Unbottled

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We talk about AA Step 10 as recovery maintenance that helps us stop creating new wreckage while we live sober day to day. We focus on awareness over perfection, including how to admit wrongs promptly without turning inventory into self-criticism. 

• Step 10 as daily housekeeping rather than a huge excavation 
• The truth that you can be sober and still be wrong 
• Owning our part without taking responsibility for someone else’s behavior 
• “Promptly” as the relationship-saving word 
• Clean apologies without “but” plus the need to change behavior 
• Treating self-talk like you would with a best friend 
• Noticing progress through positive inventory alongside mistakes 
• A simple nightly check-in that helps you let the day go 
• Catching yourself mid-reaction and starting over 
• Resentment as an early warning sign plus questions to interrupt it 
• Using Step 10 to clarify boundaries and stop people-pleasing 

For seven days, take five minutes at the end of the day. That's it. Five minutes. Ask yourself, what went well today? Where did I get off track? Do I owe anyone an apology? Is there something I need to address instead of avoiding? What am I grateful for? And finally, can I let today be finished? 

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I walk through AA Step 9 and why making amends is about responsibility and repair, not shame, forced forgiveness, or dumping guilt onto someone else. I share simple, practical ways to do direct amends safely, including when not to make contact and how changed behavior becomes the most meaningful kind of amends. 

• Step 9 as action after Step 8 willingness 
• Why amends are not humiliation or closure-chasing 
• Working with a sponsor or trusted guide to avoid harmful “great ideas” 
• The injury clause and how psychological harm counts 
• Apology versus amends and what repair looks like 
• Living amends through consistency and changed behavior 
• A simple face-to-face script and removing the word “but” 
• Letting go of controlling the other person’s reaction 
• Financial amends with a realistic payment plan and follow-through 
• Family amends built on reliability, honesty, and listening 
• Options when someone is unreachable or unsafe to contact 
• A small Step 9 challenge focused on today’s relationships 

If Unbottled helps you, please follow the show. Share it with somebody who might need it. Leave me a rating or a review. 

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We break down AA Step Eight into something you can actually do: write the list, name the harm, and build willingness without drowning in shame. We talk about impact, boundaries, safety, and why you don’t rush into Step Nine just to get quick relief.  

• Step Eight as preparation, not punishment  
• The hardest name to write being your own  
• Trust, boundaries, and why healing has multiple timelines  
• What counts as harm and how subtle harms show up  
• Willingness versus readiness and “willing to become willing”  
• Step Eight versus Step Nine and why speed can cause new harm  
• Safety considerations around abuse, trauma, legal issues, and no-contact requests  
• A practical four-column worksheet for your list  
• Options when direct contact is not appropriate, including unsent letters and restitution  
• A weekly challenge to start the list gently  

If this episode helped you, please follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who may be working through the steps, or share it with someone who doesn't have a program. And this podcast could perhaps become their program.  

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The sneakiest version of control is the one that looks like growth: asking for help, then handing over a rulebook on how to help you. I’m digging into AA Step 7, “humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings,” and why it’s not a spiritual formality but a real turning point in sobriety and recovery. When I stop trying to run the whole “self-improvement project,” I finally make room for change that lasts, not change I perform.

We’ll walk through where Step Seven sits in the 12 steps, why Step Six is willingness and Step Seven is the ask, and how “remove my shortcomings” is different from “fix everyone else so I can relax.” I talk about control and fixing, the ways they can overwhelm us, and why sobriety isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming honest, becoming willing, and getting out of our own way.

We also unpack humility vs humiliation, and why shame is not the same thing as humility. Shortcomings aren’t everything you dislike about yourself; they’re the patterns that pull you away from honesty, peace, connection, and usefulness. I cover why willpower alone often falls short, how the real work lives under the behavior, and how you can define a higher power in a way that works for you whether that’s God, nature, the recovery community, or principles like honesty, love, service, and connection. You’ll leave with seven concrete daily practices plus a simple worksheet you can use this week.

If this helped, subscribe to the show, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find Unbottled.

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We walk through Step Six and get honest about why “defects of character” aren’t proof we’re broken but proof we learned how to survive. We trade perfection for willingness and use simple questions to start letting go of the patterns that quietly run our lives. 
• step six unpacked and why twelve words can take years 
• redefining “God” as a higher power that works for you 
• character defects as survival strategies rather than identity 
• alcohol as a solution that covered fear, control, resentment, and perfectionism 
• why sobriety doesn’t erase anxiety or perfectionism overnight 
• willingness before change and surrender over force 
• the closet analogy for readiness to let go 
• one-defect practice for the week and the question “what am I trying to protect” 
Share with a friend, share with the people you know. 
On my website, MarcyBackusmedia.com, will be a companion worksheet, step six reflection.

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I'm on vacation this week, so I'm bringing back one of my favorite episodes. If you missed it the first time—or if you need the reminder—this one's worth another listen.

In this episode, we talk about one of the biggest surprises in sobriety: how your relationships change when you stop drinking. Recovery isn't just about putting down the alcohol. It changes family dynamics, friendships, and sometimes even the way people see you.

