We shouldn’t outsource our happiness or look to someone else to make us who we are. It is one of the nuggets shared by Traci today during our conversation. It’s the idea that you need to be complete and whole within yourself before you can share who you are with someone else. This is the healthy approach to connecting with another.

Traci is a relationship coach. The road to get there took a lot of maneuvering through some very rough, painful terrain. I am grateful she’s made it out the other side of the hard times and can now use those experiences to help other women. Get to know who you are so you can show up in your relationships full, healthy and ready to love. Once you do that, anything is possible.

You can find Traci and more info about her relationship coaching here: Traci on IG.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

Sim has some profound nuggets to share with us today. I loved listening to her. It made me think. She wants to work with women and support them in their health journey, coaching them to move forward in a different, healthier, more empowered way. Check out how many phrases she said that were keepers. Coming alongside women and helping them look at the whole picture of wellness is Sim’s purpose and passion.

Understanding what works for you, might not work for me, and knowing your triggers are two of the takeaways for me. As Sim says, listen to your body. It’s simple advice but one we don’t always do. Sometimes it’s because we don’t know, and sometimes it’s because maybe we don’t care. Either way I am hopeful any women who need support and encouragement around autoimmune skin disorders will find the help they need. And if it’s with Sim, you will be blessed.

You can find Sim and more info about her health coaching here: Sim on IG.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

We did an episode #40 last year for New Year’s aptly called Takeaways and Looks Ahead. It featured 5 women. This year we are asking 3 men: Mark from Keep Your Dreams Alive, episode 50. Ben from You are not Alone, episode 57. Pat: from Be a Barnabus Today, episode 51.


Their task? To answer these two questions: 1. What is your takeaway from 2021? 2. What do you see for 2022?

The highlights: visualizing what comes next and taking steps to do it. To pan out and see the bigger picture because you have no idea how all the times, both good and hard, will lead you to the next thing. And no matter what, choose joy. You’ve got to go through it all so you might as well look at the positive. Happy New Year everybody.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed you conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy Now we did an episode number 40 last year for New Year's aptly called Takeaways and Looks Ahead. It featured five women. This year we are asking three men. Mark from Keep Your Dreams Alive, episode 50, Ben from You Are Not Alone, episode 57, and Pat Be a Barnabas Today, episode 51. Their task to answer these two questions. One, what is your takeaway from 2021 and what do you see for 2022?

Participant #1:

I've had the pleasure of knowing Mark for more years than I can recount. He is fun, funny, and deep, a dear friend. All right, Mark, what is your takeaway from 2021? Oh, God, let me catch my breath. We caught more on a hike. On a beach hike. It's been quite a year. And looking back, the obvious thing is just that having gone through this pandemic, but then how that sort of impacted our lives. Right. And how did we navigate through being faced with that adversity? Right. So the thing for me was very similar to what our interview was like last year, which is finding those dreams and those passions that you have and really doing what you love. I think when we're faced with adversity, you can either go that direction and try to get more in tune with those things because it kind of can push you that way or it can sink you. So, yeah, I managed to sort of find these little seeds of those things that I really, truly loved during this last year. Oh, that's wonderful. So it sounds like persevering and like in the fork in the road, you're going to keep going even more so to the side of your dreams and the things that propel you and compel you. Absolutely. And I think it's interesting because there's been times in my life different challenges that we face. And I just always feel like I tend to try for some reason, I want to at those times, try to focus on those things to get me through just those passions that we have. Right. And to me, they are what is life affirming and that can kind of really propel us forward. Right. I like that. Yeah. And I know, you know, for me, it was getting in touch more with my music and my singing again. And that totally just stands out to me that I was able to somehow start making music again and start feeling like I was getting more creative with that again. Right. Wonderful, wonderful. And what do you see for 2022 as you look into the New year? What do you see? Well, to me, it's building on those seeds that were planted. It feels like even though we're being faced with yet again, another wave of this variant and all of this that I want to take what I sort of started with in 2021 and just keep building on that. So for me, that's that I'm going to be doing taking my music.

Participant #1:

Okay. He slowed down there for a second. Let's see if we can get him back to I'm going to be in cabaret concert. All right. Very exciting. Yes. Okay. So Mark was just sharing with us that he's going to do a cabaret concert coming up in 2022 based on the passion and the dreams that he's had. That really kind of crescendo it, I would say, in 2021. Correct. Oh, he's off the Hill now. Okay, there we go. You're back, you're back. Okay. So what it is. Yeah. I'm excited about 2022 because I can sort of visualize what that's going to turn into keeping the music going. Wonderful.

Participant #1:

Thank you for sharing that, Mark. I really appreciate it. As a friend, I certainly want to definitely support and see your dreams come alive. So thank you for that. All right. Thanks, Mark. Happy New Year. Ben is someone I worked with in children's theater. He's creative driven and loyal. I think he is terrific. All right, Ben, what is your takeaway from 20 21? 20 21 was definitely, like, challenging, I think, for a lot of people in a lot of ways. But I think the biggest takeaway is that just being faithful to God and just kind of just like staying true to yourself and all that through the hardest parts, everything just will work out. I think that's something that definitely took way to see because there is definitely some bumpiness there's some hard decisions, hard choices, but at the end of the day, just staying true to doing what you got to do. And it all worked out in the end, it was all gone. Yeah. Because it was definitely like some bumps this year. But like I said, it all panned out really well to the end. And sometimes we don't see the bigger picture until everything's been here like, oh, wow, thank God all that happened. You know what I mean? That is so true. That is so true. You just don't know what's going to build on even the hard times. Yeah, exactly. I like that word faithful. I like that you said it twice. So to me, that was almost a theme for you for 2021 was that one of your takeaways is being faithful to the direction that you feel you're being let in, and also even in the bumps and all of that, to remain faithful. Yeah. It's not easy. I value that a lot in people, too.

Participant #1:

Yeah. Well, that brings us to our second question, which is what do you see for 2022?

Participant #1:

If you would ask me January last year, about 22, it would be New Year now. I'm like, just really excited.

Participant #1:

Not so much in my career. Things have been good, but just love I was pointing to sounds like God definitely opened up some big doors there. Exciting. Like, wow, my mind is painful for this upcoming year. And I'm really excited. And I'm not normally it's funny because, like, coming into the New Year, I'm not into change. I think change is something that could be really hard. But this year, I'm actually really excited. Change is a good thing. I know something that's hard. It's uncomfortable. We don't like it a lot of times, but the benefits that come with change as part of growth. So I'm pretty excited for this year, what's going to be happening that is so profound then seriously, I mean, to recognize yeah, you're right. A lot of us don't like change because it's new and it's unexpected and what's going to happen and all of that. But you are understanding that change. It's one of the things we can count on. Right? I mean, moving forward. And so you are excited for this New Year. You see a lot of positive, good changes for your life. And I see in your smile and the sparkle in your eye when you talk about 2022 that there are some good things for you on the horizon. Yeah. And normally I'm not like I said, normally it's funny because January is my least favorite time of the year. I always feel like, yes, I got through a whole year. Now I got to start everything over. Like I said, change is not a comfortable thing. But I think over the years, I just have learned a lot in the sense of, like, just trust again, if you just say true to yourself, your convictions to God faithfulness, like I said, it really does work some stuff out, even though you don't always see the big picture. Right. I like that. I like that a lot. Well, thank you, Ben. I appreciate you taking the time to share your takeaways and looks ahead. Thank you, Ben. Thank you. Thank you. Awesome Christmas and stuff, too. I did hope you did, too. All right. Thanks, Ben. Another person I've known for years, Pat, peacekeeper, encourager family, man. I value his thoughts. All right, Pat, what is your takeaway from 2021? Wow. Well, first of all, who would have ever thought last year about this time? Everybody was talking about, oh, so glad 2020 is over. I can't wait till 2020. Bring on 2021. We need a breath of fresh air, and it's like what ends up happening? Who would have ever thought there was going to be a sequel? Yeah, and the sequel was going to be named 2021, and it was going to be bigger and badder than the original. Oh, my gosh. It's kind of interesting because backtracking to 2020, for me, 2020 was confusing. The buzzword would have been confusing because everything was new. You were suddenly thrust into this darkness of confusion, mixed signals. Suddenly you didn't know what was going to happen next. You were hunkering down and businesses were closing and things of that nature. So to me it was very confusing. And then it was interesting because a friend of mine kind of coined a word for 2021 is actually our pastor said 2020. We complicated. And I went, yeah, that's so true because I think what we actually saw is kind of the byproduct or maybe the collateral damage of 2020. Everything just got very confusing. For me, it's really confusing. You don't know what's going to happen next. Everything became more like travel was more difficult. Relationships got much more difficult. The continuation of battle lines being drawn politically, everything is more confusing and more complicated, more difficult. And it just kind of got really sad. And it's just really interesting me Where's the supply side of economics, I mean, getting product, whoever thought you go to a Walmart and couldn't find green beans, for crying out loud? And things just got more difficult. Relationships got more difficult. Again, the idea of battle lines being drawn, even worse, confusing and difficult and complicated. Like Kovan 19, it's got like the sinister name to it. And so it strikes fear into people. And I think people were dealing with fear and confusion, not knowing what to do next. So for me, if I was going to say a takeaway choosing Joy because you see a lot of anger, a lot of frustration, a lot of shortness with people. Another thing that got complicated was I have a seven year old granddaughter that I take to and from school. Even going to school got very complicated masks. We're going to mask up in the classroom where we're 6ft apart, but you at lunch where you're sitting right next to your best friend or your buddy. You don't need a mask. Even the kids are confused. And to me, that's kind of really sad because I was thinking about this this morning when we were kids, when you and I were kids, life wasn't complicated. It was simple. Not like this, right? No. And they're dealing with so much these days. So as I mentioned, kind of choosing Joy I need for me, how do you make that pivot? Because that's a huge pivot from confusion and complication to Joy. How do you stop yourself in your tracks and do that? For me personally, I just have to make that conscious because I'm not good at it. I get bogged down and I get short. And it's funny because not funny. It's sad in a way that you get short with the people you care about the most. I get very sure. It's almost like you have to catch yourself going down that path. And you got to say, you know what? I need to choose to be Joyful today and stop and think about there is so much out there to be Joyful for you really can fight Joy and the difficulties, and that's kind of one of the little things I think about is my life is difficult, but on a daily basis it's filled with blessings. Having both my grandkids living with me is difficult. It's complicated, but at the same time, all I have to do is look at that face or sit down, play Scrabble last night with my seven year old. Talk about complicated. Play it with a seven year old. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Like regular Scrabble or is there a junior? Yeah, regular Scrabble. I have not got the vocabulary for Scrabble, that's for sure. Anyway, that's for me. That's what I need to do, and I'm not good at it. And I've got to do it every single day for me. Again, starting each day with prayer, I have a prayer. Hopefully I can remember this, but a prayer that I use every morning is, Lord, thank you for another precious day of life. Help me to be aware of your presence around me and help me to be thankful for all that I have. Ooh. It's very simple, and yet it's very profound. Well, if I can remember it, it has to be simple, right? Well, that's good. Okay, so you're choosing Joy. Despite all the complications and confusion, how do you see then, 2022, as we cross the bridge over into a new year? Well, I wish I could say I tried to be a very optimistic person. I wish I could say that there was a lot of optimism. I have a lot of hope, but optimistically, I see a lot of the same things happening in say that I think there's going to be a lot of the same complications, at least initially. Again, what I do for a living, I'm seeing a lot of difficulties. I don't see things freeing up as far as products and goods and things of that nature. So I still see a lot of difficulty there. I see inflation, by no means economists, but I think things are going to get more and more difficult as far as economics and things like that. My hope would be that people one of the other things that I find to be a little frustrated, I hope it changes in 2022 is that these battle lines that are drawn you're on this side, you're on that side, you're a conservative, you're a Liberal, you're this, you're that. The saddest part for me is that people don't seem to stop and listen and think about what the other person goes through on a regular basis. I just wish and my hope is that people will take the time to listen to one another. It's trite to put yourself in somebody else's shoes. Right. You and I have known each other for a lot of years, and we won't get into that. And I know we've been through a lot of different situations. There's no doubt we view things differently, but we have commonalities that bring us together. Right. And those things to me as we're leaving Advent, the Advent Candle, which talks about hope, enjoy and peace and love. Our commonalities and the things that we agree on bring us back to a place of love. Right. And that's why you and I, even despite the years that we weren't around one another, still had that bond and that love. And I just hope people realize that we have a lot more in common. And even though we've got midterms coming up and that's going to draw somebody's going to be happy and somebody's going to be sad. But realize that in this thing together and enjoy one another a lot more and choose more joy and find hope and peace and love. Oh, that's wonderful. And I like the idea that you brought up of listening to the other. I find a lot of times when people are talking or maybe even when I'm talking, I'm thinking of what I'm going to say next as opposed to really being in the moment of listening to the other person and trying to get rid of all of the preconceived ideas or what have you. And just really, like you say, be in somebody else's shoes for a moment. Because I think you're right. We have more in common than our differences, so we should concentrate on that. Well, thank you, Pat, for taking this time to be with us and to share your thoughts, your takeaways and looks ahead. That was really wonderful. A real blessing. Thank you so much for that. And may you have a hope filled 2022. Well, may I leave you with one thing? Yes. Jehovah Shalom. All right. The God of peace. God is my peace. Wonderful. It's another element that we all need. That's great. All right, Pat, thanks so much. You bet. Have a great one. You too. Bye.

Participant #1:

The highlights visualizing what comes next and taking steps to do it, to pan out and see the bigger picture because you have no idea how all the times, both good and hard, will lead you to the next thing. And no matter what, choose joy, you've got to go through it all. So you might as well look at the positive. Happy New Year, everybody. The Unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show and other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unavashured U if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared, website visits, social media and word of mouth. And sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think. Celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing, a new year, fresh beginnings and sometimes more of the same. May you look to being grateful, counting your blessings and looking to what we share. Let's start right away. Amen. Come on now. In 2020 be an abashod be you.

We’re doing something a little different this week. We’re going to celebrate Christmas.

Shaun graced us with his presence by bringing his A-game of whimsy, impressions, and as always, fun. We thought of a few memories, walked through some would-you-rathers, and he guessed on a bunch of Christmas trivia. Be sure to have some fun with loved ones this season. I know we’ll have a Merry Christmas and we are wishing you one too!

You will find the Tariq Khamisa Foundation work here tkf and on Instagram tkf. Also you can reach out to Tasreen for more through email [email protected].

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed you conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Condy. Now we're doing something a little different this week. We're going to celebrate Christmas.

Participant #1:

Okay. So I've invited Sean on the show to do kind of what we did last year, have a special episode for Christmas. I thought it would be fun to ask each other some questions and just kind of have some Mary, as in M-E-R-R-Y. Welcome back to the show, Sean. Oh, my gosh. Bye. Golly. It's time for Miseletoe and Holly. Let's do this. We are off to a solid start. What's the first Christmas you can remember? Oh, gosh. For one, let me turn my microphone up just a tiny bit. For one, you're asking someone who is not known for having a very good memory at all. Sorry, give me 1 second. No problem. No problem. You're asking somebody who is not known for having a good memory. And two, with all the brain fog stuff, I'm sure it's even worse. I have, like, little snippets of things. Okay. Share a snippet with us. I remember wearing when we were living in the condo, like these blue jammies, like these dark blue, and I think they had a red trim or something like that. That might have been the year I got a Super Nintendo, which would have been memorable. Yeah. I also remember when Ron, I don't know if you guys maybe were just dating and he had to pull out all of a sudden stops to win my affection. And he got me like a Darth Vader toy and then like a tie fighter for him to go in. And that was like a big. Yeah. How could you not immediately accept him as your father at that point? Yeah. So sweet. So those are sort of the earliest ones. And then obviously like, times at Mimi's house, which is my grandmother, who we used to do Christmas Eve on.

Participant #1:

Yeah. What about you? I guess the first Christmas I can remember is second grade. I believe I was in second grade

Participant #1:

and I were in the car with my brother David in the back, and we got in a car accident on Christmas Eve, and she had a Pujo that had, like, where the ignition was. The metal was exposed. So there was like, the circle of the metal. Half of the circle was exposed. And this woman pulled out. She hit us. And my mom's kneecap went into the ignition and it broke her knee cap. And I remember the feeling of being that age and seeing that your parent is hurt and feeling very helpless and very worried and anxious. What was going to happen? Was she going to be okay? All those sorts of things. So fast forward. Is this the Christmas where you took her leg? No, that came later. That came later. So my aunt. So someone took her. It's funny, as we sat there in the crashed car, many of our family members very coincidentally happened to drive by. So I don't even remember who took her to the hospital, but somebody took her to the hospital. And then my aunt took David and I. We were supposed to go get our haircut. I think that's what we were on the way to go lean to doing was to get a haircut. And I'll have to show you the picture. Maybe we'll have to find it. The haircut was no good or just a meme. Oh, no, I looked like a boy. I think I kept turning. I kept turning because my brother kept running out of the shop. The little shop. Yeah. And the next thing you know, I look like a boy. I have a boy haircut. Nothing wrong with a cute short haircut. But I was not rocking the haircut, not even a little bit. So that the pictures from that Christmas Eve. You've got my mom and this massive cast with crutches. Then you've got me who looks like a boy. And I topped it off by wearing flannel and I think some sort of pants. That didn't help the outside. Yeah. It didn't help the look at all, but that's the first Christmas I can remember. And it was a really good gift that year. I got some sort of a bake set that I wanted, so I was very it was kind of the best and the worst all wrapped up into one. Okay. Two tragedies and something positive. Yes, that's good. The greatest. Well, we don't have to rate it, but greatest tragedy hair. Oh, yeah. The hair was really something. Have we done any sort of research as to that's? So wonderful. Maybe that was a God thing that all the family members were so close by. Have we done any research as to maybe the family set this up and maybe Jamie had upset a few family members and payback. Yeah, I sort of liken it, too. Julius Caesar being stabbed by the Senate and, you know, like, oh, Brutus and oh, you're all here. It's not by chance. I kind of think it was by chance this woman was. Yeah, that's kind of what I'm thinking. But you know what? Anything is possible. It's the dreamer in me. Anything is possible. All right, let's do a couple. Would you rather this is funny. Would you rather write a five paragraph essay about the meaning of Christmas or solve a page of Christmas themed math problems? You've never asked an easier question. As soon as you got into writing five paragraphs, I was like, that's done. Easy, fun. I would enjoy that. As soon as math came out of your mouth. I'm mouth. I want nothing Christmas themed. So it would be like, I don't know, Tita had seven candy Canes. She sits. Yes, she sits at a table at a diner where they make pumpkins, pumpkin scones and pumpkin soup. Now Julietta is having the pumpkin soup, but to her ride, every third person has two candy Canes. And then it asks, like, how much would you tip your waitress on Christmas Eve?

