part of it's fully gender related. And I think that's one of the reasons why studies also show other studies that if girls go to an all girls high school, that kind of goes away. That affects a primal thing going on there, too, because there is sort of that like masculine, feminine. And just from like a I can't cite anything very well either. So I don't have any studies to cider any scientific. But just like looking back on just sort of the roles of men and the roles of women over history, I wonder if it's sort of like a nurture versus nature type thing where there's a little bit of it nurtured and a little bit of it is just nature, and then we just kind of fall into that, which is like, I'm sure it's fine for some things, but clearly in the world we live in now, it's not necessary to behave that way anymore. Right. So it's an interesting thing. Well, and another point that kind of is another facet of this is qualifying language. This is something else that women do. And this is something that a guest who's a young woman who was one of the teaching artists I hired and worked with back in that career I had on the show, and she talked about somebody that she knew that was teaching her to stop with the qualifying language. Notice how many, in addition to saying you're sorry for things, and I'm not talking about behavior. Sure. Notice how often we say, just, I was just doing this, or if you're late for something, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just had to. And she says now she intentionally will say thank you for being so patient while I ran late. And it just shifts the whole thing. So every time she has to type something out, she goes back and she says, if I put in the word just and it really doesn't belong, I take it out. And same with speaking and this whole notion of qualifying language, I thought, oh, my gosh, that is so good. What does that mean exactly? Qualifying language? Because you're qualifying it. You're saying, oh, I just had to do that last thing. And it puts you in this position of almost coming across as less than I appreciate you being so patient and waiting for me. That is more of like an equal stance. Yeah. It feels full and it feels good as opposed to coming, oh, I'm so sorry. They just had an accent on the previous time. I don't know. I don't know. I can't even fully articulate it. I just know since I talked to her, I paid great attention to that kind of language that I use and really trying to take it out. And again, Ing, we talked about this on a Badge of you podcast. How ing we're always in because we're in the process. We're not done. It's very hard to get to the edges, be comfortable with the fact that the Ed is not exactly right and it's fluid. It's not static. No, not at all. We should probably Google qualifying language and get back to each other with what we found because I don't know enough about it to articulate it much more than I have or much more than the kind of the quick glance she gave to me and shared with the listeners. I just know that it caused a shift in me. And that's one of the reasons I am very fulfilled by doing what I'm doing in the same way you are being fulfilled by what you're doing. Because I am getting all these wisdom Nuggets along with everybody else. And if I don't already know it, I want to impart it and have it become part of who I am and what I do. And if I do know it, I need a reminder on it always because we need to hear things over and over and over again. So if that is true for me, I think that's true for everybody. And sometimes in the parental role or maybe if you're a pet owner, you're like, how many times do I have to say this? Yeah, you have to say it a lot because kids, adults, people need reminders and sometimes it comes differently from different people. Right? So you'll hear something a million times and then somebody else will say the same thing. I'm sure as a parent, you probably are like, why did that work on you? When I said yes, you're like, oh, they said that. Okay, good to know in inward bubble. Oh my gosh, I've said that to you. You've said that I'll hear something in a book. And like the book I'm reading now, I read five years ago, I'm in a different place. I'm hearing it differently. And I think that after this conversation I have never paid attention to my guests and I've always known that sorry was an issue. And so I will be more mindful after hearing this. I learned from all my guests and everything too. So it's absolutely, really cool that this is just a consistent give and take of healing and love and information. And so it's really cool. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. When you and I spoke on Unabashed, you that episode that will be coming out soon, just that concept of ing is now just so at my forefront. And I really appreciate that. Isn't that cool? I love it. So cool. And I love it too. That's one tool that I guess we could share with people as far as how to maybe soften on the sarees and the qualifying language. And I don't know, do you have anything else, any other negative wisdom around that topic that could maybe help people? I like to try to give people things they can take away from this. Absolutely. 100%. Now I'm going to pay attention if I say just and what else can they do? Well, the sorry and the just, those are really two good things to pay attention to. It's a good place to start or when we're all in process. What am I talking about? Yes. So being unapologetic being full of yourself. Another one, I would think. And I feel it's really important. And this is not around qualifying languages. We're shifting sort of topics, but it's still under that self love, self fulfillment sort of journey. And that is the realization that people do the best they can. And if it wasn't enough for what you wanted or needed, you now need to take that ball and run with it and get what you want or you need it. Okay. I can just apply that directly to being a parent. If I were parenting now, I would do things pretty differently than I did them then, but that's what I need to do at that time. The same thing is true of since we're all here, we all have parents. We may not end up having kids, but we all had parents. Yeah. I can remember reaching this point in my own sort of self journey of realizing the limitations of both my mother and my father and realizing, oh, okay, they did the best they could do at the time. If I have areas of need or want or holes or heartbreak or whatever, it's now my job to finish giving me and speaking into and learning and get therapy or books or journaling or whatever it is for you or all of the above, I'm now responsible for the rest. It wasn't their job. Their job is done. They did what they could do. They did what they knew to do. They did their best. And really, I should honor that by finishing it out myself, not by just so many people are stuck in the past. Stuck. The groove and the record. They just. Oh, gosh, do you even know what? I hope you know what the vinyl is okay. Yeah, just stuck in a groove. Just stuck. And when you listen to them, they can't get out of there's. Payoff in the pain. For whatever reason, there's payoff for them in staying in that place. Yes, there is. And I'm sad. And that almost makes me teary to think that people stay stuck. You don't need to stay stuck. I wouldn't even begin to have the audacity to be able to tell them how to fully get unstuck. I know there are lots of tools and lots of ways to get help. I don't know how you help create a fire under someone like that to want to get unstuck. It's like the horse, the old you can leave the horse alone, but you can't make a drink. Okay. It's that whole thing. Somebody has to want to get unstuck as soon as they want to get unstuck. There's so much that they can do. But there can't be any more payoff in the pain or that has to not be working anymore for them to like, you know what? It's time that person died. 20 years ago, 20 years of my life have gone by. I'm still there, and I don't want to dismiss anybody's grief, because like everyone else, I've got my own. You don't get out of here without experiencing heartbreak. Heartache kind of part of the experience, I think. Grief, yes. Sometimes my butts should be ants. And that's another one I've been really working on is the butt. This is not a but it's an. And I would invite your listeners to when they've gone through something grievous, the death of a loved one, or fill in the blank, whatever that grief is, that trauma is when they're far enough removed in the process and the work that they do in their healing journey to turn around and look behind them and see what good came from that. Is there any good that came from that? And if there is good that came from that, can I name it? Can I claim it? That is huge. I have done that kind of work myself. And it is liberating. Absolutely. It is absolutely freeing. It takes your grief and turns it into the ultimate gift. Because that person that passed, they're not coming back. No. So why not? For why you torture yourself for years and years. Yes. And honestly, would they want that for you? Come on. But you're touching on something really important that I kind of want to circle back to, sort of like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. And the girl that I had on my podcast last week, we were talking about psychedelics for healing. And we were just talking about how as somebody who is healing like you and I are, and we've got all these tools, and we're watching people suffer, and we just want so badly to help them. If we could just get you to see these amazing tools, you wouldn't have to suffer. But it's not really up to us. Right. And that's something that I think is really hard for all of us with the people that we love. And a quote that she quoted Ram Das, and I'm going to Butcher it. And it was beautiful. Just about the best thing that you can do for me is heal yourself. And the best thing I can do for you is heal myself. And through that mutual healing. So people will heal just by watching you. And even if they're not ready to meet you at your level, you're probably not ready to meet somebody else at their own level. We can heal each other by just being examples and doing our best because that's all we have control over. Yes. Snap, snap, snap, snap. Love it. But I think it's a really cool thing that you've brought that up, because it is hard because I know a lot of people are hurting because they are feeling victimized by their past. And it's hard for them to let it go. And it's hard for them to look at their parents as unhealed people who did their best. But that is the work. That is the work. That's the work. That is the work. And honestly, we both know if you don't do the work, you stay stuck and you don't get the most out of this experience of this thing we call life. Exactly. So I think it's a really powerful negative wisdom that I really hope can resonate with anybody. And it's hard, too, because I know when you're in it, I'm sure a few years ago you've been in it before where you're just in your shit. And it doesn't look like there's a way out. If you just take little tiny baby steps of some kind every day, you will eventually get yourself out. Absolutely. I agree with you all the way. And yeah, you have to have that desire to want to get out. You do. Nobody can give that to you. No. My whole audience knows my story about my mom. But that was one of the things that my mom was a drug addict. We put her in rehab. We tried so hard to help her. She did not want to be helped. Right. There you go. And that was one of the biggest lessons. And I was like, okay, so you cannot force people. And she was there for a reason. She died early for a reason. She came on Earth. And I don't regret it at all. And so if you can look at the people in your life and just go, okay, like you said, the parents are doing the best they can with what they have. And when you're a kid, you don't have those tools. But when you're an adult, you do. So you can take the ball and you can run it to that yardline, whatever that looks like for you. And you can give yourself. Absolutely. And a lot of that's awareness. And hopefully through conversations like this that will help share and shed some light on that awareness so that people might be like, oh, wait a minute. That might apply to me and start kind of that sense of thinking. And I love the word pondering. And they can kind of ponder it and then maybe do something with it. Yeah, exactly. And you're just planting little seeds. So my podcast, these conversations, anything you do, it's just a little seed. Yes. Amen love that consciousness. Right. So I have loved this so much. And I want you to just do a little bit of shameless self promotion. You can tell us where to find you and how to listen to your stuff. If you website any of that, just tell us all about it. All right. If any of this spoke to you and you would like to hop on over to Unabashed you. That's the name of the show. It's on most every podcast platform there is. There are so many, it's hard to keep up. I understand that. Same place for Facebook and Instagram, same name. And for some reason, we'd like to email me [email protected]. So it's all pretty self explanatory. We welcome new listeners and want everybody to be who they are without apology. Yes, and I will put all of that in the show notes in case you can't spell on a batch of you or you don't remember and you want to look at it later, it will all be there for you anyway. So wonderful. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Honestly, truly thank you for this collaboration, for coming up with this idea because I think we were both very blessed by the collaboration experience. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right, take care. Talk soon.

Participant #1:

This time with Jen reminds me to do the work of healing to offer Grace to those who are doing their best, which is hopefully everyone in your life and to be confident in who you are. Apologies are for behavior, not for being you. The Unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unabashed you if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable. So thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now for our blessing, we ask for healing. We ask to be whole we ask to be fully who we are and to share what we have with others. If we do, then we are all woven together beautifully and can do all kinds of things so go forward and be that do that be an abashed be you Amen.

Melody has lots of energy by her own admission.  Instead of following the typical American retirement route, she takes her passion and encourages others by serving in Africa. She and her husband spend the majority of their time doing what they can to make a difference.  Wow!

I was struck by the degree of sacrifice Melody, lovingly, is willing to give.  Her faith allows her to stay optimistic even when times are dark and difficult.  I’m not sure I could do what she does.  I am thankful there are people who commit themselves to that thing they feel compelled to do.  I know we all have something we need to share, and it takes all of us to do that unique thing to make it all work better. To make us better.

You can find Melody on IG at Melody Taylor, and the non-profit website is Go Near for more on her work in Africa.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy Now, by her own admission, Melody has lots of energy. Instead of following the typical American retirement route, she takes that passion and encourages others by serving in Africa, so much so that she and her husband spend the majority of their time there doing what they can to make a difference. Wow.

Participant #1:

Today's Buy Request guest is Melody Taylor. We connected through Instagram and a natural affection for Carla B. Singer Instagram coach. Here's what I know so far. Melody has a heart for Africa and for Africa's children. I'm eager to find out how that started and how she's making a difference. Welcome to the show, Melody. Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here. Oh, I'm so happy to have you. It's so wonderful to think that because of technology, we can connect with people all over, which is one of the good sides of technology, right? That's right. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you to start? Well, maybe it would be helpful to know my age and kind of a little bit about family, background, whatever you want. I'm 60 years old, but still with a lot of energy because I'm doing what I'm really passionate about doing at this. .4 adult children, three grandchildren. I live in Arkansas, in northwest Arkansas, and for a little bit of the time, but spend a majority of our time in Africa. And then over a period of 17 years, we've had our footprint in Africa as well. And so it's challenging at times to get on an airplane and go across the world and to really work and serve among people that are in extreme poverty. And yet it's extremely rewarding and fulfilling to be able to do this at this point in our lives as well. We're empty nesters, and we're not doing the typical American retirement way. Instead, we're just going to try and do all that we can to help benefit others. That's a little bit about me, and I look forward to coming back to that in a few minutes. When we get to the deep dive, what three words would you use to describe yourself? Well, I'll tell you what I did. I went to the strength finders test, which I don't know if you're familiar with it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Yes. It is one of the best tools that we have been able to put our hands on that describes you. And so the three top words on that test are an achiever that I really like to do things of significance. Next one is developer that I like to develop people. I like to encourage people to see what their potential is and kind of put some wind in their sales so that they can succeed. And then another one is just kind and compassionate that I care about people. And so all that just plays into what has happened over the years and what's happening now. Okay. So those three words that you got from strength finders those really resonate with what you actually for. Kind and compassionate, those really resonate with you to you. It's like. Well, yeah, I would say that. That is me. Okay. Wonderful. Have you ever played Two Truths Been Alive where you say three things? Yes. Okay. Wonderful. Then I don't need to explain anymore. Okay. Tell me the three things. Let's see if I can figure it out. I'm going to go like this. I'm going to say three things that I love, and then you're going to have to figure out which one falls. I love chocolate. I love children. And I love brisk cold weather.

Participant #1:

Okay. I love children. Chocolate. I love children. I love brisk cold weather. Okay. I'm going to set the children aside because I sort of think you already love children. So I'm going to set that one aside. Okay. So now we've got chocolate and brisk cold weather. I don't know too many women that don't love chocolate. So I'm going to go by virtue of elimination, if you do not like brisk cold weather. That's right. That's the lie. That's okay. It's just for fun. It's a fun way to get to know you because Arkansas is not known for brisk cold weather. Correct? Correct. Okay. You do have this lovely little not I don't know if I do sparsely an accent, but some of the words that you say you have a little bit of. Do you notice that? Yeah, I just can't get away from it. Yes. But why should you? Why should you? I love that reaction. I love that reaction. Okay. One of your favorite movies of all time. Sound Of Music. Sound Of Music. There's part of me that really wants to be Julie Andrews in life. She brought joy and laughter and love to these children, and then she brought unity and a family, and then they were just blessing so many people. I love the scene where she's up in the trees with the children and they're wearing the drapes. And so I find myself kind of being that person a little bit in Africa, singing songs with children and bringing joy to their faces. We work with orphans. Those children were somewhat orphans. Their father was distant. Right. So anyway, I love that movie. And of course, I love the music. And it's a classic. It is. That's a good one. And we've had a few people say that was their favorite of all time. Name a woman that inspires you. I had several. One is Corey Timbun. Okay. The Hiding Place. Right. And she's known for her writings while being held captive in one of the concentration camps, correct? Yes. During World War II. Yes. And she had such an optimistic attitude. She looked for the best in that situation. And if you haven't read her book, The Hiding Place, it will really put things in perspective. It's very inspiring. And another author that I really like is Amy Carmichael and somewhat of a similar story. She served for over 58 years in India through difficult times. And she helped rescue children, both boys and girls, that were used for prostitution and Hindu worship. And I mean, her story is amazing as well. And then in her latter year, she had had an accident and she was bedridden for many years. But she was the prolific writer during that time. So those are my two favorite authors.

Participant #1:

It is hard to step in those shoes. And I'm trying to imagine myself. Could I be that optimistic? Could I be that hopeful and that cheerful and that loving? Don't know. I'm just glad we're not in that situation. Yes, exactly. It is inspiring. I agree completely. A piece of wisdom you keep handy. Be optimistic, look for the good. There you go. The good in the situation. Short and sweet and very profound. Sometimes the simplest things are the most profound. So you strike me as somebody who's very optimistic. I would say so. Not that I mean, I've had some incredibly dark seasons and challenges, but I think my faith helps me to be optimistic, to look for a bigger good, even when things are difficult and don't go our way, right? Exactly. And being in a third world, developing country among people that are extremely poor, that does help you be more optimistic in our everyday, normal life. We're just fortunate that we have what we have and that we live where we live and have the access to so much in America. We are so very blessed. It's true. So let's go to your deep dive, which I'm just guessing is children in Africa. So let's start with how that started and then which countries you have a fondness for or keep getting called to? Sure. Well, I think my husband and I both had a tendency, even as young adults, towards people that were marginalized. He grew up in one of the poorest areas of Arkansas, I mean, really poor. And then I grew up in another area that had some poor as well. And so we had that commonality that we were drawn towards people that other people looked down on. But then again, once in Little Rock, we started being interested in helping inner city broken families. We saw the need for education and mentoring and some of those things holiday gathering, some of those things that some of those inner families that are broken. A lot of families were without parents and a grandmother was taking care of children. So we with our four children started volunteering in the inner city. And that was good because we did it as a family. Meanwhile, my husband was going on mission trips to Honduras to help build, like, orphan homes or lodging for volunteers in Honduras. He started going outside the country to the developing world to volunteer two weeks out of the year because he was in business. And then we started as a family going to an orphanage in Guatemala. And that really rocked our world. We took our children, 400 orphans in an orphan home. Can you imagine 400? And as you got to know their stories more and more from such abuse and abandonment. But when we go as Americans and we go with suitcases full of things that they would use for Christmas or some of their basic needs books, educational materials, toiletries, feminine products, all those things that we have in access, it just makes a huge difference in their lives. And then it makes such a huge difference in our lives. And what happened is that after we took a few trips and people in our area, in our community wanted to go with us. So we started a non profit called Go Near Ministry. And it really meant going near to orphans and widows in distress, going near to people in extreme poverty with ourselves bodily to show love and care and listen, come alongside, and then be able to bring tangible things that they needed to help them be stronger. And it grew. And we started having these garage sales to raise money because we weren't rich. We were just a regular old family in Arkansas, and people would donate all their things. And we had these multiple garage sales over time so that our family of six could afford the plane tickets to go serve in the orphanage and then others that wanted to go with us. So then it ended up that we take teams of 40 people at a time with two suitcases, each full of donations. Wow. Several times a year. But then what happened? We ended up being invited to go to a training weekend for trips of volunteers that go to Africa. And I was sitting in the training session and watching a PowerPoint and saw the needs of orphans in Africa. There are just millions upon millions of orphans in Africa with no governmental assistance. And their plight was so desperate. And I was in my 40s, and I'm like, I had no idea. And it was as if God was telling us that we need to go as a family and plant ourselves in Africa with this organization in an orphan village that had a school and help out in the school. But also while I was there, be like a journalist and through social media report on the life of an orphan and report on what it's like to do mission work or volunteer work in Africa. And so we did that. And it just really rocked our world to be among the poor, the poor, but also to see the difference it makes by being there and the joy that they have by that interaction and how a little bit goes a long way there. So we moved in 2007 into the orphan village with three of our four children. And then there was a war and civil unrest, and we had to evacuate to come home for safety. And then we went back again and lived there and then came back to the US just with four children with different needs. We've gone back and forth. And then what happened is that young people that were in my children's sphere, they asked if they could go volunteer. Our first trip of volunteers over to Africa were like 13 and 14 year olds. I couldn't believe it, but they went and they kept going. So year after year, some of these same kids grew up going to Africa and serving, and now they're in College, and now they've graduated from College. And some of them have started nonprofits of their own. Wow. Some of them switch their degrees so they could be nurses or occupational therapist or physical therapists so that they could go back on those breaks and give their skills on short term missions or longer to the real poor. And so it's been really cool to see all that happen. It was nothing that I planned. And so that's the way it goes, but just taking the next step and taking risk. And then what happened is that as people went with us to Africa, more people saw and knew. And one lady went with me and she saw what we did. She came back to Little Rock and she said, I want to help you raise money for your nonprofit work. And she said, I have this idea where I'm going to invite my friends. And they were all wealthy to come go through their closets, bring their clothes to my home, and we're going to have a shopping event. We're going to shop from each other's closets. We have a wine and cheese party. She goes, I don't know if anybody's going to do it. I don't know. It could be a total flop. And honestly, I thought, this is not going to work because a lot of these ladies, they were so wealthy, they had planes. They could fly to Dallas, they could fly to New York and shop and come back. And I thought, they're not going to do that, but they did, and they loved it. And then more people came, and it just grew into another nonprofit that we started, which was like selling nicer women's clothing and accessories and giving the money to nonprofit work. And we were so successful. It's called Shop My Closet. And then we started another one in northwest Arkansas called Beautiful Lives Boutique. And that non profit now is in three locations and give money every month to ten nonprofits that help women and children locally and globally. And Meanwhile, I spent three years doing that. But then after that, I had to get back to Africa. So now we're doing Africa work. And Beautiful Lives is on its own feet and it's running. Okay. So Beautiful Lives, is that a storefront and what are they? It's three different stores in Arkansas, and we sell the nicest of the nice things that women in this area donate. So it's shoes, jewelry, accessories, purses, designer clothes, workout clothes, regular clothes. And some of the boutiques locally also donate to us. We have donations come in every single day. And then we sell those clothing and it's in a beautiful, like, boutique setting at really discounted prices. And then the profits are given away. Wow. And it's just been a model that's been so good. And it's a model that really comes from me personally because as nonprofit missionaries, I would shop garage sales and thrift stores for my family and for me. And you have to go through a lot and it's stinky. And you don't feel so good when you walk out. And I wanted a place where women could get what they need, either inexpensively or free, and feel good about it. Right. And then the environment is a setting where women who have money and those that don't, you never know. And there's side by side shopping, and then there's women who get things for free. And there are volunteers that volunteer in the shop who are straight out of prison who need volunteer service, and nobody else will give them a chance. And they can come and they can volunteer or College students because we're in a College town, they come and volunteer and it's just such a mixture of people. How is it good? Right. That feels so good. That's just one of the little things. That right. So how is that different from the shop near me or what was the name of that shop? My Closet. Shop. My Closet. How was that different shop? My Closet was started in Little Rock, and that's a different setting. It's not in a College town. It's not in the area of northwest Arkansas. It's very prosperous because of Walmart headquarters is here, Tyson's Food is here, JB Hut, some of the biggest companies and all the vendors around them are here in Northwest Arkansas. So it's just a different feel than it is down in similar concept, but branded differently with different clientele. Got it. Okay. Let's go back to Africa. Okay. Yes. So you try to live there. It sounds like as much as finances and family obligations and all those sorts of things will allow. Can you share with us which country or countries that kind of really have pulled your heart? Because it's a very large continent. That much I remember. That's exactly right. Well, we have spent most time in Kenya. Okay. And Kenya is in East Africa. That's where we've lived for the greatest amount of time. Stationed in Nairobi is a big city where the United Nations is. And so there's a lot of Western influence, but from that, then you can travel to more remote areas in Kenya. So we've been there most of our time. We've also served in Rwanda, and that's been a great fit for us, too. But it's a lot smaller of a country. And then recently, because of covet, no country was open to visitors during covet except for Tanzania. Tanzania is huge, and it's located right next door or right across the border from Kenya. So last year during covet, we were in Kenya and the President of Kenya shut down the country and everybody had to leave within 48 hours. So we did that. But desiring to go back as soon as possible. But when we saw that Tanzania was open, we booked a flight, went to Tanzania site unseen, hoping to cross the border into Kenya as soon as the borders were open. Well, that never happened during our first six months. And yet opportunities to teach and to volunteer and relationships were formed so quickly in Tanzania that we stayed there for six months and was super fruitful. Went back again just recently, the last four months or so, and lived in Tanzania, but then spent a month in Kenya, actually, a month and a half in Kenya as well. So Kenya is open now. So we do both. We'll go back in January, start in Tanzania, go across the border to Kenya, serve and work there, go back to Tanzania and fly home after about six months. Wow.

