Unraveling Pink

Well, that was awkward... How often does an interaction with someone trigger that response?

In this episode, Sam and I explore the concept of personal boundaries, with Joe Biden as a convenient jumping off point. We come at it from different perspectives and end up with different approaches, which shows just how unique and individual this question is for everyone. How do you approach the personal boundaries of those around you?

Resources in this episode:

Joe Biden video (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sJVZPHbXJVY)

Simon Worrall “You Need Your Personal Space—Here's the Science Why

Your brain uses it to protect you.” January 20, 2018 (https://news.nationalgeographic.com/2018/01/personal-space-between-us-graziano-peripersonal-dyspraxia/)

Sara G. Miller, LiveScience, October 13, 2016 “Debate 2016: What Goes on in Your Brain When People Invade Your Personal Space?We lack control over our reactions when somebody gets too close” (https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/debate-2016-what-goes-on-in-your-brain-when-people-invade-your-personal-space/)

This episode explores gaslighting and its impact on both men and women. Sam comes back on the pod and we struggle to offer up some solutions to gaslighting. Have a better one? Email it to [email protected] or tweet it to @UnravelingPink.

Resources in this episode:

Gaslight movie excerpt (1944). (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BICqcEvzhVw) 

Oxford English Dictionary. (https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/the-term-gaslighting-was-coined-by-a-great-movie-starring-ingrid-bergman-181242113.html)

"Situations in Which Men Gaslight Women." (https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/2016/01/20-situations-in-which-men-gaslight-women/)

"4 Levels of Gaslighting." (https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/4-levels-gaslighting-unconscious-malicious-pgtn/) 

Suzannah Weiss, Bustle, 2018 “7 Subtle Ways Women Are Gaslighted On A Daily Basis.” (https://www.bustle.com/p/7-subtle-ways-women-are-gaslighted-on-a-daily-basis-10079020)

Wanda Thibodeaux, Inc., “A Narcissist at Work can kill your Confidence.” 

(https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/victim-of-gaslighting-youre-not-alone-these-8-tips-will-help-you-protect-your-c.html)

Janet Coburn, TheMighty.com “Men Can Be Victims of Gaslighting Too.” (https://themighty.com/2018/03/male-gaslighting/)

This week's episode explores objectification of women - why it happens, how it impacts women, and what we can do about it. This week, can you notice the subtle - or not so subtle - ways objectification happens around you?

Resources in this episode:

ABC News Hot Button Episode: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BmtQZsoyNjE

A Call To Men "What Is the Man Box" (http://www.acalltomen.org/news/2017/7/21/what-is-the-man-box)

Robin Tran, “4 Ways Men Are Taught to Objectify Women From Birth.” (https://everydayfeminism.com/2016/06/men-taught-to-objectify-women/)

Ed Yong, 2010, “How Objectification Silences Women: the Male Glance as a Psychological Muzzle” (http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/notrocketscience/2010/01/12/how-objectification-silences-women-the-male-glance-as-a-psychological-muzzle/)

Derrick Jensen, Huffington Post, “The Man Box and The Cult of Masculinity.” (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/vday/the-man-box-and-the-cult_b_2661244.html)

Blackburn Center, 5/2018, “Breaking Out of the Man Box." (http://www.blackburncenter.org/single-post/2018/05/02/Breaking-Out-of-the-Man-Box)

This week's episode dives into why well-meaning male allies might not speak up even when they know they should. The reason surprised me, and it might surprise you too. But what probably won't surprise you - given this season’s theme - is that it is tied to the "man box."

This episode's resources:

Terry Crews video (https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/celebrities-womens-rights-weinstein-harassment/)

Francesca Gino, Harvard Business Review, 5/2018, “Why It’s So Hard to Speak Up Against a Toxic Culture." (https://hbr.org/2018/05/why-its-so-hard-to-speak-up-against-a-toxic-culture)

David Smith and Brad Johnson, “Do You See What I See? The Importance of Men as Allies.” (http://behavioralscientist.org/see-see-importance-men-allies/)

Lisa Hickey, A Good Men Project, “Men Know: Why Men Need to Start Talking About Violence and Sexual Harassment.” (https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/men-know-men-need-start-talking-violence-sexual-harassment/)

Jim Walsh, “Silence is violence: A Call To Men conference encourages men to speak out against sexist behavior.” (https://www.minnpost.com/arts-culture/2017/09/silence-violence-call-men-conference-encourages-men-speak-out-against-sexist-be/)

Daniele Selby, "11 Famous Men Who Fought for Women's Rights This Year." (https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/celebrities-womens-rights-weinstein-harassment/)

This week's episode looks at the harm both men and women suffer from traditional definitions of masculinity - that is, the "man box" - and the ways both men and women would benefit from redefining masculinity. Times have changed, can our collective expectations of masculinity change as well? It's not clear that seismic change will happen any time soon, but younger generations are providing hope for incremental change, that eventually will provide men with access to a fuller version of masculinity.