In this episode, we cover:

• The three common "camps" people tend to fall into when you get sober.
• Why loved ones often stay quiet, minimize the problem, or unintentionally enable.
• How your sobriety changes the whole room—not just you.
• What it sounds like when support turns into pressure, guilt, or dismissal.
• Why early sobriety is about focusing on yourself—and when that can become unhealthy.
• How to set clear, kind boundaries so everyone feels more comfortable.
• A real-life example of navigating alcohol at a dinner with friends.
• Practical ways family and friends can truly help, including attending open AA meetings or exploring Al-Anon.
• Why some relationships naturally fade after you quit drinking—and why that's clarity, not failure.

I hope you enjoy this replay, and I'll be back soon with brand-new episodes.

And before you go, if you're enjoying these conversations, I'd love for you to check out my other two podcasts.

Inside Marcy's Mind is where we talk about life—the funny, frustrating, unexpected, and wonderfully ordinary moments we all share.

Aging Ain't for Sissies keeps it real with honest conversations, a little humor, and a little sass about what it really looks like to age intentionally instead of quietly.

You can find all three shows, plus new episodes, updates, and more at MarcyBackhusMedia.com—that's Marcy with a Y, Backhus with a CK—or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

Thanks for spending part of your day with me. Enjoy the episode!

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I'm taking a little time away to refill my cup on vacation, so this week I'm sharing one of my favorite repeat episodes. Whether it's your first time hearing it or you're listening again, I hope it meets you exactly where you are.

In this episode, we're talking about relapse—without shame, without judgment, and with a whole lot of honesty. We explore why relapse often starts long before the first drink through isolation, stress, and subtle shifts in our thinking. Most importantly, we talk about how to recognize the warning signs early and what to do if a slip happens.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why relapse is usually a gradual process that begins with thinking and disconnection.
• Common warning signs like isolation, resentment, stress, and romanticizing drinking.
• What people mean when they say, "Your disease does push-ups in the parking lot."
• The relapse thoughts that sound perfectly reasonable—but can be incredibly dangerous.
• Why hiding after a slip only feeds the problem, while connection is what helps us heal.
• Practical next steps after a relapse: reach out, tell the truth, get back to meetings, and start again.
• How friends and family can support recovery without shaming or enabling.
• How relapse can uncover weak spots like burnout, overconfidence, and unresolved pain.

If you're struggling today, please don't do it alone. Reach out. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help.

You can always email me at [email protected], or visit MarcyBackhusMedia.com—that's Marcy with a Y and Backhus with a CK—where you can send me a message through the website.

Thanks for being here, and I hope this episode reminds you that recovery is never about perfection—it's about coming back, one day at a time.

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We talk through AA Step Five and why telling the truth to God, ourselves, and another person can feel terrifying while also being the most freeing move we make in sobriety. We connect the work of Step Four to the relief of Step Five, and we share practical ways to protect sobriety during holidays and high-pressure moments.
• why Steps One through Five set a strong foundation
• protecting sobriety during holiday weekends and drinking-heavy events
• the role of secrets, shame, and isolation in addiction
• why Step Five is not confession for forgiveness
• what “exact nature of our wrongs” means in plain language
• why sharing with a trusted sponsor or recovery-informed listener matters
• how trauma and what happened to us can belong in Step Five
• practical guidance for pacing, pausing, and continuing later
• reflection questions to identify the secret with the most power
If today's episode encouraged you, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear what I had to say.

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We break down AA Step Four and replace the dread with a simple truth: an inventory is information, not condemnation. We walk through resentments, fears, and patterns so we can stop chasing relief and start building real freedom in sobriety. 
• step four as a practical inventory rather than a report card 
• why alcohol often functions as a solution to buried pain 
• resentments as the “number one offender” and how they keep old wounds alive 
• separating trauma from blame while asking how it affects us today 
• fear as a hidden driver behind anger, perfectionism, people pleasing, and control 
• our part as pattern-spotting for freedom, not self-hate 
• “done is better than perfect” and why we work with a sponsor 
• a weekly awareness practice to start before writing anything 
If this episode helped you, please share it with someone who might need a little encouragement today. 
If you're enjoying my summer series, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss next week's episode, Step Five, where we talk about one of the most powerful and surprisingly freeing conversations you'll ever have. 

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The moment AA Step Three comes up, I can feel the tension rise, and I get it. “Turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him” can sound like a religious demand, a loss of autonomy, or a deal-breaker if you’ve been hurt by faith, you’re angry, or you don’t believe in God at all. So I slow it down and translate what Step Three is really asking for: willingness. A decision to stop acting like you have to run the entire universe by yourself in order to stay sober.

We talk about why control is the hidden fuel behind so much anxiety, resentment, and fear in addiction and in everyday life. If controlling everything worked, recovery wouldn’t be necessary. I share a simple metaphor that makes Step Three practical: you’ve been driving the car for years, crashing, speeding, missing exits, and still insisting you’ve got it. Surrender is pulling over, moving to the passenger seat, and letting something greater than self drive, whether that’s God, the AA rooms, your community, nature, or any Higher Power you can honestly accept.

I also unpack the Step Three Prayer line “relieve me of the bondage of self,” because emotional sobriety often starts when we admit the call is coming from inside the house. Healthy surrender isn’t being a doormat or avoiding hard choices; it’s accepting reality, doing your part, setting boundaries, and letting go of outcomes you can’t control. You’ll leave with a clear weekly challenge and a stronger foundation for Step Four’s fearless moral inventory. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs relief, and leave a review with the one thing you’re ready to loosen your grip on today.