Participant #1:

Yeah. Wow. It's really hard to describe the feelings and the thoughts I have around the level of commitment and dedication and selflessness that you and your husband and all the people that you're working with. It's hard to really convey that. I think as much as I love words, it feels extremely inadequate. It actually reminds me of that verse. To those who have been given much will be required into the one who has been entrusted with much more will be asked, right? Yes. That lukewarma. I find that correctly. Yes. And you and your husband are living that you are living that well. It's incredible. Now, the other thing I want to know is what has social media or how? Because you said that you started sharing, which obviously in this day and age, it's just very clear that you have I mean, to be effective and to help share the good things, you need to do that to get the word out more. It's just the way it is. So how has that helped the cause of helping? Yes, it really has helped because it is hard to put in words what that life is like, what those people are like, what engagement looks like. And so part of what I've desired to do. And again, it comes back to God saying, I want you to go there, put both feet in the continent, and be like a journalist that was way back in 2007 in the name of our Ministry is called Go Near. So to be able to go there and take pictures and videos, it helps people here go there without having to go on that long airplane ride and spend all that money to get there and go through all the shots and all the things that people don't want to do. So to me, it's like taking them there. And people are getting so connected to the people that we serve with. Just today, I got a little message that said, I'm praying for Lily or I want to meet Anne. People are getting connected to these people, not only the people that are, like, in need. And I do it with a lot of integrity and a lot of like honor, but also the people that they're serving. And so it's been wonderful to connect and people get involved. For example, a lady here in our area saw some pictures and some videos when I went with the founder of a school in a village on home visits to tell these families who are in extreme poverty that their child can go to the school this next year is a kindergarten without cost. And as she saw where those children lived and how poor those families were, she said, I want to raise money for those children. And so instead of the usual Happy Birthday, Jesus Christmas party that raised money or they brought presents for families here in America, they donated money to our nonprofit. And we were able to buy uniforms for the entire kindergarten class. So somebody here, because of those pictures got involved, and she's connected to those children. And so things like that happen that I think social media is the key. Now, I'm 60, it's not my best thing, but I'm trying to advocate because we're supposed to advocate for the poor. We're supposed to share about those needs. And then there's some things I can't share on social media. There's a lady that we're partnering with who was Muslim, and she became a Christian, a believer, and she had to flee to Nairobi. And she has women that are Christians that are Muslim in a Muslim area that she has to transport to Nairobi to be taught. So we're helping fund her work. And yet we can't put that on social media. Right? It goes back to what you're saying, the honor, you're being very honoring of what you share. And that means everything really right there. And you know, most that we work with want help. They want the exposure. So it's a blessing to them that we're there and we're caring. It's a blessing to them that we're advocating for them. It's a blessing that we're sharing what life is like to Americans. So it's been good. It's what has helped people. Also, we've taken over 400 people to date go serve overseas. We could have never done it if people hadn't seen it first they have to see it. And God uses that to draw them to those people to serve or to help support what we do. Right. It's exciting. It's so wonderful. There is neat, obviously, all over the world. But the fact that you have followed the nudge that you and your husband feel for those areas in Africa,

Participant #1:

I know you don't think of it as sacrifice, but it is a sacrificial act because you're giving up some time with family and friends and probably in a much easier life in trade in search of helping the other. And that is very admirable, and you're very humble and modest about it. But it's a big thing, and you are boots on the ground doing it. Thank you for that work. Thank you. I appreciate it. As somebody who can see that you are doing the good thing, I'm grateful for that. And I have met a couple of other people through Instagram that are doing some really incredible things in Africa. One is Biju. She is from Congo originally, and she has a non profit. I'll give her a little plug Mosaic Action Project. Her uncle is a Nobel Peace Prize winning doctor who started a hospital for. I know about that. Okay. Yeah. Hospitals for the women and children of the war situation. So she's doing a lot of really great things, which is so wonderful. And then this young man who's a photographer and he really wants to be a photojournalist anytime from Nigeria that he's there. He went to College to study biology, not because he liked biology, but because that was an available door. That was an opportunity. And he knew he needed to take advantage of it. He wants to take pictures. He takes beautiful pictures. This young man, he's now recovering from malaria. So common. Oh, gosh, yes. And that's just my own little quick little brushes with Africa through Instagram. I met them both on Instagram, and it is amazing what social media, how wonderful it really can be in connecting you to other people and the goodness out there. It's kind of like you have to keep it on. Like it's the coin. You've got the underbelly. But then whatever the good side of the coin is, let's keep it for good. Yeah. Let's keep that side of the coin up. I am really deeply moved by your story, and I will be sure and share all the stuff so that people can participate and follow you. Thank you. I think your Melody what is Melody? Well, I have two Instagram and Facebook accounts. One is Melody Taylor 2020. Okay. And that's because that's when I got on Instagram, which is really late today. And yet there's also Facebook the same. And then there's the Ministry. One go near Ministry, Instagram and Facebook. So I went with my personal just because I have more recognition as Melody Taylor because of the beautifulized boutique and all that. Right. I went more personal and do both at this time. Right. Exactly. Because certainly something I learned from Carla is that you can't just share the thing people also want to know about you. And I really resisted that for a very long time. No, she's like, no, they have to know about you. What is it? Like, no trust factor? Yes. Like, no trust factors. Like, okay, I'm probably not that good at that. I mean, I'm more about the Ministry than me, but, yeah, I need to get better. She'll give you a Pep talk if you need it. She will give you one for sure. Well, Melody, this has been such a treat and a blessing. Thank you so much for honoring us all with your time and the beautiful work that you're doing. It's very inspiring, deeply moving. And again, I feel so much gratitude. Thank you for what you're doing. And yes, I'm looking forward to getting this out there and letting people know more about the business you're doing. That is great for our people that we serve. It's not about us. We're just the condo. It. I get it. You're the bridge. Like a bridge. The bridge from Arkansas to what would you say is your favorite place in Africa? Or can you even say that you have a favorite? Oh, I love Moshi Town. That's where we're pretty much most of the time in Tanzania. It's at the foot of Mount Kilimanjaro. The people there are so kind and respectful and gracious.

Participant #1:

I mean, it's got its challenges, but as far as Africa is concerned, I love that a whole lot. Good. Thank you for what you do. You're a voice for women, and you're a positive voice out there. You're giving other people the chance to be heard, and that is such an encouragement to mend me, those that get to speak and then those that listen. And so thank you for what you're doing. I'm so glad we do. I'm so glad I met you. Thank you for reaching out, and I really love what I'm doing. The same way you love what you're doing. So many parts of the body, we can't all be the ears. We can all be the eyes or whatever. We need all the parts we need, all the parts we do. We all have our unique place and our unique calling. Exactly. Well, thank you, ma'am. Thank you. I look forward to chatting with you later.

Participant #1:

I was struck by the degree of sacrifice Melody Lovingly is willing to give. Her faith allows her to stay optimistic even when times are dark and difficult. I'm not sure I could do what she does. I am thankful there are people who commit themselves to that thing they feel compelled to do. I know we all have something we need to share, and it takes all of us to do that unique thing to make it all work better. The Unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unabashed you if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable. So thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing once again we have the privilege to pray for Africa and her people, most especially her children. May the orphan find homes may the underserved receive help may the broken be made whole. May there be more melodies out there who when they feel the nudge go share the thing that only they have to give it all adds up so go be unabashed be you.

Thought it would be fun to record a short episode centered around Thanksgiving with my friends while we were on an annual girls trip. Now I know it’s an American holiday but the theme of gratitude is certainly universal. Enjoy the conversation with Becky, Kathleen and Sandy.

Reminiscing brings back wonderful snapshots of times with friends. The four of us don’t go far - that’s not the point. It’s about setting aside time, the most precious gift of all, and spending it with loved ones. There is something about having a tradition that is very special. I hope you have created some or if you haven’t you will be inspired to do so.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed you conversations to Become Who You Already Are The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy now thought it would be fun to record a short episode centered around Thanksgiving with my friends while we were on an annual girls trip. Now, I know it's an American holiday, but the theme of gratitude is certainly universal. Enjoy the conversation with Becky, Kathleen and Sandy.

Participant #1:

I'm gathered here with my friends for our 17th annual Girls Trip woman's trip. Trip, and we are about to have some fun. All right, ladies, we've got Sandy, Kathleen and Becky hair. I would like you to answer the following Thanksgiving questions if you can, and just guess and do your best. There's no prize money involved. The approximate year considered to be the first Thanksgiving. The approximate year considered to be the first Thanksgiving. Approximate. Can you get in the right century

Participant #1:

of our country? I should know this because I'm a 13th generation Mayfar descendant. All right, let's have a guess. I think I would know that, wouldn't you? No.

Participant #1:

Teachers don't tell me I did preschool. We didn't even know that. All right, we've got a 1648, and that is just downright close.

Participant #1:

Question two. What meat? What did the Native Americans bring to the first Thanksgiving? What did they bring to the first Thanksgiving? The Native Americans. Wow. I was going to say that corn. But you said meat. Meat. I did say meat. I see. Ducks or goose. Okay. Ducks, goose. Benison, Sandy, anything to add to that, dear? Yeah, I would say probably dear. Dear. Venison. And you are all correct. It is dear. It is dear. Dear. Very good. You guys are about a hundred here as a collective team. How long did that first Thanksgiving celebration last? How long? Days. Two to three days. Two to three days. And guess what? You are correct again. Three days. There were 50 European settlers and around 90 Native Americans. What are Turkey chicks called?

Participant #1:

Kathleen has a very serious look on her face because she knows the answer. She's accessing that part of her file system. Just did a baby shower, but I don't know. Giblets.

Participant #1:

Okay, we've got giblets. Turkey chicks are called Chiclets. We've got giblets and Chiclets. Do we have any other possible answers?

Participant #1:

Okay. All right, well, we'll conclude with polts or Turkey Lings. Or Turkey Lings. Okay, only two more questions to go. You ladies are doing great. What is the wobbly red piece of flesh on top of the beak of a Turkey called on top? Not the Waddle on top. You want to speak up? I have no idea. The water is underneath. What's the on top one called? The red floppy thing? Yes,

Participant #1:

it's called a snowed and a little bit red, bit under the beak, the Waddle. And you are correct. Look at you guys.

Participant #1:

Well, this is what comes up when you Google Thanksgiving trivia. And now we're going to take a deeper dive as our 17th annual girls trip. We are now going to just kind of go through some memories. Let's start with Thanksgiving. If you had to list your favorite holidays, where would Thanksgiving fall? Sort of in that list, where do you think it would fall? For me? It would be like last like one of the very last ones. Maybe New Year's Eve would be down there and then Thanksgiving. I don't need any of the food, so it's not really a big deal for me. What about you guys? Kathleen is the same for her. Mine is probably number two. Mine is number two as well. Number two after Christmas. After Christmas. Okay. So we've got some people who really love it and then a couple who are like not so much. Well, for me, Thanksgiving is about family. Well, my family's dissolved, but it's just the history of mine. All right. And then what about a memorable Thanksgiving that you've had? A memorable Thanksgiving? Is there one that stands out? Yeah. My favorite Thanksgiving was 2002, because after seven years of infertility and trying to have a baby, Natalie was born and we adopted her. So that first Thanksgiving was so special. Just having my little almost three months old. Yes. In my arms, just sharing her with the whole family because I come from a big family and just sharing her with the whole family and thanking God that he had given me this amazing gift that is so sweet and wonderful. Okay. Who wants to be next? I'm trying to remember the year. It doesn't matter. We were in Hawaii with the kids, and we were renting a house on the beach. And I just remember making the dinner and my husband saying, oh, I thought they're surfing. I could just smell the Turkey. And then there were two military guys that were staying behind us. And I was nervous, but I went over I go, would you guys want Thanksgiving dinner? And they're like, yes. And they clean the plate, brought it back. It was just kind of special. That is special. Wonderful. Do you have a special one to remember? Okay, well, my special one of them would be the time that I spent with Kathleen and her family when we were young and before we were even married, just doing something completely different, going up to San Jose area and having so that would be one of the memorable Thanksgivings that I had was just as a young adult, just not doing the traditional thing. What about a memorable girls trip moment from the past 17 years? Can you think of a special moment that we've had? Just one moment that you want to share the slide? Yeah. But you enjoyed watching us do it. Okay, so a picture of this. We're at the Phoenician, and this is a very nice hotel in, I don't know, somewhere in Arizona that Oprah way back in the day had recommended as a great place. And so we went there for one night. One night. And the three of us, Becky, Sandy and I, spent a big portion of our time on the slide. Kathleen enjoyed watching water slides. She just had her hair done. She did not want to partake, but she enjoyed watching us. And that makes that really special. Every time we came down, we laughed. We would laugh or you would make a face, or Becky would look scared or we'd do something. I laughed so hard. That's a good moment. It was so fun. Somebody else memorable moment. When we went to Warner Hot Springs. Warner Hot Springs. And we were at the pool and named him Creepy Guy, who just as soon as the four of us walked in, he was laser focused. And every time one of us would get up to go in the pool, he'd go to the pool, or every time somebody do we walk by, he's there. I don't know. It was just creepy. Yeah. And I do recall that he was not very good at hiding his leering ways. I mean, it was just so obvious he was not clever or about it at all. And it was rather creepy. I know we laughed about it, but it was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable. Really creepy. What's the name? I can't remember the cone of when I called remember we were talking about the cone of, I don't know, protection, the cone of something. But because when we get in the pool, he'd get in the pool and then he'd get close to us. Creepy. Creepy. Yeah. I had lots of fun. I would say one of my moments would be actually that same trip. And it was when we all four played tennis together, and it was just really fun. And then that same trip, we all had a golf lesson because none of us played golf, but we thought, well, let's at least try it and do it. And it was very funny because none of us knew. And then the odd way that you like it still doesn't make sense to me. The weird way that you hold a golf club, I don't know. That part I just thought was strange. You're making us sound like we're very active on our driving. Well, we have someone here who's very pickleball. Pickleball? Oh, we did play pickleball a couple of years ago. That was another fun moment. Yeah. We do sound very important. We do sound very active. We sound very active. Miss Mary, we are not that active. Are there any other favorite moments from the past 17 trips you can think of? There's so many. I'm trying to think.

Participant #1:

All right, Sherry,

Participant #1:

embrace your nakedness. That's what we were trying to came up with. Yeah. Trying to get away from any kind of body shaming and embracing what was the game we would play? We would play some kind of charade game. Quelf. Yes. That's charade game that was Quilt, where you do opera or rap or stories. Yes. Listener, I may have to add that room are good at that. And two of us. That is so wonderful. All right. Something that you are grateful for as we think about Thanksgiving that's coming up here in November, sort of a month, a time to be grateful for our many blessings and the things that we have that are wonderful in our lives. What is something you're grateful for? Health. Very good. Health. Yes. Goodness. Yes. That is excellent. I'm grateful for my freedom. Freedom. I'm really liking these answers because they're not the traditional, but yeah, it's freedom. Yeah. Right. I haven't traveled recently. But go to other countries and you just don't. I think we take for granted as American citizens. It's a freedom that we have. I think you're right. I think anytime that you're given a lot, you don't realize that you have a lot until you compare yourself or situation to something else. Okay. What else are we grateful for here? Well, not to go with something cliche, I'd say the abundance because there's nothing that we really need. That's true. You can get it if you want, you can get it right. That's very true. But I mean, you could say family, kids, right? Yeah. Well, no, I like your answers. And I feel very grateful today in this moment for the three of you, because we've all been friends, at least since 1980, if not longer. Yeah. So we go back a long ways, and it's really wonderful to have this connected history together. So I thank you each, Becky, Kathleen and Sandy for your friendship for the 17 years we've been doing this. And may it be at least 17 more at least. Thank you, ladies. Thank you for this. Thank you.

Participant #1:

Reminiscing brings back wonderful snapshots of time with friends. The four of us don't go far. That's not the point. It's about setting aside time, the most precious gift of all, and spending it with loved ones. There's something about having a tradition that is very special. I hope you have created some or if you haven't, you'll be inspired to do so. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes, and a blog with embedded audio. At Unabashed U.com, you can find the show and other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unavashured. U. If you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think. Celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and possibly possible to forget. Be a great friend to somebody today. Go be unabashed, be you.

For By Request this week we have My Linh as our guest. She has some very deep profound wisdom to drop on us today. I’m still reeling from the way she framed her nugget of wisdom. My Linh wants us to put the effort in to loving ourselves because it’s worth it, we’re worth it.

Is it just me or does My Linh sound like Isabella Rosellini? There is a depth and a richness to her voice so it is a compliment. I was mesmerized listening to her share with us the role she played in her family and how it helped form who she is today, taking all that happened and becoming the best version of herself she could. I admire that in her.

You can find My Linh on IG at My Linh.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy now for by request, this week, we have My Lynn as our guest. She has some very deep, profound wisdom to drop on us today. I'm still reeling from the way she framed her nugget of wisdom. My Lynn wants us to put the effort into loving ourselves because it's worth it. We're worth it.

Participant #1:

My Lynn and I met through an online course. I've enjoyed getting to know her a bit, and I'm looking forward to hearing more during our conversation today. Here's what I know so far. She lives in the Netherlands and is a warm, kind, thoughtful woman. Welcome to the show, My Lynn. Thank you. And thank you so much for your kind words. Well, they're easy. They're very easy. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you before we get started? Yeah, I've thought about this. And there's just one thing I often hear from people that they feel a bit intimidated by the energy they feel for me. Interesting. Yes. And I always say to people at the end of our interaction, you feel like I'm really powerful. I want you to remind yourself that that same power is within yourself. Wow. That's very gosh. What great advice to give them. And I myself don't pick up that vibe from you at all. In fact, I almost a little bit find it surprising. I mean, yes, you're a strong woman, but I don't find your energy intimidating at all. I don't know what to say about that. Which three words would you use to describe yourself? I think it would be adamant

Participant #1:

courageous and soft. Adamant courageous and soft that paints such a really balanced, varied picture. I like that. I like that a lot. All right. Have you ever played this Two Truths on Lie? It's where you say three things about yourself, and one of those things is not true. And I have to figure out which one that is. Yeah. I haven't played it before, but I read it from the information. Okay, great. I'm older than 30. Okay. I'm a sweet tooth. Yes. What was the last one? I love 90s music. 90s music. Okay. Older than 30 has a sweet tooth. And you love 90s music. Oh, boy. Okay, so I mean, I have a sweet tooth, too, so how can you not have a sweet tooth? I'm going to put that one aside. And so it's now 90s music. And if you're over 30, I think it could be like just over 30. So I'm going to say that one's true. And so I'm going to say that maybe you don't love 90s music. I'm going to say that's the lie. I do love 90s music. It's your favorite. Yeah. What is name two bands you like from that time of year? Oh, my gosh, I love the Backstreet Boys. I love anything from the 90s, actually, Britney Spears. I know it's like people painted as bad music, but it just brings me back to dancing to the beat and just loving the music. You know what? You get to love whatever you want to love. That's what this is all about. So, yeah, you get to embrace your love for the 90s music. Okay, so 90s music is true. Do you have a sweet tooth? I do not. Oh, my gosh. It's so hard for me to relate to as someone who has a sweet tooth. Okay. You don't have a sweet tooth. So that was the lie. And then it's true then that you are over 30. Yes, I'm 31. Oh, my gosh, just over. But I added this one because a lot of people think I'm like 2025, which usually I have to show my idea if I go to the supermarket and buy things like liquor, I have to show you have such a classically beautiful face that you really could pass for a lot of ages. You know what I mean? Yes. Thank you so much. Yes, very much. So one of your favorite movies of all time. I'm not much of a movie watcher. I've told you before, but I love Home Alone. Oh, that is a classic. A modern classic. Home Alone. It's so sweet. And do you consider it a Christmas movie? Because it does take place at Christmas time. Yeah, I do consider it a Christmas movie. And Christmas. I just love the feeling of Christmas. I'm not religious, but I just love the whole, I guess the aliens around Christmas. I just love it. Yes. A lot of people really love Christmas for a variety of reasons. And there's a lot of festivity. There's a lot of good will and good spirit out there. Christmas is one of my favorites as well. Name a woman that inspires you. Lady Gaga. Okay, very good. Okay. Why does Lady Gaga inspire you? Not so much. Well, she does make great music, but you see her like, there are a lot of online videos of her interacting with fans or people who are less fortunate. And she is so gracious with those people. And I just love that she's so kind and humble and the way she treats people and the way she talks to people, you just can just sense that she treats people on the same level. It doesn't matter who she is. You're exactly the same as she is. Right. Well, and that takes a real sense of humility. Right. To be able to attain the level of success that she has and retain that. Did you like a Stars bar in the movie? I haven't watched it because much of a movie watch. Okay. You're talking to an avid movie watcher. Yeah. If you ever get around to seeing it because you like her, then you may end up enjoying it. All right. Name a piece of wisdom you keep handy. I always try to remind myself that if I'm destined to lose something, that I'd rather lose it from reality than from my mindset. To me is a life sentence that is okay. If you're going to lose something, you'd rather lose it in reality. Is that what you said than kind of like anticipating losing something in your mind it didn't happen or didn't happen yet? Is that kind of what you're tell me? Where does that come from? Because that seems like a very profound, well thought out piece of wisdom. I always try to motivate people to try. In the past, I've been very anxious and scared of taking opportunities, but I really noticed that being scared of taking opportunities, it keeps you stuck and you're losing to something that's in your head. For example, let's say you like someone, but you think maybe they don't like me and you don't even make any efforts to connect with them. Then you're losing to something in your head. And I'd rather lose reality finding out that they actually don't like me than to think they don't like me. Oh, my gosh. That really is a very good way of framing that. I really appreciate, obviously, the time, thought and experience that went into you putting that together and articulating it so well, I think that's going to really speak to a lot of people. And I couldn't agree more. I love the way you put it, that if you don't try, how will you know? Right? Yeah. And you're keeping yourself what I said, it's like really a life sentence to always act well, actually not act upon the things that you think because you think they don't like you. You think that you won't make it, you think that you can do it, but you never really know. So you're holding yourself captive in a prison in your head. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's really my limb. That is just really astounding and remarkable. I'm so moved by that. I really am. Thank you for putting some great thought into that and sharing that negative with us. That is a keeper for sure. All right. It's time to take the deep dive, and this is where we talk about might be what you're promoting or not even promoting is not even the right word. Sharing on social media or your passion. Let's talk about that. My passion. It kind of touches my social media, but I think I do this with everyone I need in my life, too. And I really love for people to really put the effort into start loving and accepting themselves. Very good because it's very natural for a lot of people to be hard on themselves. I think so. And are we learning in the course that we're taking. And I've heard it elsewhere that the majority of our thoughts in any single day are negative, percentage wise, scientifically, and probably that had something to do with survival, trying to make it through, but it doesn't really serve us very well anymore. It doesn't seem to me. Okay, so what do you want to do with this passion that you have of wanting people to understand that the stuck part is in their head? And what's the worst thing that can happen if someone tries for the thing? I think the thing that's keeping people from trying from it is that they are afraid to find out that it's true, that they are a bad person and they are really not that good. Oh, interesting. Like, they fear that it's going to be true. How often do you think that's even the case? Not in numbers, but just in generalities for me, I really love people, so I think it's never true. I think that's so great. So getting back to their'afraid of the thing, turning out their worst fear, their worst fear is going to be true. And you're saying that actually that almost isn't even possible, that this thing that they're thinking of, it can't be what they're thinking it's going to be. I think maybe it's good to share the story I got here. It's because my mom, she has passed away, but she had a lot of mental issues and a lot of things to deal with. And she was very kind to other people, but always very hard to herself. And that caused her to take out a lot of her problems onto me. And I know in my heart, I know that my mom loved me so deeply, but even that love wasn't enough for her to stop her from projecting all the things she had in her head onto me. And that was because she couldn't accept that there were things about her that she deemed bad that weren't actually bad. She always had to help other people, which created no space for herself. But everybody needs to help themselves sometimes, but she won't allow herself to do that. So that created so much inner turmoil that she would project it onto her kids. And I think if that's something. Okay. So you share this experience with siblings, so you weren't an only child. You shared this, and so you and your siblings had a conversation, a healing type of conversation about, hey, mom did the best she could do, but it really wasn't everything we needed. It wasn't everything we wanted. Or have you done that more within your individually or both? More individually, because the situation is a lot more complicated. I was the person everybody came to talk about this thing. Okay. The dynamic is very difficult for me to get the support the other way around. Right. Got it. Because group dynamics are truly fascinating. They really are within a family, within even classrooms and different small groups even kind of develop their own group dynamic. And it's almost like, well, they are like an entity that has different characteristics. So somehow early on, you became the survivor, the strong one, the one that everybody went to to kind of air out their grievances and whatever it was. And they looked to you to be the ear and the shoulder and all of that, I'm guessing was probably part a tremendous compliment and part very validating and affirming. But then also on another side, I'm imagining exhausting and overwhelming and stressful. Yeah. Now that I'm 30, 31, I'm happy that I could do that for them. And I've learned a lot from it. But it also has taken me a lot of energy and time of my life to set those things right for myself again because I didn't have time to become an adult. So as I already was an adult, I had to be apparent to myself again. Right. What a wonderful opportunity, though, that you had that you saw. Hey, there was some stuff I didn't get. Now I'm going to take care of it, whatever it was, therapy, journaling, thought, process, pondering. However we can get all that out and sort of look at it and sort it and get it kind of to a point where we can really when I say get on the other side of it, I don't think we're ever really done. I really don't. I think it's a process. We're moving forward. We're moving forward. And then I'm hopeful that one. I'm sorry to hear that your mom had all of these struggles. And because she had these struggles, she couldn't help but kind of share them or however you want to think of it, project them. You use that word onto you and the others. Are you to a point where you can see the gifts that she was able to bring you, even amongst amidst all of the struggles? Definitely. I don't see it necessarily as I wouldn't call it a good thing, but not a bad thing either. And I do think she has given me a lot,