Participant #1:

Yeah, those are like logic problems disguised as math problems disguised as logic problems. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so if you've been listening a long time, you know that math is not our strong suit. If you haven't been listening a long time, then you now know that math is not our strong suit. So we would both vote for writing. No problem. And that's not on us. That is. Your parents met in a remedial math class. We were doomed from the start. True story. That is a true story. They met intermediate math class at junior College. So, yeah, we never stood a chance. No, that's okay. All right. Would you rather have a nose that glows red like Rudolph, or have pointy ears like an elf? I mean, I already had big ears once, I think pointy ears because then I'd be very like Lord of the Rings Elvish, and then I could be Aloof. I'm an elf. What would you do the half up, half down hair. Do grow your hair out and do the half up, half down, half up, half down. Yeah. You know that guy with the white hair? Which guy? Orlando Bloom. I don't know. Oh, Lego ice. Yeah. Do you know the half up, half down look? No, I think he just has his hair pulled back. No, I think we got to look it up. I think it's half up, half down. Same with Liam Neeson and one of the Star Wars movies where it's just like that. You take the top half and you put that in a little man pony, and then the rest is coming down. So you'd have to grow your hair out to pull that off. Yeah. I don't know if my current hairline if that would be doing me any favors, but I could rock that. I'd look very sort of hippy ish. Yeah, sure. Why not? And speaking of Liam Neeson, wait, let me see if I can try my best. I want you to have a very Merry Christmas. Well, I, too, would rather have pointy ears like an elf, because when you're not feeling like showing off your elf ears, I can just cover it with some hair. And then when I want to rock my elf ears, I can put my hair behind my ears and really show off those elf ears. I think walking around with a red nose, it might be really distracting, sight wise. I don't think I'd like that. Yeah. Can you turn it off and on? Because driving at night, that would be difficult. Yes. And then one wonders about the breathing situation. Can I sleep with the red glowing nose? I don't know. Can I breathe or do you need a CPAP machine or one of those little like nasal bandages that you put on? That one wonders. One wonders. All right, we're going to head right into Trivia. Some movie trivia in A Christmas Story. Which toy does Ralphie desperately want? A BB gun. Easy. Very good Rider. Yeah, I know. There's a whole like the Red Rider. Very good. In Elf. What are the four main elf food groups? You can just guess them because it's unless you've seen the movie 5000 times, you would not be able to come up with. I enjoy it. But again, my memory is not. Let's take a couple of stabs syrups. Is that one of them? Yes. Very good. Syrups. Candy Canes candy. Yes. Candy Canes syrup. Candy Canes candy. You've gotten three out of four. Really? Yes. My gosh. Think Halloween for the last one. Halloween

Participant #1:

term. Yeah. There you go. Okay. I only got it from your drawing of triangle from your geometry. Another math concept right there. And how the Grinch Stole Christmas. What's the name of Grinch's Dog? I don't know why I said it like that dog in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. What's the Grinch's Dog? I want to say, Max. Yes. Here you are. Touting that you do not have good memory, but you are pulling out all the stops. You are batting, whatever the good thing is, because again, that would be more math, whatever the good amount is to bat the batting average, that's what you're batting. And we're also really big into sports, right? Yeah. Well, that too. What do you think is the highest grossing Christmas movie of all time? Is Frozen considered a Christmas movie? No. Okay. The highest grossing. Does that mean like when it first came out or does that mean like DVD sales? Well, it didn't give a caveat. So I'm going to say that it encompasses all of the things because it didn't specify when it came out or that sort of thing. I would think it'd be everything. And the answer was a little surprising to me. But I get it now that I'm on this side of knowing. That should be the title of a book. This Side of Knowing or Lifetime Movie. Again, we did the last this Side of Knowing starring Michelle Condemned as a forlorn mother of quintuplets who searches for the meaning of Christmas. She will find it in the hotel handyman. Okay, so I originally wanted to say like those. It's like two last names for the sort of stop animation movies. But I'm not going to say that it's not Courier knives. Oh, I know what you're talking about. You're talking about like Rudolph and prostitute snowman. Yes. No. Think more modern. Well, I was going to say elf. You would think so. You would think so? That's the most popular home Alone. Really? Home alone. I mean, I do love home Alone. Yes. Home alone is, according to my very limited brief research from two different sources, by the way, not just one, but two. So there you go. Double fact check. Well, I coincidentally ended up on two trivia things and those were the same question from two different sources. Okay. How many sizes does the Grinch's heart grow and how the Grinch stole Christmas? Don't even play that game with me.

Participant #1:

Yes. All right. Now we go into some miscellaneous trivia, which I think this is just downright so fun. I'm really excited about these questions because this first one they had me with this first one, I was like, yes, please. More of this. In Japan, it has become a popular tradition to eat what? American fast food on Christmas. I don't know if it's for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I know they definitely do like fried chicken for one of their things. Is that what would you say? I would say like fried chicken and mashed potatoes or something like that. Okay. And you are correct. Do you know the name of that fast food restaurant? Kfc. Yes. There you go. There you go. Yes. Come on. I thought I'd stump you on that one. You have got it down. And the tradition of putting up a Christmas tree, where did that originate? Which country? Any ideas? Oh, gosh. Somewhere where there's a lot of Pines.

Participant #1:

That sounded very Scandinavia. I know, but it's my clothes. Well, yeah. I was thinking either like Scandinavia or like Germany. Poland. It was one of those. Germany. Yes.

Participant #1:

Yes. I was trying to do Gibberish in German, but it really ended up more north in the Scandinavian countries. Very good. Do you realize you've gotten every single one? Right. So with that in mind, that's a lot of pressure. Now, no pressure. Because honestly, I'm so sorry to say there are no prizes. It's just the simple joy of knowing that you've done your best. That's your reward. Disconnected St. Nicholas, whom Santa Claus is based on is from what country? Nicholas? I would want to say, like Germany again. That's your clue.

Participant #1:

Nicholas. I would think either Germany, Poland or one of the scandinavies. Okay. I just gave you a very good clue. The bird country. Is it Yodeling? No. Yes, you're right. It's a bird. It's a bird. Yes. Is there a country known for birds? Yes. Really?

Participant #1:

What bird makes that sound? Come on, Aloon. Oh, my gosh. Is there a country called Loon? No, no, there's a country named after a bird. Well, I don't know that it's named after a bird. Maybe the bird is named after the country. I'm going to go through Europe right now. Norway, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Spain, Portugal, Germany, Poland. Is that somebody tapping at a glass with it? It's more clues. It starts with a T. Yeah. Tasmania. Yes.

Participant #1:

Now that you know it's Turkey, that had a kind of sounds like a Turkey. I've never practiced a Turkey stop before, but I imagine that's what they sound like.

Participant #1:

He came from. You do Turkey way back. You do Turkey way better than I just did. But I mean, it's off the cuffs. It's off the cuff. Yes. Way. He came from Turkey. He came from Turkey. We need to Google and find out more about St. Nicholas. Or did he travel to Turkey? Yeah, it says that he is from modern day Turkey, so I don't know what it was called then. That's more research. Interesting. Yeah. Because I don't associate Turkey with this Alabaster Jovial round man. Right. Well, I don't know if he got widified through cultural appropriation like Jesus did. What exactly happened there? But. Yeah, exactly right. So true. Okay, where do candy Canes come from? I would say the Swiss are always really good at like candies and stuff. So I'm going to guess either Switzerland or England. It's a really good guess, as I probably would have guessed the same. It's actually Germany. Okay. They got a lot of this stuff. Which is again why I would think Santa Claus. It sounds Sherman. Yeah. All right, let's go with one last one for miscellaneous trivia, what are the names of Santa's nine reindeer? You've got Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of all? Billy? No. That was very good for the old crooner. Yes. You pulled up that song and you just slammed it down. That's just fantastic. You have them all down. Now. You said between Cupid and Blitzen. What's the random name? A lot of people say, Donna. I've heard that the correct way is actually Donder. Oh, interesting. Okay, Dondur. Well, something else we have to Google because. Yeah, I thought it was donor, but maybe it's the correct way to say it is. Don der

Participant #1:

like conjures up families being trapped in the snow and Donner pass by being eaten by other family members. Yeah, not good. Santa has a PR team. Yeah, that's right. Blitzen. With all of the head injuries. Blitzing is an American football term. So I feel like there needs to be a definite yes. Some reworking. Some rebranding. A little bit of rebranding there. Yeah. Love it. What Lovable character said. I planned out our whole day. First we'll make snow Angels for 2 hours and then we'll go ice skating and then we'll eat a whole roll of toyouse cookie dough as fast as we can. And then to finish, we'll snuggle. But what's his name? Buddy. Buddy the Elf. I did not realize you knew your buddy Trivia all that well. He's one of the Christmas classics. Well, it is. I know that you are sort of temperamental towards Will Ferrell. Do you enjoy that movie? I do like that movie. I like him in that. I like him in Talladega Nights and there is one other one that I like him in. You like him in The Prayer in Talladega Nights. Yeah. Sweet baby Jesus. Yeah, that's the one. Yes, I like him when he's not trying so hard. I'm a little bit of a fan. A little bit of a fan. Here we go. Okay. What popular characters that I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love. It's definitely from Charlie Brown. But I want to say is Linus saying that? Who says it

Participant #1:

Linus from Charlie Brown? Well, actually, it's actually Charlie Brown Brown. Linus, of course, gives the incredible monologue from Luke about the shepherds and the star, and he's got a massive monologue there. Yeah. I'm going to be honest, I'm not a fan. No. You don't like Charlie Brown Christmas. How come I want my Christmas stuff to be Die Hard? Well, I do. I love Die Hard as well. I mean, Alan Rickman and it's just a very wellwritten and made movie, but I don't want my Christmas to be somber. Bright lights, bright colors. And the Charlie Brown ones, too. It's sad because they're mean to him. Is that part of what. Yeah, they're not very nice to him. And that does always break my heart a little bit each time I see it. However, I have to see it for the Dancing Alone, that song when it comes on, and they all have their one thing they do. Yeah. It is completely innovative. Look at the dance styles for the 60s. That's pretty incredible. I think you got one like we'll call it the Turkey going back in the legs. Yeah, very creative. I also can't do those old stop motion ones. There's something unsettling about it. Oh, is it Uncanny Valley for you? A little bit. I mean, it's not Uncanny Valley because they don't look like real people, but it doesn't quite go with the mouth. And there's something that's just like it makes me uncomfortable and I can't. Okay, well, we know we definitely want your Christmas movies to be engaging and lively and have you feel the Christmas spirit. Now your favorite Christmas movie is The Family Stone. Yes, it is. And have you watched it yet this year? I did. Now we have another one that we've really enjoyed. And I don't know if we talked about this last year. I'd have to relisten to the episode. The first one we saw this year was let's see what's it called. Daddy's Home two. And that one, I think is very funny. Oh, that's the other movie I like Will Ferrell. I knew there was another Christmas movie I like him in. Yeah, I like him in that movie. I like that. Now he and Mark Wahlberg, their characters are friends. I like that they're not competing, that they've come to a new place. And so the whole conflict comes with basically Mel Gibson's character who plays Mark Wahlberg's father. So the grandfather, John Lithgow plays Will Ferrell's father. So, yes, I like that movie. I think it's very funny. So we started out light. And then the very next night I was geared up for family stuff and I loved it movie. I just do. I just do. Shout out to Hillary Hubbard, who watches. Yeah, Hilary Hubbard and Robin Rebold, who watches it usually half a dozen times and sometimes more. So I haven't checked in with her to see how many times she's on. I watch it once. Once is good. All right, I've got a couple more questions for you. I'm ready. You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Christmas story. Come on, let's try not to go too hard. All right, one more. Now you're going to get that one. Forget it. We'll go right to the final round of Christmas trivia in Home Alone. Where are the McAlisters going on vacation when they leave Kevin behind? Let's see. The second one, they're going to New York. The first one, they're going to Hawaii. That's a really good guess. But they're going to Paris. No, I said it was such confidence, too. That's okay, because they're on the East Coast, aren't they? I mean, they're in some town that snows. And I sort of feel like they're on the East Coast. What's the best selling Christmas song ever? The best selling Christmas song ever. I would have to think Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas. Okay. But actually think of way old school. Old school. Like Vince Crosby. Yes, exactly. What's his famous song? Kelly's. One of her movies that she watches every year. White Christmas. Yes. White Christmas. I've never seen it because it sounds wrong. Okay. It sounds like Quiet Christmas. I know it's not. Okay, so you know what? You need to come over and watch it. You need to come over and watch White Christmas. Okay. It definitely is worth feeling perhaps one time it is a classic. And the White Christmas has to do with them being in Vermont and the fact that they want it to snow has nothing to do with nothing. I know. Okay. I think I'm going to stumpy on this song unless you start singing and you're going to get it in the song. Winter Wonderland. What do we call this? No, man.

Participant #1:

Think of Johnny Math as Parsons Brown or someone. Yes, Parson Brown. Look at you. Oh, my goodness. We also have some fun and miss the snowman until they got the kids and knock them down. Yeah. Oh, my God. Parson Brown, look at you. I'm guessing that they picked that name because it rhymes down. Not that there's a famous Parson Brown. No, I don't think so. I mean, it's only famous, as far as I know, from the song. But what do I know? I do not have my Winter Wonderland or my Johnny Mathis trivia. More homework, more. I'm hoping we find out. It's a real person and we need to read the biography of Parson Brown. Okay, so maybe you'll get that for sure. The Life and Times of Parson Brown, another Lifetime original movie. According to the song, what did my true love Give to me on the 8th day of Christmas? Oh, gosh, this one's hard. I know it's those ones right around 86789 are the ones that are hard to remember. I believe eight is maids of milk. Oh, my gosh, you've got it. Yes. Eight maids of Milky. And our final question for this wonderful Christmas time episode. Christmas time episode in the movie Elf, what was the first rule of the code of Elves? Oh, gosh, I don't know. As soon as you hear it, you will. Yeah.

Participant #1:

I don't know. Be kind or You Got to Love Christmas or something like that. Yeah, I kind of like that. So treat every day like Christmas day like Christmas. Yeah. Treat every day like Christmas. Something we should all be doing. I know. I think I might call this episode Treat Every day like Christmas, am I? Yeah. Or on the other side of Christmas or whatever. Oh, yeah. On the other side. The other side of knowing the other side of knowing Christmas. I admit that even when it's not Christmas, it could be in the middle of the summer, July, August. And if it is a cloudy day or I just need to pick me up. Christmas music is going on in the car. No shame. You wouldn't just listen to pop music for a certain month. So why would you relegate Christmas music to just one song? Free yourself, free your mind and the rest will follow. Yes, we like that song. A little shout out to them. What was their name? I can see them on the cover. The women.

Participant #1:

Okay. Someone has to look up real fast for Your Mind is by Envog. There we go. They're also the ones that do that wrote a song. You want to hear about it? Yeah, same one. Okay. Yeah. Same CD. Yes. Very good. I only know it because I think you played it a lot, million times when I like it. All right. Anything in conclusion that you want to say about Christmas one? I'm thankful that we're able to have a more regular Christmas this year, able to see more family and just less covered restrictions, although we have to do masks inside until the 15th, at least in California. And I am just appreciative that we can it's just sort of like if you're an alien, it would just be so strange to land and try and talk to people about why are there all these corpses and skeletons and stuff and gourds everywhere? Like, oh, it's Halloween time. We put up spooky stuff, like, okay. And now all of a sudden, I wasn't sure where you were going because we jump from that to like, okay, now there's turkeys and people in black and white everywhere. And then all of a sudden we jump to this heavy set, man in a red suit, snowman and stuff. I don't know, it's just sort of fun that we're able to most of us set aside our nastiness for a little while and just all come together in the cheer and try and be good to each other. And we should be doing that every day. But this is a good reminder to sort of be in that spirit and treat every day like Christmas Day. Treat every day like Christmas. What about you? Well, I feel grateful for the same being able to one. Our family has chosen to kind of streamline a little bit and not have it be so Gifty. I think that feels really nice and good and I think it really helps enjoy the season a little more. And I too am looking forward to being more in the moment of the various Christmas activities and most especially Christmas. Even Christmas Day being together and enjoying joining one another's company. Yes. Yes. We need to treat every day like Christmas.

Participant #1:

Okay. You're going to give me a big smile. We're going to take a picture. Oh, gosh. There we go. Okay. Thank you so much for this time together. I guess this is now going to be another wonderful annual tradition. Christmas episode. Great. There we go. I like it. And I'll take us out with a bit of a song. Yes, please. Peace on Earth. Can it be peace on Earth? Perhaps we'll see. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Participant #1:

Sean graced us with his presence by bringing his agame of Whimsy impressions and is always fun. We thought of a few memories, walked through some would you Rathers? And he guessed on a bunch of Christmas trivia. Be sure to have some fun with your loved ones this season. I know we'll have a Merry Christmas and we are wishing you one too. Viana Bassett website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unovashed you if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable. So thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. An Irish Christmas blessing. May you be blessed with the spirit of the season, which is peace, the gladness of the season, which is hope and the heart of the season which is love Amen go be unabashed be you.

This conversation left me struggling for words at times to express and share, the magnitude of impact this story has had on me for some years now.  I even wrote about it in the blog post, The Power of Forgiveness, episode 74.  And now, the chance to speak with Tasreen Khamisa, this week’s By Request guest, who heads the foundation that honors her brother who is no longer here.  

TKF seeks to help the youth find different, and better, ways to cope with feelings that lead to choices that aren’t always good.  She knows first-hand the impact this can have on a family.  Isn’t it something that immeasurable goodness can come from such profound tragedy?  I applaud the healing, restoration and the work done here.  I hope one day there will be a larger awakening to consider this model essential learning for the wellness of our community.  Thank you TKF for all you do - in Tariq’s name.

You will find the Tariq Khamisa Foundation work here tkf and on Instagram tkf. Also you can reach out to Tasreen for more through email [email protected].

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed you conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy Now this conversation left me struggling for words at times to express and share the magnitude of impact the story has had on me for some years now. I even wrote about it in the blog post, The Power of Forgiveness, Episode 74. And now the chance to speak with Tasreen Khamisa this week's. Buy Request guest who heads the foundation that honors her brother, who is no longer here.

Participant #1:

I became acquainted with Tasreen through supporting the foundation her family started TKF. I invited her a while back, and we finally have synced our calendars to make this conversation work. Welcome to the show, Tasreen.

