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Financial autonomy for stay-at-home parents means having options and being able to exercise them without justification or permission, even when you're not collecting a paycheck. We examine how historical patterns like the law of coverture have evolved into modern expectations that devalue domestic labor while romanticizing the stay-at-home parent role.

• Economists estimate the unpaid labor of stay-at-home parents is worth over $100,000 annually
• The narrative of who's "supporting" whom needs to be flipped - the stay-at-home parent enables the working parent's career
• Financial autonomy doesn't undermine partnership but strengthens it by creating equality
• Access to separate accounts, having your own money, and retirement savings are practical steps toward autonomy
• Teaching financial literacy to children, especially daughters, helps break intergenerational patterns
• Both spouses deserve financial autonomy regardless of who's bringing home a paycheck
• Feeling resentful about finances often signals a boundary violation that needs addressing

Your work is valuable, and your contribution is real whether you're getting a paycheck or not. Share your thoughts on social media, and join us next time as we discuss what to do when your partner won't play fair.

Links

The Way We Never Were American Families and the Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz

Domestic Dialogue: Flipping the Labor Script

Notes on Project 2025 by Rachel Hurley

End the Dysfunctional Cycles in Your Relationship and Stay in Love for Life (Terry Real)

If we empower women to work outside the house without expecting men to work inside the house…

The Fair Play Book | Fair Play Life by Eve Rodsky 

The Documentary | Fair Play Life

THE EMOTIONAL LABOR SERIES: Let's Talk Emotional Labor and Mental Load - Bare Marriage

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Rebecca and Naomi tackle the often-taboo subject of financial freedom for women breaking away from restrictive traditions and relationships where money is used as a form of control. They explore the intentional ways financial dependence is created and maintained, especially in religious contexts.

• Many women go from parents' homes to married life with no financial experience or autonomy
• Financial manipulation often disguises itself as protection or spiritual guidance
• Staying in the dark about finances doesn't exempt you from legal responsibility
• The importance of having your own bank account, even with minimal funds
• Learning to advocate for yourself when patronized about financial matters
• Religious communities frequently use spiritual language to maintain financial control
• Breaking financial dependency cycles is difficult but leads to greater security
• Resources like financial podcasts, budget tools, and campus resources can help build literacy
• Starting small and learning basic terminology empowers better decision-making
• Taking control of your finances compounds not just money but internal confidence

Send us your questions or share what financial advice you'd give your younger self through the link at the top of our show notes. Our next episode will explore "the secret salary of a stay-at-home parent" and how that factors into women's financial independence.

Links to Resources
@Marriageishappening on the struggle to be heard
Family Budget Tracker Bundle Google Sheets, Expense & Bill Tracker, Debt Payoff Sinking Funds, Paycheck Budget (Etsy)
Financial Feminist Podcast (she has thoughts about Dave Ramsey)
Kathryn Anne Edwards (@Keds_economist)
How to Freeze and Unfreeze Your Credit with All 3 Bureaus

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• Email: [email protected]
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We're proud to introduce our friend, Rebekah Mui, who has traveled around the world in pursuit of education and more authentic faith expressions. Using her recent Facebook post as a point of departure, we discuss the role of mentorship in academia, the responsibilities of first-gen students to open doors for those who follow, and why deep learning necessarily leads to humility. (Content warning for a few spicy takes!)

• Driving your own car as a metaphor for religious deconstruction
• Discussing the role of mentorship in academia for first-generation students
• Strategies for advocating for oneself in educational settings
• Building meaningful connections and a supportive network
• The impact of cultural background on perspectives and narratives

Thank you for listening! We appreciate your support.

The post that started it all. 

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This episode is a call to reframe our past experiences in high-demand religious communities (especially those of Anabaptist origin) as preparation for meaningful action in our world today.  Hosts Naomi and Rebecca explore the significance of core beliefs over outward symbols, advocating for a reclaiming of personal values and the potential for community engagement.

