Does forgiveness require a survivor to stay silent, trust an unrepentant abuser, or remain in an unsafe relationship? In this powerful conversation, Pamela Duran welcomes Rev. Cheryl Kincaid, a Presbyterian minister, author, survivor advocate, and trauma-informed voice. Rev. Cheryl shares her journey through childhood abuse, PTSD, counseling, ministry, and writing, while drawing a vital distinction between forgiveness and denial. Together, Pamela and Rev. Cheryl discuss righteous anger, accountability, legal protection, foster care, journaling, triggers, and the layered nature of healing. This episode reminds survivors that God sees them, safety matters, and no wound is beyond the restoring grace of Jesus Christ.
Key message Forgiveness does not require a survivor to deny harm, remain in danger, excuse ongoing abuse, or avoid accountability. Healing honors the truth, protects the vulnerable, and allows God to restore what trauma wounded.
Key Takeaways
A survivor is not responsible for the abuse Trauma responses, fear, confusion, and involuntary physical reactions do not make a child or adult complicit in what was done to them.
Familiar does not mean healthy People may feel drawn to anger, control, or instability because those patterns resemble the family system they learned to navigate.
Forgiveness is not forced access A survivor can release judgment to God while maintaining distance, boundaries, legal protection, and freedom from an unsafe relationship.
Truth and accountability support healing Minimizing abuse or demanding quick reconciliation can deepen harm. Safety and honest acknowledgment must come first.
Righteous anger has a purpose Anger can identify injustice and provide energy to seek help, expose harm, protect children, and choose a different road.
Healing can be genuine and incomplete One breakthrough may heal one part of the wound while fear, money patterns, relationships, or self-worth still require attention.
Journaling makes progress visible Writing down what was healed, what remains painful, and what triggered a response can help survivors remember that they are safer now.
God sees the survivor Rev. Cheryl draws hope from Hagar's story and from Jesus' scars: God understands violation, sees suffering, and remains present throughout recovery.
Scriptures Discussed
Luke 15:11-32 — The prodigal son and the Father who remains near
Matthew 18:1-9 — Jesus' warning about harming little ones and removing what causes sin
1 John 1:9 — Confession, forgiveness, and cleansing
Ephesians 5:11-12 — Exposing works of darkness rather than participating in them
Philippians 2:12-13 — Working out salvation as God works within us
Genesis 16 and 21 — Hagar and the God who sees
Isaiah 53:5 — Healing through the wounds of Christ
John 8:1-11 — Jesus, the accused woman, and the disappearance of her accusers
Revelation 21:5 and 22:1-2 — God making all things new and the river of life
Books and Resources Mentioned
Karrie's Thorn A Faith Journey Rev. Cheryl's novel about a Christian girl navigating abuse, foster care, faith, and the search for a perfect Father.
A Forgotten Door Called Home The continuation of Karrie's story, following women seeking home, healing, family reconciliation, and freedom from destructive patterns.
Hearing the Gospel Through Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol Rev. Cheryl's award-winning Christian devotional exploring Advent themes and biblical imagery in Dickens' story.
A Hope and a Future A developing resource described in the interview as Scripture-based exercises for healing. Check Rev. Cheryl's website for current publication information.
If this episode speaks to your story, choose one safe action today. Write down what you know is true, contact a trained advocate or counselor, tell a trustworthy person, or use one of the support resources listed above. Share this episode carefully with someone who needs to hear that seeking safety is not a failure of faith. Subscribe to Unleash Vision and Faith for more honest conversations about healing, purpose, courage, and God's presence in difficult seasons.