Participant #1:

Did you hear me say welcome? Sorry. That's okay. My thing clicked out. So can you still hear me? I still can hear you. Yes. Okay, good. Okay. So I just welcomed you to the show. I said that we were finally able to connect our calendars and get a date at a time. And I'm so excited. Yes, I'm excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's such a pleasure. It really is. And you have a beautiful smile. Truly beautiful smile. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you as we get started here? I'm a mom of three kids, first and foremost. So they're like a huge part of who I am. Yes. And I just have always been really rooted in serving since I was little. It would have been a big part of my life. And so I know my purpose is to serve. And I think serving young people has always been something that I've been super passionate for. And now having my own kids, I think it just gives it new meaning. Right. And then seeing the other people that pour into your kids through your family, your community, your friends, school, whatever, I mean, it's just such a valuable thing. You realize it really does take the village or the community to really raise up your kids in a really great way. It does. What three words would you use to describe yourself? Okay, so I thought about this. So I put compassionate because I feel like I try to lead with compassion every day. Like that is something I do. I put understanding and but it's important, especially at this time in our country, even more so that we learn to be understanding. And I put spiritual because I think I'm really rooted in I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. And I like to live to live with that lens because I believe everything happens for a reason. And we're here for growth and we grow different ways. But if we have a spiritual lens, I feel like we're more open to both sorrow and joy because they both teach us different things. That is so true. That is so true because you can't really appreciate the joy and the good stuff unless you've I mean, it feels really good in the moment, but if you've also had the heartbreak and the grief and the devastation, it's even sweeter. Would you agree with that? Absolutely. I think that you have to have both. They go hand in hand. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and that's how this life works, right? We have both. Yeah, we have both. My dad gave me the profit by Karl Gibbon when I was 18. And there's a whole passage on there around joy and sorrow. And when you have joy, sorrow is in the shadow and vice versa. We always have to remember that everything changes, nothing's permanent. We will move through things, but we can't appreciate joy without sorrow, and we can't appreciate sorrow without joy because they both teach us so many things. And I think just that one lesson as a young girl, 18, we do a lot of nights sometimes. Oh, isn't that wonderful? Gosh, what a gift. That is a great gift to give. All right. We're going to do two truths and a lie. So you say three things about yourself. I will try to guess. Okay. So I'm an extrovert. I am scared of height, and Swahili was my first language. Okay. Extrovert scared of heights. Swahili is the first language. Okay. I talked my process, so you don't have to say anything for just a moment. Okay. Scared of heights. I mean, who isn't? In a way. I know there are people that aren't. I'm going to put that aside as being true. Swahili. I think that could be true. I'm just going to take a wild guess that you're naturally an introvert. Yes.

Participant #1:

Okay. And, you know, I'm actually an introvert, too, although you would not necessarily know that about me either. That doesn't mean we're not friendly and warm and all those things. It just means not just it means that we need time alone and away from the busyness of life to recharge. We don't recharge through the people and the stuff and all that. That actually kind of takes a little bit away. Even if it's the most fun you ever had, it still kind of takes away your energy. Do you agree with that, too? Yes, absolutely. One introverts or the other? Right. I agree with all of that. I don't recharge around other people. And I think my job is so external that I almost have to cocoon more. Sometimes I have to go back to it on. Sometimes I'll go a whole week out without even, like, hearing my own voice. I need that downtime and that quiet time. Yeah. Okay. So you are afraid of heights, which seems very natural to me. And then Swahili was your first language? Yeah, I was born in Nairobi, Kenya, and we called them Ayaz but they're like nannies. That took a lot of care of me when I was born. And so, yeah, my first words were in 20 weeks. That is so cool. Do you still know it or recognize it at all? Some of the simple words like Lala is sweet and of course, jumbo. We all know because of The Lion King, I guess. But some of the simple words I still remember. Oh, gosh, that's so precious. What a great beginning. I love that. All right. Your favorite movie of all time? Well, it's an Indian movie. I did an Indian movie and I did an English movie. Okay. So Devdas is an Indian movie that has been around for a long time, but it's just a tragic love story. But I love it. It's like a three hour typical Indian movie. And then I think it was hard for me to pick an English movie, but I think then I always go back to The Notebook. I think the notes I've watched it so many times, I can watch it over and over again. Well, those sound kind of parallel. I haven't seen the first one, but they both seem to me to be by even your description, romantic love stories. And then with some unbelievable sadness woven in is kind of what that sounds like. Yeah. Okay, cool. I haven't seen The Notebook in a long time, so I'm going to have to revisit the name of the person that inspires you. I put down both my grandmother's. Oh, nice. They both have inspired me in so many ways, but definitely in what's important in life. I think my dad's mom, who I called Mama, she always was rooted in service. And so she really instilled in me that true service is really the left hand has no idea what the right hand is doing to always when you serve, do it unconditionally and without expectation of anything in return. And she instilled that in me at a young age. And she role modeled that her entire life. Both my grandmothers have passed. And my mom's mom just instilled in me the importance of family first. And sometimes we do all these things outside of our family externally, but we don't do the same things like within our family. And she always instilled in me family first and the importance of family and showing up for family and being the support to your loved ones and your family. And I think those are two things I've really taken with me as I grew up. And as an adult, they really, truly are my role models, for sure. Well, and this is the first time we have spoken on the phone before, briefly, this was like last year. But this is the first time where we were really having an in real life conversation. And I will say that as little as I know about you. I am absolutely convinced that both of those things come from you. I can feel that family is first. I can feel that you are about service and obviously the work you're doing, and we'll get into that really exemplifies both of those areas that your grandma's gave to you. So you called one Mama, and what did you call the other one? Nanima. Nanima. Yeah, Nanima, which means older mother. So, yeah, my Mama and my NA. So they definitely were my true, I think, role models and beautiful. That's really beautiful. I like the nod to two generations skipping your parents, and obviously your parents had impact on you as well. But then that next generation up. That's really lovely. All right. And a negative wisdom you keep handy. You've already given us a lot. My gosh. So I'm a big Louise lhey fan. Okay. There's this affirmation that I just keep everywhere that I always say, and that all is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. So I kind of try to stay grounded in that. I think just even the all as well. I think when life gets hard or you're going through challenges, I truly believe, like, what we feed grows. So when we are going through challenges, if we can fit in, that all as well, everything is working out for my highest good. That's what we grow. And sometimes it's really natural to go into, like, a lot of negativity or self doubt, self worth, helplessness. And so if we give energy to that and we feed, that, that's what's going to grow. And I think affirmations are so powerful to like. Our words and thoughts are so important, and a lot of us, I think, have to train our brains to rethink that way because it's easier to go into the negative and spiral into negative. And I am completely guilty of that. I got to write it.

Participant #1:

Reminders. Sure. Yes. Everything you're saying, I'm nodding. I'm tearing up. My heart is swelling. Yes. Obviously, kindred spirits here. And just to curse me, have you ever considered writing a book? You've got all these great pieces of wisdom to share. So beautiful. I leave that to my author of a father five books. Yeah. Okay. He's authored five. I have three. And I've read the first one, which was just so incredible. All right, let's take the deep dive, which is sharing your passion. And that's typically what you might be sharing on social media or maybe what you're doing work wise. I'd love to have a conversation about that. Do you want to get the ball rolling? Or if you give me a topic, then I can help. Yeah. I definitely am super blessed to be living my purpose every day, and that's really connecting, I think serving young people and I think just helping to make this world a better place, a more peaceful place for young people to grow up in. And so I think all my work is rooted in that space, and I get to do it through the work of TKF and the Sarkinesa Foundation. And so I lost my brother really tragically 26 years ago to gun violence, gang violence. And my father founded the Sauerk Mesa Foundation initially just to prevent other families from kind of suffering the way our family had suffered. But if you rewind to when my brother was still alive, I majored in sociology with an emphasis in juvenile delinquency. I kind of always knew I think my soul probably always knew that I would be doing this work. I never knew that I would be doing it in my brother's name. Right. But I think being a young girl in the US, going to schools, being a woman of color was really challenging for me. And I was bullied a lot in school. So was my brother. And so I think I kind of shut down as a child. But it was a teacher that really inspired me to embrace who I am and embrace my strengths and help me find my voice and find my inner confidence. And that moment for me in middle school, I said I was going to do this for other kids one day. I wanted to be a youth advocate. I wanted to give a voice to young people that didn't feel like they had a voice. And the criminal justice system, even as an 18, 1920 year old College student, always didn't seem okay to me. And I felt like it was a system that was really failing. And I was really interested in that piece of it within sociology. And so I think losing my brother to a 14 year old gang member really dropped me to my knees in so many ways for a long time, I was definitely in some really dark places. But I think my father found forgiveness, and he started the foundation, and he reached out to Tony, who killed my brother's grandfather, and they created this beautiful foundation. And I remember three years after the foundation was founded, my father said, don't you want to come and work here? Is it what you always wanted to do? And I just had to kind of take that first step of peeling off that first layer of forgiveness for myself because I knew holding on to anger, holding on to resentment, staying kind of in a victim space. I kind of didn't really want to live life that much anymore without my brother. So I had to go through my own process. But I'm so glad I did. In 1998, three years after TKF was founded, I joined the staff, and it was the best thing I could have ever done. And I was working and living my purpose, engaging with young people, helping to develop programs to make sure that we help put them on the path of opportunity, the path of healing. I'm blessed that I wake up every day. I'm probably too attached to the one. Well, it makes sense, though. It's a family affair in the sense that your dad and place. Am I saying his name right? Okay. Your dad is Azim. And plus Felix is Tony's grandpa. Yes. And anytime I think of your family's story, I mean, I already can feel the tears are starting.

Participant #1:

No words I can come up with truly would do it justice. But the model of forgiveness that your dad showed and shared with, honestly, the rest of the world, this goes beyond San Diego, really. People know about this all over. He likely would never have known he would be in that situation of having to give that level of forgiveness. And yet he was able to do that. And you saw him do that, and you maybe weren't really fully ready because you were sort of processed. You had your own timeline. You don't have the same timeline. But I do find it remarkable, as does the rest of the world that knows about your story, that your dad arrived at that place pretty early on. Pretty early on, I have to say, from what I know, it is astounding his level of and the word you use compassion for yourself. And then as I pan out of your life and I look down at all the pieces and your grandmas and what they left behind for you and then your brother and then your major sociology with the youth delinquency component. This is divine, in my opinion. Do you know what I mean? The way it just all kind of just fit together so well for your life to do this great thing that you had in you from a little girl, but you didn't know how it was going to manifest. Yeah, we don't you hear it all the time, that everything happens for a reason. All of our experience shape us. We have to trust time and space. And I think that's the spiritual lens piece that we have to just understand that. I think everything what I studied in University and what I went through as a child, I also volunteered at my moth with youth programs and had to fundraise for some of those programs. And then I landed in the corporate world after University. I wanted to take a year off before I went back to grad school because I remember Thor, my brother used to tease me and was like, what are you going to do with an undergrad sociology degree? You're going to be a receptionist. That's what he said. And I laughed at him and I said, well, I was. That was my first job, actually. I did that. And I kind of worked my way up at this big, kind of multimagazine, big corporate firm and ended up becoming a print buyer and all these things. But I think my corporate experience around business combined with kind of the service piece from my mosque and then with the education piece around sociology was, like, totally set me up to come work at PKF. Like, you didn't realize it at the time, but you're like, wow, okay. Yeah. For me, it's not a coincidence that all the pieces lined up so well. And the fact that you were able to arrive at that place of being open to what was happening, but you had to work through it, which is totally understandable. And now it's a joy for you. I can see it on your face. You come to work, you get to do this work in his honor. Let's talk a little bit more about the work, okay? Because not everybody knows what restorative justice is. Can you kind of walk us through that? Your definition would be way better than mine. Well, I mean, the work that TKS does, and then I can kind of tie in the restorative justice piece of it. But what TKS does is we partner with schools to implement educational programs rooted in social emotional learning and restorative practices and restorative justice, and we do that through four different program. But I think the restorative piece for TKF is really a mindset. What does it mean to have a restorative mindset and a restorative mindset is really the importance of first building and thinking about each other as community. Restorative goes back to Indigenous practices. We have been integrating it into our Western society now, but it really goes back around if we are all in community and if someone in our community is hurting, like the criminal justice world, when that happens, you push them out of the circle. We push them out of the circle. Oftentimes we lock them up, right? And then we release them without any kind of support or repair or healing. And we try to throw them back into a circle where others around them are still really mad and angry and hurt, and there's, like, no healing that happens. So I think with the restorative mindset, the easiest way for me to think about that is like, no. When someone's hurting, there's conflict, there's harm, there's tension or strain. You lean them in closer into the circle. Maybe you even put them in the middle of the circle and you help support them in finding those pieces in them where they can overcome, where they can gain clarity, where they can connect, I think we call it to their cellular space. And that's a term my dad coined. But where right and wrong live and where our system lives and where clarity lives. And then we do the repair and the healing so they get integrated back in healthy ways. And so integrating that into school system has been a really core of our programming. How do we help schools build this culture of community? And how do we see behavior or poor choices? How do we see that as a red flag to really unpack what's really going on? So if we get to the root of what's happening, then how do we provide the tools, the resources and the support to make sure that that individual is going to be okay and that we help them heal so they can kind of stay on that path of opportunity for themselves? So in the criminal justice system, restorative justice is yet helping to heal victim. It's helping to also heal offender. It's also helping. It also is healing community. Right. It's all those pieces. But the biggest piece of that is how do you help support and heal the person that's caused the harm? How do you help integrate them back into society and support them on that journey? And I think that's the one thing that our story, the model of our story has been an amazing teaching tool because we continue to pour into Tony. We didn't give up on Tony Hicks. He was the first 14 year old in the state of California to be tried as an adult. That was a decision that my father was very against. He actually advocated that he at least got parole. And of course, my father's forgiveness for Tony happened very quickly. He met Tony only five years after Darwin was killed. We had staff members and board members continue to support Tony while he was incarcerated because it goes back to what we feed grow, right. If we are going to feed anger and resentment and hatred, that's what would grow in Tony. So if we were going to feed forgiveness and compassion and empathy and understanding and second chances, that's what we are going to grow. And for me, like, for me, it took me longer. You know, I was at the foundation for the first from like 1998 to 2003. And even though I forgave Tony. And I think peeled off that first layer, I didn't have a relationship with him. My forgiving Tony was for myself. So I could open up space in my heart to truly do the work of the foundation and honor my brother. He was not someone that was in my psyche, I guess so much. I didn't wish him any ill will. I didn't hold any anger or resentment for him anymore, but I had no desire to have a relationship with him. I just kept doing the work and serving kids and serving my brother. And I healed more, and I healed more. And I peeled off more layers of empathy, more layers of compassion. And then I left the foundation for almost ten plus years staff. I stayed involved with the board, but I got married. I had three kids. I was really focused on my family. And then I went through, like, a really painful divorce. And that experience fueled me back into TKF. I was going through my divorce, and the TKF was like, Will you come back and take the helm again? And it was one of those moments in my life where I was like, what? No, I can't come back. Like, I'm going through one of the most painful things in my life. And I had a mentor tell me, maybe that's why you need to go back. Oh, my gosh. I think TKF saved me in so many ways. I think I was able to pour my heart and soul into something that I loved for me to meet Tony. So in 2015, I met Tony for the first time. After 20 years, I went to prison, met him for the first time. And fast forward to this moment. He's one of the most important people in my life. He's my soul brother, and I advocated three years before his parole hearing for him to be released. But I think with Tony when he was released, we stay true to that. Okay. How do we first ensure Tony gets out? Because that was a big goal. Once he's out, how do we support him in his journey? Being outside the system, someone that's been in the system from 14 to 38? How do you support that person back into and so that's been an important part for our family and for the organization. And now he gets to kind of come back and help heal the community that I think was so harmed when this happened. So everything we do with TKS is part of our RJ journey because it's all part of us. Healing communities. Oh, my goodness. Your family story. And Tony's extended family and extended family. Again, the words, it's so beautiful, even in its sadness and grief. And none of you would have signed up for this. Why would you? It makes no sense. And yet you've taken that grief and you're turning it into so much good for Tony, which is huge, and then modeling that to everyone else. But now the extra added layer of trying to get those kids at those formative years to understand, well, there's actually another way, a different way. And I think we would both say a better way of dealing with emotions or conflict or all of that. And I like the fact that your organization, you're not just looking at the restorative justice side, which is kind of after the fact. In a way, it's really let's get the kids before they're even there before they're at that place. Let's get them before then because you do a lot with I can't remember what your program is about peace. And then you have a conflict resolution program, too. Right. Tell us what the four programs are called as we wrap up here. So we have an assembly based program which is like a 60 minutes program that really has the story at the core, but really talks about the importance of choices and the importance of making sure that we deal with our anger in healthy ways. And that an eye for an eye. Right. What Mahatma Gandhi says will make the whole world blind. So how do we see forgiveness and second chances and Grace and build empathy as a way to deal with harm or conflict that's happened. So really planting those seeds and then the importance of support, like, they don't walk this alone. There's people that care. We care. We're here because we care. We love you, we care. We don't want you to go down this path. So that kind of plants the seed and oftentimes it's a demon place on stage together or me and Tony on stage together. So they kind of see this, like, live example that it is possible to transcend the worst thing you've done or transcend the most painful thing that's happened to you and come together for the greater good. Right. For the greater good, to see humanity in each other always right. And so it's kind of planting that seed and then it moves into we've created a ten session curriculum developed for fifth through 9th grade that really take these pieces of the assembly but really break it down into lessons for kids to give them the tools that they need to really acknowledge their feelings, process their feelings, you know, understand that their needs and feelings and behaviors are all connected, which is always a big AHA moment for them. And so sometimes we make poor choices or we act out in harmful ways to others in ourselves because we're hurting and hurt people. Hurt people. Right. So if we can have that be at our core. And our goal is to help kids move through that piece of healing within themselves and give them the right tools and skills that they need to manage. Life is not even keel. There's ups and downs and pain and sorrow and conflict and external circumstances that they did not choose. So how do they handle that and learn to kind of find that peace within themselves? And so that usually then leads to us launching we do launch peace clubs at school. That's right. It's very leadership focused. So you have young people that may have been kind of going down a tough path, a destructive path, but they have these amazing leadership skills and they are smart and they sometimes rally people around doing wrong. And once they realize why they're doing that and that they could do the same thing and rally people around affecting change, helping to dismantle some of the inequities, dismantle some of the systems in their communities and schools that are not serving them to be change agents, team builders is really like why we wake up at GPS, I think, in so many ways. And then we have an individual mentoring program. So we also place mentors on school campuses to work with students more individually and more holistically. Like, let's look at what's going on at home. Let's look at what's going on in the classroom with a very restorative lens. So restorative is really around when something happens or there's a behavior. The first question is what happened and how did that make you feel? And what needs to happen to make things okay. And oftentimes it's as not simple, but it's as informative for kids to say, I slept on the floor all night. I didn't have breakfast this morning. I have anxiety about my parents losing their job. Kids don't behave just because they want to upset their teacher. Right. And we don't ask enough questions around why. And we don't think about how do I pull you up out of the situation and help you be okay so you can go back into that class and get the knowledge that you need.