• The incongruity of Christian nationalism and historic Anabaptist beliefs
• Recalling the positive qualities of Plain communities
• How resources from past experiences can be relevant in our lives today
• The tremendous power of nonviolent resistance in social change
• Deploying our communal networks and mutual aid in precarious times
• The significance of empathy and kindness in human connections

Links to Sources and Resources 

 "The Success of Nonviolent Civil Resistance" by Erica Chenoweth 

The Rhetoric of Agitation and Control, Third Edition, by John W. Bowers, Donovan J. Ochs, Richard J. Jensen, David P. Schulz

Chapter 9 The Rhetoric of Agitation and Control: An Interface

The Sword and Trumpet Bookstore

Janna Hunter-Bowman on Anabaptist Nonresistance

Letter from Birmingham Jail (1963)

Historical Context of Letter from Birmingham Jail (1963)

Danielle Bayard Jackson on building community

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In today’s episode, we explore the shifting beliefs within Anabaptism against the backdrop of growing Christian nationalism. We reflect on our own journeys, the influence of childhood literature, and the need for active compassion towards marginalized communities. 

• The history of the Anabaptist movement and its relevance today 
• Understanding the conflict between Anabaptist principles and contemporary nationalism 
• The role of literature in shaping beliefs and perspectives 
• The importance of addressing injustices faced by immigrants and marginalized groups 

Historical Resources:

•  Introducing the Anabaptists 
•  1951 Refugee Convention | UNHCR

 Titles from our childhood:

• The Hiding Place 
• Henry's Red Sea 
• A Lantern in the Window 
• Black Like Me
• Martyrs Mirror
• Pilgrim’s Progress 
• Martyr of the Catacombs
• The Anabaptist Story
• God Knows My Size
• Tortured for Christ 
• In His Steps
• But Not Forsaken

Recommended Follows:

• Tricia Hersey
• Ally Henny
• Jemar Tisby
• Rev. Dr. William J. Barber II  

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• Facebook: Uncovered: Life Beyond
• Instagram: @uncoveredlifebeyond
• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2171591

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Join us as we share recent personal wins and take on a listener question about dealing with passive-aggressive communication. We discuss reasons why direct communication can feel so difficult for some of us and how we can learn to do it anyway. As we look back on our own life experiences, we talk about the questions that stumped us and people who inspired us. 

• What's so toxic about following the rules and trying to meet all the expectations others place on us? Isn't self-sacrifice the ultimate good? 
• Are passivity and rudeness the only options for speaking our mind? 
• How is assertiveness different from being bossy or high-maintenance?
• What if opting out of manipulation games actually makes relationships  worse? 
• What does it mean when your most earnest attempts at communication keep backfiring?

We don't have all the answers, but we share what we've learned along the way and what we want to leave behind--such as self-sabotaging advice that only serves those who wish to control us. The good news is that each of us have some degree of personal power and a responsibility to use it well.

Resources we mentioned (or should have): 

• I Have ADHD with Kristin Carder
• Struggle Care with KC Davis
• Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult
• Understanding Your Communication Style | UMatter
• Making New Friends After Leaving High Control Religion
• Beyond Belief: Finding a Place in the World After Leaving a High-control Religion — Questioning LDS
• Core Values Exercise

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• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2171591

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What advice would we give our younger, deconstructing selves if we could go back in time a decade or two? Join us, Rebecca and Naomi, as we reflect on the process of discovering ourselves beyond the confines of a prescribed religious identity. Inspired by an Instagram post by religious harm recovery coaches Cara and Rachael, we share six transformative insights that anyone redefining their identity might find helpful. From embracing emotions like anger as a powerful healing force to challenging the narrative that women must maintain relationships at any cost, we explore how letting go of guilt and shame can reveal deeper truths about ourselves and the world around us. In the process, we found that embracing the reality of our humanity and accepting that mistakes are unavoidable didn't destroy our lives as we'd been warned, but instead opened a path to authenticity and meaningful relationships.

