Unfertile & Unfiltered

In this episode, we’re breaking down the book Three Makes Baby: How to Parent Your Donor-Conceived Child by Jana M. Rupnow and sharing our honest thoughts after reading it.

If you’re navigating male factor infertility, azoospermia, or considering building a family through donor conception, this book is one of the most comprehensive resources we’ve come across. It focuses less on the medical side and more on the emotional, psychological, and identity aspects of raising a donor-conceived child.

In this episode, we walk through what the book actually covers, including:

• The emotional weight of infertility and how to process it as a parent
• Whether or not to tell your child they are donor-conceived—and why openness is now widely recommended
• Common fears like feeling like a “real” parent, bonding concerns, and fear of rejection
• Social stigma, family dynamics, and how to handle difficult conversations
• How to choose a sperm donor (anonymous vs. open ID, identity considerations, future contact)
• When and how to talk to your child about their story—from early childhood through teenage years
• How to navigate identity, half-siblings, and the possibility of meeting a donor
• And one of the biggest takeaways: how to hold both grief and gratitude at the same time

We also share our personal reactions to the exercises in the book—especially the ones that helped us uncover emotions we didn’t even realize we were feeling.

If you’re at the beginning of your donor conception journey or trying to understand what it really looks like to raise a donor-conceived family, this episode gives you a straightforward, unfiltered overview of what this book teaches and why it might be worth reading.

For reference, this is a breakdown of what the chapters cover:

Introduction: An Emotional Decision

Chapter 1: Are You Ready to Tell?

• Explore Your Reasons

Chapter 2: Why Tell?

• Get Comfortable
• Experts Say Disclose
• Telling Is Healthy
• Secrets Aren’t the Best Protection

Chapter 3: How to adddress the most common concerns about donor conception?

Concern #1 Emotional Distress:

• What If My Child Is Upset?

• Complicated Grief
• Distinguish Your Feelings from Your Child’s

Concern #2: Parental Legitimacy

• Parent-Child Attachment
• Broken Bonds

Concern #3 Social Differences

• Social Strain
• Social Strategy
• Privacy vs. Secrecy
• Confronting Shame
• Embracing Differences

Concern #4 Family/Cultural Differences

• Acclimating to New Family

Chapter 4: Choosing a Donor

Connecting to Your Donor

• Donor Profile Selection Process

Anonymity Not Guaranteed

• The internet is a resource
• Social media influence
• Donor Regulation
• Self-Report Psychological Testing

Known Donation

• Preparing for known donation

Embryo Adoption vs. Embryo Donation

Future Contact Potential

Genetic WonderEpigenetic Influences

Chapter 5: when and how to talk about it

• When Is the Right Time to Tell?
• Talking over the Years—Make It Your Story
• Shifting from your story to your child's
• Baby years
• Preschool years
• Middle-childhood years
• Teenage years - Finding Identity and Meaning
• How to talk about half siblings
• how to talk about grief

Five Ways to Handle Social Situations: The Five Ds

Chapter 6 - Finding treasure

Book link: Three Makes Baby

In this episode, we break down the Gameto study and what it shows about IVM outcomes, timelines, and expectations—especially in the context of male factor infertility. We walk through the IVM process from start to finish, including testing, retrieval, fertilization, and transfer, along with where people tend to run into challenges and delays.

We also talk through common concerns around using donor sperm, including how donor selection works through platforms like Seed Scout, what kind of information is available, and how people approach those decisions.

Disclaimer: After recording this, I realized the study we are doing is different than the Grace IVF study that I mentioned in the podcast. Either way, below are both links to more information on the studies:

• Grace IVF
• Utah Gameto Study (this is the one we're doing)

In this episode, we break down the growing concern around plastics, BPA exposure, and how microplastics may be impacting fertility—especially sperm count and hormone balance. We recap a recent plastic detox study and talk through what actually changed for the couples involved, including measurable improvements in sperm health and multiple pregnancies following lifestyle changes.