Participant #1:

So those are our core programs. And then we developed a parenting program with the Greater Good Science Center out of Berkeley. So we have a Restorative parenting program that also gives parents a different lens to parent with because sometimes we think about discipline as punishment. But really, discipline is growth, right? Yeah. Discipline is an opportunity for growth. Yes, absolutely. That's what Restorative is really about. How do we evolve? How do we grow? How do we strengthen our family bonds? How do we lean in and not push out? Oh, my goodness. This is just so much there's so much Marvel at what you all are doing. And I don't understand why every school district across the nation is not making this, I don't want to say mandatory in a bad way, but folding it into the essential core curriculum. Right. I mean, it makes perfect sense to me. I'd rather that my child or children learn these things than something else that they're never really even going to need later in life because that's not their particular direction. I mean, I'm all for a well rounded education, for sure, but why not have this, which is a real life component that they will need no matter what they do and who they are? Why not be able to rely on that as part of the foundation? Yeah. I mean, I think it's one thing that we're really advocating for. I think TKS kind of has this our program bucket, our direct programming, what we do, especially within San Diego County. We have mentors in schools. We're teaching curriculum and classes. We have our training in. So we train teams outside of San Diego County to implement our programming. That's correct. We have that piece of it. But then we have our advocacy piece around social emotional learning integration and why it's so important that it's not considered an add on school. It has to be part of the core curriculum. It has to be part of the mental hygiene that kids need. It has to be integrated because kids are living in very different times than we grew up in or we lived in. And I think we're living in such a tough climate in our country right now as well. This piece is really crucial for young people and so needed. I mean, they kept coming back from the pandemic with anxiety, anxiety, social isolation, depression. They are academically challenged because because they missed sometimes two full years of in person school. And that's where you really see the inequity gap, because a lot of young people didn't have the same access. The access was not the same. And so when the access is not the same, you have young people coming back with very different levels academically within the same grade or grades. And those are challenges for young people. They feel a sense of worthlessness. They start to develop a lack of confidence within themselves. They feel like they're not smart, and they go through all this negative chatter, and it spirals them down into some really deep holes. And so I think the social emotional piece is so crucial. Well, I am going to continue, obviously, to support TKF, not only appreciate and value the story, which is more than a story, it's a reality of what your family went through. And then, of course, the way that you've really let that fuel kind of what you learn from that experience and how you want it to be in the world you are actually living, that you are doing, that you are being that. And for that, I thank you. You have my continued support for sure. Thank you for taking the time to come on the show and let us know about you and about the work that your family is doing and Tony is doing and plus is doing. I think you feel like they're all family. Right? It's a miracle, really. I think it's a miracle all that has gone on in your brother's name. And I have no doubt that he somewhere somehow knows of this goodness and is beyond delighted and joyous over the work that you all are doing in his name.

Participant #1:

Yeah, I'm a fan. I'm a huge fan. We appreciate your support so much. Thank you. Well, you got it for highlighting our work. Yes, it is. Inviting me to sit here and chat with you. It's my pleasure. It's an honor to know of your story and to share it with others. And I do not even on this platform. But my father this morning, he was here to celebrate his birthday, and I was telling him I get to have this conversation later today with Task Green and let me explain to you all of that and what that means. And I told the story, and I got teary eyed, and I was like, I love the work they do. So, yeah, I'm definitely a mouthpiece for what you guys are doing. Thank you. You're welcome. All right, well, I'll get this all together, and I'll let you know when it's out. Yeah, we'll share it, too. Thank you, Kathryn. Thank you so much. Okay. And may you continue to do wonderful, amazing, mighty things in his name. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. All right. Chat with you later. Bye.

Participant #1:

Tkf seeks to help the youth find different and better ways to cope with feelings that lead to choices that aren't always good. She knows firsthand the impact this can have on a family. Isn't it something that immeasurable goodness can come from such profound tragedy? I applaud the healing restoration and the work done here. I hope one day there will be a larger awakening to consider this model essential learning for the wellness of our community. Thank you TKF for all you do in terik's name. The Anabashedou website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show and other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unavashidou if you want to connect. The email is unabashed [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth and sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Thank you for Tarek. Although his life was not nearly as long as we'd like he bears a legacy of forgiveness and healing. May we want that may we seek peace help us to restore all that is unnecessarily lost by choosing for there we will find healing Amen now go be an abashed be you.

Jen Haddix and I collaborated. I went on her show, Self-love Yogi, and she came on Unabashed You. You heard her in episode 84 Start by Healing Yourself. After listening to the episode on her show, I thought UY listeners would benefit from our conversation.

This time with Jen reminds me to do the work of healing, to offer grace to those who are doing their best, which is hopefully everyone in your life, and to be confident in who you are. Apologies are for behavior not for being you.

Here is our conversation on Jen’s show through Spotify: Let's Stop Saying Sorry with Rechelle.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed U Conversations. To become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Condy. Now, Jen Haddocks and I collaborated. I went on her show Selflove Yogi and she came on Unabashed You. You heard her in episode 84. Start by healing yourself. After listening to the episode on her show, I thought UI listeners would benefit from our conversation.

Participant #1:

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to the Self Lavioki Podcast. Today's episode is another interview episode, and I had Rochelle Renee from Unabashed You podcast. On my podcast, we did a little collaboration, and in our conversation, we talked a lot about the dreaded word sorry and how women especially tend to be really over apologetic and use justifying language. And we talked a lot about why that happens, how to curb it, how to start to bring awareness into it. It is admittedly, one of my biggest bad habits is apologizing for everything. I still do it. I still work on this to this day. And so I really, really enjoyed this conversation. I hope you like it as much as I did. I put everything in the show notes about how you can contact her if you're interested. And here we go. Okay. Welcome, Rochelle, to the Self Pave Yogi podcast. This is Rochelle from Unabashed You podcast. And I've invited her to be on mine, and I just think she's got some wonderful Nuggets to share with us that go along the same line of self love that I like to share. We're very aligned mentally and spiritually, I think. And so I think it's going to be a really good conversation. How are you today? I am doing really well. It's an honor to be here. I'm excited about our collaboration. You came on my podcast, and now I'm coming on yours. Why not? I know. I love it so much, and I love collaborating and sharing. And I was just talking to her on her podcast about there's no need to have that lack mindset. We're all in this together, sharing her beautiful gifts. And so it's really cool to have you here. Absolutely. My pleasure. So we're just going to start off I just want you to tell me about you, your podcast, what it is that you're doing and how you got here. Okay. That's wonderful. I am a native San Diego, so I live in San Diego, California. That's kind of a fun fact. And I'm part of a blended family of kids that are his, mine, ours, and theirs. So that's kind of a fun fact to there. And through my career, I was a classroom teacher. I worked in children's theater for another huge chunk of my career, bringing performing arts programs to students all over our county, hiring, teaching artists, mentoring them, writing scripts, being the face of that part of the company. Wonderful time. Had a great time. I kind of got this slow burning kind of nudge and yearning about twelve years ago or so when the podcast thing kind of I'm sure it started a little bit before that. But around that time, I started listening to a podcast, and I was like, this is really a new, weird, different thing, right? And I kind of had it in the back of my mind that'd be really cool to do sometime. And then you just sort of dismissed a little nudge, right? Time goes on. Time goes on. I'm loving what I'm doing. I realize I'm heading into act three here of my life, and what do I want to do with my act three? And I realize I've spent a lot of years with kids, which has been wonderful. I've spent a lot of years nurturing, teaching artists of varying ages. I love that. And now what sort of life that I want to play with? And that podcast notion came back to the forefront in a huge way. And it became just a burning desire, like, oh, my gosh, well, what would I call it? What would it be about? I mean, those creative things. And then right before Gosh, right before Cope had hit, I had my exit strategy for the job I was at, and I ended up moving that up because of Copen. Now when you have Copen and schools are suddenly closing, you can't do performances for your parents anymore. So my job ended in that way. I was just three months more going to leave anyway. And they knew that it was all very wonderful, and they knew I had more that I wanted to try. So it just sped up my timeline and of course, the awfulness of COVID, for sure, where I don't want to discount the devastation, the deaths, all of that, and the lingering effects of it still a horrible time of world history. I mean, we all went through this together, really, in that time, so many people, I think, rediscovered, discovered themselves, I think, in hopefully a good and healthy way, which is what I did. I didn't live in a state of fear. I just chose like, okay, I'm going to do the smart things, but then that's all I can do. I'm not going to wallow in a place of worry and handwriting and being on the news 24/7. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do the smart things, and I'm going to move forward. And that's how unabashed you got started. That's the super long winded answer. Now, the thing I really wanted to speak into was a very paralleling your arena of self love, which is this idea that actually originally the show was designed to be for women. Okay? And it was unabashed. You women talking about stuff. That was the tagline, right. As time went on, I realized that men were listening and they were like, Whoa, wait a minute. What you're saying is not just specific to women. It also applies to us. And I went, oh, okay. And then we ended up the tagline now being conversations to become who you already are. I love that. Isn't that great? So good. And I love my platform knows how I feel about men and women. There's a lot of coaches in the online space that only coach women. I personally think that men need healing, too, and I like inviting them into any space that I can. I do have primarily female listeners, but there are men there, and I want to be you've got a space as well where they can listen and go, oh, okay. That applies to me as well. And I can apply that to my own life. Right. So the whole idea behind it was to have almost a movement of please be who you are fully and don't apologize for that. I noticed amongst my friend groups and just culturally, particularly as women, we apologize for so many things. I do it all the time. Yup. Yes. And so that was part of the realization I had was we've got to stop apologizing for all these things. And one of the funniest illustrations of this for me. And you're way too young for this reference, but Mary Tyler Moore show, I remember her. Okay. Actually, I didn't really watch, but I remember her. Yeah, okay. It's a classic show. It's on one of the streaming platforms I highly recommended. Jerry Seinfeld has called it one of his favorite show of all time. High praise. Mary is being interviewed by the rough and tumble Lou Grant, played by Ed. Asner for those of us who might know who that is, she bumps into a desk and she looks to the desk and says, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. She apologizes to the desk. And he was like, what just happened? You apologize to a desk? Who is this? So that's kind of a funny illustration of a point. And taking it to its extreme that we as particularly as women, men have their own set of stuff, but I can't speak fully into that. We are too apologetic. Now, am I saying that you should never apologize? No, I'm not saying that sometimes when we choose a behavior or have a pattern of poor behavior, that's a place to apologize. I'm so sorry that I was short with you just that then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's the time to apologize for behavior that wasn't the best it could have been. But to be who you are. No, we're not going to apologize for that. I'm not going to apologize for being animated or all that sometimes. And I'm not going to apologize when I need to recharge. And I'm saying to my husband, okay, got to have quiet time. I need my quiet time. And then he better understand, like, I am an introvert now, would you know that right now? No, you would not know that you could charge by yourself. I need, like chunks of quiet and alone and all of that. I know that better about myself now. I don't need to apologize for that. I'm not an extrovert. I have moments of animation and fun and all of that. But that doesn't energize me. Anyway, you're speaking to something that I think we might have found our topic that we really want to lean into today, because just as a side note, because I am right and I'm finding that as I get older, the less I want to apologize for myself. And so I'm 36. One of my best friends is 38. We talk about how the closer we get to 40, we're getting closer to having the buckets where we're just not as invested in what other people think of us. And so do you feel like that is something that has gotten better for you with 100%? Oh, absolutely. And it just goes back to the big theme or notion or I want it to be a reality, not just an idea, but that you get to be you. You are one of a kind. You are without equal. So why should you apologize for that? And if someone doesn't is not into that? Well, that's not your problem. Yeah, they're not your people. They're them and not everybody messages to everybody. And that's okay. I think if you are respectful and kind, it's all good. It's all good. So where do you think that that compulsive need, especially for women, but I know men probably do it, too, but I have found that men don't apologize nearly as much as we do. In my experience, my boyfriend is very much unapologetic. Like, he's very sweet and kind, but he's very masculine and he doesn't really apologize for anything. It's awesome. I learned from him. But where do you think our compulsive need to say sorry comes from? I think if I really stop and think about it, it's probably originated in a people pleasing place. And when we look at studies and I wish I could cite them and I won't be able to, and that's okay. But they talk about in, like, the classroom, how at first girls and boys are fully themselves and they raise their hand in equal numbers. And then as years go on, the girls don't raise their hands as much as the boys. So something kind of shifts and starts happening. I don't exactly know what the message that we receive as girls, but I don't know. I think part of it is people pleasing. Part of it's fully gender related. And I think that's one of the reasons why studies also show other studies that if girls go to an all girls high school, that kind of goes away. That affects a primal thing going on there, too, because there is sort of that like masculine, feminine. And just from like a I can't cite anything very well either. So I don't have any studies to cider any scientific. But just like looking back on just sort of the roles of men and the roles of women over history, I wonder if it's sort of like a nurture versus nature type thing where there's a little bit of it nurtured and a little bit of it is just nature, and then we just kind of fall into that, which is like, I'm sure it's fine for some things, but clearly in the world we live in now, it's not necessary to behave that way anymore. Right. So it's an interesting thing. Well, and another point that kind of is another facet of this is qualifying language. This is something else that women do. And this is something that a guest who's a young woman who was one of the teaching artists I hired and worked with back in that career I had on the show, and she talked about somebody that she knew that was teaching her to stop with the qualifying language. Notice how many, in addition to saying you're sorry for things, and I'm not talking about behavior. Sure. Notice how often we say, just, I was just doing this, or if you're late for something, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I just had to. And she says now she intentionally will say thank you for being so patient while I ran late. And it just shifts the whole thing. So every time she has to type something out, she goes back and she says, if I put in the word just and it really doesn't belong, I take it out. And same with speaking and this whole notion of qualifying language, I thought, oh, my gosh, that is so good. What does that mean exactly? Qualifying language? Because you're qualifying it. You're saying, oh, I just had to do that last thing. And it puts you in this position of almost coming across as less than I appreciate you being so patient and waiting for me. That is more of like an equal stance. Yeah. It feels full and it feels good as opposed to coming, oh, I'm so sorry. They just had an accent on the previous time. I don't know. I don't know. I can't even fully articulate it. I just know since I talked to her, I paid great attention to that kind of language that I use and really trying to take it out. And again, Ing, we talked about this on a Badge of you podcast. How ing we're always in because we're in the process. We're not done. It's very hard to get to the edges, be comfortable with the fact that the Ed is not exactly right and it's fluid. It's not static. No, not at all. We should probably Google qualifying language and get back to each other with what we found because I don't know enough about it to articulate it much more than I have or much more than the kind of the quick glance she gave to me and shared with the listeners. I just know that it caused a shift in me. And that's one of the reasons I am very fulfilled by doing what I'm doing in the same way you are being fulfilled by what you're doing. Because I am getting all these wisdom Nuggets along with everybody else. And if I don't already know it, I want to impart it and have it become part of who I am and what I do. And if I do know it, I need a reminder on it always because we need to hear things over and over and over again. So if that is true for me, I think that's true for everybody. And sometimes in the parental role or maybe if you're a pet owner, you're like, how many times do I have to say this? Yeah, you have to say it a lot because kids, adults, people need reminders and sometimes it comes differently from different people. Right? So you'll hear something a million times and then somebody else will say the same thing. I'm sure as a parent, you probably are like, why did that work on you? When I said yes, you're like, oh, they said that. Okay, good to know in inward bubble. Oh my gosh, I've said that to you. You've said that I'll hear something in a book. And like the book I'm reading now, I read five years ago, I'm in a different place. I'm hearing it differently. And I think that after this conversation I have never paid attention to my guests and I've always known that sorry was an issue. And so I will be more mindful after hearing this. I learned from all my guests and everything too. So it's absolutely, really cool that this is just a consistent give and take of healing and love and information. And so it's really cool. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. When you and I spoke on Unabashed, you that episode that will be coming out soon, just that concept of ing is now just so at my forefront. And I really appreciate that. Isn't that cool? I love it. So cool. And I love it too. That's one tool that I guess we could share with people as far as how to maybe soften on the sarees and the qualifying language. And I don't know, do you have anything else, any other negative wisdom around that topic that could maybe help people? I like to try to give people things they can take away from this. Absolutely. 100%. Now I'm going to pay attention if I say just and what else can they do? Well, the sorry and the just, those are really two good things to pay attention to. It's a good place to start or when we're all in process. What am I talking about? Yes. So being unapologetic being full of yourself. Another one, I would think. And I feel it's really important. And this is not around qualifying languages. We're shifting sort of topics, but it's still under that self love, self fulfillment sort of journey. And that is the realization that people do the best they can. And if it wasn't enough for what you wanted or needed, you now need to take that ball and run with it and get what you want or you need it. Okay. I can just apply that directly to being a parent. If I were parenting now, I would do things pretty differently than I did them then, but that's what I need to do at that time. The same thing is true of since we're all here, we all have parents. We may not end up having kids, but we all had parents. Yeah. I can remember reaching this point in my own sort of self journey of realizing the limitations of both my mother and my father and realizing, oh, okay, they did the best they could do at the time. If I have areas of need or want or holes or heartbreak or whatever, it's now my job to finish giving me and speaking into and learning and get therapy or books or journaling or whatever it is for you or all of the above, I'm now responsible for the rest. It wasn't their job. Their job is done. They did what they could do. They did what they knew to do. They did their best. And really, I should honor that by finishing it out myself, not by just so many people are stuck in the past. Stuck. The groove and the record. They just. Oh, gosh, do you even know what? I hope you know what the vinyl is okay. Yeah, just stuck in a groove. Just stuck. And when you listen to them, they can't get out of there's. Payoff in the pain. For whatever reason, there's payoff for them in staying in that place. Yes, there is. And I'm sad. And that almost makes me teary to think that people stay stuck. You don't need to stay stuck. I wouldn't even begin to have the audacity to be able to tell them how to fully get unstuck. I know there are lots of tools and lots of ways to get help. I don't know how you help create a fire under someone like that to want to get unstuck. It's like the horse, the old you can leave the horse alone, but you can't make a drink. Okay. It's that whole thing. Somebody has to want to get unstuck as soon as they want to get unstuck. There's so much that they can do. But there can't be any more payoff in the pain or that has to not be working anymore for them to like, you know what? It's time that person died. 20 years ago, 20 years of my life have gone by. I'm still there, and I don't want to dismiss anybody's grief, because like everyone else, I've got my own. You don't get out of here without experiencing heartbreak. Heartache kind of part of the experience, I think. Grief, yes. Sometimes my butts should be ants. And that's another one I've been really working on is the butt. This is not a but it's an. And I would invite your listeners to when they've gone through something grievous, the death of a loved one, or fill in the blank, whatever that grief is, that trauma is when they're far enough removed in the process and the work that they do in their healing journey to turn around and look behind them and see what good came from that. Is there any good that came from that? And if there is good that came from that, can I name it? Can I claim it? That is huge. I have done that kind of work myself. And it is liberating. Absolutely. It is absolutely freeing. It takes your grief and turns it into the ultimate gift. Because that person that passed, they're not coming back. No. So why not? For why you torture yourself for years and years. Yes. And honestly, would they want that for you? Come on. But you're touching on something really important that I kind of want to circle back to, sort of like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. And the girl that I had on my podcast last week, we were talking about psychedelics for healing. And we were just talking about how as somebody who is healing like you and I are, and we've got all these tools, and we're watching people suffer, and we just want so badly to help them. If we could just get you to see these amazing tools, you wouldn't have to suffer. But it's not really up to us. Right. And that's something that I think is really hard for all of us with the people that we love. And a quote that she quoted Ram Das, and I'm going to Butcher it. And it was beautiful. Just about the best thing that you can do for me is heal yourself. And the best thing I can do for you is heal myself. And through that mutual healing. So people will heal just by watching you. And even if they're not ready to meet you at your level, you're probably not ready to meet somebody else at their own level. We can heal each other by just being examples and doing our best because that's all we have control over. Yes. Snap, snap, snap, snap. Love it. But I think it's a really cool thing that you've brought that up, because it is hard because I know a lot of people are hurting because they are feeling victimized by their past. And it's hard for them to let it go. And it's hard for them to look at their parents as unhealed people who did their best. But that is the work. That is the work. That's the work. That is the work. And honestly, we both know if you don't do the work, you stay stuck and you don't get the most out of this experience of this thing we call life. Exactly. So I think it's a really powerful negative wisdom that I really hope can resonate with anybody. And it's hard, too, because I know when you're in it, I'm sure a few years ago you've been in it before where you're just in your shit. And it doesn't look like there's a way out. If you just take little tiny baby steps of some kind every day, you will eventually get yourself out. Absolutely. I agree with you all the way. And yeah, you have to have that desire to want to get out. You do. Nobody can give that to you. No. My whole audience knows my story about my mom. But that was one of the things that my mom was a drug addict. We put her in rehab. We tried so hard to help her. She did not want to be helped. Right. There you go. And that was one of the biggest lessons. And I was like, okay, so you cannot force people. And she was there for a reason. She died early for a reason. She came on Earth. And I don't regret it at all. And so if you can look at the people in your life and just go, okay, like you said, the parents are doing the best they can with what they have. And when you're a kid, you don't have those tools. But when you're an adult, you do. So you can take the ball and you can run it to that yardline, whatever that looks like for you. And you can give yourself. Absolutely. And a lot of that's awareness. And hopefully through conversations like this that will help share and shed some light on that awareness so that people might be like, oh, wait a minute. That might apply to me and start kind of that sense of thinking. And I love the word pondering. And they can kind of ponder it and then maybe do something with it. Yeah, exactly. And you're just planting little seeds. So my podcast, these conversations, anything you do, it's just a little seed. Yes. Amen love that consciousness. Right. So I have loved this so much. And I want you to just do a little bit of shameless self promotion. You can tell us where to find you and how to listen to your stuff. If you website any of that, just tell us all about it. All right. If any of this spoke to you and you would like to hop on over to Unabashed you. That's the name of the show. It's on most every podcast platform there is. There are so many, it's hard to keep up. I understand that. Same place for Facebook and Instagram, same name. And for some reason, we'd like to email me [email protected]. So it's all pretty self explanatory. We welcome new listeners and want everybody to be who they are without apology. Yes, and I will put all of that in the show notes in case you can't spell on a batch of you or you don't remember and you want to look at it later, it will all be there for you anyway. So wonderful. Thank you for being here. Thank you. Honestly, truly thank you for this collaboration, for coming up with this idea because I think we were both very blessed by the collaboration experience. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right, take care. Talk soon.