Cara and Rachael, Religious Harm Recovery Coaches
IG: @happywholeway

Resources we should have mentioned:
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner

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We, Rebecca and Naomi, sit down to recap our holidays and reflect on the ways traditions and expectations have evolved over the years. Somewhere between the low-frills Christmas traditions of our background and the extravagant expectations of Pinterest and Instagram today, can we make meaningful memories without sacrificing Mom's sanity in the process? Is it better to sacrifice spontaneity to get the precise gift we want or is it worth the risk to trust that our oved ones have been attentive to our likes and dislikes? And who is supposed to fill the adults' stockings, anyway? 

We also celebrate the beginning of Rebecca's last semester of college and the dogged determination that has brought her so far. Naomi recalls her advice to her college-bound daughter about handling the pressure to choose the "right" college and how to respond to the never-ending question about what her major is going to be (when the decision is still years away).

Links mentioned in the show:
Jews for Jesus, for Just One Day (This American Life podcast)
The Secret to Gift-Giving (Hidden Brain podcast)

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• Email: [email protected]
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Last week we teased a book review for this episode, but--plot twist! We decided Julia Cameron's classic book, The Artist's Way deserves much more time than one episode. Instead, today we're discussing external and internal reasons we might doubt our creative abilities. 

First, though, we catch up on each other's lives and congratulate Margaret Schrock on her recent publication, a natural prelude to our topic today! We begin by discussing some of the cultural and social messages many of us have received (especially in conservative religious communities) that tend to devalue artistic self-expression. It's not that we as individuals aren't creative, but that our creative interests are often directly or indirectly stifled, making it very difficult for us to strengthen our creative "muscle."

Over time, these external messages become internalized and continue to block our creativity even if we've consciously moved on to spaces that are more friendly to self-expression. We talk about the need to find and create communities that greet "baby steps" with cheers rather than criticism. Emotionally safe spaces like these help free us from thinking of art as a performance done for the approval of others. Rather, art becomes a way to explore, try something new, take artistic risks, and even fail just for the experience itself and what it can teach us about ourselves.

Do you have a community of creative support like this? Do you wish you had one? We've got great news for you! Listen to the end to hear all about what we have planned for the New Year. We hope you'll send us a text via the link above telling us you're interested and providing your email so we can keep you in the loop as our plans develop.

Show Notes
I'm So Glad You Left Me: 88 Stories of Courage, Self-Love and Personal Growth
The Artist's Way: 30th Anniversary Edition by Julia Cameron

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If you've had any exposure at all to evangelical cinema over the past decade, it's almost certain that you're familiar with the film God's Not Dead and maybe even the sequels it has spawned.  Recently we (Naomi and Rebecca) watched it for the first time. Unsurprisingly, we have thoughts which we share in this episode.

First of all, we are very curious about the fever dream that must have inspired the antagonistic atheist professor's character; in all our years on college campuses, we've seen--and heard of--nothing remotely like the events that transpire in his classroom. From implausible story lines and cartoonish villains to racist depictions of non-white characters, it's a pastiche of what some conservative Christian filmmaker imagined is the social martyrdom any "true Christian" faces in higher education.

Unlike the fantastical two-dimensional characters in this film, we discuss the range of personalities and beliefs we've found in both college campuses and church communities. Ultimately, we conclude that the film reflects precious little about the realities of American college classrooms while unintentionally telling us much more about the dogmatism of the filmmakers.

Links to Sources and Resources

God's Not Dead (2014) - IMDb

God’s Not Dead: A Brief Review and Analysis

Did an Atheist Professor Test God by Dropping a Breakable Object? | Snopes.com

The Artist's Way: 30th Anniversary Edition by Julia Cameron

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• Facebook: Uncovered: Life Beyond
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• Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2171591

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What topics at the intersection of education, high-demand religion, career, parenting, and emotional intelligence are of interest to you? Help us plan future episodes by taking this quick listener survey. We appreciate your input very much!