Participant #1:

actually. I had the same problems as she had when I was younger because she rejected it on me. But I've had the opportunity to heal these things. And my mom being she was from Vietnam, so they fled to the Netherlands from the war. And she had no opportunity. She just had to work really hard and make money for the family. So there was no time to fix mental problems. And she has given me my dad education, and with that, a stable job. So I could have no financial problems to worry about, so I could focus on mental issues and healing those. Right. And I like that you recognize that as a gift, even though, like you said, it wasn't a good thing, but good things came from it. And I love that you're able to see that she really did the best she could do with what she had and her experience and all of the different things that made her hurt. That was her best. And I think as children, particularly grown children, that's such an important place to arrive at to realize that your parents were human. They were finite. Because when we're really little, we just think, oh, my gosh, we don't even recognize the humanity of our parents until later. And then when we realize that and like, I didn't get this and this and this, but now it's up to us to get to this and this and this. It's no longer there. They did what they knew how to do. And that's why one of my inspirational women is Maya Angela. I think she's the one that said I did the best I knew how to do at the time. And when I knew better, I did better. And I think that's just so true. Okay, so your family fled to the Netherlands because of the war. And so were you born and raised in the Netherlands then? Yeah, I was born and raised. Oh, wow. That is so great. This is just complete aside because I wish I could tell you that I can access the Netherlands file in my brain, but it's got cobwebs and other things around it. What's the main language of the Netherlands? Dutch. Dutch. Yes. There it is. Dutch. So you grew up speaking Dutch? Yes, I did. And did your mother teach you Vietnamese or whatever the dialect for her area was? She kind of taught me Vietnamese, but it wouldn't be a disgrace to say I speak Vietnamese. Okay. But you understand little bits and PC. Yeah, I do. And then did you grow up in the school system? They wanted you to know English as well? Yeah. In the Netherlands, everybody know actually is taught English. Okay, gosh, you know, that is so remarkable. I'm admiring of countries that really take a second language seriously. I'm not saying it has to be English. I probably couldn't even learn English today if I were speaking it for the first time. The rules don't always work. And there are so many exceptions that I don't know why there's a rule in the first place. And it just strikes me as such a hodgepodge language of some Latin, some of this, some of that, some of that. I mean, it's a melting pot language just like our country. So I admire anybody who speaks English. Well, who learned it from like, you've got to learn it from an early age because your school system said, no, we're going to do this, too. Oh, that's so cool. It's actually really funny because I have family and I know some people in the US, and it's like everybody there is just like you. So what I should say amazed at teachers in Europe. Yes, we would say that for sure. I had three years of Spanish in high school. Another couple in College now it's fluent, not even anywhere close. I can conjugate a lot of verbs. Get me a sheet of paper and get me some Spanish verbs and I can conjugate them. But that's not going to help me in conversation at all. It's because the Netherlands has a lot of neighboring countries with different languages, of course. So I guess that's why. Because the US has Canada, which also speaks English. We have Germany and France and the UK next to us. So do you speak any other languages Besides the Dutch and English and you understand the smattering of Vietnamese? Yeah. And German sounds a lot like Dutch. So could understand what they're saying. Okay. We taught French and I have family and friends, but I wouldn't say I would manage. But probably that's really wonderful. And I imagine that you've done a fair share of traveling, being so close to the other countries, probably not in the last year and a half, but before that and all, I actually love traveling outside Europe. Okay. I've been more outside of Europe than in Europe. Okay. And what have been some of your favorite places to go visit? Wow. I've been to Japan, which I thought was great. South Korea. Wow. Yeah. I've been to China, but that was on this organized trip, so I learned from that that I don't really like organized trips. So. Yeah, I love Asia. Okay. I'm wondering if the organized trip to China was a better way to see China since it's a restricted you can't just wander around. Right. I mean, maybe a little bit, but not completely. I'm not sure, actually. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard of friends who have been to China without an organized trip, so just by themselves, which was fun and great. So I guess it is possible, but I'm not sure how much. Right. Sorry. Will you head back at some point? Are you going to go back? I have so many more other countries, so I'm not sure if it's possible in this lifetime. Right. I get you. Yeah. There's only so much we can go do and see. Right. Yeah. Anything else that you want to chat about in conclusion before we wrap up? No, nothing much. The main message for me is also always for people to really spend time with themselves and learn to love every part of themselves, whether they see it as good or bad. Well, I agree with that completely. And I think sometimes when we talk about self fulfillment or I think for some people it brings a very selfish connotation. But I don't think that's how I mean it. I don't think that's how you mean it either. Before you can really give you have to have it all within yourself first. Right. Because really, if you're not fully healthy, then how can you share that with somebody? How can you share the best of you with someone else if you're not even there yet? And that's how I mean it. And I think that's how kind of what you're speaking to, like healing the places that need healing and moving forward in the best way possible. Yeah. And I think we should learn everything is perspective because we are as human beings. We really like to put things as label good and bad. And that's it. This is always good and this is always bad. But for example, I would ask you, if you were to say self fulfillment is selfish. Why is selfish a bad thing? I really want to think about that. The story behind why is selfish a bad thing? Why is that a bad word? Sometimes selfish is a bad thing, but sometimes selfish can also be a good thing. Yeah. We tend to see it as one bad thing, but it isn't. It's illegal. And I agree with you, and I think it's again, like we're saying, it's very healthy that you need to start with yourself. I'm thinking that some people view it with a pretty negative connotation, almost like a hedonistic kind of a vibe to it. For me. I'm talking about a really healthy place to be. I don't ever think of anybody else. I don't ever notice anybody else's needs. I don't mean it like that at all. I just think you need to be kind of fully realized within yourself before you can share your goodness and the gifts that you have to share with other people. Yeah. And rather than going just listening to the word selfish, you need to feel what you're doing because our body knows when we're being selfish, when it's a bad thing and when it's a good thing, because taking care of yourself feels good. It's never a bad thing that maybe be called selfish, but it's not a bad thing. I agree. Sure, someone will call you selfish, but you need to feel within is this really selfish to me or is it self care? Because like we're talking about you need to explore who you are, discover who you are, own who you are, love who you are. I mean, all those things. And I agree that things are not black and white. Rarely are they black and white. There's so much Gray, many shades of Gray between black and white. And that's where most things reside, right? Somewhere in the Grays. And I like Gray. Gray is a good color. Nothing wrong with Gray. Well, this has been a wonderful conversation. My Lynn, thank you so much for your time. Your wisdom. I mean, 31 and look at the wisdom you are packing there. My goodness. Thank you so much. Yes. Gosh, I get very energized and excited by the different revelations that people share about their thought process and the different ways that they look at things. I find that very encouraging. And yeah, back to the word exciting. It just really brings me a lot of spark and a lot of joy. So I thank you for that. Thank you so much for inviting me. You're so welcome. All right. We will talk very soon. In fact, I think we've got a call tomorrow, right? Yes, we have one tomorrow. Yes. Okay. I'll see you then. My Lynn, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on. Bye bye.

Participant #1:

Is it just me or does my Lynn sound a lot like Isabella Rossellini? There's a depth and a richness to her voice so it's a compliment. I was mesmerized listening to her share with us the role she played in her family and how it helped from who she is today, taking all that happened and becoming the best version of herself she could. I admire that in her. The unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under unavashidou if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth and sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Regardless of your upbringing or maybe because of it, be all you are meant to be don't skimp don't short yourself on being you. It's important all that this life has to offer can only be found in showing up as the best version of yourself so discover explore expand be unabashed be you.

Jen was not feeling fully well the day we recorded and yet she was a trooper giving it her all. I am grateful because she did me a solid which you will hear about. As a self-love coach she is committed to doing the healing work herself and then she can better help clients with the insight and experience she has gained.

Her nugget of wisdom, “Want to heal the world, then heal yourself first” is excellent, practical and sound advice. We need to make sure our cup is full of goodness before we can share it with someone else. Plus that’s really all we can do, work on ourselves, show up as our best selves and keep showing up. Thanks, Jen. That’s a keeper.

You can find Jen at Self-love Yogi

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who You Already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Condy Now, Jen wasn't feeling fully herself the day we recorded, and yet she was a trooper giving it her all. I'm grateful because she did me a solid, which you will hear about as a self love coach. She's committed to doing the healing work herself, and then she can better help clients with the insight and experience she has gained.

Participant #1:

Listeners, I want to share with you how generous and gracious this next guest is. We actually had a conversation for the podcast a couple of weeks ago, but guess what? Somehow I forgot to press record. Ugh ever have one of those days? Yes. Well, here is what I can share about by request. Guest Jen Hannox. We found each other through a podcasting platform called Audrey. She reached out to me and we decided to collaborate. She's coming out unabashed you and I was a guest on her show Self Love Yogi. Welcome, Jen, and thanks again for your kindness. Absolutely. No problem at all. You were just so wonderful about the whole thing. And of course, when you realize the kind of personality I have, when I realized what had happened, you just feel sick. And now I have to go back and tell her the whole humbling experience of the realization, taking responsibility and holding myself accountable and then being honest and hoping that it's going to be received in the same way that I was sharing with you in all vulnerability and authenticity. Wow, I really blew this. And you were just like, okay, no problem. I was like, she's the perfect person to be able to tell this, too. Great. I'm glad I was able to do that for you, because maybe years ago I would have been different. But there's no need to get worked up and get upset. And I do the same thing. So technology can be a bit sometimes. Yes. And I have confirmed we are at recording. I'm very excited to record. We can both see it. Yes. Okay. Anything you want the listeners to know about you to start? Well, I guess just a little bit of background about me and what I do as we talked about last time. Sure. A lot of my stuff is about self love, which I believe has to do with getting into the big stuff, getting into the deep stuff that we don't want to look at. So getting into the shadow side, looking at the parts of ourselves that we think are hard to love, when you can start to learn to love those parts, that's when you can find the deeper self love. And that's come about for me because I've been through such a traumatic childhood and such a traumatic life, and everybody has trauma to some degree. So I never like to say that my trauma is worse than others or better than others. But it was something that happened to me that I believe I signed up for before I got here. Personally, I think that I signed a sole contract to do this. Interesting. Before like, there's something called sole contracts. And so my belief is that we sign a sole contract before we get here. And we know me and my mom probably signed a full contract to do the thing that we did, and she left this world, and that was part of her sole contract. I look at it that way. Whether or not it's true, it doesn't matter to me because it changes my perspective regardless. Right, exactly. That's very interesting. I'm going to ponder that. I love to ponder. I'm going to ponder that a bit. What three words. And thank you for the vulnerability of sharing that. Right. Sharing what you believe. And that is fascinating. I really am going to circle back to that three words to describe yourself. Authentic brave and kind. Authentic brave and kind. And yes, yes. I mean, I can see that in our interactions, for sure. Authentic braving, kind all the way. All right. Two truths for the lie. And so three things. And I need to guess. Okay, let's see. So I have two Wiener dogs. Okay. I love pineapple. Okay. And I love to tap dance. Okay. Two leaner dogs. Just go through my thought process. I feel like I saw something about your two dogs on Instagram. So I'm going to set that one aside and say, that's true, pineapple. It's hard to imagine people not liking pineapple, but I guess it's possible. So I'll set that aside on the other side. Tap dancing. That's, to me, a 50 50 thing. You might like it. You might not like it. So I think I'll go with tap dancing that you don't actually know how to tap dance. Oh, I do. Yeah. I did a 42nd street back when I was in high school, and I learned how to tap dance back then. And so I've been doing it ever since. Oh, my gosh. And so you actively tap dance in maybe a year or so with us. But, like, last year during the lockdown, I got a new pair of tap shoes, and I got on YouTube and I did some tap classes. And it's kind of hard because you either have to have a good space or you have to get, like, a board otherwise. Right. Floors and stuff. And I did it. And I was like, wow, I still have it. Like, I still have. Oh, how fun. That is. So fun. And 42nd street. That's a tap heavy show. I couldn't believe that. Yeah. I got cast and we did the whole we were in the money where we made the dimes out of wood. We had to dance at them overhead and set them down with hands on them. Actually, I was a really heavy kid and that was the first show I ever did. And I lost £30. Wow. Because it was so much rehearsal and I was also that's when my eating disorders were kind of starting to peak up. And so I was not eating and I was going to rehearsal every day and I lost £30. And they're like, your costumes don't fit you anymore. And I'm like, okay, so that's kind of a weird time in my life. Wow. Well, it's hard to fit you're. Very healthy looking and very lean looking. So it's hard to picture you with 30 extra pounds on you. Okay, so that takes us to pineapple you don't care for. I hate pineapple. Okay. What is it about pineapple? I don't know. It tastes gross if it touches other fruit. I can't do pineapple. I've always hated it. And everybody I say that one because like you said, most people like pineapple a lot and acidic. I don't like it. It's so funny. As we're talking about pineapple, I just feel like I'm tasting it right now and it's like creating a reaction in me. Isn't that funny? Yeah. Okay. Is there anything you're binging right now? My TV show wise, I'm not a big TV person. Okay, that's fine. Again, like the last year, I'll try not to share too many of my beliefs, but I feel you get to be you. That's what the soul. I know, but I don't want it to turn into I could go on a conspiracy road right now and I don't want to do that. Okay. But I do feel very I feel a lot of inauthenticity when I watch TV. I feel like watching and I see a lot of things. Like once you go down the rabbit hole, you can't unsee them. So now when I watch TV, I'm like, oh, I can't even watch this. And so I will watch movies occasionally. I just saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with my boyfriend for the first time and I've never seen it before. And I was like, okay, well, didn't he win Nicholas Cage? Didn't he win an Academy Award for that? I don't know. Johnny Depp.

Participant #1:

This is what I'm kind of binging on. This is what brought about the juice cleanse that I'm doing some of the dietary things that I'm doing. It's not so much about losing weight per se. I will probably lose weight just because I think I'm actually holding emotional trauma in my body. Okay. And so I'm a pretty fit, leanish person. I've been leaner in the past. I used to compete in bodybuilding. I got on stage and did the Tan and did the little sparkly bikini and the whole thing. And they really set my eating disorder into like a tail spin after that. And so I read it a couple of years ago, and it didn't really resonate with me as much. I felt more like I was being chastised by it. I'm reading it again and I'm like, oh, my God, like, I think I'm holding, like, childhood trauma, sexual trauma in my body. And so I'm binging on this book right now. I'm probably going to read it a few times and try to just kind of get to the root of it. And that's why I'm doing this two week juice cleanse so I can get into the emotional traumas in my body and look at them, rather than sometimes we put food on them and not in a bad way. It's okay to eat. I'm the first person to safely eat whatever you want, but sometimes when we eat from an emotional place, they won't get to feel our feelings because the food covers it up. Right. And so that's kind of what I'm working on right now. Well, a couple of things. One, I really like that you pivoted. What are you binging right now to talk about that you're actually binging a book right now. I think that is a really cool interpretation of the question. So thank you for just shifting that completely. And then secondly, how wonderful you feel so committed to being whole and well and healing anything that's just not quite right, because, of course, you are correct and that we all go through stuff, and that's one of the reasons we're here. Of course, I'm not completely well versed in all the belief systems out there, but it's hard to imagine a belief system that would tell you that you're not going to go through hard things while you're here. That just seems to be part of the program no matter what you believe it seems to be. Yeah, exactly. All right. Share negative wisdom you keep handy. Something I talk about a lot of my platform is especially with the way that the world looks around us right now. A lot of us feel a little helpless. We're kind of watching some chaos happen, and we feel like, what can we do to help the state of the world? And I just tell all of my people that if you want to heal the world, you start by healing yourself. That's my favorite thing to say. And honestly, even if it's not about the world, even if you couldn't care less about politics or anything that's happening and you're just living your life, maybe you've got people around you that you feel like, God, I wish they would just whatever. If you want them to heal in some way, start by healing yourself and your perception of them will change and they will see you. And that's how any change happens. You can't change other people. You can't change the world. You can only change yourself. I could not agree more. I think anything that you are going to feel for someone else or share with someone else. You can't really do that well until you have it for yourself, because it really starts from that place of like wholeness wellness, all of that. For me, it's that classic flight attendant speech of you've got to put the mask on yourself first before you can help someone else. Absolutely. I don't think it's selfish. I think some people might argue maybe that it's selfish, but I would argue that it is not that you I think we would both be completely in agreement on it starts with you. So if you're not healed or healing, back to the ing that we talked about. Oh, yes, that's right. If you're not in that place of working on that stuff, then how can you show up for other people in a really good way unless you're doing that stuff? And I think that counts for everything, for mothers and their children, for spouses, for the friends. We all feel this need to give to others, which is wonderful. But if you're giving from an empty cup, you end up getting bitter, you end up feeling depleted, you end up feeling empty. And then you're like, then you get resentful and you're like, why aren't you filling up my cup? And it's like, no, you fill up your own cup. And so a lot of people will argue that it's selfish, but I think that just comes from an uninformed place of code dependency. And we all have that. We either have codependency or super independency. I tend to go towards the independence side. I don't need anybody. Nobody needs to help me, that kind of thing. A lot of us have codependency. It sounds like a bad word. It's not. But I think that's where the selfish thing comes from is they go, oh, it's selfish of me to want to do things for myself, which is could not know. I absolutely agree. I absolutely agree. Okay, so now the deep dive into your passion. It sounds like you have really led a very what would be a good word for it? Like varied life. I mean, we've got overweight tap dancer bodybuilder eating disorder. Now your platform. I think the journey from that to where you are right now of self love in a healthy way. And I know you do yoga, that's a part of who you are. So kind of how did you get to this place right now having a podcast and coaching others in wellness? I mean, is the coaching specifically about healing and wellness? You tell us what it is. I don't need to guess. You're here. Okay. No. Well, let me see. Well, the coaching I'll start with that is self love coaching. And so I use the modalities of yoga and meditation and a lot of other different tools that I've learned over the years on how to teach yourself to do the shadow work that it requires to really love yourself, not just I'm going to take a bubble bath every day. And that means I love myself. But to actually look at those parts of you, which is okay. And I always tell my people that's self care, and that is a tool to get to self love. I want you to do all the bubble baths. I want you to do the face masks. I want you to do the tea and all the stuff that gives you to take time for yourself. But when it comes to self love, it really is the shadow work. And so that's kind of like you said, I've lived a very life, a very colorful life. I've moved. I'm 36 years old. I've probably moved at least 30 times. Wow. I moved a lot. And I think it comes from my childhood because my mom moved me around a lot because she was doing drugs and doing her whole thing. And so I lived in Austin for eight and a half years, and I moved ten times just in the eight and a half years that I was there. I've lived in Chicago. I lived in Vegas. I've lived in Arizona. I've lived all over the place. And I've done theater, bodybuilding, personal training. I've done all these different things. I've had these weird jobs that people are like, who are you? You've also done that. What is going on? People hear my story, and they're like, you're all over the place. And it's because I just want to dip my toe and all the things. And I was also trying to figure out who I was. And so part of that shadow work, too. At one point, I shaved my head because I just done with my hair, and I was tired of it. And I had this really bad relationship with it. And I was like, Fuck it, I'm going to shave it off. And I just shaved my head. And everybody was like, what? And so I had a shaved head for six months and then grew it out. And so that, to me, was my personal way of trying to figure out who I am. And even recently, a couple of years ago, I was dating a very toxic alcoholic. And I had thought that I had healed some of my sexual trauma. And we broke up because he was awful. And it sent me into this tail spin of just serial dating. And I was like, oh, wow, I need to look at that now. So I'm constantly doing things, throwing myself into stuff that gets me to look at myself. And I don't know if that's just my personality or if that's what I signed up to do when I got here, but all of that to say that I ended up here because of all of those experiences. So a few years ago, I got diagnosed bipolar, which makes sense to me because it does run in my family, and there's a lot of mental illness in my family. I was very traumatized as a kid, and I've got a lot of imbalances. However, now I haven't been on meds for years, and I do a lot of work, and so I have a much more balanced state. And if I am bipolar, it doesn't really affect my life the way that I believed that it would. But I met a mentor then about five years ago now, and she's still in my life. She calls herself my second mom, and I love her very much. One of my favorite people. She's my homeopath. And that kind of led me into the journey that got me here. And so all that really hard work that I did and I continue to do I'm doing right now caused me to land right here. I got my yoga teacher training back in 2016. I started my podcast this year. I started this platform last year, and I've always known I want to help people. I've always been a person that people want my help. And so, I don't know, it feels like a calling. I still have some things I'm trying to figure out. There's certain things that don't work for me in this platform all the time. I get depleted really easily. And I've learned. Do you know anything about human design? I like how it sounds. I don't know. That means I know anything about it. Is it like a theory or what is it? Yeah, it's like a theory. Okay, so what's your sign? Are you like, that would be PISCES. You're a PISCES. I can see that. Okay. So it's kind of like that school of thought of like, if you read about PISCES, it talks about you and how you are and how you behave in life. And a lot of us know astrology. And then there's the 16 personality test. I don't know if you've ever taken that. I know the Enneagram. You know your Enneagram? I don't remember. Yes. I'm equal parts one and eight, with five being a close second to those two equal parts. So it's very similar to that. Okay. Personality type is similar. It's the ENFP INFJ you may. All right. Yes. The human design is much deeper, and you do the same thing. You give your birth date and your birthplace and all time and all that stuff. But it really gets into the I can't fully explain that there are people that read your charts for $500 because I looked at it and I was like, I have no idea what this means, but I'm a projector, which means that I'm like the ultimate empath, and I take everyone's energy. And so it's the hard thing as a coach to learn how to navigate that right. There are manifesting generators who are go go, and they're just happy to do that. And for me, I'm just, like, drained a lot because I'm taking on everyone's stuff. And so I've learned that recently. And so you need to really step into a lot of self care and refresh, rejuvenate mode to be able to do that kind of work. And it feels like too much like in our society, it's like, go do the things. And for me, I feel like I need to rest all the time. It's weird. I'm like, I'm always tired and I'm always like, I'm going to meditate again and I'm going to go do more yoga. And I'm just always in my yoga room just chilling in there. And I'm just like, I spent all this time in there, but I think if anybody is listening and they know what I'm talking about and they are projectors, there are places for us. It's just kind of different. And so I think just learning about that, I totally went on a tangent. I don't even know where I went, how I got here. Fine. I love it. I absolutely love it. It's so fascinating and interesting. And one thing, I have a friend who knows a lot about the Enneagram, and she said she reminded me that five start the day. Five are investigative thinkers. Okay. So that's my number two. They start the day with 60% to give. So they've already started the day and not even at the hundred. So they're easily quickly depleted and need to kind of step back, recharge, be alone, whatever it is for that person, which I thought, oh, wow. Okay. That's interesting. And like you, I want to be helpful, and I can be very animated and seemingly extroverted, but in reality, I'm introverted because then I need to go and just be by myself and just read or do very little. And I feel like I actually plug myself into the wall. Yeah, not at 100 yet. I got to keep stay here for a little bit longer, but it took a long time to understand that about myself. And I think so much of what you're talking about in the self love arena, and obviously that can be a huge place, but so much of it is about self discovery. I think so many of us don't even we go through life as ourselves, and we tend to think what we're doing and how we're showing up in the world is, quote, unquote normal. And for us it is. But how about being able to sort of look inward and figure out some of the things about who we are, our different personality types or whatever. There are so many wonderful models out there to kind of look at and check out and figure out who you are, and that's why. Okay. And I feel like when you discover more about yourself, actually, I feel like it's empowering. Absolutely. Well. And you learn how to be more of yourself. And so then you start asking for what you need. If you recognize, I need alone time. But you've been the kind of person who was taught to give everybody your time. You can start asking for it and realize, oh, I actually more well adjusted person when I say, hey, I need to be alone for 2 hours, leave me alone. Right. And same with like in relationships, like you mentioned your boyfriend or my kids, my husband or whoever your partner might be being able to, like you say, ask for what you want or say, you know what? Right before I came onto this conversation, my husband happens to be home and he said, hey, can I talk to you about such and such? I went, you know what, this is not a good time. I'm going to have to whereas probably in the past I would have tried to squeeze in the conversation and I just realized it's going to take I cannot my focus. I'm Jen, I'm all about Gen right now. You would have depleted yourself before you showed up and then you would have showed up and you would have felt just a tiny bit, maybe it was 60% and then you got down to 50 just because it's a little conversation. Well, and I think it's women. And I don't know if you can relate to this, but I think somewhere along the way, we are taught very indirectly to be people pleasers. And so I think it is very hard for us sometimes to say no, that doesn't work for me. And that is something like when I'm chatting with friends or whatever I say there are certain things to keep in your back pocket that are handy. You know, one of them is no, that doesn't work for me. Yes. It doesn't have to be offensive. It's just that doesn't work for me. And people feel really uncomfortable. So for your listeners, that's a really good pillar of one of the things I teach about self love. It's saying no. And I don't know if like when you first started saying no, if you were like, well, actually, I possibly don't really want to, but you kind of tiptoe around it, no, thank you or no, that doesn't work for me, or no, that doesn't fit in for me today. But we try so hard to be like, yes, because we want to please that other person and we end up spreading ourselves too thin. And it doesn't feel very good when you actually know you can't squeeze in that one more thing that it's going to have to wait until a better time when you can focus and give it your attention, and it ends up feeling so much better. And it was so wonderful to say not now is not a good time. Did he take it well? Yes. He goes, you know what, you're right. But it was such a small thing, but it's an empowering thing because it's reinforcing. Like, yes, this was not a good time. I don't know that he's a better multitasker, but I think he can kind of maybe his processing is different in that he could have squeezed that one more thing in also compartmentalize more than we do. Well, that's true. Separated. And so my boyfriend can be like, okay, well, I'm thinking about this right now. And then I'll think about this. I'm like, I'm doing it all at once. What do you mean? Like, I'm thinking about all of it right now. All the things being thought about immediately right now. Right. Different in the way that they process. That's true. Yeah, that's true. It's so interesting. And so that's a good thing for anybody listening. You don't have to start with the big things. You don't have to start by telling your boss, no, I'm not going to do that. If that's a really big, scary thing for you, start with the little things. Be like, no, thank you. Or try and you might fail a few times. I don't know. I'm so sorry. I used to do that a lot. And over time, my nose have gotten firmer, and sometimes I still struggle. But for the most part, when you practice just like any weight lifting, how you have to build your muscles up by going bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger, you have to keep showing up. It's the same thing. You're working your no muscles. You're working your self love muscles. They're all muscles that you have to practice. Right? That's a very good point. Really good point. All right. Where can people find you when it comes to all the things? I'm all over Instagram. You'll see me on there every day. I'm very active on Instagram. So that's self love, Yogi. So I've got a couple of giveaways going on there right now. I do live videos every Monday. I post all my classes there. And then my website, Selfloveyokie.com, is also where you can find all of my products. How you can work with me. I've got some freebies on there. I've got my podcast is posted on there. Cool. You find me anywhere. Podcasts are I'm sure your podcast is on all of them. I'm on all the platforms, I'm sure. And then I got picked up on other platforms that I didn't even put myself on. Sarah, even, I don't know. They added me. I have no idea. And then some of them say, I've never even heard that. I know. Yes. And they're like, your webcast is here. I'm like, why the hell I didn't do that? That's great.