Participant #1:

This time with Jen reminds me to do the work of healing to offer Grace to those who are doing their best, which is hopefully everyone in your life and to be confident in who you are. Apologies are for behavior, not for being you. The Unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unabashed you if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable. So thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now for our blessing, we ask for healing. We ask to be whole we ask to be fully who we are and to share what we have with others. If we do, then we are all woven together beautifully and can do all kinds of things so go forward and be that do that be an abashed be you Amen.

Melody has lots of energy by her own admission.  Instead of following the typical American retirement route, she takes her passion and encourages others by serving in Africa. She and her husband spend the majority of their time doing what they can to make a difference.  Wow!

I was struck by the degree of sacrifice Melody, lovingly, is willing to give.  Her faith allows her to stay optimistic even when times are dark and difficult.  I’m not sure I could do what she does.  I am thankful there are people who commit themselves to that thing they feel compelled to do.  I know we all have something we need to share, and it takes all of us to do that unique thing to make it all work better. To make us better.

You can find Melody on IG at Melody Taylor, and the non-profit website is Go Near for more on her work in Africa.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy Now, by her own admission, Melody has lots of energy. Instead of following the typical American retirement route, she takes that passion and encourages others by serving in Africa, so much so that she and her husband spend the majority of their time there doing what they can to make a difference. Wow.

Participant #1:

Today's Buy Request guest is Melody Taylor. We connected through Instagram and a natural affection for Carla B. Singer Instagram coach. Here's what I know so far. Melody has a heart for Africa and for Africa's children. I'm eager to find out how that started and how she's making a difference. Welcome to the show, Melody. Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here. Oh, I'm so happy to have you. It's so wonderful to think that because of technology, we can connect with people all over, which is one of the good sides of technology, right? That's right. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you to start? Well, maybe it would be helpful to know my age and kind of a little bit about family, background, whatever you want. I'm 60 years old, but still with a lot of energy because I'm doing what I'm really passionate about doing at this. .4 adult children, three grandchildren. I live in Arkansas, in northwest Arkansas, and for a little bit of the time, but spend a majority of our time in Africa. And then over a period of 17 years, we've had our footprint in Africa as well. And so it's challenging at times to get on an airplane and go across the world and to really work and serve among people that are in extreme poverty. And yet it's extremely rewarding and fulfilling to be able to do this at this point in our lives as well. We're empty nesters, and we're not doing the typical American retirement way. Instead, we're just going to try and do all that we can to help benefit others. That's a little bit about me, and I look forward to coming back to that in a few minutes. When we get to the deep dive, what three words would you use to describe yourself? Well, I'll tell you what I did. I went to the strength finders test, which I don't know if you're familiar with it. I've heard of it. I've heard of it. Yes. It is one of the best tools that we have been able to put our hands on that describes you. And so the three top words on that test are an achiever that I really like to do things of significance. Next one is developer that I like to develop people. I like to encourage people to see what their potential is and kind of put some wind in their sales so that they can succeed. And then another one is just kind and compassionate that I care about people. And so all that just plays into what has happened over the years and what's happening now. Okay. So those three words that you got from strength finders those really resonate with what you actually for. Kind and compassionate, those really resonate with you to you. It's like. Well, yeah, I would say that. That is me. Okay. Wonderful. Have you ever played Two Truths Been Alive where you say three things? Yes. Okay. Wonderful. Then I don't need to explain anymore. Okay. Tell me the three things. Let's see if I can figure it out. I'm going to go like this. I'm going to say three things that I love, and then you're going to have to figure out which one falls. I love chocolate. I love children. And I love brisk cold weather.

Participant #1:

Okay. I love children. Chocolate. I love children. I love brisk cold weather. Okay. I'm going to set the children aside because I sort of think you already love children. So I'm going to set that one aside. Okay. So now we've got chocolate and brisk cold weather. I don't know too many women that don't love chocolate. So I'm going to go by virtue of elimination, if you do not like brisk cold weather. That's right. That's the lie. That's okay. It's just for fun. It's a fun way to get to know you because Arkansas is not known for brisk cold weather. Correct? Correct. Okay. You do have this lovely little not I don't know if I do sparsely an accent, but some of the words that you say you have a little bit of. Do you notice that? Yeah, I just can't get away from it. Yes. But why should you? Why should you? I love that reaction. I love that reaction. Okay. One of your favorite movies of all time. Sound Of Music. Sound Of Music. There's part of me that really wants to be Julie Andrews in life. She brought joy and laughter and love to these children, and then she brought unity and a family, and then they were just blessing so many people. I love the scene where she's up in the trees with the children and they're wearing the drapes. And so I find myself kind of being that person a little bit in Africa, singing songs with children and bringing joy to their faces. We work with orphans. Those children were somewhat orphans. Their father was distant. Right. So anyway, I love that movie. And of course, I love the music. And it's a classic. It is. That's a good one. And we've had a few people say that was their favorite of all time. Name a woman that inspires you. I had several. One is Corey Timbun. Okay. The Hiding Place. Right. And she's known for her writings while being held captive in one of the concentration camps, correct? Yes. During World War II. Yes. And she had such an optimistic attitude. She looked for the best in that situation. And if you haven't read her book, The Hiding Place, it will really put things in perspective. It's very inspiring. And another author that I really like is Amy Carmichael and somewhat of a similar story. She served for over 58 years in India through difficult times. And she helped rescue children, both boys and girls, that were used for prostitution and Hindu worship. And I mean, her story is amazing as well. And then in her latter year, she had had an accident and she was bedridden for many years. But she was the prolific writer during that time. So those are my two favorite authors.

Participant #1:

It is hard to step in those shoes. And I'm trying to imagine myself. Could I be that optimistic? Could I be that hopeful and that cheerful and that loving? Don't know. I'm just glad we're not in that situation. Yes, exactly. It is inspiring. I agree completely. A piece of wisdom you keep handy. Be optimistic, look for the good. There you go. The good in the situation. Short and sweet and very profound. Sometimes the simplest things are the most profound. So you strike me as somebody who's very optimistic. I would say so. Not that I mean, I've had some incredibly dark seasons and challenges, but I think my faith helps me to be optimistic, to look for a bigger good, even when things are difficult and don't go our way, right? Exactly. And being in a third world, developing country among people that are extremely poor, that does help you be more optimistic in our everyday, normal life. We're just fortunate that we have what we have and that we live where we live and have the access to so much in America. We are so very blessed. It's true. So let's go to your deep dive, which I'm just guessing is children in Africa. So let's start with how that started and then which countries you have a fondness for or keep getting called to? Sure. Well, I think my husband and I both had a tendency, even as young adults, towards people that were marginalized. He grew up in one of the poorest areas of Arkansas, I mean, really poor. And then I grew up in another area that had some poor as well. And so we had that commonality that we were drawn towards people that other people looked down on. But then again, once in Little Rock, we started being interested in helping inner city broken families. We saw the need for education and mentoring and some of those things holiday gathering, some of those things that some of those inner families that are broken. A lot of families were without parents and a grandmother was taking care of children. So we with our four children started volunteering in the inner city. And that was good because we did it as a family. Meanwhile, my husband was going on mission trips to Honduras to help build, like, orphan homes or lodging for volunteers in Honduras. He started going outside the country to the developing world to volunteer two weeks out of the year because he was in business. And then we started as a family going to an orphanage in Guatemala. And that really rocked our world. We took our children, 400 orphans in an orphan home. Can you imagine 400? And as you got to know their stories more and more from such abuse and abandonment. But when we go as Americans and we go with suitcases full of things that they would use for Christmas or some of their basic needs books, educational materials, toiletries, feminine products, all those things that we have in access, it just makes a huge difference in their lives. And then it makes such a huge difference in our lives. And what happened is that after we took a few trips and people in our area, in our community wanted to go with us. So we started a non profit called Go Near Ministry. And it really meant going near to orphans and widows in distress, going near to people in extreme poverty with ourselves bodily to show love and care and listen, come alongside, and then be able to bring tangible things that they needed to help them be stronger. And it grew. And we started having these garage sales to raise money because we weren't rich. We were just a regular old family in Arkansas, and people would donate all their things. And we had these multiple garage sales over time so that our family of six could afford the plane tickets to go serve in the orphanage and then others that wanted to go with us. So then it ended up that we take teams of 40 people at a time with two suitcases, each full of donations. Wow. Several times a year. But then what happened? We ended up being invited to go to a training weekend for trips of volunteers that go to Africa. And I was sitting in the training session and watching a PowerPoint and saw the needs of orphans in Africa. There are just millions upon millions of orphans in Africa with no governmental assistance. And their plight was so desperate. And I was in my 40s, and I'm like, I had no idea. And it was as if God was telling us that we need to go as a family and plant ourselves in Africa with this organization in an orphan village that had a school and help out in the school. But also while I was there, be like a journalist and through social media report on the life of an orphan and report on what it's like to do mission work or volunteer work in Africa. And so we did that. And it just really rocked our world to be among the poor, the poor, but also to see the difference it makes by being there and the joy that they have by that interaction and how a little bit goes a long way there. So we moved in 2007 into the orphan village with three of our four children. And then there was a war and civil unrest, and we had to evacuate to come home for safety. And then we went back again and lived there and then came back to the US just with four children with different needs. We've gone back and forth. And then what happened is that young people that were in my children's sphere, they asked if they could go volunteer. Our first trip of volunteers over to Africa were like 13 and 14 year olds. I couldn't believe it, but they went and they kept going. So year after year, some of these same kids grew up going to Africa and serving, and now they're in College, and now they've graduated from College. And some of them have started nonprofits of their own. Wow. Some of them switch their degrees so they could be nurses or occupational therapist or physical therapists so that they could go back on those breaks and give their skills on short term missions or longer to the real poor. And so it's been really cool to see all that happen. It was nothing that I planned. And so that's the way it goes, but just taking the next step and taking risk. And then what happened is that as people went with us to Africa, more people saw and knew. And one lady went with me and she saw what we did. She came back to Little Rock and she said, I want to help you raise money for your nonprofit work. And she said, I have this idea where I'm going to invite my friends. And they were all wealthy to come go through their closets, bring their clothes to my home, and we're going to have a shopping event. We're going to shop from each other's closets. We have a wine and cheese party. She goes, I don't know if anybody's going to do it. I don't know. It could be a total flop. And honestly, I thought, this is not going to work because a lot of these ladies, they were so wealthy, they had planes. They could fly to Dallas, they could fly to New York and shop and come back. And I thought, they're not going to do that, but they did, and they loved it. And then more people came, and it just grew into another nonprofit that we started, which was like selling nicer women's clothing and accessories and giving the money to nonprofit work. And we were so successful. It's called Shop My Closet. And then we started another one in northwest Arkansas called Beautiful Lives Boutique. And that non profit now is in three locations and give money every month to ten nonprofits that help women and children locally and globally. And Meanwhile, I spent three years doing that. But then after that, I had to get back to Africa. So now we're doing Africa work. And Beautiful Lives is on its own feet and it's running. Okay. So Beautiful Lives, is that a storefront and what are they? It's three different stores in Arkansas, and we sell the nicest of the nice things that women in this area donate. So it's shoes, jewelry, accessories, purses, designer clothes, workout clothes, regular clothes. And some of the boutiques locally also donate to us. We have donations come in every single day. And then we sell those clothing and it's in a beautiful, like, boutique setting at really discounted prices. And then the profits are given away. Wow. And it's just been a model that's been so good. And it's a model that really comes from me personally because as nonprofit missionaries, I would shop garage sales and thrift stores for my family and for me. And you have to go through a lot and it's stinky. And you don't feel so good when you walk out. And I wanted a place where women could get what they need, either inexpensively or free, and feel good about it. Right. And then the environment is a setting where women who have money and those that don't, you never know. And there's side by side shopping, and then there's women who get things for free. And there are volunteers that volunteer in the shop who are straight out of prison who need volunteer service, and nobody else will give them a chance. And they can come and they can volunteer or College students because we're in a College town, they come and volunteer and it's just such a mixture of people. How is it good? Right. That feels so good. That's just one of the little things. That right. So how is that different from the shop near me or what was the name of that shop? My Closet. Shop. My Closet. How was that different shop? My Closet was started in Little Rock, and that's a different setting. It's not in a College town. It's not in the area of northwest Arkansas. It's very prosperous because of Walmart headquarters is here, Tyson's Food is here, JB Hut, some of the biggest companies and all the vendors around them are here in Northwest Arkansas. So it's just a different feel than it is down in similar concept, but branded differently with different clientele. Got it. Okay. Let's go back to Africa. Okay. Yes. So you try to live there. It sounds like as much as finances and family obligations and all those sorts of things will allow. Can you share with us which country or countries that kind of really have pulled your heart? Because it's a very large continent. That much I remember. That's exactly right. Well, we have spent most time in Kenya. Okay. And Kenya is in East Africa. That's where we've lived for the greatest amount of time. Stationed in Nairobi is a big city where the United Nations is. And so there's a lot of Western influence, but from that, then you can travel to more remote areas in Kenya. So we've been there most of our time. We've also served in Rwanda, and that's been a great fit for us, too. But it's a lot smaller of a country. And then recently, because of covet, no country was open to visitors during covet except for Tanzania. Tanzania is huge, and it's located right next door or right across the border from Kenya. So last year during covet, we were in Kenya and the President of Kenya shut down the country and everybody had to leave within 48 hours. So we did that. But desiring to go back as soon as possible. But when we saw that Tanzania was open, we booked a flight, went to Tanzania site unseen, hoping to cross the border into Kenya as soon as the borders were open. Well, that never happened during our first six months. And yet opportunities to teach and to volunteer and relationships were formed so quickly in Tanzania that we stayed there for six months and was super fruitful. Went back again just recently, the last four months or so, and lived in Tanzania, but then spent a month in Kenya, actually, a month and a half in Kenya as well. So Kenya is open now. So we do both. We'll go back in January, start in Tanzania, go across the border to Kenya, serve and work there, go back to Tanzania and fly home after about six months. Wow.

