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In this episode we discuss the recently release documentary, For Our Daughters, based on a chapter of Kristin Kobes Du Mez' bestselling book, Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation. This relatively short documentary exposes toxic power dynamics with the Southern Baptist Convention among other religious institutions where victims are often shamed while predators are protected. We reflect on the predictable patterns that often accompany systemic abuse within institutions and the devastating effects of these conditions on those who are harmed by them as well as those deconstructing them. We question the protective mechanisms that shield abusers and the societal norms that keep victims silent.

In light of the historical dangers of melding religious and political power, we challenge those who identify with the Anabaptist tradition to lead the way in cautioning the broader American church from seeking political power at the expense of spiritual integrity.

We conclude with a brief non-partisan public service announcement about voting in the upcoming election and where to find accurate polling information in your local community.

Links and Resources

For Our Daughters (YouTube)

Resources and Discussion Guide: https://www.forourdaughtersfilm.com/

Distinctive Features of the "Radical" Anabaptist Tradition

Elections and Voting Information

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What happens when women in a tightly-knit religious community decide they've had enough? It's a scenario rarely considered. Join us as we reflect on the gut-wrenching film directed by Sarah Polley and based on the novel by Miriam Toews.

While the film and novel take a real-life tragedy as their starting points, neither attempts to retell actual events. Instead, they invite us to imagine what might be possible if women owned their collective power, gave voice to their deepest sorrows and dreams, and embraced their faith to leave all they have known behind.

It wasn't just the familiarity of cape dresses and head coverings that resonated with us, but we were gripped by the narrative unfolding on the screen that dared to imagine an entirely different outcome than what is typical in most communities that turn a blind eye to assault and systemic abuse. Sequestered in a hay loft, these fictional women contemplate the violence of forced forgiveness and the restoration that is only possible with distance. In this imagined world, we see an example of how women everywhere might radically accept an unacceptable situation, find healing in mutual accountability, and prioritize the welfare of their loved ones over the egos of complicit men.

Links

Women Talking (IMDB)

Women Talking by Miriam Towes

The Ghost Rapes of Bolivia (Vice)

Why I Want Viewers to Know about the Story Behind Women Talking (TIME)

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How did Naomi stumble into one of the most defining experiences of her life? In this episode Rebecca gets the scoop on Naomi's (scenic) route to grad school as well as the good, the bad, and the unexpected that happened along the way. They discuss Naomi's inner struggles over combining motherhood and grad school, the impact on her children, as well as the activism she found at this intersection in her life.

Along the way, Naomi explains some of the distinguishing features of advanced degrees such as time to degree, how students are typically funded, when prestige matters (and when it doesn't), and a host of other important things to consider when deciding which program is right for you--or whether the reality of grad school will be worth the benefits.

As Naomi discovered, success in graduate school involves much more than just good grades and perfect attendance. Navigating the politics of graduate school can be as complex as the coursework itself. As for any institution, universities are minefields of gender dynamics, academic hierarchies, and unspoken rules. With personal anecdotes, she reveals the importance of networking, the ups and downs of "passing," and, ultimately, her reflection on where her seven years of grad school have ultimately brought her.

Links we mentioned in the show (or should have):
Graduate Study for the Twenty-First Century: How to Build an Academic Career in the Humanities (G. Semenza)

The Professor Is In (Karen Kelsky)
Academia is a Cult (TEDx Talk by Karen Kelsky)

Outline of Academic Disciplines (Wikipedia)

Dear Committee Members (Julie Schumacher)
The Shakespeare Requirement (Julie Schumacher)

PhD Comics 

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Ever wonder how midlife moms juggle college, caregiving, and running a business? Today Rebecca walks us through the ways that she has combined her college career with all her other responsibilities. She gives us a glimpse into typical features of her daily life, describing the ways her days have changed over the past decade of her long, determined march to graduation. We find out how she motivated her teens to take responsibility around the house and how she explained a pile of dirty tissues to her daughter on a particularly rough day. 