We also share where we’re at in our own infertility journey—deciding between IVF vs IUI, the cost with having to do donor sperm due to Matt's male factor infertility and emotional tradeoffs, and what it looks like to be stuck in the waiting phase.

In this episode of Unfertile and Unfiltered, we dive into sperm donor regulations in the United States and what actually exists versus what people assume exists.

After watching documentaries like Our Father and Delivery Man, we break down real concerns around donor conception, including cases of fertility doctors using their own sperm without consent, the lack of legal consequences, and how little oversight there is in the industry.

We cover:

• What sperm donor regulations exist in the U.S. (and what doesn’t)
• FDA involvement and why it’s limited to disease screening
• The “25 family” guideline and why it’s not a law
• How self-reporting impacts donor limits and tracking
• The issue of serial donors and lack of a national registry
• Real-world examples of donor misuse and legal gaps
• Differences between U.S. regulations and other countries
• Ethical concerns around sperm banks, anonymity, and cost

We also share our personal perspective as a couple navigating male factor infertility and considering donor conception, including the realities, concerns, and trade-offs that come with it.

This episode is a straightforward look at the current state of sperm donor laws, the gaps in regulation, and what people should understand before going down the donor route.

In this episode, we focus on the language used in the infertility and donor conception space—specifically the difference between terms like “sperm donor,” “biological father,” and “dad.”

After receiving a diagnosis of non-obstructive azoospermia, we’ve had to navigate conversations that go beyond medical decisions and into how we actually talk about family, identity, and roles.

This episode is a straightforward discussion on:

• What different terms actually mean
• Why wording matters in the infertility space
• How terms like biological dad vs father vs donor are used
• The implications of each term for parents and future children
• Where language can be misleading or overly simplified

We also touch on how terminology varies depending on:

• Medical context
• Legal definitions
• Personal preference
• Cultural and social perspectives

If you’re navigating male infertility, azoospermia, or donor conception, this episode gives a clear breakdown of the terminology you’re likely to encounter.

Resources:

1. Donor-Conceived People’s Experiences of Identity and Relatedness

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/10.1080/13691058.2017.1349180

2. Relationality in Donor Conception: How Parents and Children Talk About Donors

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8289314/

3. Donor vs Dad: Untangling Language, Identity, and the Meaning of Parenthood

https://www.seattlespermbank.com/donor-vs-dad-untangling-language-identity-and-the-meaning-of-parenthood/

4. Assisted Reproduction Kids Grow Up Just Fine—But It May Be Better to Tell Them Early

https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/assisted-reproduction-kids-grow-up-just-fine-but-it-may-be-better-to-tell-them-early-about

5. We Are Donor Conceived – 2020 Survey Results

https://www.wearedonorconceived.com/2020-survey-top/2020-we-are-donor-conceived-survey/

In this episode of Unfertile & Unfiltered, we shift away from medical updates and dive into the emotional side of male factor infertility and the infertility journey.

After navigating a diagnosis of non-obstructive azoospermia and preparing for IVF with a sperm donor, we’ve learned that infertility isn’t just physical—it’s deeply emotional. From long waiting timelines to the uncertainty of treatment, this process challenges your sense of control, identity, and expectations for the future.

We talk about:

• How infertility forces you to confront what you can’t control
• The difference between a scarcity vs. abundance mindset
• What emotional resilience actually looks like during IVF

• How men and women cope differently with infertility
• Letting go of timelines, expectations, and the pressure to “fix” everything
• Why surrender (not control) might be the key to surviving infertility

We also share personal insights on how we’re learning to stay present, build a life we enjoy now, and find meaning even in the waiting.

If you’re navigating male infertility, azoospermia, IVF, or donor conception, this episode is for you.

You are not alone—and there is a way to move through this without losing yourself.

Follow along on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/sidneyhdavis/

In this episode of Unfertile & Unfiltered, we’re breaking down everything we learned from our first donor therapist appointment—and what completely shifted our perspective on building a family through donor conception.

We went in expecting surface-level advice… but walked away with clarity on some of the biggest decisions we’ll make as parents.