Participant #1:

Yeah. That's all my stuff. And I'm about to start hosting more online classes. I hosted one last night where I did some intention journaling, meditation and yoga. And I'm going to start doing those, a little mini self love retreats on the weekends, virtual retreat. And so I got all kinds of stuff going on. Super. Oh, that's wonderful. And thanks for sharing all your information. I'll be sure to include it all as well in the show notes. So thank you, Jen, once again for modeling. Absolute graciousness. It makes me even tear up at the thought of how gracious you were about all of this. And to say that I'm appreciative just barely scratches the surface. I am very grateful. Thank you so much for who you are, for what you want to share in the world and doing the thing, doing the stuff. It's not easy, but it's like the alternative is, for me, it's almost unacceptable. Yeah. I don't want to look back. I wonder if I tried that, how that would have gone. Do you know what? I'm going to try all of it. I think about that a lot. If it would make sense when you're having a hard time financially. Like, well, maybe I'll just get a job. No, I'm like, I'm going to try all the things my friend actually said. This might resonate with anybody. I don't know. But persistence doesn't recognize failure and

Participant #1:

grave. Because no matter what, if you keep going, you'll get there. Just keep going. Oh, my God. I know. Oh, my God. She said that persistence doesn't recognize failure. 1ft in front of the Other I had to restart my Instagram account because it got deleted. Then I just start all over. I know, but it happens. And I cried about it. And I tried to get off Instagram for about two weeks. And then I was like, all right, I'll go back and I'll start all over and I built an account from scratch again, and things happen. You don't remember to record last night my sound, like, was all messed up during my yoga thing, and I was beating myself up about it. But am I going to quit because of that? No. And what was it you said? I'm doing everything. I'm going to do things. I'm going to do everything. I'm going to try everything, whatever it is that I have to do to make this work. It's funny, too, because it's a slow growth, so anybody has included. We're all out here trying to make a difference. It feels like a saturated market, but it's really not because there are so many people that need to hear exactly what you have to say. And so trying to remind yourself of that while you're watching other people kind of rock it in their own niche or whatever. And you're like, Why am I not rocketing? And so I'm like, I'm trying to figure it. And I'm slowly rocking and my rocket like, it's trying. And so I just keep shifting and adjusting, and I'll shift something and it's like, oh, that works. This doesn't you just keep showing up. That's all you can do. That's great. Great advice. Show up. Yeah, that's really good advice. Advice works for yoga, too. So anybody, if you want to do yoga, just show up. Yeah, show up. Very good. Well, Jen, thank you so much. Again, I'm very grateful. And I will put this together, and next thing you know, it'll come out next Tuesday. So you'll get to see it then. And I'll be sure and let you know the second it comes out. I'm so excited. I'll share it all over. Thank you Jen. Really appreciate you so much. Thanks so much. Take care. Bye bye.

Participant #1:

Her nugget of wisdom want to heal the world? Then heal yourself first is excellent practical and sound advice. We need to make sure our cup is full of goodness before we can share it with someone else. Plus that's really all we can do. Work on ourselves, show up as our best selves and keep showing up. Thanks, Jen. That's a keeper. The Anabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show and other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unavashidou if you want to connect, the email is unabashed [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth and sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Yes, we've all been through stuff. Pain we wish hadn't happened heartbreak we hoped we wouldn't ever have to feel yet it is all of that we can take with us into a better version of ourselves. Processing forgiving accepting, expanding, looking for the gifts of it all and then may we reach behind to help the next one who needs it. Let's do that. Be that. Amen go be unabashed.

The passion, and the obvious enjoyment of everything she is doing, makes Toni an upcoming woman to watch. She is a dynamo, doing all the things to pursue her dreams while she speaks into the rest of us the importance of having a good relationship with food, and with love. She’s got a book, Once Upon a Diet and cleverly parallels her past love stories with her food experience.

How about the willingness to support others? Love that. And as Toni points out we are all beginners. We all start there, no exceptions. Where we go is up to us: our desire, our drive, and what we seek. Are we relentless about it - in a good way? The pursuit of a goal even if it’s hard. Remember we are here to make a mark, so let’s do it.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

To get in contact with Toni:

Website: Tips with Toni

Instagram Tips with Toni

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

I met our guest a couple of days ago.  We struck up a conversation which ended up with us booking this episode.  It’s fascinating the way things work out sometimes.  Turns out she is 17 and in college, very humble and has a deep passion she shares with us.  I want to applaud her for being bold and brave in doing so.

I hope I was able to really speak life into who she is, what she believes.  It is so important to me to give space for each person to be who they are.  We need to be respectful not shameful when others don’t think/feel/believe the way we do.  I realize this is not always easy to do but it should be our goal.  Each person has there own journey and they need to do it their own way.  Thanks for reminding us of that, Mia.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

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Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle: Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle Here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. I met our guest a couple of days ago, we struck up a conversation which ended with us booking this episode. It's fascinating. The way things work out sometimes. Turns out she's 17 and in college, very humble and has a deep passion she shares with us. I want to applaud her for being bold and brave in doing so.

Intro Music

Rechelle: I met this young woman at a one-day women's retreat this past weekend. We got to talking, she said she would check out the podcast, which I thought was cool.

00:01:06

I knew I needed a guess for this week's episode as our newest series won't start until next week. Mia came in and saved the day. Welcome to the show, Mia.

Mia: Hi, thank you, I'm happy to be here. Hello everybody. 

Rechelle: Yeah, so happy to have you. All right, so let's get to know you. Is there is there anything you want the listeners to know about you? Just against the ball rolling. 

Mia: So, my name is Mia. Like you've all heard. I am 17 years old. I am from San Diego and I'm currently attending UCSD. 

Rechelle: Okay. Oh my goodness. So, you, did you graduate early or young or what or did you? Okay. Yeah, so that's the question?

Mia: So, I have a late birthday, my birthdays in November. 

Rechelle: Okay got it. 

Mia: Something like with the cutoff date, like when you're going into kindergarten you have to be five, but I was four because my birthday is really late, so that's why I'm so young and cool.

00:02:08

Rechelle: Okay, okay, got it. Okay, that makes sense. Which three words would you use to describe yourself?

Mia: I would first stay friendly. I feel like I feel like I'm the type of person who tries to become friends with everybody and I especially try to reach out to people who I notice like are lonely or don't really have friends. So yeah, I would first say friendly um then I would say compassionate, I feel like I had a lot of compassion for people. And third I would say mellow.

Rechelle: Ooh, that’s so good.

Mia: Yeah, I consider myself an extrovert, but I don't consider myself like super loud, like a loud person. I would just say I'm chill and mellow and just go with the flow. 

Rechelle: Yeah, I definitely got that vibe from you on Saturday. For sure. So, uh friendly, compassionate and mellow. 

Mia: Mellow, yeah.

Rechelle: Those are really good words and I think from as much as I know about you so far and what I can intuit from being around you is that you know yourself.

00:03:26

Those are really good--descriptive. Alright, let's go to two truths and a lie. I'm imagining, you know how this goes. 

Mia: Yeah

Rechelle: Okay, so you say three things and I'll see if I can pick out which one is not true. 

Mia: Okay. Um let me think. Okay, I used to do boxing. I love spicy food and I have three bunnies. 

Rechelle: Boxing, spicy food and three bunnies. Oh my gosh. Okay. Okay. Uh huh. I'm okay. So, I think you could box. I think you could like spicy food. I mean okay, those are all doable in my mind. Now I'm really like drawn to the three bunnies and here's why. Two things. Well one. I know you're in college. So, I'm wondering how does that translate? Like can you be a college student and have three bunnies? I mean it's not like having a child obviously or even a dog, it's a little different. But like if you're in the dorms, I doubt very seriously that they're going to let you have bunnies.

00:04:33

Here's the other reason I'm drawn to that. I'm drawn to that because you used a number. So maybe you actually do have bunnies, but maybe you have two or one or four. So, I'm going with that is the lie. 

Mia: That is the lie. I guess I would have thought that through more because yeah, I am in the dorm. But the thing is that. . . okay so I have two sisters and we used to have three bunnies. Like up until like two weeks ago when my parents decided to give them away because they were tired of us not like taking care of them. Yeah.

Rechelle: Did you each, did you each have kind of like your own bunny or?

Mia: Yeah.

Rechelle: Okay. Okay. So, did. . . was that a difficult thing that your parents gave the bunnies away or are you were like, well they probably should be in a home where they're, you know, kind of a little more doted on? 

Mia: Um I mean, I was sad a little bit, but honestly there's really nothing I can do.

00:05:41

I feel like because I'm not even there like taking care of them and like helping take care of them. Um But it was kind of like a shocker because my mom just texted me one day, she's like, oh, we got rid of the bunny. Like I meant I meant to tell you earlier, but. . . 

Rechelle: Laughing. Oh my God.

Mia: It's fine. 

Rechelle: Okay.

Mia: Yeah. Yeah. 

Rechelle: So, you really didn't get to say goodbye, you didn't really get like closure or anything like that. They're just the bunnies are already gone. And so now you've made your peace with that. Well, that's good. That's good. So, you used to box or are you still boxing?

Mia: I used to yeah, it's something I did in like 11th and 12th grade. 

Rechelle: Okay. 

Mia: Yeah. Yeah, there was like a boxing gym in my neighborhood called House of Boxing? Um And that was really fun. I really liked it. I don't really know what drew me to boxing. I mean my great grandpa was a boxer. Yeah.

00:06:43

Yeah, I mean I would like to continue on, but I don't know. 

Rechelle: Well, you're kind of busy right now with school so it's not like it's going anywhere. You know, you can press pause on that right now until you're ready to return. And you love spicy food! 

Mia: I love spicy. Yeah. I would say like out of all the flavors, like sweet, sour, savory--spicy is my favorite. 

Rechelle: Oh, okay. So how does that translate? Is that like Mexican with the habanero sauce? Is that like Thai and take it to the 10? I mean how does that, what does that look like? 

Mia: Yeah, I would say Mexican food or Asian food because I feel like Korean food or like Japanese food can be spicy too. Like if you go to like a ramen place. Like I went to a Ramen place the other day and I got the spicy when it was really good.

Rechelle: So, can you take the 10? Because isn't that how sometimes they ask you like you know like, do you want it all the way, you know, 10 or like where I mean I've been at 

00:07:49

. . . I don't remember, I think it was a Thai restaurant and they asked me what number, what number do you want? I was like, oh my gosh, well. Or do you just say, hey, bring it on spicy. 

Mia: Yeah. I usually go for the spiciest option. Even if that means that my nose is going to run in, my eyes go water. Yeah. 

Rechelle: Well, guess what you get to be you and if you get to like spicy food awesome and who cares that you need a Kleenex to get through the meal. So, what you like it? You like it. Okay. So maybe there are more bunnies in your future. We'll have to see, who knows? Who knows? All right. What are you binging right now? Anything? 

Mia: Well, so for my general education it’s required for me to take a fine arts class. 

Rechelle: Ooh, nice.

Mia: So, I enrolled in this theater and film class and... 

Rechelle: God, great. 

Mia: Yeah, it's really fun. Basically all we have to do for the class is there's a movie assigned each week that we have to watch and then we write an essay or like do a quiz on it.

00:09:01

So...

Rechelle: Uh. . .

Mia: Yeah.

Rechelle: That’s the best class ever! I love that class. 

Mia: So that's basically all I've been watching is like the movies required. 

Rechelle: So, share a couple of them with us. The kind that made an impression on you for one reason or another. 

Mia: Have you seen Casablanca? 

Rechelle: Yes. 

Mia: We watched that movie last week and I really loved it. 

Rechelle: Okay. Tell me why you loved it because honestly for me and I know some people don't agree with this and that's the great thing is that we get to have different opinions. To me that's a very overrated movie. I don't know why I feel that way. I just, it just is to me it just doesn't speak to me the way that it speaks to some people. So why did you love it so much?

Mia: So, I am really into like old shows, an old tv like the twilight zone is my all-time favorite show. 

Rechelle: Okay, love it. 

Mia: Um I also love Dick Van Dyke and... 

Rechelle: Oh, I love the Dick Van Dyke Show.

00:10:06

Yes. 

Mia: So, I already like that genre and like that style film and whenever I watch a movie like I never liked watching the trailer or like reading this summary because I love to be surprised. I didn't really know anything about Casablanca. I didn't know there was a hype, so I feel like that played into it. Yeah, I didn't have any expectations for it. Um and what I didn't know um because the movie takes place during World War Two. What I didn't know is that the movie was actually made during World War Two which I think is crazy that they were able to execute such an amazing film in the middle of the war when they didn't have that many resources and stuff like that.

Rechelle: Right So now was the ending the ending work for you? Do you feel like he had to give her up? I mean this, this is maybe this is one of the reasons I don't like the movie, or I don't love it the way other people do. 

Mia: So, do you not like the fact that he gave her up, or? 

Rechelle: Yeah. Yeah.

00:11:09

Because she didn't really like the other guy. She didn't really love him in my opinion. So, it's just like it's not very satisfying. Okay. It's real things like that really happened. I get it. Not everything has to end all, you know with a bow and all of that. But just now she's going to go live her life with somebody she doesn't even really love. That just seems like a not great choice to me.

Mia: I honestly like the fact that he gave her up.

Rechelle: Okay. Because he loved her so much. He was willing to be sacrificial.

Mia: Yeah. Because I can't remember the exact wording. But he said like because the guy that she was married to, he was like a very important figure um for like freedom, and he was against what the Nazis were doing. And so, Rick, her lover, said like if you didn't like you're all he cares about. Like if you didn't go with him, like you wouldn't have a drive to continue on um pursuing freedom, pursuing like resisting the Nazis.

00:12:23

So, it’s like I think it was better for the greater good. Also, I feel like I have really high moral standards. So, like I wouldn't like the fact that she would leave her husband, you know? 

Rechelle: Well, that's a very good point. 

Mia: Even if she didn't love him. 

Rechelle: Okay, that's a really good point. And the fact that he that he really was doing it for the greater good; that does make it a much more--not even just a palatable--that's not a strong enough word, but I really um well I either yeah, more than sacrificial. It's very uh gosh, my words are just not coming to me. Um Okay. 

Mia: Selfless. 

Rechelle: Yes, Thank you. Yes, it's very selfless. It's very selfless. He really and he strikes you as the kind of guy that is a little bit about himself, you know? So, the fact that he was willing, he willingly gave her up very selflessly.

00:13:28

You're right. I might have to rewatch that movie.

Mia: Yeah. 

Rechelle: Okay. one more that you watched lately that I spoke to you?

Mia: Have you heard of the movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers? 

Rechelle: Yes, I have not seen it because I don't like creepy. No, like once we head into that area that just doesn't I just I just that's not my jam. So yeah, but I know it's a classic. I know it's a classic. I understand the basic premise and all of that. So why did that speak to you? Or what about that movie impressed you?

Mia: So, I don't know if you know the premise of the movie, but it's a sci fi movie and it basically is about a small town and um these pods like these foreign objects like arrived in the town and the pods like take over the people.

00:14:33

So, it's sort of like a parasite. Like it makes the people not have any emotions. Um and like makes everybody the same. And a lot of commentators have said about the movie that it's like in, because during that time like communism was rampant in other countries and all the American’s were afraid of communism. So, they said like, oh the movies and allegory, like the fear of communism, communism coming in taking over, making everybody the same. Like trying to make everybody emotionless. I mean the director said that wasn't their purpose, but it seems like the fear of communism played into that movie. So that was really interesting to like hear about that alert about kind of the history behind the movie. Um but also like, I feel like we can apply this movie to this day and age because I feel like a lot of people, it's not that people are emotionless these days, but like everyone seems to be living for themselves.

00:15:44

Like everyone does things for their own personal benefit if that makes sense. 

Rechelle: Yes, I understand what you’re saying.

Mia: So, the movie can apply to like now in this day and age.

Rechelle: Right.

Mia: Because everyone seems to be emotionless. 

Rechelle: Right. Well yeah, or their emotions are off the charts and not even rational anymore. Well, I, I am as a fellow movie lover, I really have a heart for performing arts and the stories they tell and then what we can uh you know gathering glean from the movies and there are like life lessons in movies, and you can have, you can learn so much about different time periods and learn compassion and um walking in someone else's shoes and about history and different things. That's one of the reasons I love movies so much and stories so much is for those reasons.

00:16:47

Well, I just think that class sounds like a great class. I've actually been thinking about doing a movie series on the podcast and so you're giving me more fuel for that vision. So, thank you for that. What's a nugget of wisdom you keep handy? 

Mia: So, this is probably gonna sound cliche, but I would say spend time with the people you love because you never know what day is gonna be your last or what day is going to be their last. So, I feel like a lot of times we really get caught up in life, like work school, other things like that, and a lot of times we can be so distracted that we don't spend time with our family or like check and see how our friends are doing. So, I think it's really important to really having others focused mindset, not just thinking about yourself and what you have to do, what you have to get done, but think about others and what they may be going through and what you can do to spend time with them or help them.

Rechelle: Okay, you're 17.

00:18:06

You already know that, that is wonderful. It's absolutely wonderful that you already know that and I'm guessing that you're, you're living that too. So it's not even just like, oh, it's an idea in my head spend time with the ones you love though, you're intentionally going forward in that posture of wanting to spend time with the people you love because you're so right, we don't know what even the next hour holds, you know--tonight, tomorrow morning--I mean there's no there's no predicting that that is beautiful. Mia, thank you so much for sharing that. And I think, you know, cliches are cliches for a reason, right? And some of them are far more have more heft and gravitas than others that are like, probably should be retired, but that's a really good one. That's a really, really good one, thank you so much for sharing that. All right, so let's take a deeper dive into Mia. Do you have, like, do you have a passion or is there a certain topic that you want to kind of head into, or we can just kind of keep riffing, what do you want to do?

00:19:19

Mia: Mhm. We can talk about the passion. 

Rechelle: Okay, great. What's your what is your passion? Let's talk about that.

Mia: I would say, Jesus, honestly.

Rechelle: Okay, yes, beautiful, wonderful. That's your passion. And you know, it's so um what's the good, you know, sometimes I love words, I told you that at the retreat, I love words, so words like, I like to choose them and make sure that they work for what I'm trying to say, just like with your the a nugget that you shared, This is also something that would not necessarily be typical of a 17 year old, that Jesus would be your passion. And one I am inspired by you speaking that out. Two, that you already know that. Three, your courage in claiming that. I think we'll speak to other people and fourth, fourthly, I don't think fourthly is a word, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna pretend it is, you get to be you, and that's the whole point of the show, you get to be you. Okay, okay, so I'm gonna kind of start us off a little bit in the sense that Mia and I attended the same retreat on Saturday.