Rebecca describes how her classes have changed since the pandemic and her complicated feelings about online courses. Along the way she offers practical tips that anyone can use to help manage the chaos of adulting and keeping everyone fed. We also find out which hallowed family tradition she dropped, and why she feels no guilt for doing so.  Her advice for her younger self changes depends on the realities of different life stages, but always includes grace for doing the best she could at the time. Ultimately, letting go of the need for external validation or others' permission to pursue life goals is the first step toward reaching them.

And you'll never guess what Amish tradition Rebecca's twins insisted on taking with them to college. Here's a hit: you can't really enjoy potpie or yumazetti without it! (IYKYK)

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Ever wondered what it's like to break free from a high-control environment? Join us as we celebrate Tia Leving's incredible achievement—her book "A Well-Trained Wife" has skyrocketed to the New York Times bestseller list.

We share stories from our own past about compassionate bystanders who made a big difference and offer practical suggestions for ways to meaningfully support those in a major life transition or in a crisis situation.

We also talk about the complex emotions of loss and new beginnings when cherished dreams crumble into dust. We reflect on the inevitable grief of unmet expectations and the magic of learning to hold mystery, uncertainty, and two competing truths at once.

Finally, we touch on the unexpected influence of evangelical fundamentalism and Calvinism on contemporary Anabaptist communities, scratching our heads at the seeming contradictions and unlikely resonances between these religious traditions given  their vociferous theological differences in past centuries.

Show Notes:
A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings

Ep. 37 - Part 1 of our discussion about A Well-Trained Wife 

Rebecca's Post: Stepping off the Tightrope: A Journey of Faith, Struggle, and Redemption
 
Naomi’s Post: Unveiling the Unseen: Navigating Obstacles and Opportunities on the Way to College

Jana Duggar…A Mennonite? Christian Nationalism among the Evangelicalized Mennonites by Rebekah Mui

Straight White American Jesus podcast by Brad Onishi and Dan Miller

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What if the very teachings that promise to bring you love and belong are the same ones that will put you in the greatest dangers? Join us as we explore Tia Leving's phenomenal book, "Well-Trained Wife," and the many parts that resonate with us. We discuss the tight grip of rigid faith traditions and societal expectations, and how liberating it can be to seize control of our own destinies. From personal anecdotes to reflections on our younger selves, this episode is packed with heartfelt dialogue about breaking free and growing stronger, with a gentle reminder to brace for heavy content around various forms of abuse.

Show Notes

A Well-Trained Wife by Tia Levings

PODCAST: The Problems with The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace (Bare Marriage)

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Are women guilty of manipulation and passive-aggressive tendencies? Sure! However, we are here to point out that these tactics are used across the board by women AND men. Moreover, we can't ignore the unfortunate reality that many of us were trained as young children to avoid more direct ways of communicating, so manipulation is often the only tool available to us to get our needs met.

In this episode, we talk about the role of authoritarian religious parenting in conditioning us to use manipulation to get our needs met, the social pressures that further promote manipulation, and the projection that often lurks behind accusations of manipulation. Rather than buying into notions of women as the "weaker sex" and thus more prone to "emotional irrationality," we uncover the power struggle behind these deep-seated sexist ideas to show how they trap women (and men!) in dysfunctional and dissatisfying relationships. We also suggest more healthy alternatives that offer liberation to ourselves and our loved ones.

Relevant Articles and Resources: 

• Masculinity might be more toxic than we think: The influence of gender roles on trait emotional manipulation (ScienceDirecrt)
• Too Sweet, Or Too Shrill? The Double Bind For Women (NPR)
• Speak Your Mind, but Not Like That: The Double Bind Theory (Psychology Today)
• What is Religious Authoritarian Parenting? (DL and Krispin Mayfield)
• Projection (Psychology Today)
• 10 Signs of Internalized Sexism and Gaslighting (Psychology Today)
• What You Need to Know About Phobia Indoctrination & Religious Cults
• On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good (Elise Loehnen)

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• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2171591

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What topics at the intersection of education, high-demand religion, career, parenting, and emotional intelligence are of interest to you? Help us plan future episodes by taking this quick listener survey. We appreciate your input very much!