We talk about:

• Why openness matters more than you think

• The biggest mistake families make (and why it can backfire later)

• How to talk to your kids about being donor-conceived

• Letting your child lead their own story

• Removing shame and normalizing non-traditional paths to parenthood

• The mindset shift that helped us accept this journey

We also get real about navigating other people’s opinions, handling family dynamics, and why secrecy can do more harm than good.

If you’re going through infertility, considering a donor, or just trying to understand this path better, this episode is for you.

And as always… we keep it honest, a little chaotic, and completely unfiltered.

Here are the links to different books:

• Our Hearts Match: A Heartwarming Children's Book Celebrating Donor Conception, Egg Donation, Embryo Donation, and Diverse Families

• What Makes a Baby

• Families Come in Many Forms

• The Pea That Was Me

In this episode of Unfertile & Unfiltered, we give an honest update on where we are in our infertility journey.

After qualifying for a Gentle IVF study, we thought the process would move quickly—but like many fertility treatments, the timeline turned out to be much longer than expected. We talk about the emotional side of waiting, the reality of IVF timelines, and the frustration that comes when plans don’t go the way you hoped.

We also share an update on our sperm donor search, including how we’re navigating the decision process and what factors we’re considering.

Then we read and discuss a powerful letter written by a father of donor-conceived children that speaks directly to men facing infertility. The letter addresses fears many men experience but rarely talk about—questions about masculinity, identity, fatherhood, and what it means to raise a child that isn’t genetically yours.

This conversation opened up an honest discussion about the emotions that come with male factor infertility and why so many men struggle silently.

If you or someone you know is navigating infertility, we hope this episode helps you feel less alone.

Study mentioned in the episode:

https://www.graceivfstudy.com/

https://accelrecruitment.com/ivf-study/?utm_medium=paid&utm_source=ig&utm_id=120233420876750039&utm_content=120233421840020039&utm_term=120233420876180039&utm_campaign=120233420876750039

Male infertility support group mentioned

https://act.resolve.org/page/52362/survey/1?ea.tracking.id=website

Letter referenced in the episode: Dear DI Dad-to-be

If this episode resonates with you, please follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need it. Conversations like this help others realize they’re not the only ones going through it.

When you decide to be open about infertility, you open yourself up to a lot of love… and a lot of opinions.

In this episode, we talk through what it’s been like to share our male factor infertility journey publicly with family, friends, coworkers, and the internet. Some responses have meant everything to us. Others… not so much.

We unpack common phrases like:

• “It’ll all work out.”

• “Everything happens in God’s timing.”

• “Just expect miracles.”

• “I know exactly how you feel.”

And we talk honestly about why some of those comments can feel minimizing — even when they’re well-intentioned.

We also share what has helped. What actually feels supportive. And how to show up for someone walking through infertility (without trying to fix it).

If you’ve ever wondered what to say — or what not to say — to someone dealing with infertility, this conversation is for you.

And if you’re in it yourself, we hope you feel a little less alone.

What actually happens when male infertility leads you to consider a sperm donor?

In this episode, we talk about sperm donor therapy, male factor infertility, and the emotional fallout that doesn’t get discussed enough.

After a male infertility diagnosis, we were faced with decisions around donor conception and donor counseling. Matt shares what his first sperm donor therapy session was like — including the fears, identity struggles, and anger that surfaced.

We talk about:

Male infertility and masculinity

• The difference between “biological father” and “sperm donor”
• Fear of rejection as a non-biological dad
• Donor counseling and what therapists actually ask
• Infertility and marriage strain
• The toxic thoughts that can come up after an infertility diagnosis
• Processing azoospermia and male factor infertility

We're learning as we go through the thick of it that male infertility affects identity, faith, marriage, and the way you see your future.

If you’re navigating sperm donor decisions, donor conception, IVF after male infertility, or trying to support a spouse through male factor infertility — this episode is honest, raw, and unfiltered.

You’re not crazy and you're definitely not alone for having complicated feelings.