00:20:47

It was a one-day event, and it was about purpose and calling and I cannot remember exactly the title of it, but that was basically the theme. Mia came to, there were four workshops that were breakout sessions, I was I had the great honor of being able to be one of the speakers for one of those workshop sessions. So, two times I gave basically the same talk, and it was interactive, which is my favorite part of sharing. Uh it was about Martha of Bethany, and it was also about each woman's purpose and calling. This happened to be a women's retreat. Mia caught my eye when I passed out these little stickers that the women were putting in their journals about an activity we were going to do, and I walked by and said, hey did you get one? And you said, yeah, I put it on my water bottle, which I was like, oh my God, that is so great. So, she put this sticker, this little activity we're going to do on our water bottle.

00:21:52

I ran into her at the end of the workshop day, and I was like, oh there you are, I said hey in my second session, I said oh yeah, and this young woman, she put it on her water bottle because I of course I thought that was just so cool. So how long has this been your passion, or has he been your passion? How long do you want to get to get into that? Okay, yeah, let's talk about that. How did how did that transpire?

Mia: So, I was raised in a Christian home. Okay, so I've always grown up believing in Jesus and God, I never liked doubted in my mind that, you know, Jesus is God, God is true, God created all things, but um I feel like I never understood what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus, and I feel like I never had one. Um so I think around 10th grade in high school is when I started to understand. I went to a Christian, like a private Christian school and it was required for us for each year to take a bible class.

00:23:08

So, I feel like that really helped me understand more about the bible, understand more about the gospel and what it means, that relationship with Jesus. So around that time I started to understand and I feel like I kind of made my faith my own because I feel like when you're little and you and you grew up in the church, your faith is like sort of your parents because it's your parents, your parents bring you to church, it's your parents, you know, telling you to pray before you eat and stuff like that. Um so I would say around that time is when I really started to live out my faith through my own and have a personal relationship with Jesus and I'm really glad that I decided to do that because I mean I think that's the most, I mean it is the most important decision that you can make in your life. 

Rechelle: Okay, so it's been I'm guessing about three years, three plus years or so you got 10th grade, 11th grade 12th grade and now you're in your first year, so maybe we're heading to four depending on what time of year it was.

00:24:11

Um how has that manifested in your, in your life now? Having this strong faith. 

Mia: Okay. Um What kind of going into what you talked about at the retreat: like it's given me purpose. Um Because I feel like before I started living for Christ like I was sort of just lost and I didn't, I didn't know what my purpose was. You know felt empty. Um even like depressed because I just I didn't know like Jesus really personally and because of that I didn't have my purpose in him were like my worth in him. Um Because our worth and our value and our purpose is defined by God. Yeah. I didn't have like I mean of course I had my worth in him, but I just didn't know that yet. So definitely since then I found like my value and worth in him. And I feel like um I like uh acquired the fruits of the spirit since then you know because when you start living for Christ, he starts sanctifying you and making you become more like him.

00:25:31

And so, I feel like I've definitely like learned more about the fruits of the spirit and like acquired that like love, joy, peace, patience, all of that. So, I think I mean like Yeah when you have God and like Jesus living in your heart, you really have all that you need. 

Rechelle: Mm hmm. So, I'm guessing then that because of your faith, you've been able to uh you know, live your life in a way that has some like you say—purpose--and then that also gives you a sense of peace. Because you um you know that you are, you're living out what you believe, and others can see that. It's not just this thing I do on Sunday and maybe I'd do a little bit of reading here and there. Maybe I do a little bit of praying. I mean and all that's good and all of that's good. But if people can see in you that you are living your faith, that's for me, what really matters.

00:26:44

Does that make sense?

Mia: Yeah. 

Rechelle: Because you can talk and talk and talk and talk. I'm not saying you literally you out there you but how do you live? What am I what do I see? I mean, what do you embody? What do you bring? I mean that that is really key for me. 

Mia: Yeah. And I think that's especially applicable to me right now going to the secular college because there's so many people here that don't know God. And I feel like it's very important for me to be a light to them, not only through my words by my actions sort of like a living testimony. So, they can see you like that something's different. It's kind of like there's a verse in the bible that says like let your light shine before men so that they may see your good works and glorify your father who is in heaven. So, I'm trying to live out that verse right now. 

Rechelle: That's wonderful. That's really beautiful. And my guess also is just based on what I'm gathering from you as a young woman is that you have this, you're convicted by it, you live it.

00:27:55

Um and you are allowing other people to be who they are in their own process and journey. And if they're drawn to your light, your warmth, your love, you know, they might like, oh what are you about? And then is that kind of typically how you have a conversation if you even have conversations because you know sometimes you make God beautiful by really just the way you live and not necessarily, you know, uh cajoling clobbering, convincing, you know, that whole thing, that whole mindset that doesn't work first of all, and second of all, it's a turn off. 

Mia: Mhm. Yeah, I'm trying to think um I mean I think there's different ways that I try to like to be a light yes, friendly gospel and stuff um like most recently, like I had a friend who was going through a really tough time. So, I just said that can I pray for you?

00:29:00

And she said, yeah, so I was able to pray for her and I think that that was really nice to be able to do that.

Rechelle: That is a great weight way to live out your faith because it's not threatening on, right. It's not a threatening thing. You're not hitting her over the head with the bible. You're saying, hey, you know, basically in your own inner monologue, I see a need, I see she's hurting, I see struggle, whatever it was. And hey, can I pray for you? And it comes from a really loving heartfelt place. That's a really, really beautiful gesture and you meant it and you did it. 

Mia: Mhm. 

Rechelle: So just a little more about being at a secular college. It sounds like you went through Christian school all the way up to now. Do you. Or at least in high school you did. Um is it, do you, I mean, how do you, how do you feel about that? Do you, I mean this is like real life, right?

00:30:07

I mean you're, you're not in the Christian bubble as we sort of call it, right? You're out there. 

Mia: Yeah, so I find it very different from what I used to, I mean definitely like in my classes, my teachers, like for my history class for example, um we were learning about like, like the creation story, like through genesis and stuff, but they were calling it a myth, like this is a creation myth. Um and like of course, like going to a Christian school, I never had that, and my professor was talking about the bible, and she was like bringing up stuff about the bible, it isn't true, I don't know how she came to these conclusions. She's like, oh, Eve was probably a goddess in the bible. So, it's just stuff like that, that's kind of weird, you know? Um. . .

Rechelle: Right. it's almost taking it so far to the other extreme, you know, like, like trying to disprove it and it isn't it better to say this is, you know, I think it's more inclusive to say this is one theory and you know, this is this is one model.

00:31:24

This is one way of looking at how I mean for a secular college, obviously they're not going to say this is how it is, but you know, this is one model of, of how many people believe it all started. Of course, we have this model and there's this model, I mean, it's kind of like not giving it equal footing, which it sounds like it's the part that's like, well, wait a minute, what, what, what? 

Mia: Yeah, I definitely see that in my class, like, my professor is trying to disprove the bible and like, say that it's a myth or that it's not real and that's really interesting because they single out Christianity, they're not doing that for any other religion. Like, I feel like there'd be a bunch of backlash, like, if they were to, oh sorry, I got a call um if there were there would be a lot of backlash if they were trying to speak out against Muslims or something like that.

Rechelle: Or Buddhist or the other religions.

00:32:25

Mia: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, so I feel like they do definitely single out Christianity, but I'm not surprised because the bible does talk about like Christians are going to be persecuted and you know, if Jesus said if they hated me, they're going to hate you too. So, I'm definitely not surprised. Like I definitely expected all of this coming to a secular school, so it's just a matter of knowing what to do in that situation, how to approach that. 

Rechelle: Well, it sounds like you are getting a handle on that and I'm imagining that's going to be a process for you, it's not going to be like one and done, it's going to be just, you know, an ongoing kind of a thing, like how you, how do you continue to move through your college time with your strong faith intact. 

Mia: Yeah, and I definitely think because I am a PoliSci major, I have to take like a bunch of political classes and like history classes, so I'm definitely going to be bombarded with a lot of that because for example, I have a friend who is a junior, he's a computer science major and I was telling him about all this stuff and he said like he hasn't experienced any of that just because he only has to take math classes and stuff like that?

00:33:49

So, I'm definitely going to be bombarded with it a lot. 

Rechelle: Okay, what do you want to do with your political science major? 

Mia: That's an interesting question. Um So I'm thinking, I mean there's a lot of things you can do with a political science major, like the lawyer or you know, go into politics or be a social breaker. Um I'm thinking of going more into the law enforcement route.

Rechelle: Oh, interesting. 

Mia: Yeah, like being a criminal investigator. I mean I feel like ever since I was little, I wanted to be a detective. Um So that's what I'm thinking about doing. I don't know though, honestly, I feel like I'm just gonna end up being a mom one day

Rechelle: Don't say just because being a mom is really hard.

Mia: Yeah, it is very important, and my mom says like that's the hardest job she's had as being a mom. But yeah, I feel like I'm gonna end up being a mom one day so I might not even like use my degree, which I don’t have a problem with

Rechelle: Well, who knows, you may end up dabbling elsewhere along the way.

00:35:02

I mean it just, it just all depends. Sometimes it's, you know, juggling a couple balls at the same time motherhood along with something and then sometimes it's, you know motherhood and nothing else. I mean really you get to pick; you get to pick how you want to do that and I don't think there's a really right or wrong answer. I think it has to it comes back to the values that you hold and how you and your partner want to, you know, move forward. 

Mia: Mhm Yeah well yeah.

Rechelle: I'm excited to see the next chapter for Mia, I really am. Um wow. Well first of all in conclusion, let me say that you embody being unabashedly for sure you are completely unapologetic for who you are for your faith, and you get to be that you get to do that, and I really just want to speak that into you because that's so important to me that you get to be you right.

00:36:09

Um you know some of the women in our in our session, I mean some of the older women in our session, you can almost feel that they weren't necessarily able to fully be themselves and that that made me really sad. But you hear you are sort of the threshold of the whole thing, and you get to be that and do that. So, thank you for sharing with us your passion, your faith and you know some of the experiences you're having in college and You're 17 and you have a wonderful, God willing, very long, fruitful life ahead of you, thank you for being an inspiration. Do you have anything in conclusion that you'd like to say?

Mia: Mm I think you had a good conclusion. I really like what you said.

Rechelle: Good.

Mia: Well, thank you here, thank you for having me be a part of this.

00:37:11

Rechelle: Well, I'm just I love how it all worked out. I love, I just love from the water bottle onto like where we're talking about and all of a sudden, it's like, oh my gosh, you do, you do it. Yeah, do it okay. And then we're doing it and you know; I find it crazy how it worked out. I think it's wonderful. I think it's so wonderful. I love it. All right. And now I need to get to work because this is coming out tomorrow and I will send it to you in the morning. Thank you, Mia, from the bottom of my heart, truly thank you so much for spending this time with us. Really appreciate it. I appreciate you. Thank you. 

Mia: My pleasure. Thank you Everyone who listened. 

Rechelle: Okay bye.

Outro Music

Rechelle: I hope I was able to really speak life into who Mia is, what she believes. It is so important to me to give space for each person to be who they are. We need to be respectful, not shameful when others don't think, feel, believe the way we do. I realize this is not always easy to do, but it should be our goal.

00:38:22

Each person has their own journey, and they need to do it their own way. Thanks for reminding us of that Mia. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show and other podcast platforms. If you want to lend your support and encouragement, we invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under unabashed you and if you want to connect via email [email protected] for questions, comments etcetera. If you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to at you. Your info will not be shared, and you will only get that one email once a week. Website visits, social media, word of mouth and sharing this episode make us much more discoverable. Thank you for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way so continue to listen, read, and be inspired. May you go out into the world and be you. May you relish your passions, your challenges and even your shortcomings.

00:39:36

Be open to the shifts. Look for the gifts in the blessings and the hardships. It all makes you, you. Amen. Now go be unabashed. Be you.

Ben Hur Delfino is our guest today. Yes, I said Ben Hur. You’ll get to hear that story for sure. And he has one of the BEST laughs I have ever heard. In our Zoom call we froze on each other a few times but kept at it. Also I didn’t notice how far away my mic was initially so you will likely hear more echo from me in the beginning. Ben is next up for the Mahalo Maui series. And thanks for your patience in any technical pauses. Enjoy Ben as much as I did.

He did the thing. Ben took the gentle-arm twisting I supplied and took the risk of doing something new by being on the podcast. And he doesn’t regret it! Ben shared great insight through snapshots from his life. Don’t mind my tongue-tripping toward the end. Yadda, yadda, yadda. ANd by the way, the movie Ben Hur was from 1959.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

Rechelle

Welcome to an Unabashed You--conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen and encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So listen, read and be inspired. Grateful to the states who have been listening to recent episodes: California, Hawaii, Michigan Florida, New York Texas, Virginia, South Carolina, Ohio, Georgia, North Carolina, Vermont Illinois, Utah, and Wyoming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Keep listening, reading, and being inspired by these conversations. 

Ben Hur Delfino is our guest today. Yes, I said Ben Hur. You get to hear that story for sure and he has one of the best laughs I have ever heard. In our zoom call we froze on each other a few times but kept at it also. I didn't notice how far away my mic was initially so you will likely hear more echo from me in the beginning. Ben is next up for the Mahalo Maui series and thanks for your patience in any technical pauses. Enjoy Ben as much as I did. 

Intro Music

Rechelle

So while we were in Maui we got to do something that's been on my bucket list for a long time walk into a Tiffany store and buy a little something that they would then wrap up in a Tiffany blue box and put in a Tiffany blue bag. That part was as special as the piece of jewelry itself and may I say my husband was game to help me check it off my list. Who? But our guest today was the one to help us. Ben is charming, fun, and friendly. We had a bit of a challenge, coordinating schedules, but we persevered and here we are welcome. Ben?

Ben Hur

Thank you. Aloha. 

Rechelle

Oh, this is so fun. So this is the first podcast which is just excites me to no end. Excites me to no end. Is there anything you want the listener know before we get started? 

Ben Hur

Well, if I was to describe myself and people who know me, they would say that I'm very fashionable, I'm a good observer, down to earth, a hard worker and currently I have been taking the initiative to be a risk taker. Being on this podcast is something new for me. 

Rechelle

I love that. Well, thank you. That we are the risk that you're willing to take. That is wonderful. But those are, there's a wonderful phrase is the way that the people would describe you and to get us started. Now you've got a narrow who you are down to three words with three words. Would you use to describe yourself?

Ben Hur

I would say faithful, creative, and open minded.

Rechelle

Ooh, faithful, creative, open minded. Those are beautiful words that really starts to paint a picture of who you are. Oh, I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, have you ever played two truths and a lie? 

Ben Hur

I have. Actually, I'm so sorry, I haven't, I read about it. 

Rechelle

Okay, so it's three statements about yourself. One is not true and I have some fun trying to ferret out the one that's not true. So three things about you. Ready, go. 

Ben Hur

Okay, I love to surf on my days off and enjoy the outdoor activities. Number two, I was a med student. And number three, I graduated high school at the age of 16. 

Rechelle

Whoa, love the ocean, were a med student and graduated at 16. Oh my gosh, I think all of those could be true. I really do. Okay, so I'm gonna go, I'm gonna start at the beginning. OK, so don't say anything yet. Here's my thought of process: How on earth can you live in Hawaii? And I love the ocean and love the water and maybe you know, surf on occasion at the very minimum. Okay, so I'm going to put that one aside is true. secondly men student, I know you have a really good University of Hawaii. In fact, one of my previous students went on to Go there and she's now a doctor. So I know that's a possibility, I'm going to set that one aside. You graduated early at age 16. OK, I'm going with you were not a med student, that's what I'm going with? 

Ben Hur

Actually I was a med student.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Okay, so you love surfing? So that's true. You love the water? You love surfing? That's true. Okay. And we know that what's true is that you were a med student? Okay. So tell me about that. 

Ben Hur

Okay. So actually I'll tell you what is not true. I can't surf. I Did graduate from high school at the age of sixteen. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Ben Hur

I wanted to make it a little bit challenging for you. 

Rechelle

You did. You really tricked me. Oh my gosh. Okay. No one's ever tricked me that good before. Okay. Okay. So wait let's start at the top. But do you like the water? 

Ben Hur

I love the water. I love the ocean, but I don't go out as much as I should and you are correct living in Hawaii I should be more out, but for whatever reason, I never find the time to do. So I mean when I’m off I'm a home body. 

Rechelle

 I get that. I will get to your career later. But I mean you're in a career. I mean I mean you're, you know, you the stereotypical, not everybody, but a good portion of people that we know who live in Hawaii work in the hospitality industry because that's what we all want to go there and visit and we need to eat and we need somewhere to you know sleep and all that stuff. And So of course we like to shop. So and so there's that picture of you know serving or a service waiting tables at night surfing during the day. Okay, so you don't surf, but you love the water. Okay. And you were a med student. Okay. Okay. And so you also graduated at 16. So tell me about your education. How did that, how did that all go?

Ben Hur

 How it happened at graduating at the age of 16? My father was actually, I was part of the military family, was a military brat, you know what people would say? Um I'm the youngest in the family, so my father retired and him being originally from Manila Philippines. Um he took me along there and that's when I continue my education and at that time they did not have intermediate school or junior high. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Ben Hur

Oh yes, I went straight from, I don't even recall graduating from fifth grade. I think I was in the middle of the year of sixth grade and I went straight to first year high school when I arrived there.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Ben Hur

Yeah. So I took what they call like an examination, I forgot what it was called, but it was basically an exam to determine whether I would repeat my sixth grade in elementary or should I go straight to high school. So upon taking that test, that course I passed where it was equivalent where I'll eligible to go to straight to high school. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. So you skipped all the middle school years, went right to high school to high school. Now. Looking back, was that a good thing for you? I mean obviously you've made good out of it, but if you had to do that part over again, would you do it the same way? 

Ben Hur

I would most likely do it the same way because it really taught me to put up with the challenges because there's something that I was not prepared for and one of them was like the maturity side, I was still in elementary mode and all of a sudden in high school mode, so I had to quickly adjust myself.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, that must have been really so very challenging socially. And then secondarily I would think physically because they're at a different physical development stage than your at and that can make it difficult also 

Ben Hur

and learning the culture, learning the language, and understanding the lifestyle, it was all just like I would say it was overwhelming, but when I think about it, you know it was it was a good thing because it really made me be stronger, you know, it's strengthened my skills, you know, to always be positive to always move forward. Um look at more of the positive side rather than the negative side of being, well it really empowered my inner self. 

Rechelle

Yeah, so looking back it was a good thing, but at the time I'm sure it was very, very hard 

Ben Hur

at the beginning, the transition was hard and that's where I got to get my inspiration from the old Tv series Doogie Howser. young listeners out there don't know it but well google it, they can google it

Rechelle

they can google it. Yes, good for you. So did you go from high school graduation then into what's the next step? Medical school? Or college for like biology or whatever one would study 

Ben Hur

I did, I went as far as I believe, 2.5 years and I was going into my third year of medical press and I was starting off as a medical technician and uh it was a well known school there in Manila called Far Eastern University. They were a Chinese, very well established medical school with a strong history of being very um I guess you would say how to get into the university to enter the school, it would be that easy, you have to take all these types of exams and requirements and qualifications in order to get in because they only allowed a certain corridor, a certain number of students. Um so it was very, it was very challenging, but it was very also inspirational for, you know, building again my inner self of my strength, right? Always not give up. 

Rechelle

Right. So that's a that's a good one. That's a really good one. Oh my goodness, wow, okay, I'm gonna, we're gonna like finish this part, the how you know the, getting to know you and then I think I want to circle back to uh you know, I have got a couple of questions career wise, so, so okay, so, you know, a lot of people are watching this show Ted Lasso and I don't know if you've seen it and if you haven't, that's fine, this is no kind of commentary on your tv viewing habits whatsoever. Have you seen Ted Lasso? 

Ben Hur

I haven’t, but I did watch the trailer of it

Rechelle

that's great. Did you find it intriguing or compelling?

***Ben Hur

I did. My coach, I believe in Kansas, a little bit and how you went to, I believe England to coach for a professional. Yes, so I can imagine he, he must be, have gone through all these challenges, similar to what I have gone through going for the country, yes, understanding the culture, yes, lifestyle

Rechelle

Yes, look at those parallels. Exactly. I and so one of the questions was if you had seen it, why is it a thing? And I'll kind of answer that and I think it's such a shot in the arm of positivity amongst, you know, him being a fish out of water and then he's getting to know all these people, but no matter what happens, he's so positive and he has these quirky sayings and you know, these characters go through these different transitions and become better versions of themselves because he came into their life, not that he was trying to come in and quote unquote, change them, that's not why he was there, he was just there to, you know, to do the job. But anyway, I just, I find the show very uplifting and especially with what our world has gone through this past year and a half. I think that's one of the reasons it is so popular because it's so nice for a change of pace to have something that's just really, really upbeat positive now.

00:13:19

Are you, have you been or are you binge watching anything? These, these covid times? 

Ben Hur

Well I have I just finished the Netflix series of Downtown Abbey. 

Rechelle

Oh yes, yes, So you watch the whole thing of that? So you started from the beginning? Well then that was a good long ride. Yes. Isn't that wasn't that like five seasons or something with a couple of Christmas specials, something like that. Ooh, that's a good one. That is a good one. 

Ben Hur

And what is interesting at first, I don't think I would have liked it because it was an English film, I wasn't too fond of the heavy accent and I was like I know in the past when I watched like four films, especially from um England, it was the narrative is a little bit too long but then when I first saw the 1st and 2nd episode I was like I clicked on it. Yeah, I was like wow, this is something different, Something good, you know, and something different always can be something good and not in a negative way.

00:14:26

Rechelle

Exactly. Exactly. Oh I'm so impressed and you made it through the whole thing. I have a friend who's obsessed with that. Maybe she has gone to visit the actual place where they filmed it. I mean she just loves it. Loves, loves, loves it. Okay, I have a tip for you for future and maybe you already did this. But this is something that even when someone is speaking English, if you're having a tough time tracking what they're saying, turn on your captions, your closed captions in English, seriously, I'm serious. It meant you're like, oh that's what they're saying. Oh, okay, because the accent can be so thick sometimes that you like, I know they're saying English words, but I don't have any idea what they just said. Uh yeah, that can be very helpful and that's something that I tried during Covid, I was like okay, I'm gonna remember this if I'm having trouble in any way with what they're saying the accent.

00:15:35

Sometimes people are just too mumbly, you know, they don't even have an accent there mumbling, you're like what's that? An important plot? I don't know, I don't know what they say, they say too fast. Yes, yes, so just keep that in mind. Keep that in mind. Okay, so Downton Abbey was your binge? Oh that's so good. Okay, so let's share how you got to Maui, How'd you get to Maui? 

Ben Hur

I was in Maui for work. Um I was helping our team with our company. Um They were kind of shorthanded because at that time when you were folks were there um because of Covid we had to store closures, a lot of shops were closed. When people return to work, they had their vacation dates high. So basically, the time being when you both were visiting, a majority of them were on vacation. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, that's great. Okay, so how did that? Right, yeah, he's on vacation. How did you get to Hawaii?

00:16:37

So you covered somebody's vacation? How did you get to Hawaii? Okay. You were in the Philippines. And then when was the next stop? 

Ben Hur

Oh So I uh I came back here, I believe that the age I was 18 or 19 in ‘94, um ‘90 or ‘91 or ‘92 sorry. And uh I decided that hey, uh I want to be back home in Hawaii because this was my father's last stop before he retired. I love the weather. Um whether it's very important to me. Um I love the scenery of seeing the ocean driving by it. just being around it. Gives me that positive energy. So um who I was at a location that I wanted to most likely spend more from my life, you know here on the island. Yeah. You know maybe a time when I could think about moving somewhere else to another state and there are times I have thought about it but it was very difficult.

00:17:42

Rechelle

Well you know what it's really I mean even just hearing you talk and I'm transporting myself back and there is something to that. I mean I haven't been to a gazillion tropical places so I can't speak for all of them. But I will say that when I'm in Hawaii I am I am very relaxed. I like to take things as they come. If there's just there's this peace and tranquility that happens and I do think some of it is being surrounded by water and isn't there you know some sort of a science behind being near the water. I can't remember I read something a while back about I want to say ionization but I may just be completely making that up. But something happens to our well being center when we are near the ocean. 

