And Seska is back! Everyone’s favourite Bajoran Maquis Cardassian traitress returns — with a daring plan to unite the Kazon sects, or to destroy Voyager, or to capture Chakotay and collect a couple of teaspoonfuls of his DNA. Ahem. Anyway, at least Joe and Nathan get the chance to reminisce about a version of the show that they enjoyed and that gave the cast plenty of fun stuff to do.

This week, we learn a valuable lesson previously only known to the most tedious middle-aged people: that young people these days are arrogant, embarassing, and stupid — and also probably communists. Meanwhile, the crew of the Enterprise have all forgotten to remove their “Nixon’s the One!” badges, upsettingly.

This week, we travel back to a time in the distant past aboard Deep Space Nine, a time before anyone has worked out how the show should be played, written or directed. There’s some fun to be had, of course, but not from watching this episode.

After a botched first attempt back in 1994, the Star Trek movie franchise brings back many of the beloved characters from Star Trek: The Next Generation in a thrilling adventure, packed full of action, scares and laughs — as well as some sexy moments with an undead cyborg lizard and an optimistic message about the future of humanity. Five stars, really.

It’s been thirty-five years since the Romulans turned up again out of the blue, but now we couldn’t imagine a day without them. And so many of them! Narek and Narissa, two English Romulan Game of Thrones fans who are trying to kill Data’s (remaining) daughter. Zani, a stunningly calm and beautiful Romulan Sincerity Nun. Her ward Elnor, an adorably elfin Romulan Truth Ninja from Melbourne. And a whole angry mob of hot refugee Romulans bearing a justified grudge against Picard for making a loud moral stand while failing to actually help them in any way.

And Rios, Agnes and Raffi are here too of course, in a transitional episode that gives us the chance to talk about where Picard goes wrong, and what it still manages to do very well.

Again, the story doesn’t really have a legitimate theme, it’s just More Ferengi Farce, but without any solid laughs. In fact, I’d put “Ferengi Love Songs” on or near the bottom of the Ferengi episode list.

Jamahl Epsicokhan, Jammer’s Reviews

It’s all pretty trivial and unamusing. The only reason this is watchable at all is that Armin Shimerman is so accomplished. Moogie is right – leave your action figures in their original packaging.

Tom Salinksy, Trekaday

It was a show that worked well in dailies, in little snippets, but put it all together and you’re saying “Enough already!”

Ira Steven Behr, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Companion

– I don’t think that that episode was as good as either A Night in Sickbay or Genesis, but I do think it was pretty fun, and I’m glad that Deep Space Nine does it.

Nathan and Joe, Untitled Star Trek Project

This week, the Xindi and some big-ass lizard guy get to beat the crap out of (a) Enterprise and (b) Captain Archer, respectively. Meanwhile, Nathan and Joe are delighted, not because they’re mean (although they are), but because this is such a thoroughly entertaining hour of Star Trek: Enterprise. Who knew such things could be?

This week, Miles and Julian learn about larping and friendship, Kira learns about clay and the inevitability of authoritarian male religious figures, and we learn about subtext and delightful character development — all thanks to Jane Espenson, who, it turns out, is the real hero of the episode.

This week, crudely-drawn slow-moving simulacra of the Enterprise crew interact listlessly in a crudely-drawn slow-moving simulacrum of Star Trek. Except for the shapeshifting red octopus, which is awesome. Meanwhile, Joe drops £2.50 renting a Star Trek episode whose budget was nearly ten times that, adjusted for inflation.

It’s an outstandingly stupid episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation this week, except for the astonishingly brilliant idea of giving Marina fun things to do and a range of fabulously fun things to wear. Actually, let me start that again. It’s an astonishingly brilliant episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation this week,…