Unleashing Social Change

If you're a frequent listener of this podcast you've probably heard the name Jay Parker. Jay is currently the distinguished professor and Major General Fox Conner Chair of International Security Studies in the College of International Security Affairs at the National Defense University. We met back in the 90's when I was at West Point and he has been a trusted confidant ever since.

When Jay Parker says to do something – you do it. From an impromptu trip around the world to working for Rosanne Haggerty to help end homelessness – I've heeded his advice and been better off for it.

In this episode you'll hear us reminisce decades old memories of the adventure that formed our lifelong friendship (including a thespian performance which shines a light on Jay's loveable affability) and the written memometos from him that have influenced the course of my life.

I can speak from experience when I say Jay Parker wraps his mentees in unconditional support and provides us with connections and protections, sometimes even at his own personal risk, in order to help people and organizations reach their highest potential.

I hope this episode sparks some of your own kindling.

Show Notes:

• How Becky and Jay ended up on a three week trip around the world together within weeks of meeting one another
• Becky's appreciation of Jay
• How Jay got to be so invested in mentoring others
• What's Plutarch got to do with this?
• Why leadership is not like Christmas morning or the Easter Bunny leaving extra chocolate
• Coping with burnout and seeking the ever elusive work-life balance

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself

Join Becky as she interviews her Tactical Officer from West Point, Retired Army Officer and Defense Contractor Mimi Finch, and listen to their conversation about the seminal moments that molded Mimi into the leader and person she is today.

A champion of the underdog in her decades-long career, Mimi Finch has consistently stood up to misogyny, racism, and homophobia in situations that required a whole heap of courage. Even when the backlash was harsh and jeopardized her personal safety, her career, or her social status, Mimi spoke up.

Through some harrowing experiences, Mimi became the fearless feminist leader she wished she had herself when she went through the fourth class of women to graduate from West Point.

Mimi's story highlights the power and strength that can be found in radical vulnerability. Consider this a primer on questioning the status quo and making waves. May we all be inspired by her story and her willingness to disrupt oppression!

Trigger warning: contains discussion of sexual violence

Show Highlights:

• Being true to yourself and standing firm in your values, no matter what the consequences
• Working through the internal struggle of whether or not to say something when someone has done something wrong
• Dealing with the backlash of calling out criminal sexist behavior
• Reckoning with the realization that people in power can cause harm

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself

Like many of Becky's mentors, Army Veteran Brenda Sue Fulton's list of accomplishments is longer than a CVS receipt and chock full of lasting impact. Weaving her activism with community building, she has been a key player in ending the military's discriminatory "don't ask, don't tell" policy and ending the military's ban on openly serving transgender people.

A graduate of West Point's first class to admit women, Sue shares her insights on how to muster the personal courage to keep going in the face of massive resistance.

Show Highlights:

• Stories can be more effective and more important that raising money
• How Becky and Sue founded Knights Out together and inspired dozens of West Point graduates to come out of the closet in support of ending "don't ask, don't tell."
• How Sue inspired SPARTA to pursue ending the ban on openly serving transgender people a decade sooner than anyone thought was possible
• Knowing your true north is where you find the personal courage to keep going even when you are scared - and you will be scared.
• You can't change minds until you change hearts.
• Once you change hearts you just have to clear the friction.

Show Resources:

• TransMilitary Documentary
• "Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." - Maya Angelou

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself

In this episode, I sat down with one of my first mentors, Marie Connor-Glenfield, who I met when I was sixteen. In our first encounter, she held space for me to process profound loss. She identified my pain and didn't try to push me through it, but rather sat with me as I sat with it. Since that first meeting, she has continued to be there for me in seminal moments of my life. When I was lost, when I was celebrating, and when I wasn't sure what my next move would be, Marie accompanied me.

I have witnessed Marie bring healing energy to many people and organizations over the decades I've known her. I am so happy she was generous enough to share her deeply personal stories of listening to muses and grounding herself in the interconnectedness of life with all of us.

Her creativity and commitment to be of service has always inspired me to stay true to that part of myself. I hope you get as much from this conversation as I did!