Ben Hur

So I believe that's true because you know just knowing the that you are surrounded by this paradise of the beautiful air.

00:18:52

The beautiful wind, beautiful people, beautiful scenery. It's relaxing knowing that you're in a place that calm people and we describe it as locals as the Aloha spirit. So we always try to stay at a positive energy. So we use the low has an expression at times when you're feeling down. So you could be walking down the street and you don't know the person, you can just say aloha and that greeting is just gonna cheer that person up. You know you may not know the person, you may not know what they're going through but when you cross paths and to say aloha you know it's just it's the same way just saying hi but in our case on our islands we say Aloha and it really builds up this energy you know it's like you're transporting from your positive energy to the other person when you're saying the word a lot to them because it's a greeting so they feel like oh yeah you know well 

Rechelle

and I think it's more than just hi, I really do. It is yeah. 

Ben Hur

 It's a very strong expression.

Rechelle

00:19:54

Yes yes yes yes absolutely. Okay so now we're going to take the deep dive into your passion and I don't know if your passion is your career. We're going to find out just a minute but I am going to say that you work at Tiffany and so I got to have my bucket list. Uh experience happened under your watch and then you had another gal help us as well. But it was such a fun experience and a great thing to be able to do because I have another friend not the friend referred to but another friend who's all about Tiffany. Tiffany Tiffany Tiffany. She loves your store. So this got me curious about you and I mean this is definitely your career, you're going up the Tiffany ladder how how did we get into first of all? How did we get into Tiffany? What degree? Okay. You just need to tell me, tell me, tell me at all.

Ben Hur

00:20:59

So, you know, you know, there are islands are known as tourism were based on, as you mentioned earlier hospitality. So everywhere, everywhere you go, you're surrounded by um, hospitality that is somewhat connected to tourism. It's all about customer service, it's all about entertaining the clients and making everybody feel positive and happy, especially during those who are on vacation. It's funny too, I know it is very different. I mean, what, I never thought I would have gone this path in my life. Um, I love, you know, meeting people, but I never thought I would be in an industry where it's more of a form of entertainment, where I'll be having the luxury to meet people every day and getting to know them. And you know what? It draws me inside of me that I enjoy this because it was like, I'm an explorer again, to discover, discover all these.

Rechelle

00:22:09

You're cutting out there for a second. I hope you're coming back. You cut out now, are you now you're back? Okay, good, you're back. Okay, so, you know, that's okay, you were saying that you get to explore every day that you didn't imagine this would be your career path, but here you are in it and you're enjoying it and you're thriving because you're such a people person. I mean, I knew that from the second we walked in. You're a people person, right? 

Ben Hur

Yeah. What also I would share is that there was a possibility during my younger, during my um, back in the year before I joined uh, Tiffany's was I was almost getting into the flight industry, so I was going to be a flight attendant. 

Rechelle

I could see that, I could see that because you're so good with people 

Ben Hur

Back in the day all my friends and family were saying that. Even my professor in college told me, you know what you should be a flight attendant. 

Rechelle

Oh my Gosh, Well, you know, that's a compliment because what it means is that you're very friendly, Your vivacious. You listen, you see people you care about, you know their needs, plus you get to travel, you know. Okay, so you didn't go directly from med school to Tiffany, I'm guessing. 

Ben Hur

No, it was first I had several different jobs as you know, it would be normal for everyone in the early life, it would jump from one job to another. So I was also in the restaurant industry, I was a host, I was also a server. I was in retail selling clothes, I sold men's suits and I think after that, that's when I went um, to inquire with the United Airlines at that time as a flight attendant went all the way through Chicago for the pre training and then I backed out because I got a call from Tiffany. 

Rechelle

Really wow, wow. Oh wow, that is a really cool option to choose, right? 

Ben Hur

Yeah, yeah.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh

Ben Hur

So I've had it at both ways. Either option I chose, I looked at it that I'm still going to get to meet people, I still get to entertain people and I think for either choice I would have um decided on I would be happy because it would be something that I enjoy doing. 

Rechelle

Yes 

Ben Hur

Again goes back to exploring. Maybe I'm not really currently flying around the world, but then I'm meeting people from around the world that's coming to me. 

Rechelle

Yeah, that's so true. I mean let's be, let's be real. When we talk about a flight attendant, very hard job number one to, I mean, you know, their servers in the sky, you know, you know what I mean? They need to know all the emergency procedures and they need to stay calm in an emergency and all of that, which I hope we never have to be in that situation.

00:25:34

But day to day when they have a shift, you know, they've got a deal with people who are irritated and frustrated and the cart back and forth and I mean the job itself, it's got to be very tough. I mean just in terms of what you're doing and versus Tiffany people are coming in, they want to buy some jewels and they want to try stuff on and you know that part of it is very different. Of course. You know the travel, you nobody can argue with the perk of being able to travel. But anyway, so you chose a really cool path and maybe an unexpected one. And yet, here you are, some years later, I'm assuming, and you're, you know, you're heading up the Tiffany ladder because I know one of the days we were talking about maybe get together, you had corporate training. So it's not just like, okay, you work at Tiffany, you're good to go, okay, go sell you. They are.

00:26:34

It sounds like they are continually wanting to, you know, build you into the brand. There you go, groom, and build you into the brand. Mmm. That's wonderful. I really like that. And do you have aspirations to keep going? You know, to keep going? 

Ben Hur

Yes, I do. And I hope that I can see as how far and potential I can go and I don't mind like relocating to other places. Um It will be all about the right timing. 

Rechelle

Nice. Oh, I'm just so excited for you. I can't wait to see what transpires we're gonna need to keep in touch. Okay, so one more thing we have to talk about. Well, maybe two more things. Let's see. Okay, so I introduced you as Ben now I'm going to tell the listener that your first name is Ben Hur. Now you knew that you we already told you we're gonna need to talk about that because we don't need that many people.

00:27:41

I can't imagine I've ever met somebody whose first name was Ben Hur. Two words just like the movie title. So now you're gonna have to tell us, you know which parent that was and how that happened. 

Ben Hur

I'm sorry you got broken up. 

Rechelle

Okay, how about now? Can you hear me now? 

Ben Hur

Yeah, good. Yes, I do. I can hear you now

Rechelle

Okay, so which parent was into Ben Hur and how did that happen?

Ben Hur

From what I was told um from my father, was that my my dad and my mom were big fans of the movie Ben Hur at the time. And uh they were actually thinking about making me Benjamin and they thought, why don't we do something unique and something different, you know? So because they were a big fan of Child Heston, they decided why don't we go for Ben Hur? I really, really appreciated that. That was the decision made because that got me a long way um with 

Rechelle

You're cutting out again, but that got you a long way, having a very unique name.

00:29:03

I don't think there is another Ben Hur, I mean, I can't imagine, right? There you are, you're back. Okay, so you've never met another Ben Hur. Right? 

Ben Hur

No, I have not.

Rechelle

Yeah, that's just a very unique name and you're right because your name is so unique, it probably has opened doors and has made you more memorable than you already would be with your great smile and your laugh, that I absolutely love your laugh. 

Ben Hur

Thank you. Hahaha.

Rechelle

There it is, there it is. Right on cue. Right on cue. Oh, I love it. Okay, so is there a passion that I that I that we didn't get to that you have? 

Ben Hur

Well, yeah, it was, it was really hard for me to something to think about. Um there's so many things that I would consider a passion. Uh one thing I say that I love, I have a deep passion for mid century, especially mid century Homes.

Rechelle

00:30:09

Okay, so that modern madman feel, 

Ben Hur

Yes, I loved it, you know, discovering like what type of gadgets were back then, what kind of designs of houses, the cars, the lifestyle, um just everything about it, you know, because I see the creativity, the uniqueness of the design and I just admired it for many years. 

Rechelle

Mm that is a very cool passion. You and my stepdaughter will get along very well, she's an architect and that’s her jam, She loves mid century for sure. Oh, very nice. Okay, okay, so mid century, obviously you watch Mad Men? 

Ben Hur

Yes, yes, I have, 

Rechelle

How could you not love in mid century, Okay, and then I think, you know, as we kind of conclude here, is there anything else that you feel like you want to share with the listeners before we wrap up?

Ben

00:31:15

Well, I just want to say that, you know, um I noticed that in your episode you have this part a quote for everybody to share. So I wanted to share one of them

Rechelle

Oh, a piece of wisdom, A piece of wisdom. You keep handy, You're right. I wasn't doing that in the masala Maui stories, but you're right. Please share a piece of wisdom with us. I would love that. Yes, I love it. Okay, what's your wisdom? 

Ben Hur

So I think so. I think with the current events right now, what we're going to? Yes, Oh, they come across often, you know, different walks of life is what John F Kennedy quoted was “ask not what your country can do for you, Ask what you can do for your country.” And the way I look at it is, it doesn't have to say country per se. It's just pertains to goodwill. You know, it brings you the challenge of everyone to contribute somewhat to a good public service or goodwill. I think there's a lot of expectations with, you know, what's going on right now, a lot of sensitivity and it's all about

00:32:27

Sometimes I feel there's people are saying me. So I feel there should be an acknowledgment that there should be a balance if there's an expectation, there's also what you would have to give contribute so that it's equal. Yeah. 

Rechelle

Oh that's so beautiful. Yeah. That really is beautiful. And that's a really, I haven't heard that quote in a while and that is a quote that I definitely keep in my head and it is about, yeah, not just thinking about me, me, me, me, me, but you know, how can I yeah, by giving you know, by giving you end up getting as much, if not more uh you know, the act of giving gives you so much more than I think. Well, my tongue, my tongue is twisted right now. You understand what I'm trying to say. 

Ben Hur

Yes, yes. In order for to have an expectation to come to you also contributed contribution to others.

Rechelle

00:33:32

Yes, exactly, exactly. I love that. That's wonderful. That's really well said. And um I'm hoping that the next time we chat that you've been to the beach and you've been able to enjoy the ocean and that wonderful Aloha spirit at the beach because as you said, you haven't been able to get there as much as you'd like because you're a home body on your days off. I understand home body. I really do. I mean you're in my home right now and we're in your home. So we're both home. We get that. But the boy there sure is something though in uh really rejuvenating about being down the ocean. So I'm hoping you can make that a regular practice and thank you for bringing up the wisdom piece that's uh really should keep that in no matter what series I'm doing. Because I think in a way that's one of my favorite parts of each episode is hearing the piece of wisdom that somebody really values.

00:34:43

Because it's speaking life into us. It's reminding us that, you know, whatever the wisdom is. And today it was ask not what you can do for your country, ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country for you, but what you can do for your country. Gosh, my brain today. But isn't that when he didn't, isn't he one of the ones that originated the Peace Corps kind of based on that sort of concept of giving back, Giving back. Yeah, that's very good. 

In conclusion I am so glad you took this risk. I am so glad you decided to you know, take the risk and do it. And I hope right now you feel really good about this experience as it concludes. 

Ben Hur

And I want to thank you for the push. If it wasn't for you and you push, I don't think I would ever got it. 

Rechelle

I was, I was just determined. I was like, I know I know once he does this, he's going to feel really good about it. I just know it. I know it. 

Ben Hur

So I just listened to some of your episode, you know, I came across like I did your recommendation. Yeah, Santana and then I also scroll down and look at some of, and listening to some of your older uh, podcast. I try to find some similarity and I found one that was Ben, it was with episode 57 like, okay, let me go listen to this guy and I was like, wow, there's a lot of similarities, not only by the name, but also the three words that he chose guys is like, you know, being open minded, um, flexibility, adaptable, you know, which is pretty much going on right now, you know, we all have to be flexible, we all have to have that balance. If you want something, give something you do what's good for everybody. 

Rechelle

That's so good. Ben, I think you need to start a podcast, look at all the wisdom you have 

Ben Hur

and it was so pleasing to hear from somebody who is at that generation at a young age, you know, because you wouldn't, you want to have, expect someone from a generation that is new to say these kind of inspirational things too. Everybody, you know, to podcast it, you would think that somebody young all they want is me, me, me, me, no, he had some life, good life experiences to share, which I also took away with and um, I was very happy to have learned about this podcast and going through the episodes and picking up a little wisdoms and here and there, because sometimes you don't come across these um wisdom of words and it's a good reminder or sometimes inspirational, thank you. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, you just, well, you've made my day, made my week, you've made my month, you've made my year. I mean, that's really what this is about. It's talking to people that aren't famous and getting a little bit of their story and hearing, you know, it's not like we set out to be inspirational in the sense that it's not like, okay, Ben, you're not going to have a conversation and you're going to be really inspiring, okay. You know, you're being you, and that's the whole point. You're being you. But I can really gather and glean a lot from what you have to say by sharing some of your story. I can I can walk away and be like, that's right. We have to give as much as we get, if not more. And so that's such a good reminder as I go through the rest of my day and thank you, thank you for your wonderful words. They really touched me and move me, thank you. 

Ben Hur

No, thank you. You really pushed me for that change and I have to say, contributor, you're a big contributor to that. You got change and changes are always good.

Rechelle

00:38:55

I love it. I love it and we're going to stay in touch for sure because I want to see these next things that you go through. And last question, does anybody call you Ben Hur? Or does everybody call you Ben Hur? 

Ben Hur

Only my father does. 

Rechelle

Okay. Yeah.

Ben Hur

You know, Yeah, I guess it's more sentimental for him because it would give him the reminisce of reminding himself that’s the name I chose for my son. 

Rechelle

Right, Well, and you're, you're so young. It's not even like you say your parents like that movie, but you're, I mean, you're, it doesn't even feel like they're old enough to have like that movie unless they like vintage movies that maybe they like vintage movies because that, that movie is very, I mean, I'm gonna know I'm going to have to look it up. I want to say fifties. I mean in the 50's something. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

00:40:00

Anyways, okay, they like, they like, they like, they like their child and Heston wasn't Charles was Kirk techno. That's oh, I am Spartacus, I think. Okay, I'm thinking I'm Spartacus. Okay, right. Yeah, similar, similar timeframe. Right. Oh, Ben, this is,

***Ben Hur

Fun fact, is that, that's the only movie that is still a lot of 11 Academy Awards that I know that has the only movie that movie that tied it The same 11 Academy Awards was the movie Titanic. However it was said that the Ben Hur classic had the most prestigious type of award, like you Titanic had best music that you know whatsoever, best coffee. But when you're looking at the type of Ben Hur  

Rechelle

very good look at you know it all your benefactor, I love it. Oh, that's great then this has been such a pleasure, wow. Thank you so much for again for your willingness even though I did take your elbow and just, just very gently just come on, come on.

00:41:08

I know, but thank you for that. I just knew, I mean just having connected with you and your just your energy and all that. I thought he's going to end up loving this. I just know it. So I'm so glad you said yes, thank you. And let's be in touch soon. Okay?

Ben Hur

Will do. 

Rechelle

Thanks Ben. Talk to you later. 

Ben

Bye. 

Outro Music

Rechelle

He did the thing. Ben took the gentle arm twisting I supplied and took the risk of doing something new by being on the podcast and he doesn't regret it. Ben shared great insight through snapshots from his life And don't mind my tongue tripping toward the end, Yada, Yada, Yada. And by the way, the movie Ben Hur was from 1959. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedly you dot com you can find the show on other podcast platforms.

Want to lend your support encouragement, we invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review, and share. On Instagram and Facebook, You can find us under unabashed you If you want to connect the emails [email protected] for questions, comments etcetera. If you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. website visits, social media, word of mouth and sharing these episode makers discoverable. So thanks for your support. We want these conversations to help you think celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing may you embrace the Aloha spirit of love and friendship. Do that share peace and compassion be that show mercy, sympathy, grace, and kindness because it makes a difference. This breath of life, Aloha. Amen. Go be unabashed, be you.

Ending Music

Next up in our Mahalo Maui series is a young woman who is a friend of a friend. Maria Hilman. She had a little nudge long ago that became a dream coming true. Her faith guides who she is and how she moves forward. Maria has a grateful heart and a song in her voice. Check it out. It’s a gift.

So what did I learn from Maria? Primarily how unabashed she is about her faith. I can appreciate anyone who has strong convictions especially as they lead her forward into places she didn’t know existed. Very cool for sure. Also the importance of saying yes to the opportunities that come your way. Look where they can lead. You just never know.

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

You can find Maria Hilman at Maria's website or on Instagram Maria on IG.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Welcome to Unabashed You -- conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology, as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. 

Let's thank the countries who have been listening to recent episodes, the US, Australia, Nigeria, Spain, the UK, Canada, Germany, Congo, Denmark, India, Netherlands, Bulgaria, France and the Philippines. Wow, grateful? You bet, keep listening, reading and being inspired by these conversations and if any of you would like to come on the show, give me a holler, we can make that happen. Why not? 

Next up in our Mahalo Maui series as a young woman who was a friend of a friend, Maria Hellman. She had a little nudge long ago that became a dream come true. Her faith guides who she is and how she moves forward. Maria has a grateful heart and a song in her voice, check it out. It's a gift. 

Intro Music

While in Hawaii, I asked my friend Emily who lives there to come on the show; she said she had a better idea in mind, her friend Maria Hillman who graciously said, yes. This is what I know about Maria, she sings beautifully. I youtubed her wow, we'll get more into that in a bit. If she and Emily are friends, that means she's creative, kind, fun and deep, right off the bat. Let's get to know her welcome Maria.

Maria

Good morning! Hello, good afternoon. 

Rechelle

Yes, yes, it's, I think it's morning for you. And afternoon for me. Wonderful. Well, you know, we both have a great affection for Emily. So, I love that she connected us. What did you? I'm sorry miss that. You do too. 

Maria

Yes, we love you, Emily.

00:02:16

Rechelle

Yes, we love you All right. Is there anything you want the listeners to note before we sort of dive in before we start? 

Maria

Oh, that's a broad question. I'm excited to be here and I hope these next 30 minutes can just be an um, just a moment of encouragement for you. 

Rechelle

Yes. And I love “encourage” that word encouragement because I've always, I think naturally wanted to do that for other people. So that is, that word really, you know hits me in a really great place. Alright. Three words to describe yourself. 

Maria

Yes. So, I had to write these down and think long and hard about it because I'm like three words. Only three words. Yes, I can. If I can sum it up in three words, I would say authentic. I would say deep and then I would say very outgoing. 

Rechelle

Yeah, those are great. Authentic. Deep. Outgoing. And I use the word deep in my discussions.

Maria

Wow. I was in tune. You were in tune.

00:03:25

Rechelle

Yes, authentic. Uh, it's clear you are authentic. Authentic, deep and outgoing and yes, then that circles right back to Emily because if you know Emily, she's very outgoing and her friends are outgoing. 

Maria

Give me a new situation and new environment, a new person -- I'm like so excited. 

Rechelle

I love that. Okay. Two Truths and a Lie. Are you familiar with this? 

Maria

Yes

Rechelle

Okay great. 

Maria

I've played it before and oh man. It's just, it's a good thing I guess when it's very difficult to find a live think of a lie. You know I mean I hope that that's to say that's maybe a good thing, but I've got one here for you guys. So, let's see. So, um I've been to over 14 countries doing mission work. Um I've always wanted a puppy and um I played college soccer for four years.

00:04:26

Rechelle

14 countries doing missions work. Always wanted a puppy and um played college soccer for four years. One of those is a lie. Okay. Um I'm gonna go… I think you probably always wanted a puppy. Although that's a question for me. Don't say anything yet because I feel like if you wanted one, why haven't you got one yet? So, we'll put that one aside. You probably played soccer. I mean why not? So, I'm gonna I'm drawn to the country one and here's the reason why because you used a number. So, to me it could be, well she went to 13 or 15 or 12 or whatever so I'm going with that one is the lie. 

Maria

Ooh so that one actually is true. 

Rechelle

Oh my God!

Maria

I was like I'm going to be very specific. 

Rechelle

So that was good girl that threw me off. 14 countries for missions work. 

Maria

Yes. Yes. It's been part of my life since a young age as a young girl, my mom started doing that and you know, exposing me just to what else was out there. And so that is a huge part of my upbringing. Having traveled a lot and having it be with the purpose of just serving in missions. 

Rechelle

Wow, so I'm really um very moved by that, that your mom started that and that you've continued it because you're clearly a young woman. So, the idea that you've been to 14 countries already serving is extraordinary, truly extraordinary. 

Maria

Yeah, it's all thanks and just boy to God for that because it's been a remarkable experience and all of those that he would use someone like myself or you know, any of us to just be a messenger of his love and his hope on with his grace. 

Rechelle

So absolutely. Okay, I'm going to take another stab. I'm just going to go down the list. So, you're not always wanted a puppy. 

Maria

I've always wanted a puppy. Never had a dog in my life. I've never had one. And if you know me, like if I see a dog on the street, I'm like, oh, like I'm talking to it. Like it's, you know, just as important as the person walking and I'm like so excited at any little puppy. Any dog. 

Rechelle

Okay, so why haven't you gotten a dog or a puppy? 

Maria

I think just being raised just by my mom and I think for her, I was clearly probably enough of energy for her. And it just was not something that I just ever that ever happened. And you know, it was never like…

Rechelle

I get that because your mom was busy being a single mom, it sounds like totally understand that. But what about now? I mean, what about now? 

Maria

That's a great question. So, we've been, I mean, a little bit of my story here, we're here in Maui, we've been here for almost 10 years and so we rent where we live and you know, that's a huge part. You have landlords that are like, oh, all day dogs are fine and then actually hear the renting um just community and it's very frowned upon to have a dog if you're looking for a place because they're just very no, no. And I understand because there's been some kind of stories, you know, now we have two boys and they're asking for a dog. And so, we are definitely reaching that threshold of like, okay, something's might need to change because um this is clearly a joy that we're all missing.

Rechelle

Right. 

Maria

Missing from our lives. For any of you that have dogs, I'm sure you would agree. 

Rechelle

Right, well, yes, we have a puppy-ish. She's getting close. Well, she's actually 10 months today. Oh my gosh! Right, so she's yeah, she's um she's getting to be big and yeah, the puppy thing is really, I think if, if a person likes dogs, they really should get a puppy at one point in their life, and I just have that whole puppy experience.

Maria

Right. We just we just did the kids first, so hopefully that's waking up in the night again with the puppy. 

Rechelle

That's going to be a breeze. You're right, it's going to be a breeze after having two kids. Oh my gosh.

Maria

Oh yeah, and then with soccer, it was only for a year, because I went to Bethel University in ST Paul Minnesota, and that's where I was born and raised.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, we have family in Minnesota!

Maria

It is a great place in that state, it will always be home, will always be a special place in my heart. So, um but then after the first year, I went back into missions and kind of, that reentry into the mission organization that I was a part of growing up doing most trips with has been a huge part of my life and what actually landed us here in Maui, so it was a big change, I didn't know that was going to happen, I thought this was my road like sports and college and God definitely made it clear that he had bigger plans and not that those were any least, but I think I was just definitely write some other things that weren't probably as important. 

Rechelle

And right, you thought you knew where the path was and he said, oh no, not so much, we're going to steer you, we got a left turn, right turn, however you want to think of it, good, I want to get more into that in a minute. Now… Have you seen Ted Lasso? Have you seen this show? 

Maria

Yes, yeah. 

Rechelle

Wonderful. Okay, your favorite character?

00:10:06

Maria

Okay, well of the few episodes I watched, my husband loves the show and there's been moments of like I can't hang anymore but of the few that I have seen um one of, I have two, I mean Ted obviously is just, I mean his character is just, wow, whoever wrote this show and for him and then who he is an actor, he is incredible, like it's just that kind of person and I'm like, I hope I bring something of that into wherever I go because it's just contagious, his joy, his way he sees life, but um the person is a very small character, but it's a guy that's like “football is life…”

Rechelle

Yes, Danny Rojas!