Participant #1:

Yeah. Wow. It's really hard to describe the feelings and the thoughts I have around the level of commitment and dedication and selflessness that you and your husband and all the people that you're working with. It's hard to really convey that. I think as much as I love words, it feels extremely inadequate. It actually reminds me of that verse. To those who have been given much will be required into the one who has been entrusted with much more will be asked, right? Yes. That lukewarma. I find that correctly. Yes. And you and your husband are living that you are living that well. It's incredible. Now, the other thing I want to know is what has social media or how? Because you said that you started sharing, which obviously in this day and age, it's just very clear that you have I mean, to be effective and to help share the good things, you need to do that to get the word out more. It's just the way it is. So how has that helped the cause of helping? Yes, it really has helped because it is hard to put in words what that life is like, what those people are like, what engagement looks like. And so part of what I've desired to do. And again, it comes back to God saying, I want you to go there, put both feet in the continent, and be like a journalist that was way back in 2007 in the name of our Ministry is called Go Near. So to be able to go there and take pictures and videos, it helps people here go there without having to go on that long airplane ride and spend all that money to get there and go through all the shots and all the things that people don't want to do. So to me, it's like taking them there. And people are getting so connected to the people that we serve with. Just today, I got a little message that said, I'm praying for Lily or I want to meet Anne. People are getting connected to these people, not only the people that are, like, in need. And I do it with a lot of integrity and a lot of like honor, but also the people that they're serving. And so it's been wonderful to connect and people get involved. For example, a lady here in our area saw some pictures and some videos when I went with the founder of a school in a village on home visits to tell these families who are in extreme poverty that their child can go to the school this next year is a kindergarten without cost. And as she saw where those children lived and how poor those families were, she said, I want to raise money for those children. And so instead of the usual Happy Birthday, Jesus Christmas party that raised money or they brought presents for families here in America, they donated money to our nonprofit. And we were able to buy uniforms for the entire kindergarten class. So somebody here, because of those pictures got involved, and she's connected to those children. And so things like that happen that I think social media is the key. Now, I'm 60, it's not my best thing, but I'm trying to advocate because we're supposed to advocate for the poor. We're supposed to share about those needs. And then there's some things I can't share on social media. There's a lady that we're partnering with who was Muslim, and she became a Christian, a believer, and she had to flee to Nairobi. And she has women that are Christians that are Muslim in a Muslim area that she has to transport to Nairobi to be taught. So we're helping fund her work. And yet we can't put that on social media. Right? It goes back to what you're saying, the honor, you're being very honoring of what you share. And that means everything really right there. And you know, most that we work with want help. They want the exposure. So it's a blessing to them that we're there and we're caring. It's a blessing to them that we're advocating for them. It's a blessing that we're sharing what life is like to Americans. So it's been good. It's what has helped people. Also, we've taken over 400 people to date go serve overseas. We could have never done it if people hadn't seen it first they have to see it. And God uses that to draw them to those people to serve or to help support what we do. Right. It's exciting. It's so wonderful. There is neat, obviously, all over the world. But the fact that you have followed the nudge that you and your husband feel for those areas in Africa,

Participant #1:

I know you don't think of it as sacrifice, but it is a sacrificial act because you're giving up some time with family and friends and probably in a much easier life in trade in search of helping the other. And that is very admirable, and you're very humble and modest about it. But it's a big thing, and you are boots on the ground doing it. Thank you for that work. Thank you. I appreciate it. As somebody who can see that you are doing the good thing, I'm grateful for that. And I have met a couple of other people through Instagram that are doing some really incredible things in Africa. One is Biju. She is from Congo originally, and she has a non profit. I'll give her a little plug Mosaic Action Project. Her uncle is a Nobel Peace Prize winning doctor who started a hospital for. I know about that. Okay. Yeah. Hospitals for the women and children of the war situation. So she's doing a lot of really great things, which is so wonderful. And then this young man who's a photographer and he really wants to be a photojournalist anytime from Nigeria that he's there. He went to College to study biology, not because he liked biology, but because that was an available door. That was an opportunity. And he knew he needed to take advantage of it. He wants to take pictures. He takes beautiful pictures. This young man, he's now recovering from malaria. So common. Oh, gosh, yes. And that's just my own little quick little brushes with Africa through Instagram. I met them both on Instagram, and it is amazing what social media, how wonderful it really can be in connecting you to other people and the goodness out there. It's kind of like you have to keep it on. Like it's the coin. You've got the underbelly. But then whatever the good side of the coin is, let's keep it for good. Yeah. Let's keep that side of the coin up. I am really deeply moved by your story, and I will be sure and share all the stuff so that people can participate and follow you. Thank you. I think your Melody what is Melody? Well, I have two Instagram and Facebook accounts. One is Melody Taylor 2020. Okay. And that's because that's when I got on Instagram, which is really late today. And yet there's also Facebook the same. And then there's the Ministry. One go near Ministry, Instagram and Facebook. So I went with my personal just because I have more recognition as Melody Taylor because of the beautifulized boutique and all that. Right. I went more personal and do both at this time. Right. Exactly. Because certainly something I learned from Carla is that you can't just share the thing people also want to know about you. And I really resisted that for a very long time. No, she's like, no, they have to know about you. What is it? Like, no trust factor? Yes. Like, no trust factors. Like, okay, I'm probably not that good at that. I mean, I'm more about the Ministry than me, but, yeah, I need to get better. She'll give you a Pep talk if you need it. She will give you one for sure. Well, Melody, this has been such a treat and a blessing. Thank you so much for honoring us all with your time and the beautiful work that you're doing. It's very inspiring, deeply moving. And again, I feel so much gratitude. Thank you for what you're doing. And yes, I'm looking forward to getting this out there and letting people know more about the business you're doing. That is great for our people that we serve. It's not about us. We're just the condo. It. I get it. You're the bridge. Like a bridge. The bridge from Arkansas to what would you say is your favorite place in Africa? Or can you even say that you have a favorite? Oh, I love Moshi Town. That's where we're pretty much most of the time in Tanzania. It's at the foot of Mount Kilimanjaro. The people there are so kind and respectful and gracious.

Participant #1:

I mean, it's got its challenges, but as far as Africa is concerned, I love that a whole lot. Good. Thank you for what you do. You're a voice for women, and you're a positive voice out there. You're giving other people the chance to be heard, and that is such an encouragement to mend me, those that get to speak and then those that listen. And so thank you for what you're doing. I'm so glad we do. I'm so glad I met you. Thank you for reaching out, and I really love what I'm doing. The same way you love what you're doing. So many parts of the body, we can't all be the ears. We can all be the eyes or whatever. We need all the parts we need, all the parts we do. We all have our unique place and our unique calling. Exactly. Well, thank you, ma'am. Thank you. I look forward to chatting with you later.

Participant #1:

I was struck by the degree of sacrifice Melody Lovingly is willing to give. Her faith allows her to stay optimistic even when times are dark and difficult. I'm not sure I could do what she does. I am thankful there are people who commit themselves to that thing they feel compelled to do. I know we all have something we need to share, and it takes all of us to do that unique thing to make it all work better. The Unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms. Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow, rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unabashed you if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable. So thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing once again we have the privilege to pray for Africa and her people, most especially her children. May the orphan find homes may the underserved receive help may the broken be made whole. May there be more melodies out there who when they feel the nudge go share the thing that only they have to give it all adds up so go be unabashed be you.

Thought it would be fun to record a short episode centered around Thanksgiving with my friends while we were on an annual girls trip. Now I know it’s an American holiday but the theme of gratitude is certainly universal. Enjoy the conversation with Becky, Kathleen and Sandy.

Reminiscing brings back wonderful snapshots of times with friends. The four of us don’t go far - that’s not the point. It’s about setting aside time, the most precious gift of all, and spending it with loved ones. There is something about having a tradition that is very special. I hope you have created some or if you haven’t you will be inspired to do so.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed you conversations to Become Who You Already Are The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy now thought it would be fun to record a short episode centered around Thanksgiving with my friends while we were on an annual girls trip. Now, I know it's an American holiday, but the theme of gratitude is certainly universal. Enjoy the conversation with Becky, Kathleen and Sandy.

Participant #1:

I'm gathered here with my friends for our 17th annual Girls Trip woman's trip. Trip, and we are about to have some fun. All right, ladies, we've got Sandy, Kathleen and Becky hair. I would like you to answer the following Thanksgiving questions if you can, and just guess and do your best. There's no prize money involved. The approximate year considered to be the first Thanksgiving. The approximate year considered to be the first Thanksgiving. Approximate. Can you get in the right century

Participant #1:

of our country? I should know this because I'm a 13th generation Mayfar descendant. All right, let's have a guess. I think I would know that, wouldn't you? No.

Participant #1:

Teachers don't tell me I did preschool. We didn't even know that. All right, we've got a 1648, and that is just downright close.

Participant #1:

Question two. What meat? What did the Native Americans bring to the first Thanksgiving? What did they bring to the first Thanksgiving? The Native Americans. Wow. I was going to say that corn. But you said meat. Meat. I did say meat. I see. Ducks or goose. Okay. Ducks, goose. Benison, Sandy, anything to add to that, dear? Yeah, I would say probably dear. Dear. Venison. And you are all correct. It is dear. It is dear. Dear. Very good. You guys are about a hundred here as a collective team. How long did that first Thanksgiving celebration last? How long? Days. Two to three days. Two to three days. And guess what? You are correct again. Three days. There were 50 European settlers and around 90 Native Americans. What are Turkey chicks called?

Participant #1:

Kathleen has a very serious look on her face because she knows the answer. She's accessing that part of her file system. Just did a baby shower, but I don't know. Giblets.

Participant #1:

Okay, we've got giblets. Turkey chicks are called Chiclets. We've got giblets and Chiclets. Do we have any other possible answers?

Participant #1:

Okay. All right, well, we'll conclude with polts or Turkey Lings. Or Turkey Lings. Okay, only two more questions to go. You ladies are doing great. What is the wobbly red piece of flesh on top of the beak of a Turkey called on top? Not the Waddle on top. You want to speak up? I have no idea. The water is underneath. What's the on top one called? The red floppy thing? Yes,

Participant #1:

it's called a snowed and a little bit red, bit under the beak, the Waddle. And you are correct. Look at you guys.

Participant #1:

Well, this is what comes up when you Google Thanksgiving trivia. And now we're going to take a deeper dive as our 17th annual girls trip. We are now going to just kind of go through some memories. Let's start with Thanksgiving. If you had to list your favorite holidays, where would Thanksgiving fall? Sort of in that list, where do you think it would fall? For me? It would be like last like one of the very last ones. Maybe New Year's Eve would be down there and then Thanksgiving. I don't need any of the food, so it's not really a big deal for me. What about you guys? Kathleen is the same for her. Mine is probably number two. Mine is number two as well. Number two after Christmas. After Christmas. Okay. So we've got some people who really love it and then a couple who are like not so much. Well, for me, Thanksgiving is about family. Well, my family's dissolved, but it's just the history of mine. All right. And then what about a memorable Thanksgiving that you've had? A memorable Thanksgiving? Is there one that stands out? Yeah. My favorite Thanksgiving was 2002, because after seven years of infertility and trying to have a baby, Natalie was born and we adopted her. So that first Thanksgiving was so special. Just having my little almost three months old. Yes. In my arms, just sharing her with the whole family because I come from a big family and just sharing her with the whole family and thanking God that he had given me this amazing gift that is so sweet and wonderful. Okay. Who wants to be next? I'm trying to remember the year. It doesn't matter. We were in Hawaii with the kids, and we were renting a house on the beach. And I just remember making the dinner and my husband saying, oh, I thought they're surfing. I could just smell the Turkey. And then there were two military guys that were staying behind us. And I was nervous, but I went over I go, would you guys want Thanksgiving dinner? And they're like, yes. And they clean the plate, brought it back. It was just kind of special. That is special. Wonderful. Do you have a special one to remember? Okay, well, my special one of them would be the time that I spent with Kathleen and her family when we were young and before we were even married, just doing something completely different, going up to San Jose area and having so that would be one of the memorable Thanksgivings that I had was just as a young adult, just not doing the traditional thing. What about a memorable girls trip moment from the past 17 years? Can you think of a special moment that we've had? Just one moment that you want to share the slide? Yeah. But you enjoyed watching us do it. Okay, so a picture of this. We're at the Phoenician, and this is a very nice hotel in, I don't know, somewhere in Arizona that Oprah way back in the day had recommended as a great place. And so we went there for one night. One night. And the three of us, Becky, Sandy and I, spent a big portion of our time on the slide. Kathleen enjoyed watching water slides. She just had her hair done. She did not want to partake, but she enjoyed watching us. And that makes that really special. Every time we came down, we laughed. We would laugh or you would make a face, or Becky would look scared or we'd do something. I laughed so hard. That's a good moment. It was so fun. Somebody else memorable moment. When we went to Warner Hot Springs. Warner Hot Springs. And we were at the pool and named him Creepy Guy, who just as soon as the four of us walked in, he was laser focused. And every time one of us would get up to go in the pool, he'd go to the pool, or every time somebody do we walk by, he's there. I don't know. It was just creepy. Yeah. And I do recall that he was not very good at hiding his leering ways. I mean, it was just so obvious he was not clever or about it at all. And it was rather creepy. I know we laughed about it, but it was uncomfortable. It was uncomfortable. Really creepy. What's the name? I can't remember the cone of when I called remember we were talking about the cone of, I don't know, protection, the cone of something. But because when we get in the pool, he'd get in the pool and then he'd get close to us. Creepy. Creepy. Yeah. I had lots of fun. I would say one of my moments would be actually that same trip. And it was when we all four played tennis together, and it was just really fun. And then that same trip, we all had a golf lesson because none of us played golf, but we thought, well, let's at least try it and do it. And it was very funny because none of us knew. And then the odd way that you like it still doesn't make sense to me. The weird way that you hold a golf club, I don't know. That part I just thought was strange. You're making us sound like we're very active on our driving. Well, we have someone here who's very pickleball. Pickleball? Oh, we did play pickleball a couple of years ago. That was another fun moment. Yeah. We do sound very important. We do sound very active. We sound very active. Miss Mary, we are not that active. Are there any other favorite moments from the past 17 trips you can think of? There's so many. I'm trying to think.

Participant #1:

All right, Sherry,

Participant #1:

embrace your nakedness. That's what we were trying to came up with. Yeah. Trying to get away from any kind of body shaming and embracing what was the game we would play? We would play some kind of charade game. Quelf. Yes. That's charade game that was Quilt, where you do opera or rap or stories. Yes. Listener, I may have to add that room are good at that. And two of us. That is so wonderful. All right. Something that you are grateful for as we think about Thanksgiving that's coming up here in November, sort of a month, a time to be grateful for our many blessings and the things that we have that are wonderful in our lives. What is something you're grateful for? Health. Very good. Health. Yes. Goodness. Yes. That is excellent. I'm grateful for my freedom. Freedom. I'm really liking these answers because they're not the traditional, but yeah, it's freedom. Yeah. Right. I haven't traveled recently. But go to other countries and you just don't. I think we take for granted as American citizens. It's a freedom that we have. I think you're right. I think anytime that you're given a lot, you don't realize that you have a lot until you compare yourself or situation to something else. Okay. What else are we grateful for here? Well, not to go with something cliche, I'd say the abundance because there's nothing that we really need. That's true. You can get it if you want, you can get it right. That's very true. But I mean, you could say family, kids, right? Yeah. Well, no, I like your answers. And I feel very grateful today in this moment for the three of you, because we've all been friends, at least since 1980, if not longer. Yeah. So we go back a long ways, and it's really wonderful to have this connected history together. So I thank you each, Becky, Kathleen and Sandy for your friendship for the 17 years we've been doing this. And may it be at least 17 more at least. Thank you, ladies. Thank you for this. Thank you.

Participant #1:

Reminiscing brings back wonderful snapshots of time with friends. The four of us don't go far. That's not the point. It's about setting aside time, the most precious gift of all, and spending it with loved ones. There's something about having a tradition that is very special. I hope you have created some or if you haven't, you'll be inspired to do so. The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes, and a blog with embedded audio. At Unabashed U.com, you can find the show and other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unavashured. U. If you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth in sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think. Celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and possibly possible to forget. Be a great friend to somebody today. Go be unabashed, be you.

For By Request this week we have My Linh as our guest. She has some very deep profound wisdom to drop on us today. I’m still reeling from the way she framed her nugget of wisdom. My Linh wants us to put the effort in to loving ourselves because it’s worth it, we’re worth it.

Is it just me or does My Linh sound like Isabella Rosellini? There is a depth and a richness to her voice so it is a compliment. I was mesmerized listening to her share with us the role she played in her family and how it helped form who she is today, taking all that happened and becoming the best version of herself she could. I admire that in her.

You can find My Linh on IG at My Linh.

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

Social media (direct links):

Facebook

Instagram

If you have questions or comments email us at: [email protected].

We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who you already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged, as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Kindy now for by request, this week, we have My Lynn as our guest. She has some very deep, profound wisdom to drop on us today. I'm still reeling from the way she framed her nugget of wisdom. My Lynn wants us to put the effort into loving ourselves because it's worth it. We're worth it.

Participant #1:

My Lynn and I met through an online course. I've enjoyed getting to know her a bit, and I'm looking forward to hearing more during our conversation today. Here's what I know so far. She lives in the Netherlands and is a warm, kind, thoughtful woman. Welcome to the show, My Lynn. Thank you. And thank you so much for your kind words. Well, they're easy. They're very easy. Is there anything you want the listeners to know about you before we get started? Yeah, I've thought about this. And there's just one thing I often hear from people that they feel a bit intimidated by the energy they feel for me. Interesting. Yes. And I always say to people at the end of our interaction, you feel like I'm really powerful. I want you to remind yourself that that same power is within yourself. Wow. That's very gosh. What great advice to give them. And I myself don't pick up that vibe from you at all. In fact, I almost a little bit find it surprising. I mean, yes, you're a strong woman, but I don't find your energy intimidating at all. I don't know what to say about that. Which three words would you use to describe yourself? I think it would be adamant