Show Highlights:

• Holding deep emotions through presence brings healing
• Listening to the inner voice when it says "I know I can help, so I'm going to"
• Being of service so that others don't have to experience the same pain we did; or, if they do, they don't have to do it alone
• When we're fully present, we're connected to everything and everyone
• How do we stay in our truth when we're having a bad day, week, or month?
• Judgment is not useful. It is a way to avoid the truth
• The importance of creating a daily practice of paying attention
• The struggle between ego and presence and how to differentiate between the two
• Our circumstances are not our story
• Sometimes it can be terrifying to get clarity on your purpose
• Acupunture as a "legitimate front" for being a healer
• Taking responsibility for the change you want to see in the world without burning out

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself

Mentorship is often thought of as unidirectional - flowing from the mentor to mentee. In this upcoming season, I interviewed a baker's dozen of my mentors - people who were there to guide me through some of my biggest leadership challenges - to find out about their biggest leadership challenges.

If my military mentors taught me anything, it was this: leaders don't ask the people to do anything they aren't willing to do themselves. That goes for cleaning toilets, answering the phones, or disclosing your biggest leadership challenges to your podcast listeners. So we're launching season four with my dear friend, Dr. Susan Rivers, Executive Director and Chief Scientist of iThrive, who agreed to interview me about the hardest challenges I've faced as a leader.

Susan invites me to go behind the scenes into some challenges I've shared a hundred times before and she draws out some new stories I've never shared before. I'm so grateful to Susan for her generous listening, her keen insights, and her ability to help me make sense of some of the hardest moments I've experienced.

Show Highlights:

• The pain of not being able to tell the truth about my sexual orientation while I served in the military
• Why authenticity is so important to me now
• How I worked through my fears by being humble and letting go of the need to be blameless
• Reckoning with decades of socialization as a white person in the United States and the negative impact that has on showing up fully in community
• Differentiating between impact and intent to take responsibility for my actions
• The big question: How do I take healthy responsibility for the whole web of life?
• Learning to listen to what my body is trying to tell me

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself

Anyone who has attended our workshops on how to design large-scale change is familiar with Playworks, a nonprofit organization based in Oakland, CA. With their permission, we present a case study of their plans to go to scale as a way to teach people how to set compelling aims for spread/scale. So we thought we should check in on Playworks and their progress toward their truly ambitious aims.

In this episode, we sit down with the CEO of Playworks, Elizabeth Cushing, and dive into the rollercoaster ride of leading an organization through an astonishing transformation and all the lessons learned along the way. Elizabeth has some edge of your chair stories about the thrill of victory and agony of defeat in the day to day adventures of leading large-scale change during a global pandemic.

We learned so much in this conversation and we know you will, too.

Show Highlights:

• The difference between scaling the organization and scaling the solution (hint: one has more impact than the other)

• Major pivots Playworks accomplished during the pandemic

• Setting an aim invigorates organizations and galvanizes donor support, and is well worth doing, even if the aim is not achieved

• What's next for Playworks

Show Resources:

• Recesslab.org

• Game Library

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself

On this episode we welcome back Nicole Hockley, a dear friend and force of nature, for a conversation about how Sandy Hook Promise scaled their proven prevention programs through a pandemic.

Nicole generously talks us through SHP's focus on scale, equity, and adaptating their programs and internal practices. We are deeply honored to get to spend some more time with this brilliant human and grateful for her insights as CEO of an immensely impactful organization. Enjoy the show and please share the below resources as far and wide as you can.

Show Highlights:

• Nicole's thoughts on the stunning fact that the number one cause of death for children under the age of 19 in the United States right now is gun violence

• Why parents cannot assume that their kids' mental health is ok

• Nicole's insights into the phenomenal growth trajectory of Sandy Hook Promise and an update on their impact to date

• How Nicole's thinking on the need to balance mission accomplishment with employee well-being has evolved over time

• Nicole's thoughts on bridging the C3 and C4 arms of Sandy Hook Promise to advance programs and legislative policies.

Show Resources:

Make the promise

Know the signs

Donate to SHP

Say Something Anonymous Crisis Line: To get the reporting system at your school/ district reach out to [email protected]

Sandy Hook Promise PSA

How To Overload A Circuit: https://youtu.be/GLapIiOq__Y

How To Make A Homemade Bomb: https://youtu.be/A45mBBsrhG4

How To Perform A Disappearing Act: https://youtu.be/hafbxfHMTKg

Pre-order Becky's Book Impact With Integrity: Repair the World Without Breaking Yourself