Resources in this episode:

USA Today article by Alia Datagir, “Men pay a steep price when it comes to masculinity.”(https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/03/31/masculinity-traditional-toxic-trump-mens-rights/99830694/)

Time article by Jack Myers, “Young Men Are Facing a Masculinity Crisis.” (http://time.com/4339209/masculinity-crisis/)

Emily Moon, 1/11/2019 article, “No, Psychologists Aren't 'Declaring War' on Traditional Masculinity." (https://psmag.com/news/no-psychologists-arent-declaring-war-on-traditional-masculinity)

Monica Hesse, 1/12/2019 Washington Post article, “How ‘traditional masculinity’ hurts the men who believe in it most” (https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/how-traditional-masculinity-hurts-the-men-who-believe-in-it-most/2019/01/12/22d2518a-14fd-11e9-90a8-136fa44b80ba_story.html?utm_term=.674daf761d5e)

Samantha Schmidt, Washington Post, "Meet the teenagers who started a feminist club at their all-boys school." (https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/03/06/meet-teenagers-who-started-feminist-club-their-all-boys-prep-school/?utm_term=.6f437b66f8a8#click=https://t.co/iVAFdjYUhB)

Video on Toxic Masculinity: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gha3kEECqUk

This episode explores the intersection of the man box and mansplaining and includes a special guest to share the male perspective of why mansplaining happens, and what we might do to shut it down.


Resources in this episode:


"Male Coworkers Were Asking This Woman Whether They Were ‘Mansplaining’, So She Created A Chart" (https://www.boredpanda.com/mansplaining-chart-explanation-kim-goodwin/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic)


Rebecca Solnit, 4/13/2008 LA Times, "Men who explain things."
 (http://articles.latimes.com/2008/apr/13/opinion/op-solnit13)

Elizabeth Aura McClintock, PhD, Psychology Today, "The Psychology of Mansplaining." (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-s-man-s-and-woman-s-world/201603/the-psychology-mansplaining)


Mark Greene, "A fear-based need to project competency is at the core of mansplaining. But you already knew that."
 (http://remakingmanhood.com/2017/11/17/181/)

Luke O’Neil, Mel Magazine, “The Snowflake Diaries: Mansplaining to Other Men."
 (https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/the-snowflake-diaries-mansplaining-to-other-men-2)

Jill Krasny, Inc., “Why Men Mansplain, Explained.”
 (https://www.inc.com/jill-krasny/why-men-mansplain-explained.html)

Washington Post, "Pelosi's calm stands out in Trump, Schumer oval office meeting" (https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/12/11/while-trump-schumer-blustered-pelosi-illustrated-her-case-woman-table/)

Coming off the winter break and a lot of gender equality soul searching, this season will approach gender bias from a different direction -- exploring the "man box" and how it impacts us all. While many definitions and terms abound, the man box generally refers to the societal expectations we place on men -- to be "men" -- that can restrain their full expression of themselves and constrain their ability to speak up or act out against gender bias.


I hope you'll join me on this journey as I learn about the man box and share what I learn, for the benefit of men and women. I'm not sure where this will lead, but at a minimum, I hope to bring awareness to how the man box affects us all and perhaps offer some suggestions of how we might all release ourselves from its grip, to the benefit of us all.


I will share resources along the way, from those who are experts in this field. This week's resource is The Good Men Project. Check it out at https://goodmenproject.com, as well as Mark Greene's article, referred to in this episode, "The Man Box: The Link Between Emotional Suppression and Male Violence" (https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/megasahd-man-box-the-link-between-emotional-suppression-and-male-violence/)

In this last episode of the season, I explore the concept of gender gurus - people of another gender who can shed light and share their experiences on how they view issues affecting gender equality. The idea of gender gurus is new to me and came from an article by Leah Fessler about Josh Felser, founder and partner at Freestyle VC. I think it's genius, because we're all experts in our own experiences and if we share those experiences with someone else, we expand our collective knowledge base. I think this has the potential to move us towards gender equality faster and in a way that works for all of us.


Your winter challenge: find a gender guru and have regular conversations about your experiences or gender topics of interest. If you connect with a gender guru, let me know at @UnravelingPink!


I dedicate this episode to my dad, who has been my lifelong gender guru.

This special episode departs from our usual format to remind us of the privilege and responsibility of voting and shares the voices and perspectives of some awesome women about why voting is important to them. Please vote!


Resources in this episode:


African-American Women's Suffrage Movement


Heidi Williamson, 2013, "Women's Equality Day Celebrating the 19th Amendment's Impact on Reproductive Health and Rights"


Eugene Scott, 2017, "The Democratic Party Owes Black Female Voters A Big Thank You"


Plus, A message from the Hamilton cast urging us to vote!

What's required to come back from a #MeToo incident? Time alone is not enough. This episode explores what a path to redemption might look like -- it might include some atonement that shows humility and a desire to change. This episode also tackles some societal changes we might need to make to reduce the likelihood of #MeToo moments in the future. Listen in and see what you think, then let me know what changes you would suggest by emailing me at [email protected].


Resources in this episode:


Shaunna Thomas, 7/29/2018, Popsugar.com, "Before His Comeback, Let's Talk Healing"


Anna Silman, 5/1/2018, The Cut, "7 Actresses on Whether the Men of #MeToo Should Get a Path to Redemption"