Participant #1:

courageous and soft. Adamant courageous and soft that paints such a really balanced, varied picture. I like that. I like that a lot. All right. Have you ever played this Two Truths on Lie? It's where you say three things about yourself, and one of those things is not true. And I have to figure out which one that is. Yeah. I haven't played it before, but I read it from the information. Okay, great. I'm older than 30. Okay. I'm a sweet tooth. Yes. What was the last one? I love 90s music. 90s music. Okay. Older than 30 has a sweet tooth. And you love 90s music. Oh, boy. Okay, so I mean, I have a sweet tooth, too, so how can you not have a sweet tooth? I'm going to put that one aside. And so it's now 90s music. And if you're over 30, I think it could be like just over 30. So I'm going to say that one's true. And so I'm going to say that maybe you don't love 90s music. I'm going to say that's the lie. I do love 90s music. It's your favorite. Yeah. What is name two bands you like from that time of year? Oh, my gosh, I love the Backstreet Boys. I love anything from the 90s, actually, Britney Spears. I know it's like people painted as bad music, but it just brings me back to dancing to the beat and just loving the music. You know what? You get to love whatever you want to love. That's what this is all about. So, yeah, you get to embrace your love for the 90s music. Okay, so 90s music is true. Do you have a sweet tooth? I do not. Oh, my gosh. It's so hard for me to relate to as someone who has a sweet tooth. Okay. You don't have a sweet tooth. So that was the lie. And then it's true then that you are over 30. Yes, I'm 31. Oh, my gosh, just over. But I added this one because a lot of people think I'm like 2025, which usually I have to show my idea if I go to the supermarket and buy things like liquor, I have to show you have such a classically beautiful face that you really could pass for a lot of ages. You know what I mean? Yes. Thank you so much. Yes, very much. So one of your favorite movies of all time. I'm not much of a movie watcher. I've told you before, but I love Home Alone. Oh, that is a classic. A modern classic. Home Alone. It's so sweet. And do you consider it a Christmas movie? Because it does take place at Christmas time. Yeah, I do consider it a Christmas movie. And Christmas. I just love the feeling of Christmas. I'm not religious, but I just love the whole, I guess the aliens around Christmas. I just love it. Yes. A lot of people really love Christmas for a variety of reasons. And there's a lot of festivity. There's a lot of good will and good spirit out there. Christmas is one of my favorites as well. Name a woman that inspires you. Lady Gaga. Okay, very good. Okay. Why does Lady Gaga inspire you? Not so much. Well, she does make great music, but you see her like, there are a lot of online videos of her interacting with fans or people who are less fortunate. And she is so gracious with those people. And I just love that she's so kind and humble and the way she treats people and the way she talks to people, you just can just sense that she treats people on the same level. It doesn't matter who she is. You're exactly the same as she is. Right. Well, and that takes a real sense of humility. Right. To be able to attain the level of success that she has and retain that. Did you like a Stars bar in the movie? I haven't watched it because much of a movie watch. Okay. You're talking to an avid movie watcher. Yeah. If you ever get around to seeing it because you like her, then you may end up enjoying it. All right. Name a piece of wisdom you keep handy. I always try to remind myself that if I'm destined to lose something, that I'd rather lose it from reality than from my mindset. To me is a life sentence that is okay. If you're going to lose something, you'd rather lose it in reality. Is that what you said than kind of like anticipating losing something in your mind it didn't happen or didn't happen yet? Is that kind of what you're tell me? Where does that come from? Because that seems like a very profound, well thought out piece of wisdom. I always try to motivate people to try. In the past, I've been very anxious and scared of taking opportunities, but I really noticed that being scared of taking opportunities, it keeps you stuck and you're losing to something that's in your head. For example, let's say you like someone, but you think maybe they don't like me and you don't even make any efforts to connect with them. Then you're losing to something in your head. And I'd rather lose reality finding out that they actually don't like me than to think they don't like me. Oh, my gosh. That really is a very good way of framing that. I really appreciate, obviously, the time, thought and experience that went into you putting that together and articulating it so well, I think that's going to really speak to a lot of people. And I couldn't agree more. I love the way you put it, that if you don't try, how will you know? Right? Yeah. And you're keeping yourself what I said, it's like really a life sentence to always act well, actually not act upon the things that you think because you think they don't like you. You think that you won't make it, you think that you can do it, but you never really know. So you're holding yourself captive in a prison in your head. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's really my limb. That is just really astounding and remarkable. I'm so moved by that. I really am. Thank you for putting some great thought into that and sharing that negative with us. That is a keeper for sure. All right. It's time to take the deep dive, and this is where we talk about might be what you're promoting or not even promoting is not even the right word. Sharing on social media or your passion. Let's talk about that. My passion. It kind of touches my social media, but I think I do this with everyone I need in my life, too. And I really love for people to really put the effort into start loving and accepting themselves. Very good because it's very natural for a lot of people to be hard on themselves. I think so. And are we learning in the course that we're taking. And I've heard it elsewhere that the majority of our thoughts in any single day are negative, percentage wise, scientifically, and probably that had something to do with survival, trying to make it through, but it doesn't really serve us very well anymore. It doesn't seem to me. Okay, so what do you want to do with this passion that you have of wanting people to understand that the stuck part is in their head? And what's the worst thing that can happen if someone tries for the thing? I think the thing that's keeping people from trying from it is that they are afraid to find out that it's true, that they are a bad person and they are really not that good. Oh, interesting. Like, they fear that it's going to be true. How often do you think that's even the case? Not in numbers, but just in generalities for me, I really love people, so I think it's never true. I think that's so great. So getting back to their'afraid of the thing, turning out their worst fear, their worst fear is going to be true. And you're saying that actually that almost isn't even possible, that this thing that they're thinking of, it can't be what they're thinking it's going to be. I think maybe it's good to share the story I got here. It's because my mom, she has passed away, but she had a lot of mental issues and a lot of things to deal with. And she was very kind to other people, but always very hard to herself. And that caused her to take out a lot of her problems onto me. And I know in my heart, I know that my mom loved me so deeply, but even that love wasn't enough for her to stop her from projecting all the things she had in her head onto me. And that was because she couldn't accept that there were things about her that she deemed bad that weren't actually bad. She always had to help other people, which created no space for herself. But everybody needs to help themselves sometimes, but she won't allow herself to do that. So that created so much inner turmoil that she would project it onto her kids. And I think if that's something. Okay. So you share this experience with siblings, so you weren't an only child. You shared this, and so you and your siblings had a conversation, a healing type of conversation about, hey, mom did the best she could do, but it really wasn't everything we needed. It wasn't everything we wanted. Or have you done that more within your individually or both? More individually, because the situation is a lot more complicated. I was the person everybody came to talk about this thing. Okay. The dynamic is very difficult for me to get the support the other way around. Right. Got it. Because group dynamics are truly fascinating. They really are within a family, within even classrooms and different small groups even kind of develop their own group dynamic. And it's almost like, well, they are like an entity that has different characteristics. So somehow early on, you became the survivor, the strong one, the one that everybody went to to kind of air out their grievances and whatever it was. And they looked to you to be the ear and the shoulder and all of that, I'm guessing was probably part a tremendous compliment and part very validating and affirming. But then also on another side, I'm imagining exhausting and overwhelming and stressful. Yeah. Now that I'm 30, 31, I'm happy that I could do that for them. And I've learned a lot from it. But it also has taken me a lot of energy and time of my life to set those things right for myself again because I didn't have time to become an adult. So as I already was an adult, I had to be apparent to myself again. Right. What a wonderful opportunity, though, that you had that you saw. Hey, there was some stuff I didn't get. Now I'm going to take care of it, whatever it was, therapy, journaling, thought, process, pondering. However we can get all that out and sort of look at it and sort it and get it kind of to a point where we can really when I say get on the other side of it, I don't think we're ever really done. I really don't. I think it's a process. We're moving forward. We're moving forward. And then I'm hopeful that one. I'm sorry to hear that your mom had all of these struggles. And because she had these struggles, she couldn't help but kind of share them or however you want to think of it, project them. You use that word onto you and the others. Are you to a point where you can see the gifts that she was able to bring you, even amongst amidst all of the struggles? Definitely. I don't see it necessarily as I wouldn't call it a good thing, but not a bad thing either. And I do think she has given me a lot,

Participant #1:

actually. I had the same problems as she had when I was younger because she rejected it on me. But I've had the opportunity to heal these things. And my mom being she was from Vietnam, so they fled to the Netherlands from the war. And she had no opportunity. She just had to work really hard and make money for the family. So there was no time to fix mental problems. And she has given me my dad education, and with that, a stable job. So I could have no financial problems to worry about, so I could focus on mental issues and healing those. Right. And I like that you recognize that as a gift, even though, like you said, it wasn't a good thing, but good things came from it. And I love that you're able to see that she really did the best she could do with what she had and her experience and all of the different things that made her hurt. That was her best. And I think as children, particularly grown children, that's such an important place to arrive at to realize that your parents were human. They were finite. Because when we're really little, we just think, oh, my gosh, we don't even recognize the humanity of our parents until later. And then when we realize that and like, I didn't get this and this and this, but now it's up to us to get to this and this and this. It's no longer there. They did what they knew how to do. And that's why one of my inspirational women is Maya Angela. I think she's the one that said I did the best I knew how to do at the time. And when I knew better, I did better. And I think that's just so true. Okay, so your family fled to the Netherlands because of the war. And so were you born and raised in the Netherlands then? Yeah, I was born and raised. Oh, wow. That is so great. This is just complete aside because I wish I could tell you that I can access the Netherlands file in my brain, but it's got cobwebs and other things around it. What's the main language of the Netherlands? Dutch. Dutch. Yes. There it is. Dutch. So you grew up speaking Dutch? Yes, I did. And did your mother teach you Vietnamese or whatever the dialect for her area was? She kind of taught me Vietnamese, but it wouldn't be a disgrace to say I speak Vietnamese. Okay. But you understand little bits and PC. Yeah, I do. And then did you grow up in the school system? They wanted you to know English as well? Yeah. In the Netherlands, everybody know actually is taught English. Okay, gosh, you know, that is so remarkable. I'm admiring of countries that really take a second language seriously. I'm not saying it has to be English. I probably couldn't even learn English today if I were speaking it for the first time. The rules don't always work. And there are so many exceptions that I don't know why there's a rule in the first place. And it just strikes me as such a hodgepodge language of some Latin, some of this, some of that, some of that. I mean, it's a melting pot language just like our country. So I admire anybody who speaks English. Well, who learned it from like, you've got to learn it from an early age because your school system said, no, we're going to do this, too. Oh, that's so cool. It's actually really funny because I have family and I know some people in the US, and it's like everybody there is just like you. So what I should say amazed at teachers in Europe. Yes, we would say that for sure. I had three years of Spanish in high school. Another couple in College now it's fluent, not even anywhere close. I can conjugate a lot of verbs. Get me a sheet of paper and get me some Spanish verbs and I can conjugate them. But that's not going to help me in conversation at all. It's because the Netherlands has a lot of neighboring countries with different languages, of course. So I guess that's why. Because the US has Canada, which also speaks English. We have Germany and France and the UK next to us. So do you speak any other languages Besides the Dutch and English and you understand the smattering of Vietnamese? Yeah. And German sounds a lot like Dutch. So could understand what they're saying. Okay. We taught French and I have family and friends, but I wouldn't say I would manage. But probably that's really wonderful. And I imagine that you've done a fair share of traveling, being so close to the other countries, probably not in the last year and a half, but before that and all, I actually love traveling outside Europe. Okay. I've been more outside of Europe than in Europe. Okay. And what have been some of your favorite places to go visit? Wow. I've been to Japan, which I thought was great. South Korea. Wow. Yeah. I've been to China, but that was on this organized trip, so I learned from that that I don't really like organized trips. So. Yeah, I love Asia. Okay. I'm wondering if the organized trip to China was a better way to see China since it's a restricted you can't just wander around. Right. I mean, maybe a little bit, but not completely. I'm not sure, actually. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard of friends who have been to China without an organized trip, so just by themselves, which was fun and great. So I guess it is possible, but I'm not sure how much. Right. Sorry. Will you head back at some point? Are you going to go back? I have so many more other countries, so I'm not sure if it's possible in this lifetime. Right. I get you. Yeah. There's only so much we can go do and see. Right. Yeah. Anything else that you want to chat about in conclusion before we wrap up? No, nothing much. The main message for me is also always for people to really spend time with themselves and learn to love every part of themselves, whether they see it as good or bad. Well, I agree with that completely. And I think sometimes when we talk about self fulfillment or I think for some people it brings a very selfish connotation. But I don't think that's how I mean it. I don't think that's how you mean it either. Before you can really give you have to have it all within yourself first. Right. Because really, if you're not fully healthy, then how can you share that with somebody? How can you share the best of you with someone else if you're not even there yet? And that's how I mean it. And I think that's how kind of what you're speaking to, like healing the places that need healing and moving forward in the best way possible. Yeah. And I think we should learn everything is perspective because we are as human beings. We really like to put things as label good and bad. And that's it. This is always good and this is always bad. But for example, I would ask you, if you were to say self fulfillment is selfish. Why is selfish a bad thing? I really want to think about that. The story behind why is selfish a bad thing? Why is that a bad word? Sometimes selfish is a bad thing, but sometimes selfish can also be a good thing. Yeah. We tend to see it as one bad thing, but it isn't. It's illegal. And I agree with you, and I think it's again, like we're saying, it's very healthy that you need to start with yourself. I'm thinking that some people view it with a pretty negative connotation, almost like a hedonistic kind of a vibe to it. For me. I'm talking about a really healthy place to be. I don't ever think of anybody else. I don't ever notice anybody else's needs. I don't mean it like that at all. I just think you need to be kind of fully realized within yourself before you can share your goodness and the gifts that you have to share with other people. Yeah. And rather than going just listening to the word selfish, you need to feel what you're doing because our body knows when we're being selfish, when it's a bad thing and when it's a good thing, because taking care of yourself feels good. It's never a bad thing that maybe be called selfish, but it's not a bad thing. I agree. Sure, someone will call you selfish, but you need to feel within is this really selfish to me or is it self care? Because like we're talking about you need to explore who you are, discover who you are, own who you are, love who you are. I mean, all those things. And I agree that things are not black and white. Rarely are they black and white. There's so much Gray, many shades of Gray between black and white. And that's where most things reside, right? Somewhere in the Grays. And I like Gray. Gray is a good color. Nothing wrong with Gray. Well, this has been a wonderful conversation. My Lynn, thank you so much for your time. Your wisdom. I mean, 31 and look at the wisdom you are packing there. My goodness. Thank you so much. Yes. Gosh, I get very energized and excited by the different revelations that people share about their thought process and the different ways that they look at things. I find that very encouraging. And yeah, back to the word exciting. It just really brings me a lot of spark and a lot of joy. So I thank you for that. Thank you so much for inviting me. You're so welcome. All right. We will talk very soon. In fact, I think we've got a call tomorrow, right? Yes, we have one tomorrow. Yes. Okay. I'll see you then. My Lynn, thank you so much. Thank you for coming on. Bye bye.

Participant #1:

Is it just me or does my Lynn sound a lot like Isabella Rossellini? There's a depth and a richness to her voice so it's a compliment. I was mesmerized listening to her share with us the role she played in her family and how it helped from who she is today, taking all that happened and becoming the best version of herself she could. I admire that in her. The unabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show on other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under unavashidou if you want to connect. The email is [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth and sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Regardless of your upbringing or maybe because of it, be all you are meant to be don't skimp don't short yourself on being you. It's important all that this life has to offer can only be found in showing up as the best version of yourself so discover explore expand be unabashed be you.

Jen was not feeling fully well the day we recorded and yet she was a trooper giving it her all. I am grateful because she did me a solid which you will hear about. As a self-love coach she is committed to doing the healing work herself and then she can better help clients with the insight and experience she has gained.

Her nugget of wisdom, “Want to heal the world, then heal yourself first” is excellent, practical and sound advice. We need to make sure our cup is full of goodness before we can share it with someone else. Plus that’s really all we can do, work on ourselves, show up as our best selves and keep showing up. Thanks, Jen. That’s a keeper.

You can find Jen at Self-love Yogi

Thanks for being a part of the UY conversation.  

The Unabashed You website has a page for each guest of photos, quotes and a blog with embedded audio at unabashedyou.com. You can find the show on other podcast platforms.  Want to lend your support and encouragement? We invite you to follow, rate, review and share.

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We build upon on website visits, social media and word of mouth to share these episodes.  We appreciate growth knowing these conversations help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way.

So be encouraged and continue to listen, read and be inspired. 🍐

TRANSCRIPT (not edited for errors)

Participant #1:

Welcome to Unabashed You conversations to become who You Already are. The focus at UI is to be who you are without apology, for you are one of a kind, without equal. Be encouraged as these conversations will help you think, celebrate who you are, and move you in some way your companion to the whimsy and beauty of the human spirit. Rochelle Condy Now, Jen wasn't feeling fully herself the day we recorded, and yet she was a trooper giving it her all. I'm grateful because she did me a solid, which you will hear about as a self love coach. She's committed to doing the healing work herself, and then she can better help clients with the insight and experience she has gained.

Participant #1:

Listeners, I want to share with you how generous and gracious this next guest is. We actually had a conversation for the podcast a couple of weeks ago, but guess what? Somehow I forgot to press record. Ugh ever have one of those days? Yes. Well, here is what I can share about by request. Guest Jen Hannox. We found each other through a podcasting platform called Audrey. She reached out to me and we decided to collaborate. She's coming out unabashed you and I was a guest on her show Self Love Yogi. Welcome, Jen, and thanks again for your kindness. Absolutely. No problem at all. You were just so wonderful about the whole thing. And of course, when you realize the kind of personality I have, when I realized what had happened, you just feel sick. And now I have to go back and tell her the whole humbling experience of the realization, taking responsibility and holding myself accountable and then being honest and hoping that it's going to be received in the same way that I was sharing with you in all vulnerability and authenticity. Wow, I really blew this. And you were just like, okay, no problem. I was like, she's the perfect person to be able to tell this, too. Great. I'm glad I was able to do that for you, because maybe years ago I would have been different. But there's no need to get worked up and get upset. And I do the same thing. So technology can be a bit sometimes. Yes. And I have confirmed we are at recording. I'm very excited to record. We can both see it. Yes. Okay. Anything you want the listeners to know about you to start? Well, I guess just a little bit of background about me and what I do as we talked about last time. Sure. A lot of my stuff is about self love, which I believe has to do with getting into the big stuff, getting into the deep stuff that we don't want to look at. So getting into the shadow side, looking at the parts of ourselves that we think are hard to love, when you can start to learn to love those parts, that's when you can find the deeper self love. And that's come about for me because I've been through such a traumatic childhood and such a traumatic life, and everybody has trauma to some degree. So I never like to say that my trauma is worse than others or better than others. But it was something that happened to me that I believe I signed up for before I got here. Personally, I think that I signed a sole contract to do this. Interesting. Before like, there's something called sole contracts. And so my belief is that we sign a sole contract before we get here. And we know me and my mom probably signed a full contract to do the thing that we did, and she left this world, and that was part of her sole contract. I look at it that way. Whether or not it's true, it doesn't matter to me because it changes my perspective regardless. Right, exactly. That's very interesting. I'm going to ponder that. I love to ponder. I'm going to ponder that a bit. What three words. And thank you for the vulnerability of sharing that. Right. Sharing what you believe. And that is fascinating. I really am going to circle back to that three words to describe yourself. Authentic brave and kind. Authentic brave and kind. And yes, yes. I mean, I can see that in our interactions, for sure. Authentic braving, kind all the way. All right. Two truths for the lie. And so three things. And I need to guess. Okay, let's see. So I have two Wiener dogs. Okay. I love pineapple. Okay. And I love to tap dance. Okay. Two leaner dogs. Just go through my thought process. I feel like I saw something about your two dogs on Instagram. So I'm going to set that one aside and say, that's true, pineapple. It's hard to imagine people not liking pineapple, but I guess it's possible. So I'll set that aside on the other side. Tap dancing. That's, to me, a 50 50 thing. You might like it. You might not like it. So I think I'll go with tap dancing that you don't actually know how to tap dance. Oh, I do. Yeah. I did a 42nd street back when I was in high school, and I learned how to tap dance back then. And so I've been doing it ever since. Oh, my gosh. And so you actively tap dance in maybe a year or so with us. But, like, last year during the lockdown, I got a new pair of tap shoes, and I got on YouTube and I did some tap classes. And it's kind of hard because you either have to have a good space or you have to get, like, a board otherwise. Right. Floors and stuff. And I did it. And I was like, wow, I still have it. Like, I still have. Oh, how fun. That is. So fun. And 42nd street. That's a tap heavy show. I couldn't believe that. Yeah. I got cast and we did the whole we were in the money where we made the dimes out of wood. We had to dance at them overhead and set them down with hands on them. Actually, I was a really heavy kid and that was the first show I ever did. And I lost £30. Wow. Because it was so much rehearsal and I was also that's when my eating disorders were kind of starting to peak up. And so I was not eating and I was going to rehearsal every day and I lost £30. And they're like, your costumes don't fit you anymore. And I'm like, okay, so that's kind of a weird time in my life. Wow. Well, it's hard to fit you're. Very healthy looking and very lean looking. So it's hard to picture you with 30 extra pounds on you. Okay, so that takes us to pineapple you don't care for. I hate pineapple. Okay. What is it about pineapple? I don't know. It tastes gross if it touches other fruit. I can't do pineapple. I've always hated it. And everybody I say that one because like you said, most people like pineapple a lot and acidic. I don't like it. It's so funny. As we're talking about pineapple, I just feel like I'm tasting it right now and it's like creating a reaction in me. Isn't that funny? Yeah. Okay. Is there anything you're binging right now? My TV show wise, I'm not a big TV person. Okay, that's fine. Again, like the last year, I'll try not to share too many of my beliefs, but I feel you get to be you. That's what the soul. I know, but I don't want it to turn into I could go on a conspiracy road right now and I don't want to do that. Okay. But I do feel very I feel a lot of inauthenticity when I watch TV. I feel like watching and I see a lot of things. Like once you go down the rabbit hole, you can't unsee them. So now when I watch TV, I'm like, oh, I can't even watch this. And so I will watch movies occasionally. I just saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas with my boyfriend for the first time and I've never seen it before. And I was like, okay, well, didn't he win Nicholas Cage? Didn't he win an Academy Award for that? I don't know. Johnny Depp.

