Undiscussable

The final incredible individual I’d like to introduce you too is Shana. She spent her young life in domestic abuse as the day to day norm and then right through adulthood until just 2 years ago. It’s far more than the abuse that happened to her though that kept her in it, it was the fact she was never taught to understand what it actually was or the fact that her being a victim of it wasn’t something that was wrong with her and she had to be a certain way because of this but something that happened to her.

This episode is very close to my own heart, voices that so often go unheard in the conversation around domestic abuse but actually in society as a whole are children. Which is ironic given how much money and resources are spent picking up the pieces of childhood trauma as adults, never mind children’s lives that are lost and debilitated due to the lack of prioritization of early intervention and prevention. It’s very easy for us to demonise a young person’s behaviour instead of looking beyond what they are having to deal with in their young lives.

In the last episode of Undiscussable, we looked at male victims of domestic abuse, with, the perpetrator being a woman. This week we’re going to look the experience in a same-sex relationship and the LGBT+ community.

In our very first episode of this series we featured, Ollie, who had escaped his abusive relationship at the beginning of lockdown, he lost his job and his home.

He really struggled not only with the years of trauma and isolation he'd suffered but identifying what he'd gone through, as domestic abuse, a common theme we are seeing throughout this, male or female.

This week we're going to focus on experiencing domestic abuse as a man by a female perpetrator. A narrative that is often dismissed and seen as controversial.

Robert, a former military police officer shares his story with us not only about what he went through in domestic abuse but what happened to him when he called for help.

More men are coming forward but aren't actively included in the discussion on a political or societal level and as a symptom of this aren't taken seriously.

Statistics show that a third of domestic abuse victims are men and three times more likely than women not to tell anyone.

GUESTS:

Mark Brooks, Chair of the ManKind Initiative

Luke, a survivor of domestic abuse

Deborah Powney, PhD Psychology Candidate specialising in male and female victims of intimate partner violence.

Religious traditions can be used as a weapon by an abuser to justify their abusive behaviours, and exert power and manipulate their victim.

Anything can be used as a behaviour in domestic abuse, career, finances, blame, children, sex, faith...inculding cultural and religious beliefs.

Abeera tells us her story of how her dedication to her Islamic faith was used to emotionally abuse and control her.

The general perception of domestic abuse and it's reality can be far removed. The picture of a black eye and it only involving two adults in a relationship can often mean it's overlooked, excused and unrelatable.

We often talk about domestic abuse in the context of why doesn’t the person just leave or think that once the person has left everything is fine. But what about when there’s a child involved? The child still sees their abusive parent because that’s what the current court system does no matter the harm on the child.

We hear a case study of a survivor who left during lockdown and expert advice from Woman's aid and The Liberty Centre.

Undiscussable has been backed by the Audio Content Fund for a special 8 part series with national radio station TalkRadio in the UK. It is on every Friday during drivetime at 630pm featuring interviews with survivors from across society and includes live discussion and expert support.

In our last episode, you met Ian, now I’d like to introduce you to 29-year-old Jess. I wanted for this new season to share with you some encouraging and inspirational survivor voices, Jess’ story unfolds in a way you most certainly won’t expect and how her life took several unexpected turns and again just this year when she was scrolling through Facebook.

I think it will also help you understand if your own memories sometimes trigger a physical reaction and anxiety out of nowhere by something that to the outside world seems perfectly safe and normal.