Maria

But any time he says that I just bust out laughing and it's just a moment of just joy and funny and um and just that relates his passion, I relate yes, in and just something as small as soccer or whatever, but and he brings that everywhere no matter where it is.

Rechelle

Right, right. That actor does a very good job, he's so believable that I can't even believe he's an actor, I'm convinced he's Danny Rojas and that they just kind of scooped him up and said just that you could just keep doing that, keep doing that just when in doubt say, “football is life.”

00:11:27

Maria

Exactly, so I just find that show just so many layers.

Rechelle

And just well and it's so positive and I think that's why I wanted to ask people lately if they've seen it because you know with everything we've gone through as a world, as a world the past year and a half coming up on two years and pretty soon here, it's a great shot in the arm of just goodness, being positive, you know, being for other people, I mean just the whole thing, it's just a beautiful and I had watched it season one and then my husband is not a big tv movie person, but I said you know, I think you might like this. Oh, he just loves it, he just loves it. Yeah, he loves it. So yeah, that's a good one. Okay, so now I want it and so this is actually part of your story is how you got to Maui, so you kind of kind of touched on it just a bit but tell us how you got to Maui.

00:12:33

Maria

Yes, so it is a wild story. Never in my life did I imagine I would live um the majority of it in Hawaii, like never, I'm like I said a Midwest girl through and through which the irony I was raised though by a Colombian mother who is just, you know, so he was just incredible, just little mix of growing up in the Midwest, but with a very strong um Latin, American culture and upbringing and so um but yeah, I think it was through the times of just missions and being exposed to that, that just began to pull and tug on my heart and really be a part of the catalyst to so much of the change and growth and transformation I experienced in my faith with God and so, um I knew that I wanted to give my life to this, I knew in some way, shape or form, I wanted to um be just a vessel for God to use and to be um just seeing parts of the world and seeing that there's areas let alone right outside our door, that people are needing hope, people are needing um just someone to come alongside them and share that someone really loves them and just to, to be a practical blessing to be just a messenger of just um just God's message, his gospel and so um with that I tried to go about it my own way and be like “no I’m gonna do college” and that was a little bit of that earlier speaking of soccer and all those things, but God just really quickly shifted um, my path in um, that coming of that second year and so I went back into YWAM missions.

Rechelle

I've heard of that, okay.

Maria

They’re all over the world, they have basis in every state, almost let alone different countries, many different countries and um, their main hub is in Kona Hawaii, which is on the big island. Um, there they have what's called University of the Nations and they run many different programs catered to many unique walks of life, whether you're a young kid out of high school, whether your youth, whether you're married, whether you're someone in the workplace like they have so many different programs for people to come and serve and to be just those messengers of the gospel and hope um for wherever you are in your life. And so, um that being said, I went to Denver Colorado and just started my journey in missions doing my own um schooling, which they provide for your first entry into Youth of the mission, it's called discipleship training school and it's a six-month long program where you get three months of just being poured into. I mean, wow, a lot of growth, a lot of healing, a lot of just, it's, it's about God and you and then from there being able to um which is so God's mission to, to transform and to go and transform the nation's and make Disciples of Nations and so from after those three months you go for another three months into a country or place wherever it may be, you here in the United States and you just go and you plant and you serve for those 2.5, 3 months and I'd say, I don't know which part of the journey is more transformative like you and you're trying with the Lord and just growing more to know who God is, but then walking out in that truth and sharing it with other people's lives changed.

00:16:00

Rechelle

So okay, so did you leave college in the sense that you then, because you felt a different direction and then you, is Denver a natural hub, that would be sort of the next step for the three months or was there a selection process? 

Maria

Um No, you can look online really anywhere and look for, you can just type in YWAM, um you know Minnesota or what, you know, and it'll pop up the bases that are in different states if you're looking and for some reason, I chose Colorado. 

Rechelle

Okay, that's what I was trying to get to. Okay, so for some reason you're okay, you're in ST Paul and you're like, “well, you know, Denver, you know…”

Maria

A lot of snowboarding and all those things like that would be cool, like, it's got to be, you know about what I want. 

Rechelle

Okay, so I see now how you got there, okay, so from there now three months there and then the next three months, where were you sent off to? And did you have a say in that selection process? 

Maria

Yes, yeah, so in that, when I did that, I went from my outrage to Fiji, Vanuatu and Australia. I know some amazing, incredible places and let alone, yeah, it was just amazing and transforming, but yeah, and then after that, so what's cool with YWAM is once you do, um discipleship training school, which for many is a pivotal point and whether they want to continue serving in ministry or take that and what they learned and go back into college or go back into the workplace wherever they are, um you can also continue to do further training schools that they offer. So I went, I was studying media communications and so I thought the next thing would be um, you know, the school specifically offered a film and production um school where they use that tool, that method of like artistry and creativity to be a vessel for ultimately the greater purpose and mission which is God and his love. So, I did that school and um, and then we traveled to Thailand to Burma and did uh documentary, all on sex trafficking and just, it was just, wow, like that was, I mean wild experience to say just the very least. Oh, my goodness, transformative and just eye opening and yeah from there, it just um actually that is the point in where Maui came on the map. So, I'm glad I'm proud of myself. 

Rechelle

Yes, yes.

Maria

Sorry, I’m going in all directions.

Rechelle

No, no, but that's how, that's how life goes.

00:18:38

Maria

Yes. Yes, exactly. So, on this trip when we were in Thailand there was a team there from the YWAM Maui base and I met some people there and it was just like, I think literally when you say the word Maui it's like wow, Maui, you like, you just think like palm trees and coconuts, it's just like wow. And um anyway, so just through friendship and through connection they were like what are you doing? Like you should come out to this base and serve on staff and that was the first time anyone ever had Um shared with me that you cannot just do schools, but you can also apply to become on staff for this ministry and live and serve um wherever you want to go and and kind of be planted and there and then eventually lead other teams and take them. And so, um that was just like Okay God, I really don't know what's next, so why not? And so, I applied, and um came out here in 2008 and it's been history since.

00:19:43

Rechelle

Okay. So, when you first got there in 2008 what kind of ministry were you doing there? 

Maria

Yeah so being here we um and I still say we it's so funny because I'm not part of what I want anymore but um there you are pretty much just coming alongside just the base and serving, so here we're having now all these kids come and do the discipleship training schools, like I explained earlier, they're coming and doing different schools that we also offer here, they also offer a school of biblical foundations which is very much just diving into the word, doing a lot of um studying apologetics and so each base has different schools that they that they offer, so like Denver had like the film and they had very creative arts, this space is very much just um they offer the discipleship training school and then a lot of um study different study schools like School of Biblical Foundations or they also have one called Reformation Generation, that's where if you feel called to the universities and to come and just grow and understanding of how to communicate.Um so yeah, I was just serving on staff here and I was just being one of the members here to just come alongside these young kids coming in like I was once at a different base and um yeah and then it was cool because while being here I was really beginning to discover this passion for music and this question for um for just really I think calling I've always had in my life, I've always enjoyed music my whole life. I was in choir as I was, you know, took lessons in piano and stuff, but um didn't necessarily have a purpose with it and then it was until coming out here and it coming into the form of like, will you serve us in this way and mind you, I was not good, I barely know how to play guitar, but they were like here just we'll give you this time, lead us. And it was just literally jumping into it that my heart came the most alive and I knew that I wanted to do for my life, so it's kind of in history since my husband was here, he was on the leadership team of this base. Oh, that's a funny story in itself, we don't have time for that.  

Rechelle

Oh, so he was in leadership here? Oh my God…

Maria

It's a cool story. But the funny thing is he had to accept me to come on staff. Um If ever he gets to share that side of the story, The Lord is so funny and so good how he works, and we just were really great friends for a long time and then it just grew.

Rechelle

Oh, that's wonderful.

Maria

We're celebrating 10 years of marriage this month. All glory to God these 10 years. 

Rechelle

That's wonderful. Congratulations, that's fantastic. Oh, my goodness! Okay, so that's how you got to Maui. Okay. And you through that process of being in Maui discovered something that was already kind of in your heart. But then it really, really had the chance to just burst open. Especially because there were no expectations. Nobody was saying, let's listen to your demo tapes or I guess we don't even have tapes anymore. What do we have? Yeah, digital. You know, here's, here's me, here's what I can do. No, here's a guitar, figure it out. Let's go sing let's do it. Oh my gosh, and so I did tell you that. I thought, you know, Emily our friend mutual friend told me that you sing, and I thought, okay, well I'll just I'll just google her and see what I can find, and I landed on YouTube and listened to one of your songs “Nobody Like Jesus,” is that the name of it? 

Maria

Yeah. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, your voice is so beautiful truly. What a gift. Okay, so what are you doing now with your music? And is it all original or? 

Maria

Yes, thanks for asking that. Yeah, I am. Um now pursuing this whole time this summer I recently got signed to a new label again. All praise to Jesus because I mean, I'm way out here in Maui and this label like in Nashville and Missouri. And I mean I started in 2019 releasing original music and that is why I have so many gods stories, but to just try to condense it. God opened the door just literally as someone walking to our community and to our church and um, hearing about me and you know, it was like, hey, like it was just a connection in which, which you realize in so many ways it's these God connections that he works and that he does, and it can't be forced, it can't be manufactured. It's just when he does it, it's his best, it's the best for us. And so, um, it was just years leading up to 2019 of just knowing this was on my heart that I didn't know how to do this; literally out here there's not a lot of like to go there, all those things. Like it's just very simple life out here. I mean, gorgeous, but it's, you know, it's minimal in some ways. And um, so this kind of pursuit was daunting, but just every step of the way God provided the stone to step on and just to, to lead into the next thing. And so, um, yeah, here we are now, today, having released another single and um, it's just exciting to see and know that like, can you just trust God with your dreams and even just the callings that you believe he's placed on your life, like he will create the way for it. And um, this summer Yeah, this this this label reached out and was just like, we believe in you, we’re here, we want you to join us. And it's um it's just beyond what I could ever imagine. Then just feel it's got allowing and bringing tools and people to be just that much more of a help and um, just a catalyst to what God is wanting to do. Because it's really not about me, it’s through me, but it's unto the purpose of, like, heart and hope that people are encouraged and edified and just truth through song.

Rechelle

And what's the name of the new single? 

Maria

Yes. The new single is called “Only You” and you can Spotify, you can find it on iTunes, you can find it really anywhere you stream music.

Rechelle

And that's original. This is all original. 

Maria

Yes, yes. All these songs I've written. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh. 

Maria

Um it's just something I'm also still growing in, but like, have just found such a love and uh, just respect for, for those that are, like, really good songwriters. It is a wild journey, just discovering how to write, how to express yourself.

Rechelle

So, you're doing the lyrics? The music?

Maria

I mean, obviously, producers come and help do that. But the vision, there's just me and a little guitar or the voice memo, that's what I have. And then there's amazing people that come alongside and help burst that into an amazing, you know, ending? So yeah.

Rechelle

Okay, so you're doing it a single out of time, or are these coming off of an album? 

Maria

*****Yeah, so, my first release was an ep, Sony PS like mint. Um It means exclusive previews. That's small. 

Rechelle

Is that what it means? I thought it an extended play. Didn't used to meet extended play. 

Maria

I'm not sure. I, you know, I could very well be wrong.

00:27:15

Rechelle

No, no, no, no. You would know you're okay. So, what's the P stand for again? 

Maria

I thought it was exclusive preview, but exclusive preview. 

Rechelle

Okay, let's go with that exclusive preview. 

Maria

Okay, great shoots. I could be wrong, but you have me doubting. 

Rechelle

Oh no, no. What do I know? I don't. This is not my area. 

Maria

Okay, so that was just about five songs that I just released; not as long as a whole album as you'll find 10-14 songs. Um and then after that, I released uh two more singles, three more singles. I'm sorry, three more singles. And um yeah, and then this one, now it's my fourth. And yeah, single is definitely um Today, within just music and artistry people are releasing more singles at a time versus just chunks of album and tons of songs and times. And then those that are releasing big albums. Usually, they're a little bit more um further on in their career and have the money as well to do it because it's quite a big expense when you go about it doing it for an album versus a single.

00:28:25

Rechelle

Right? So, did Emily tell me that you've just gone to Nashville, or am I totally making that up? 

Maria

So, you're not? That is true. What we've, wow, we've been many times that has been where kind of the journey recording and um just the community that has begun to grow through that, um, that's where it all is. And so, um, we've been hopping on a lot of planes heading over to Nashville and back and now it doesn't even seem like a long trip.

Rechelle

That's got to be a good eight-hour flight. 

Maria

Yeah, it's not, if not, then you do two planes, one 6 hour, one, 3.5 hour. Yeah, you're there. And so, um, yeah, I'm actually going this coming week to uh, you know, track into just connect and just uh to say Nashville's calling is an understatement. But we're here Lord and Lord knows what's going to happen.

Rechelle

Right, so well do you have an agent at this point to kind of help you navigate these waters? 

Maria

Yeah, there's a team of individuals that are part of this, this label. Um and they offer the management side and just kind of **** side of connecting or just thinking where you'd be a good fit and um, so yeah, who knows what can come of this, but I've already gotten a glimpse into what it's like when you do have now a team of people that are literally your advocates supporting you, helping you make the best decisions for your, for your music and for the outcome that you have vision for. Um, it's incredible. And so, I can only say that, yeah, Sky's the limit and God knows what direction. 

Rechelle

That's right. So, do you regularly perform at church? Are you the worship pastor, so to speak?

Maria

My husband actually is the worship pastor, it was kind of a two for one deal. That's how both of us um, just even came together in our relationship and it's such a huge part of our journey and so we have led for years just within different communities and churches, um, events or whatever, it may be a lot through the YWAM community and then I'm locally here in Maui and so yeah, he's the worship pastor, but then I'm um, also one of the worship leaders and um, so, uh, it's a joy to serve in an honor to serve. And um, yeah, that's, that's really the, I call it the bread and butter of just um, what we do and what are what my passion is, you know, and just excites me. And so yeah.

Rechelle

So, do you picture at all moving to Nashville or continuing the back and forth, or is that not, Is that not a good question for now? 

Maria

No, I will not shy away. Um and I'll be honest. Of course, yes, we do and it's really um something we have already seen before as a matter of just God, you know, the best time, you know, the best way. Um You've never really like made a big move before as a family. Um It was really just my husband and I that came, you know, that we're here on Maui you know, and that was it. And then so from here we've raised our boys and so it's, you know, in their young still, but it's definitely a daunting thought, but also an exciting one because I think with everything that's happened and where I am now, it's this opportunity that we see a window into of like it's time to run or you choose to just stay here and what's comfortable and what's known will work. But will it be unto what is like the fullest potential for not just me but our lives, you know. 

Rechelle

Right. Right. And you have a heart, yeah, you have a heart for this and a gift for it because you can lot of people want to sing. You know, that doesn't mean they have, well, it's kind of like two things. It's one you have to either be a natural right or be trained in it and even I'm going to say even those that are trained in it or do not necessarily have that God given quality to their voice that, you know, I see a lot of theater, I listen to music. I mean there's just something that's different. 

Maria

Yeah, yeah, I fully agree. Um I think even in doing this, I'm always like God, like it has to be, you threw me because anyone can hear a nice sound or a pretty sound or a beautiful voice, but for them that to actually penetrate and like move your heart or like connect to what is being said, I think that's, that's definitely a special thing that you know, you know, and if that's, if that's what you're called to do and, and even those that are incredible, it's just like unto God, like it's all meant to just serve a purpose. So, do it and if it makes you come alive, like do it, you know? But yeah.

Rechelle

That's wonderful Maria. I am so excited for you. You know, the new single dropping today, the ones that you have out, the ones that will be coming out heading to Nashville to keep the, to keep the momentum going and not knowing but being excited and then the trust that you have the trust factor of whatever you want this to be, I'm here and you take it where you want it to go.

Maria

Exactly. The thought with that that comes and I heard it just recently actually from another podcast, but to realize that um if you view your life like a tree, like um it's really God, that is the one that is that is bearing the fruit, like he will choose the fruit that has to be beared and our job is just to stay planted. Our job is just to stay close and to keep really connected to the true source, which is him and in that in that growth in the process and the things that maybe even are hard and you feel like I'm totally unfit for this, like no God is the one that will choose the fruit that has to be to bear through your life. And so, um that just takes off so much pressure and just allowed, I realized like, okay, I'm growing or I'm in this process or I'm in this season, or this is where you have me planted God, I can rest in that because the rest you have, you have figured out and you have things that are actually good.

Rechelle

Right. So. Exactly. Exactly. That's wonderful. Is there anything in a conclusion that you want to say? Any last thing that you didn't get to say that you wanted to say? 

Maria

I mean, man, what a privilege it is to literally be speaking and whoever is listening to be like hearing my voice and I think if you never hear of me again or music or whatever, it may be just to be encouraged that whatever season you're in, um God has you and he wants to work in this through this um unto a great purpose and so don't lose heart and don't lose hope and that he's ultimately the one um that we are wanting, that we're needing that were looking for, you may not even know it, it's ultimately Jesus. And so, um you know, I think that's on the forefront of my mind since “Only You,” that's a lot of the song, what it is about just being, it's only God that can truly satisfy us until the day that were with him. And so, um to keep that in the center of our lives in our hearts and everything else will welcome that, and it'll be good, it'll be amazing. 

Rechelle

Thank you, thank you so much for that. Really beautifully said really beautifully said, um any contact, any way you want to be contacted should people just uh google you and get your info. It's Hilman with one l I discovered one. Well, that is right, and that is a good discovery because even like the checks are micro checkbook, we'll get it wrong, we're like, it's one out. Um but I get it, Hill, it's just, it's just what it is. Um you can find me on Instagram on Facebook, just literally write my name and yeah, okay. Um or just and like you said Spotify YouTube iTunes for the new songs.

00:36:52

Maria

Yes, Yeah, I think social media really is kind of one of the most powerful ways of connecting in our day right now. And so it is, you can literally see there what I had for lunch today, you know, it's great how much you can know about someone in the quickest of moments. 

Rechelle

Right. Exactly. Well thank you for this time, Maria. I've really been blessed, and I know I've got Emily, we both have Emily to thank for that. 

Maria

Yes, it was an honor to be able to be with you today and just thank you for creating this platform for other speakers but absolutely. 

Rechelle

And I'll get back to that word encourage. I love that word, love that word. All right. I wish you the absolute best and I cannot wait to see what unfolds for you next and I'm going to be watching. I'm team Maria. So, we will be Yeah, well I will be watching and, and you know, I don't know if I'll have pom poms but you know, imaginary pom poms or something. 

Maria

Yes. Oh, likewise. Likewise, I mean, I can't wait to share this podcast with others. Not just this segment. I was like how amazing this just the title Unabashed You. Like it's just, it's just so um, I think just freeing and just gives opportunity for anyone and everyone who God is created and uniquely and just so special to share and we need that one. 

Rechelle

Yes. Yes, yes. And that's the idea. That's absolutely the idea be who you are without apology. You wanted to sing, you're singing, you wanted to serve, you're serving. I mean, all those things that make you get to be you. 

Maria

Yes. Yes, exactly. And as long as we stay planted, it's going to do beyond what you can imagine. 

Rechelle

That's right. Right. Exactly. Well, it was wonderful to meet you, Maria. And I look forward to connecting again. Alright, take care, Thanks so much.

Outro Music

00:38:55

So, what did I learn from Maria primarily how unabashed she is about her faith. I can appreciate anyone who has strong convictions, especially as they lead her forward into places she didn't know existed very cool. For sure. Also, the importance of saying yes to the opportunities that come your way, look where they can lead, you just never know. 

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. On Instagram and Facebook, you can find us under Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected]. For questions, comments etcetera and if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We rely upon website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing: may the Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. May he lift up his countenance on you and give you peace. Amen, go be unabashed, be you.

This is the Mahalo Maui series (mahalo means thank you).  I wanted to invite a few people I connected with while there.  Yes we were on vacation fo two weeks which we’ve never done before, and we feel blessed for having had the opportunity.  One night we were out and the bartender Sy, shout out to him at Lehue Lounge, told us to come back the next night because there would be live music with Carlos Santana’s nephew, Brian.  On his advice we did, and we were not disappointed.   Oh, and that voice!  Fast forward: Brian said yes to being on the show.  Listen to all the wisdom this 28-year old has…

As I record this I am still swimming in the positivity and insight Brian has.  And did I mention he sparkles when he smiles?  He understands what it takes to keep creating, to do the work and to learn all of the aspects to be the successful musician/songwriter/producer he will be.  And I say will because I have no doubt it will happen.  It is happening.

You can find to Brian’s website: Brian Santana Music on YouTube: Brian Santana Music on Facebook: Brian Brian Santana Music and on Instagram: Brian Santana Music. (Direct links to all four simply by clicking.)

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Transcript

00:00:00

Rechelle

Welcome to Unabashed You -- conversations to become who you already are. Rechelle here to listen, encourage and to share another episode. The focus at UY is to be who you are without apology as you are one of a kind without equal. These conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, listen, read and be inspired. 

This is the Mahalo Maui series. Mahalo means thank you. I wanted to invite a few people I connected with while there. Yes, we were on vacation for two weeks which we've never done before, and we feel blessed for having had the opportunity. One night we were out and the bartender Sai -- shout out to him at  Lehue Lounge -- told us to come back the next night because there would be a live music with Carlos Santana's nephew Brian. On his advice we did, and we were not disappointed. Oh, and that voice. So, this is our conversation, me and Brian. Listen to all the wisdom this 28-year-old has. 

Intro Music

Rechelle

I heard Brian play music recently when we were in Maui on a vacation. His voice is pure, tender and rich. Okay, I'm not a musician so not sure if those are musical words to describe his unique sound, but there are the words that come to mind when I think of his music. I asked him to come on the show and to my delight he said yes. Welcome Brian.

Brian

Thank you for having me. 

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, I was really excited when you said yes. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you just to kind of get us started?

Brian

Uh you know, I'm all about just being your authentic self and I put that out there. 

Rechelle

Yes, that is one of my favorite words -- Yes, authentic. Love it, Be yourself. Yes. All right. So, what three words would you use to describe yourself?

00:02:06

Brian

Three words to describe myself. . .  uh light, love and happiness.  

Rechelle

Okay, light, love and happiness. Light meaning you don't get let's see, like down

Brian

Like yeah, as in light, you know, there's a lot of like we all have like we all have our bad side and our good side, or dark side and our light side, right? And people, you know, think that, oh, because I have negative thoughts about us like that. It's the end all be all and no, you know, we all have that, and we just have to choose, we have to choose which path to go on right. And there's an old saying from, from a cartoon I used to, I still watch each other's day and the guy goes, you know, it's um, it's easy, it's easier to hate, but it's stronger to love.

Rechelle

Ooh gosh snap, snap or whatever we did whatever we do these days to say, that was very wise and profound. It is easy to hate, isn't it? And it is harder to love, but isn't that…

Brian

Stronger to love

Rechelle

Stronger to love. Okay, and then that also in my mind um there's more pay off in the things that are the strength of love or the sacrifice of love or what have you. That that might not be the easier road, but it's the better road.

Brian

Right, right. Well you know what's funny is that it's funny you mention that because like I my last encounter with like not wanting to be patient, but having to be patient or else I wasn't going to get the reward: last December I was on this project um because I'm like I'm trying to take my business to the next level of music and trying to you know make room so I can continue to record and produce and you know that all that requires money, you know that requires, you know requires taking care of your credit and requires all that stuff. So, I for the longest time had a very bad credit. A friend of mine got me into credit and how to repair it and take care of it. And I wanted to start working on that stuff and I wanted the results to be like within like 2-3 weeks or a month and no it just it doesn't it doesn't work that way. And by the end of the month and me not getting what I wanted yet, I was disappointed because I was like darnit I wanted to get the funds now so I can start working on this stuff now. And you know what? I was forced to like to wait and put in the work and it's like one of those slow journeys but like it's like, you know, we overestimate what we can accomplish in a month to a year, and we underestimate what we can achieve within like 2, 3, 4 years, you know.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, you are just full of wisdom today. I mean or any day, I mean this is the first time we've actually talking in real life. But my goodness, just all these wonderful nuggets from you. I'm just I'm loving it. 