Participant #1:

This is what I'm kind of binging on. This is what brought about the juice cleanse that I'm doing some of the dietary things that I'm doing. It's not so much about losing weight per se. I will probably lose weight just because I think I'm actually holding emotional trauma in my body. Okay. And so I'm a pretty fit, leanish person. I've been leaner in the past. I used to compete in bodybuilding. I got on stage and did the Tan and did the little sparkly bikini and the whole thing. And they really set my eating disorder into like a tail spin after that. And so I read it a couple of years ago, and it didn't really resonate with me as much. I felt more like I was being chastised by it. I'm reading it again and I'm like, oh, my God, like, I think I'm holding, like, childhood trauma, sexual trauma in my body. And so I'm binging on this book right now. I'm probably going to read it a few times and try to just kind of get to the root of it. And that's why I'm doing this two week juice cleanse so I can get into the emotional traumas in my body and look at them, rather than sometimes we put food on them and not in a bad way. It's okay to eat. I'm the first person to safely eat whatever you want, but sometimes when we eat from an emotional place, they won't get to feel our feelings because the food covers it up. Right. And so that's kind of what I'm working on right now. Well, a couple of things. One, I really like that you pivoted. What are you binging right now to talk about that you're actually binging a book right now. I think that is a really cool interpretation of the question. So thank you for just shifting that completely. And then secondly, how wonderful you feel so committed to being whole and well and healing anything that's just not quite right, because, of course, you are correct and that we all go through stuff, and that's one of the reasons we're here. Of course, I'm not completely well versed in all the belief systems out there, but it's hard to imagine a belief system that would tell you that you're not going to go through hard things while you're here. That just seems to be part of the program no matter what you believe it seems to be. Yeah, exactly. All right. Share negative wisdom you keep handy. Something I talk about a lot of my platform is especially with the way that the world looks around us right now. A lot of us feel a little helpless. We're kind of watching some chaos happen, and we feel like, what can we do to help the state of the world? And I just tell all of my people that if you want to heal the world, you start by healing yourself. That's my favorite thing to say. And honestly, even if it's not about the world, even if you couldn't care less about politics or anything that's happening and you're just living your life, maybe you've got people around you that you feel like, God, I wish they would just whatever. If you want them to heal in some way, start by healing yourself and your perception of them will change and they will see you. And that's how any change happens. You can't change other people. You can't change the world. You can only change yourself. I could not agree more. I think anything that you are going to feel for someone else or share with someone else. You can't really do that well until you have it for yourself, because it really starts from that place of like wholeness wellness, all of that. For me, it's that classic flight attendant speech of you've got to put the mask on yourself first before you can help someone else. Absolutely. I don't think it's selfish. I think some people might argue maybe that it's selfish, but I would argue that it is not that you I think we would both be completely in agreement on it starts with you. So if you're not healed or healing, back to the ing that we talked about. Oh, yes, that's right. If you're not in that place of working on that stuff, then how can you show up for other people in a really good way unless you're doing that stuff? And I think that counts for everything, for mothers and their children, for spouses, for the friends. We all feel this need to give to others, which is wonderful. But if you're giving from an empty cup, you end up getting bitter, you end up feeling depleted, you end up feeling empty. And then you're like, then you get resentful and you're like, why aren't you filling up my cup? And it's like, no, you fill up your own cup. And so a lot of people will argue that it's selfish, but I think that just comes from an uninformed place of code dependency. And we all have that. We either have codependency or super independency. I tend to go towards the independence side. I don't need anybody. Nobody needs to help me, that kind of thing. A lot of us have codependency. It sounds like a bad word. It's not. But I think that's where the selfish thing comes from is they go, oh, it's selfish of me to want to do things for myself, which is could not know. I absolutely agree. I absolutely agree. Okay, so now the deep dive into your passion. It sounds like you have really led a very what would be a good word for it? Like varied life. I mean, we've got overweight tap dancer bodybuilder eating disorder. Now your platform. I think the journey from that to where you are right now of self love in a healthy way. And I know you do yoga, that's a part of who you are. So kind of how did you get to this place right now having a podcast and coaching others in wellness? I mean, is the coaching specifically about healing and wellness? You tell us what it is. I don't need to guess. You're here. Okay. No. Well, let me see. Well, the coaching I'll start with that is self love coaching. And so I use the modalities of yoga and meditation and a lot of other different tools that I've learned over the years on how to teach yourself to do the shadow work that it requires to really love yourself, not just I'm going to take a bubble bath every day. And that means I love myself. But to actually look at those parts of you, which is okay. And I always tell my people that's self care, and that is a tool to get to self love. I want you to do all the bubble baths. I want you to do the face masks. I want you to do the tea and all the stuff that gives you to take time for yourself. But when it comes to self love, it really is the shadow work. And so that's kind of like you said, I've lived a very life, a very colorful life. I've moved. I'm 36 years old. I've probably moved at least 30 times. Wow. I moved a lot. And I think it comes from my childhood because my mom moved me around a lot because she was doing drugs and doing her whole thing. And so I lived in Austin for eight and a half years, and I moved ten times just in the eight and a half years that I was there. I've lived in Chicago. I lived in Vegas. I've lived in Arizona. I've lived all over the place. And I've done theater, bodybuilding, personal training. I've done all these different things. I've had these weird jobs that people are like, who are you? You've also done that. What is going on? People hear my story, and they're like, you're all over the place. And it's because I just want to dip my toe and all the things. And I was also trying to figure out who I was. And so part of that shadow work, too. At one point, I shaved my head because I just done with my hair, and I was tired of it. And I had this really bad relationship with it. And I was like, Fuck it, I'm going to shave it off. And I just shaved my head. And everybody was like, what? And so I had a shaved head for six months and then grew it out. And so that, to me, was my personal way of trying to figure out who I am. And even recently, a couple of years ago, I was dating a very toxic alcoholic. And I had thought that I had healed some of my sexual trauma. And we broke up because he was awful. And it sent me into this tail spin of just serial dating. And I was like, oh, wow, I need to look at that now. So I'm constantly doing things, throwing myself into stuff that gets me to look at myself. And I don't know if that's just my personality or if that's what I signed up to do when I got here, but all of that to say that I ended up here because of all of those experiences. So a few years ago, I got diagnosed bipolar, which makes sense to me because it does run in my family, and there's a lot of mental illness in my family. I was very traumatized as a kid, and I've got a lot of imbalances. However, now I haven't been on meds for years, and I do a lot of work, and so I have a much more balanced state. And if I am bipolar, it doesn't really affect my life the way that I believed that it would. But I met a mentor then about five years ago now, and she's still in my life. She calls herself my second mom, and I love her very much. One of my favorite people. She's my homeopath. And that kind of led me into the journey that got me here. And so all that really hard work that I did and I continue to do I'm doing right now caused me to land right here. I got my yoga teacher training back in 2016. I started my podcast this year. I started this platform last year, and I've always known I want to help people. I've always been a person that people want my help. And so, I don't know, it feels like a calling. I still have some things I'm trying to figure out. There's certain things that don't work for me in this platform all the time. I get depleted really easily. And I've learned. Do you know anything about human design? I like how it sounds. I don't know. That means I know anything about it. Is it like a theory or what is it? Yeah, it's like a theory. Okay, so what's your sign? Are you like, that would be PISCES. You're a PISCES. I can see that. Okay. So it's kind of like that school of thought of like, if you read about PISCES, it talks about you and how you are and how you behave in life. And a lot of us know astrology. And then there's the 16 personality test. I don't know if you've ever taken that. I know the Enneagram. You know your Enneagram? I don't remember. Yes. I'm equal parts one and eight, with five being a close second to those two equal parts. So it's very similar to that. Okay. Personality type is similar. It's the ENFP INFJ you may. All right. Yes. The human design is much deeper, and you do the same thing. You give your birth date and your birthplace and all time and all that stuff. But it really gets into the I can't fully explain that there are people that read your charts for $500 because I looked at it and I was like, I have no idea what this means, but I'm a projector, which means that I'm like the ultimate empath, and I take everyone's energy. And so it's the hard thing as a coach to learn how to navigate that right. There are manifesting generators who are go go, and they're just happy to do that. And for me, I'm just, like, drained a lot because I'm taking on everyone's stuff. And so I've learned that recently. And so you need to really step into a lot of self care and refresh, rejuvenate mode to be able to do that kind of work. And it feels like too much like in our society, it's like, go do the things. And for me, I feel like I need to rest all the time. It's weird. I'm like, I'm always tired and I'm always like, I'm going to meditate again and I'm going to go do more yoga. And I'm just always in my yoga room just chilling in there. And I'm just like, I spent all this time in there, but I think if anybody is listening and they know what I'm talking about and they are projectors, there are places for us. It's just kind of different. And so I think just learning about that, I totally went on a tangent. I don't even know where I went, how I got here. Fine. I love it. I absolutely love it. It's so fascinating and interesting. And one thing, I have a friend who knows a lot about the Enneagram, and she said she reminded me that five start the day. Five are investigative thinkers. Okay. So that's my number two. They start the day with 60% to give. So they've already started the day and not even at the hundred. So they're easily quickly depleted and need to kind of step back, recharge, be alone, whatever it is for that person, which I thought, oh, wow. Okay. That's interesting. And like you, I want to be helpful, and I can be very animated and seemingly extroverted, but in reality, I'm introverted because then I need to go and just be by myself and just read or do very little. And I feel like I actually plug myself into the wall. Yeah, not at 100 yet. I got to keep stay here for a little bit longer, but it took a long time to understand that about myself. And I think so much of what you're talking about in the self love arena, and obviously that can be a huge place, but so much of it is about self discovery. I think so many of us don't even we go through life as ourselves, and we tend to think what we're doing and how we're showing up in the world is, quote, unquote normal. And for us it is. But how about being able to sort of look inward and figure out some of the things about who we are, our different personality types or whatever. There are so many wonderful models out there to kind of look at and check out and figure out who you are, and that's why. Okay. And I feel like when you discover more about yourself, actually, I feel like it's empowering. Absolutely. Well. And you learn how to be more of yourself. And so then you start asking for what you need. If you recognize, I need alone time. But you've been the kind of person who was taught to give everybody your time. You can start asking for it and realize, oh, I actually more well adjusted person when I say, hey, I need to be alone for 2 hours, leave me alone. Right. And same with like in relationships, like you mentioned your boyfriend or my kids, my husband or whoever your partner might be being able to, like you say, ask for what you want or say, you know what? Right before I came onto this conversation, my husband happens to be home and he said, hey, can I talk to you about such and such? I went, you know what, this is not a good time. I'm going to have to whereas probably in the past I would have tried to squeeze in the conversation and I just realized it's going to take I cannot my focus. I'm Jen, I'm all about Gen right now. You would have depleted yourself before you showed up and then you would have showed up and you would have felt just a tiny bit, maybe it was 60% and then you got down to 50 just because it's a little conversation. Well, and I think it's women. And I don't know if you can relate to this, but I think somewhere along the way, we are taught very indirectly to be people pleasers. And so I think it is very hard for us sometimes to say no, that doesn't work for me. And that is something like when I'm chatting with friends or whatever I say there are certain things to keep in your back pocket that are handy. You know, one of them is no, that doesn't work for me. Yes. It doesn't have to be offensive. It's just that doesn't work for me. And people feel really uncomfortable. So for your listeners, that's a really good pillar of one of the things I teach about self love. It's saying no. And I don't know if like when you first started saying no, if you were like, well, actually, I possibly don't really want to, but you kind of tiptoe around it, no, thank you or no, that doesn't work for me, or no, that doesn't fit in for me today. But we try so hard to be like, yes, because we want to please that other person and we end up spreading ourselves too thin. And it doesn't feel very good when you actually know you can't squeeze in that one more thing that it's going to have to wait until a better time when you can focus and give it your attention, and it ends up feeling so much better. And it was so wonderful to say not now is not a good time. Did he take it well? Yes. He goes, you know what, you're right. But it was such a small thing, but it's an empowering thing because it's reinforcing. Like, yes, this was not a good time. I don't know that he's a better multitasker, but I think he can kind of maybe his processing is different in that he could have squeezed that one more thing in also compartmentalize more than we do. Well, that's true. Separated. And so my boyfriend can be like, okay, well, I'm thinking about this right now. And then I'll think about this. I'm like, I'm doing it all at once. What do you mean? Like, I'm thinking about all of it right now. All the things being thought about immediately right now. Right. Different in the way that they process. That's true. Yeah, that's true. It's so interesting. And so that's a good thing for anybody listening. You don't have to start with the big things. You don't have to start by telling your boss, no, I'm not going to do that. If that's a really big, scary thing for you, start with the little things. Be like, no, thank you. Or try and you might fail a few times. I don't know. I'm so sorry. I used to do that a lot. And over time, my nose have gotten firmer, and sometimes I still struggle. But for the most part, when you practice just like any weight lifting, how you have to build your muscles up by going bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger, you have to keep showing up. It's the same thing. You're working your no muscles. You're working your self love muscles. They're all muscles that you have to practice. Right? That's a very good point. Really good point. All right. Where can people find you when it comes to all the things? I'm all over Instagram. You'll see me on there every day. I'm very active on Instagram. So that's self love, Yogi. So I've got a couple of giveaways going on there right now. I do live videos every Monday. I post all my classes there. And then my website, Selfloveyokie.com, is also where you can find all of my products. How you can work with me. I've got some freebies on there. I've got my podcast is posted on there. Cool. You find me anywhere. Podcasts are I'm sure your podcast is on all of them. I'm on all the platforms, I'm sure. And then I got picked up on other platforms that I didn't even put myself on. Sarah, even, I don't know. They added me. I have no idea. And then some of them say, I've never even heard that. I know. Yes. And they're like, your webcast is here. I'm like, why the hell I didn't do that? That's great.

Participant #1:

Yeah. That's all my stuff. And I'm about to start hosting more online classes. I hosted one last night where I did some intention journaling, meditation and yoga. And I'm going to start doing those, a little mini self love retreats on the weekends, virtual retreat. And so I got all kinds of stuff going on. Super. Oh, that's wonderful. And thanks for sharing all your information. I'll be sure to include it all as well in the show notes. So thank you, Jen, once again for modeling. Absolute graciousness. It makes me even tear up at the thought of how gracious you were about all of this. And to say that I'm appreciative just barely scratches the surface. I am very grateful. Thank you so much for who you are, for what you want to share in the world and doing the thing, doing the stuff. It's not easy, but it's like the alternative is, for me, it's almost unacceptable. Yeah. I don't want to look back. I wonder if I tried that, how that would have gone. Do you know what? I'm going to try all of it. I think about that a lot. If it would make sense when you're having a hard time financially. Like, well, maybe I'll just get a job. No, I'm like, I'm going to try all the things my friend actually said. This might resonate with anybody. I don't know. But persistence doesn't recognize failure and

Participant #1:

grave. Because no matter what, if you keep going, you'll get there. Just keep going. Oh, my God. I know. Oh, my God. She said that persistence doesn't recognize failure. 1ft in front of the Other I had to restart my Instagram account because it got deleted. Then I just start all over. I know, but it happens. And I cried about it. And I tried to get off Instagram for about two weeks. And then I was like, all right, I'll go back and I'll start all over and I built an account from scratch again, and things happen. You don't remember to record last night my sound, like, was all messed up during my yoga thing, and I was beating myself up about it. But am I going to quit because of that? No. And what was it you said? I'm doing everything. I'm going to do things. I'm going to do everything. I'm going to try everything, whatever it is that I have to do to make this work. It's funny, too, because it's a slow growth, so anybody has included. We're all out here trying to make a difference. It feels like a saturated market, but it's really not because there are so many people that need to hear exactly what you have to say. And so trying to remind yourself of that while you're watching other people kind of rock it in their own niche or whatever. And you're like, Why am I not rocketing? And so I'm like, I'm trying to figure it. And I'm slowly rocking and my rocket like, it's trying. And so I just keep shifting and adjusting, and I'll shift something and it's like, oh, that works. This doesn't you just keep showing up. That's all you can do. That's great. Great advice. Show up. Yeah, that's really good advice. Advice works for yoga, too. So anybody, if you want to do yoga, just show up. Yeah, show up. Very good. Well, Jen, thank you so much. Again, I'm very grateful. And I will put this together, and next thing you know, it'll come out next Tuesday. So you'll get to see it then. And I'll be sure and let you know the second it comes out. I'm so excited. I'll share it all over. Thank you Jen. Really appreciate you so much. Thanks so much. Take care. Bye bye.

Participant #1:

Her nugget of wisdom want to heal the world? Then heal yourself first is excellent practical and sound advice. We need to make sure our cup is full of goodness before we can share it with someone else. Plus that's really all we can do. Work on ourselves, show up as our best selves and keep showing up. Thanks, Jen. That's a keeper. The Anabashed U website has a page for each guest filled with photos, quotes and a blog with embedded [email protected]. You can find the show and other podcast platforms want to lend your support and encouragement. We invite you to subscribe, follow rate, review and share on Instagram and Facebook. You can find us under Unavashidou if you want to connect, the email is unabashed [email protected] for questions, comments and anything else. If you want to be part of our weekly emailing list highlighting the week's episode, give us a shout. We'd be happy to add you and your info will never be shared. Website visits, social media and word of mouth and sharing these episodes makes us discoverable so thanks for your support there. We want these conversations to help you think, celebrate who you are and move you in some way. Be encouraged as you continue to listen, read and be inspired. And now our blessing. Yes, we've all been through stuff. Pain we wish hadn't happened heartbreak we hoped we wouldn't ever have to feel yet it is all of that we can take with us into a better version of ourselves. Processing forgiving accepting, expanding, looking for the gifts of it all and then may we reach behind to help the next one who needs it. Let's do that. Be that. Amen go be unabashed.