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What if the best way to get ready for fall is to rest this summer? In this episode we challenge common expectations about productivity and laziness, making the case that rest is not a luxury but is foundational for being the happy, relaxed parent our children need. 

We're sharing 15 ways we're making the most of summer's remaining weeks. Instead of working harder, we're trying to work softer, to focus on what really matters, and soak up some low-brow fiction and TV. We discuss practical ways to prepare for the onslaught of school forms and artwork that will soon be pouring in and share our best tips for making housework and meal prep easier come fall. Stay to the end to find out what Rebecca means when she recommends ordering pizza on your time too. Please join us!

Resources

Excerpt from Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey

Mom Stays in the Picture by Allison Tate

The Durrells in Corfu | Prime Video

Happy Valley | Prime Video

Last Tango in Halifax | Netflix

Ted Lasso - IMDb

Good Witch - IMDb

Decluttering at the Speed of Life by Dana K. White

The Best Paper Clutter Solution I've Ever Tried! - Dana K. White

Cozi Family Organizer App

@fayette_nyehn | Linktree

Stay Fit Mom

How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis or listen to an interview with the author

The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi

Christine Koh’s list of 100 Life Skills 

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This is a continuation of the previous episode where we pull back the curtain on Naomi's divorce journey and her perspective six years later. We address systemic issues that often leave women feeling trapped--issues such as financial dependency, lack of education, and inadequate support from family and faith communities. We also discuss the benefits of no-fault divorce laws, which have been proven to reduce female suicides and domestic violence. The evidence makes a compelling case for seeing divorce not as a failure but as a path to empowerment and healthier, more authentic relationships.


Resources 

• The high mortality of a low divorce rate: Divorce Laws and Family Violence 
• Flying Free Sisterhood: https://www.instagram.com/flyingfreesisterhood?igsh=MXZmMG95NXUzejV3Yw==
• To Good to Leave, To Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum (Read an excerpt)     
• Top 10 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Divorce Attorney 
• Divorce Headquarters 
• The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
• Who Suffers the Most Financially in a Divorce? 
• Financial Mistakes Women Make During Divorce 
• How To Write A BIFF Response®
• DomesticShelters.org
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Phone: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
• Text: Text “Start” to 88788

Thanks for listening! Connect with us via

• Facebook: Uncovered: Life Beyond 
• Instagram: @uncoveredlifebeyond
• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2171591

Subscribe (for free) to Uncovered: Life Beyond on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts so you'll never miss an episode!

What topics at the intersection of education, high-demand religion, career, parenting, and emotional intelligence are of interest to you? Help us plan future episodes by taking this quick listener survey. We appreciate your input very much!

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode we pull back the curtain on Naomi's divorce journey and her perspective six years later. We address systemic issues that often leave women feeling trapped--issues such as financial dependency, lack of education, and inadequate support from family and faith communities. We also discuss the benefits of no-fault divorce laws, which have been proven to reduce female suicides and domestic violence. The evidence makes a compelling case for seeing divorce not as a failure but as a path to empowerment and healthier, more authentic relationships.

Tune in next week for the second installment of this hope-filled conversation. 

Resources 

• The high mortality of a low divorce rate: Divorce Laws and Family Violence 
• Flying Free Sisterhood: https://www.instagram.com/flyingfreesisterhood?igsh=MXZmMG95NXUzejV3Yw==
• To Good to Leave, To Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum (Read an excerpt)     
• Top 10 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Divorce Attorney 
• Divorce Headquarters 
• The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
• Who Suffers the Most Financially in a Divorce? 
• Financial Mistakes Women Make During Divorce 
• How To Write A BIFF Response®
• DomesticShelters.org
• National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Phone: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
• Text: Text “Start” to 88788

Thanks for listening! Connect with us via

• Facebook: Uncovered: Life Beyond 
• Instagram: @uncoveredlifebeyond
• Email: [email protected]
• Website: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2171591

Subscribe (for free) to Uncovered: Life Beyond on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts so you'll never miss an episode!

What topics at the intersection of education, high-demand religion, career, parenting, and emotional intelligence are of interest to you? Help us plan future episodes by taking this quick listener survey. We appreciate your input very much!