Brian

So, I've been following the work from my friend and the some of the people that teach about credit and all that stuff, and I've been putting in the work and within like six months I was already doing some… making some… a lot of good progress and I was like, wow, I was like a moment -- you need to have a better relationship with time. 

Rechelle

Yeah, that's good. A better relationship with time. Oh my gosh, that is a good one. I love that. All right, So three great words to describe you. So, two truths and a lie. Have you, are you familiar with this concept? 

Brian

I honestly, I've never heard of it until you brought it up.

Rechelle

Okay, so you're saying three things about yourself, two of them are true and one isn’t, and you can put the lie in wherever you want. It's just kind of a fun little ice breaker and then you know we go from there. 

Brian

All right, well let's see number one, I have an uncle, a famous uncle, his name is Carlos Santana. And then the second one is I was born in Mexico. And the 3rd one is I met my artists idol Usher. 

Rechelle

Oh okay. Your uncle is Carlos Santana. You were born in Mexico, and you met Usher. Okay, well I do happen to know that Carlos Santana is your uncle. So, we know that that's true, we know that that's true because Sy the bartender at ***louis lounge where you were playing, he was singing your praises and telling us we had to come back the next night, which we did on his advice, we came back the next night specifically to hear you play. So, shout out to Sy. So, I know that one's true. Okay, yes, Mexico. Okay, I'm gonna put that one aside for a second and I think you met Usher. So, I'm gonna say he weren't born in Mexico. I'm gonna say that's the lie.

Brian

Wow, look at you, you got it!

00:07:26

Rechelle

Okay, where were you born? 

Brian

I was born in Los Angeles.

Rechelle

Oh okay, L. A., wonderful. Okay, now we've got to hear the story about how you met Usher. 

Brian

See, well, so Usher -- I recently met him in August. And so that was like that he's the reason why I started singing, you know.

Rechelle

Are you serious? 

Brian

Yeah, like, like my uncle Carlos, he's the reason why I started playing guitar and I wanted to get like super into it and I want to be, I want to become a musician when I was like 10, 11. And I started singing, I started singing like around 17. But like, all the stuff that I listened to like from Usher, I'd be like, I want to sing like that guy, like he sounds so awesome. Like everything to me that he does is like perfect. Like no one can touch his voice. So, I was like, that's what I want to be like him. And so finally, like after years of, you know, working on my own stuff and everything, I always wanted to go to a concert of his and meet him and everything, but I just never really tried to make it happen because I didn't mean financially, I didn't think I could do it yet. And so finally, last year, during the pandemic, I heard that it was going to be in Vegas, um he was gonna be in Vegas for residency at Caesars Palace. So, he was there for like 2-3 weeks and I was like, I'm going to that concert, I'm going to that concert and I'm going to meet him. Not only am I going to go see him but I'm gonna meet him. So, they had like the whole V. I. P. thing where you like, you can actually meet and greet them and all that stuff. And at the time when I said I was going to go see him in concert and meet him, I was like, I don't know how to do it because we're all just stopped, and I have no source of income right now. I was like, I don't know how I'm gonna do but I'm gonna go. And so, it's funny because like within like two months of the concert coming or three months, it in May –May or June -- I bought my ticket in June, I still didn't know how I was going to pay for it until June. June came but I did it! And so finally I was able to pay for everything. And I got myself over there. I took my mom with me… 

Rechelle

Oh fun, so sweet.

Brian

She was in California. So, I picked her up and it's funny because I did like, I do like the whole experience. I got myself a sports car for the trip, got my mom in there, we drove up to Vegas…

Rechelle

Oh, fun. 

Brian

I got to do the, it was like a two-hour V. I. P. Section where you got to hang out with Usher and you got, they were doing like a show, like all the things that like kind of inspired Usher to like to create the music that he's created so far. And you know, I got to like to come up to him and say, hey, you know, it's good to meet you, you know, you're, it's an honor to meet you whatever. And so that was really cool. It's one little thing that I probably, I didn't get out of that one was like, I didn't get enough time with him because I was so distracted by the show that they were putting on in the V. I. P. Section, and he was hanging out with us, but I was like just in awe of everything. But yeah, no, it was it was amazing. Honestly, I because everything that I that I that I that I imagined it would be like um like meeting him and like watching a show because like I've been so involved in his music and his performances that like, you know, I know what he does after a show. I just never been to it like face to face. 

Rechelle

Right. Right.

Brian

So, it was really cool to be like put him in front of me.

Rechelle

Wow. And did you get to meet him again? Did you say in August?

Brian

No, that was in August. I got the ticket in June and the concert was in August.

Rechelle

Oh my gosh, I love that you had, you know, he inspired you tremendously, obviously great influence on you in terms of his voice and then of course your uncle with a guitar playing -- and then you just said I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I am going to do it and you, you made it happen because it was that important to you.

00:11:49

Brian

Right? Well, you know, it's funny as an um at a certain point in the journey between when I start, when I, when the moment I said I'm going to go to, when it finally happened that I said that I was that I was going to go, around May or June I was like, I want to, I want to do this. I'm not going to force it. So, I'm not so if it's not going to happen, I just, I'm not ready for it then…

Rechelle

Okay…

Brian

If it's not going to happen is because I'm not ready for it. But like God or the universe or whatever it is that people believe that I believe in God. If God wants me to do it, he's going to show me the means to do it. But I just got to continue to put my energy there, continue to put my, my, my, my, my attention towards it and he put the means in front of me. So, I'm like taking me these means that I'm going to that concert.

Rechelle

That is so great. Oh my gosh! So just quick follow up. What has meeting Usher done in terms of your music? I mean, did you come back? Just like, oh my gosh, I gotta start writing. I gotta start playing. I just like, want to do it all right now. 

Brian

Yeah. Well, you know what's funny is that so um prior to like going to this concert and I want to say like, the last year, my thoughts have shifted a little bit. When I moved, uh this is I'm gonna take you back to when I moved here to Maui… 

Rechelle

Okay. 

Brian

Um when I moved here to Maui, I wasn't trying to stay actually, I was here for like a couple of months to give something that had nothing to do with music actually. But I did want to do some gigs out here. And I just, it dawned to me that, oh, if I'm in Maui, I can meet people that are in the right places to get me to the next level in music. And so, I did that. And then, but, and then I was like, I met someone that told me, hey, you can make a living and music over here and then you can, you know, it would be good. And I was like, no way. So, I thought about it. I was like, okay, I'm gonna try. If it doesn't work out, I'll go back to Mexico. And you know, long story short it worked out, I'm still here but in that, in the time that I've been here, I got a little comfortable just, you know, performing and just pay my bills and I was starting to focus a little more like just on the finances, just for the sake of making money and taking my financial wellbeing to another place. Um and so I was leaning back a little bit on the, on the wanting to do bigger things and like get people's attention in that way, you know. But you know, going to his concert, it kinda it revitalized that kid, you know, my kid the kid that I was 10 years ago, and I was like, I want to be a rock star, I want to be a superstar, I want to do all these things. And so, I was like, you know what, I can't let that go, I can’t really put it in the backburner like I have to try… 

Rechelle

Yeah!

00:15:04

Brian

And if it doesn't work out whatever. But like at least I tried. So, my, you know, one of my biggest goals and music is to become a producer, mm you know, I want to be a producer. So, I like to me that makes me feel like a full artist. Well, you know, I'm able to sing my music, I'm able to write it and I'm able to produce it. Because like I don't know it just like it doesn't feel like I've done music before where like I wrote the lyrics but the music was not even mine, I just kind of was like looking for it and like you know you consider that collaborating but it just when I did it back then I just didn't feel like oh this is me, this is Brian this is like the kind of music that I want to be, you know making. 

Rechelle

I love the idea of producing because then it's um -- you know sometimes control gets a bad name, I mean and certainly you can take control too far -- but to have creative control of your content and what you're putting together I think makes perfect sense. And is the smart, wise way to go well. 

Brian

And I've noticed that like a lot of musicians, they don't know what they want to make and so when we come together it's kind of like we're juggling and we're kind of just like, oh let's see what we make and I'm like yeah no I mean it's fun to do that but like there should like there has to be for me a sense of direction.

Rechelle

You want to do more, and you want to do it intentionally. 

Brian

I love intention. You know like I it's funny because there's a certain point to me that loves intensive and then after that I kind of like I like the releasing it. I like releasing it uh like not knowing what's going to happen in some way, you know? And that's where like I guess I have a hard time too because I do have I do need to have a little bit a bigger level of, you know, mastering like predicting, hey, what am I going to do for the next six months a year? What about projects for the next couple of years? Like I been pretty bad at that. And it's funny because like I relate that to this guy that I was studying a long time ago and he called, he has this thing that everybody has this thing called pace, it's P. A. S. E. And we all have the P. We all have the area of the P. A. S. E. And he says, you know, P is for practical, okay, practical people, they, you know, they do all that, they make sure that everything is written down, they know exactly what's gonna happen when it's gonna happen this time it's gonna happen. You know, they do all the numbers right? Is that the problem with people that are that are practical and they're like, they make sure they try to make sure everything is perfect before they start, is that a lot of times they don't tend to start because they want to make sure everything's perfect.

Rechelle

Right.

Brian

So, then you got E, which is emotional, you know most of the people that you know they're very they can be very passionate and everything but also like if they don't feel like doing it, they won't do it. And then you got you got the like the s was just like you know they say that um this is for more for like action people. Okay so like they just want to do do do do do do do that's where I come it because like I'm like a do do do do do, but the problem with people that are that are action oriented, we tend to be a little more um on the if something comes along, we'll drop what we're doing and we'll go try the other thing. And so, we never finished anything because you know because we're always on the awe of like oh let me go try that now instead of finishing what I did here and now then then moving on to the next one. 

Rechelle

Okay so A was for action. 

Brian

Yes, it's for action.

Rechelle

And what's S?

Brian

So, we've got P is practical, A is for action, S is for social, and E Is for emotional.

Rechelle

Ok S is for social.

00:19:26

Brian

So, the S would be like, so I think like the people they love to like to socialize with people they interact with people amazingly. So that gives them a really good edge of like, you know, putting themselves out there, but when it comes to like doing the actual action stuff is like they're like, they don't do it, that they're more about like the interaction with the person, but they're not doing like the, you know, where that's when the time comes in and you have to like, you know, take notes and learn a skill or ability.

Rechelle

Right. So, in this model is the idea to have balance between the four?

Brian

To have balance between them to be able to, you know, take advantage if you're an action person, it doesn't mean that it doesn't mean that the other three that you have are bad if you don't have them at a good level, it just means you have to work on them and so on. And so, I've been working on the, on the practical side of me a little bit a little more and more. But so that's where like the production part of me, you know, taking my music to like knowing like what kind of album I gonna am I gonna make, you know what song or what tempo songs and I do, I want to create. And that's if you're like, if you're in the business, you know, if you want to become like a like an actual artist in the business, you know. Like my uncle Carlos, like if you read if you've read his, his last book that he, that he wrote um came out like two years ago, I think it's all about him, it's not about the band. And there, he was so obsessed with music. And he wanted to, he wanted to be like, the greatest he could be. He loved producing. Like, so he would learn the parts of each instrument with his guitar. And he just did it because he wanted to, it was in him. And but at a certain point after like, he was, he had the band and in the beginning it was like, it was like a group thing where everybody was putting, but at a certain point, you know, a lot of resistance, they, it was, I think it's like this in every kind of business they didn't like, sometimes I didn't feel like doing it. Or sometimes they were too drunk or too high or like whatever, you know? And he was, you know, he was getting frustrated because like, these guys weren't putting in the work, He's like, I want to do this, I want to make this like a thing. And so, after a while, you know, yeah, literally the band Santana became Carlos Santana and he was like, no. So, he became like a businessman in the music world. And he started looking at, okay, how am I going to, how am I going to take this next level, what musicians do I have to replace when like, all those things.

Rechelle

Right. The business side of it to keep it going. 

Brian

And that's that that control that you're saying that sometimes we put a negative connotation with it, but like there's a fine line. 

Rechelle

It's important. It is absolutely, you know, yeah, you're right, and there's a line. So, you've probably been inspired and learned a lot by your uncle and sort of watching the trajectory of his career and then his passion and then also the hard work he's put in this is not something that was handed to him. This is something he worked very hard for…

Brian

Well, particularly after like even after listening to him, because I don't even know about this. Um you know, to me it's just like most people think, oh, you met the right producer, you met the right engineer or whatever -- those people put you in the places to make it. And no! He was so intentional about everything that he did. You know, he put himself in the position to make it happen. So, it's like, you know, as you know, he created, you know. He created this this this journey in front of him and like, I know that like, again it could be called manipulation, but like, no, it's like he put himself in the position and knew like what was going to make it happen.

Rechelle

Right. Exactly. And that's a good thing. That's a very good thing. Okay, so let's talk about your music and where you're at. So, I listened to the song that you shared with me. Beautiful. I can't remember the name of it. Can you remind me the name of it? 

Brian

“It feels So Right.”

Rechelle

“It Feels so right.” Yes. Okay. So, is that on an album?

00:23:47

Brian

So that was a single.

Rechelle

That's a single right now. Is that going to go on an album? Is that the next the project that you're going to be working on? 

Brian

So, when that single came, I dropped two singles right around that time and actually, so I dropped those two singles and then I dropped an album back then. 

Rechelle

Oh good. I'm gonna look that up. What year was that? 

Brian

I'll send you that. It was at the end of 2019. 

Rechelle

Okay, so fairly recent. 

Brian

December 2019 and I released two singles. “It Feels So Right” was one of them and “Lo Siento” was another one. Yeah. And then the rest of the album was eight songs. So, the whole thing was about 10 songs. Perfect. But they're divided. Which I should of put them all together whatever. So, I have eight songs of one project and the um the album is called let me see, I suck at this history All That I Am I think um Uh huh. Yeah, it's called Live Your Life. That's what it's called. 

Rechelle

Ok, I love that you weren't sure of the title, that's so perfect, Live Your Life and I love All That I Am. Those are both great titles or albums. Okay, okay. I will be looking at up like right away. And for anybody listening, is that something obviously we can get through all the normal channels? iTunes, Apple music, Spotify. Now, okay, I accidentally, we, we already went through this via Instagram -- there is another Brian Santana that does music. So, what the heck. I mean, how do we have we parse out you versus him? 

Brian

I actually need to; I need to work on that. I needed because I already, I actually went to um like Spotify, and I told them um to separate myself from that person. Um but for some reason there's like two songs that they still have that are connected to my name. So, like when you look me up, like you might find one or two of the songs of this person. They haven't really released anything in a long time.

Rechelle

Okay, and you don't know this person is not a distant relative. Okay. And what was so weird was when I heard that his music, I was like, oh no, the voice just didn't sound right, but I went with it because I thought how many Brian Santana's can be in the music industry. And then when you said, oops, that's not actually me, Oh hey, on my face, I'm so sorry. And then you know the proper song and I was like, yes, that's The voice. How did I not pick that up? How did I not pick that up? That is, that is funny, but it makes for a good story. Makes for a good story. Okay, so you got to Maui for something else, but then you discovered that you can actually make a living doing music there. So, then you are, you're doing covers because that's typically, you know, in lounges, what a tourist want to hear or whatever, that’s what they think anyway. Okay, so meanwhile, then you're also working on your stuff. 

Brian

Yes. So basically, um like I said, I moved, I moved here four years ago. I was, I was here to do a construction kind of thing job for an uncle of mine. Um so yeah, I got the opportunity to be out here, and everything was lining up for me to stay. So, I ended up staying and I ended up working on with that. I've been, I've been working on my original stuff since like 2014. 

Rechelle

Excellent. Like hearing that. Really Dedicated. 

Brian

Yeah, so like, so 2014. Um that's, that's where I was telling you about how like that first album that I did, you'll find me, you'll find me with another name actually 

Rechelle

What… um…

Rechelle

This is like the young Brian younger Brian kid Brian um back then it was B J. Santana.

Rechelle

Okay, okay, because is your middle name john or James?

Brian

Jonathan.

Rechelle

Okay, got it. Okay. 

Brian

All right, so back then, all I did was write lyrics and back then a friend of mine, he was like really involved in trying to become an artist himself in L. A. And he started like, you know, throw, you know, he started like putting me in the direction of like, hey you should like write lyrics to these beats. And I was hesitant because like I said, I didn’t just feel as proud of working on that because I didn't feel like 100% mine, like me. But I did it because I wanted to start. And I did a record a whole album of original stuff produced, produced by like other musicians and put it out there and that and that was that I left it there and I didn't really try to do anything else for a few years. And then when I came out here after being here for two years, a friend of mine convinced me to do another album. And so, I started working on my originals then. But now I was a little further ahead on my on my music knowledge when it comes to like producing. And so, I went, and I did I did part of the music. So, I took some samples of like drumbeats, like a drum for the kick and all that stuff and I would just put the guitar and the bass, the keys, all that I would do, and I did that and that's the album, you know, you know, Live your life.

Rechelle

Right.

Brian

And I put those, originals, together. And now today, last year, during the pandemic, I wrote like 40 songs.

Rechelle

Oh my Gosh.

Brian

Yeah, I wrote like 40 songs last year during the pandemic. And before that I want to say like I wrote like another 10. 

Rechelle

Wow. 

Brian

I was just like, okay, I want to do these songs, but I want to create the beat. But it's like, it's, you know, to me it's intimidating to be able to like do drums and all that stuff and so like slowly, slowly, like a snail slow, like turtle slow, like not, they cannot happen. So finally, like I start getting enough guts to like, okay, I want to do this. So, I want to do this. So finally, I started making the beats for the songs and like I actually, as we're talking right now, I'm about to finish one of the songs from that 40-list song that I have. 

Rechelle

Yay!

Brian

I'm about to finish the first one and I'm super excited because like this one is literally beginning to end.

Rechelle

Oh, that is great. But you know, if you, if you like turn around and look behind you can see that you've had these wonderful stepping stones that led you to right now, which you were talking about earlier, being patient with time, and so now you're now you're really um sort of in a, in a place, experience wise to be able to do the things you want to do, which is really to do it all.

Brian 

Totally. I mean, honestly, it's funny because, like, you know, I'm the example of like, you know, doing it, not working out, trying to do it again, not work it out, do it, not working out, but, you know, like, you know, again, God, the universe, whatever it is, wanted me to do music because I mean from the beginning, even when I started playing music, I've had a weakness, I've had a weakness before now, it's like way more evened out than it was back then. But I was, I was really bad at tempo, and I was really bad at timing. Um so it was really hard for me to play with other musicians.

Rechelle

You'd never know that now.

Brian

That could have ended me back then. Like, that could have been like, oh, well, since I can't do that, then, I can't be a musician, you know. Which is, it could be a, you know, you can justify that, that could really stop you from being a musician. 

Rechelle

I love that you didn't, I love that. He said, well that's too bad. I'm not just going to try, but I'm going to figure it out. 

Brian

I just kept on trying, you know, and I have this saying with everybody, look I'm not the most talented person in the world, I'm not the fastest person in the world like but what I have over everybody else or is that I just don't stop. 

Rechelle

That's right.

Brian

I just keep on trying and trying and trying and trying. And fortunately, uh since I started, since I started performing, I was able to do it on my own. So, people accepted me like that, just playing on my own and little by little started getting better at the tempo part and being able to work with other musicians. And you know, I look back today and a lot of my recordings from when I was, when I started working, I started working in music when I was 22, I’m 28 right now.

00:33:21

Rechelle

Okay. 

Brian

And I started making money back then. That was the first two years. I was in Mexico. I was playing in Mexico, was playing in Baja, I was playing in San Diego, I was playing in L. A. -- and I was like just juggling between that and I was barely getting my feet wet. And I look back today, a lot of the stuff that I did back and I'm like ‘wow, I pretty bad. I don't know how people are listening to me,’ like that's crazy that people are listening back because I'm way better now, you know, I’m way better than I was back then. And I'm like people are so nice because I was not that good and they and they wanted to hear me, they wanted to see me play uh they made me they made me feel better than I actually was. 

Rechelle

But That's wonderful. Really. Because don't we all have to keep doing the thing to get better at the thing, whatever that is, and like you said, you can't wait until you're 100% ready. That's not how it works. 

Brian

No. Especially people that are like me that like that we're not that they're not that fast, you know? It takes it takes it takes a lot and I'm catching up on a lot of other things and I think I'll be able to I think it will be able to accomplish you know, a lot more things in the future.

Rechelle

Right, well, I'm excited about the next album because you've got 40 plus the 10, you've got 50 songs, you've got a few albums there at least. So that will be wonderful when that comes out. OK. I want to end on kind of a fun question, which is are you watching Ted Lasso?

Brian

Goodness, I haven't seen that. 

Rechelle

That's alright. That's okay. Um That's fine because my follow up question was, is there something else you're watching or binging right now?

Brian

So, I've been there's actually a show that I've binged watched um for like 10 years now, I want to say.

Rechelle

Ooh, what is it? 

Brian

Like I've seen it over and over again and this is my, you know, it, you know, this is like when people are watching Friends, this is what I'm probably watching. And there's a show called Entourage. I don't know if you’ve seen it.

Rechelle

Yes, I am familiar with Jeremy Piven and I know a few of the people in it, but okay, so you re watch it, that's how much you like.

00:35:35

Brian

Yeah. You know, it's funny because like, it's a story about a guy that, you know, he wants to be a superstar. You know, he wants to be an actor and he liked, and he actually does well in his career, and he gets to enjoy all the things that an artist usually does. So, I'm like fascinated by looking and I'm like, wow. It can't be 100% realistic, but you know, but still. And so, I really enjoyed watching that show and it kind of makes me like, feel a little like connected and say okay I should try to continue to do what I'm doing. 

Rechelle

Yes!

Brian

I want to experience that stuff. 

Rechelle

Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And not to even begin to mention, okay, you've got the drive, you've got the passion, you've been working on the skills and getting to the point of being able to produce. I'm gonna tell the listeners you have a beautiful voice, and you know, a person can take musical training and learn how to sing. But that quality that you have in your voice is a gift. It's not something that can be trained into a voice. 

Brian

Right, right. 

Rechelle

Like the sound, and I didn't know what to call that. That's God given. Yes. And, and, and that makes for me that makes you unique and stand out. Like, you know, I went to a play last night. Yeah, there were a lot of – musical -- a lot of, you know, really good voices all trained exceptionally well. But there were two out of the, you know, quite a few that like just, oh my gosh, they stood out. They stood out. And that is, that's what I'm saying about you. You stand out. You stand out. I love it. Okay, well I can't wait to put this together. And um, what a pleasure it's been to speak with you. I am team Brian Santana all the way. The real Brian Santana. Not, not the, the other guy, this guy. We don't wish him any harm, but you're the real deal. 

Brian

Thank you so much.

Rechelle

So just let me know how I can help and be of support. I'll get all your info out there and make sure that, yeah, people can be listening to you and I'm so glad we got to connect Brian.

Brian

Thank you so much for this time. 

Rechelle

What a pleasure it's been. 

Outro Music

As I record this, I'm still swimming in the positivity and inside Brian has. And did I mention he sparkles when he smiles. He understands what it takes to keep creating to do the work and to learn all of the aspects to be the successful musician, songwriter, producer, he will be, and I say will because I have no doubt it will happen. It is happening. There are direct links to Brian’s info in the episode notes. Please find him there. 

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes in a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share. On Instagram and Facebook, you can find us under Unabashed You. If you want to connect the email is [email protected]. For questions, comments etcetera and if you want to be on our weekly email list highlighting that week's episode, give me a shout, I'd be happy to add you and your info will not be shared. We rely upon website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes. We are grateful for growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. So, continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing: may you delight in music, taking in all she has to offer; may it fill your heart as it touches you and move your body with knowing its steps, all while it soothes your soul. Amen. Go be unabashed, be you.