Untitled Star Trek Project

It’s Series 2, Episode 1 of Deep Space Nine, and so it’s time for the show to set off in a bold new direction, exploring its premise instead of simply being The Next Generation but in a shopping mall. First item on the agenda: rescue a very dull Bajoran war hero from Soledad Canyon. Second: give him Kira’s job.

This week Michael and her new first officer Commander Rayner are caught in a time loop carefully designed by the Krenim to give Michael the chance to prove that her approach to leadership is the correct one, as usual. Meanwhile, Joe gets a surprising present.

Many years ago, Joe and Nathan were offered a contract by a shadowy devilish figure, who promised them 180 episodes of peace and prosperity until her return, when she would demand their eternal servitude, mostly consisting of admiring her smile and the fabulosity of her hair. Honestly, they can both see the upside.

This week, the children of Earth face a difficult and precarious future — one that they didn’t create but that they must nevertheless endure. And now there’s a new Star Trek series where that’s basically happening too. But in Star Trek: Starfleet Academy, these kids have hope: some weird and kindly people are here, with patience and empathy, determined to help them find a way through.

This week, Joe and Nathan struggle to find exactly the right word to express their feelings about this episode.

Another astonishingly dull and unambitious week aboard Enterprise, as Hoshi Sato is accidentally transported into a high-concept plot that we’ve seen done better half a dozen times in the last fifteen years. Things liven up slightly ten minutes from the end, when we are treated to the dumbest line of dialogue in the history of the franchise.

This week, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine starts again — with a second pilot episode two and a half years after the first one. It’s The Best of Both Worlds, but much faster, funnier and more confident. And this is only the beginning. Again.

The quintessential odd-numbered Star Trek film, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier roared onto our screens in 1989, delighting and enthralling basically no one at all. Still, despite the glacial pace, the lack of incident and the horrendous special effects, it has something to say — something about the love and friendship between weird and grumpy old men who have known and annoyed one another for decades. And if you’ve got that, who needs Sha Ka Ree?

Tom, Harry, Neelix and Chakotay somehow return from a space mission with PTSD — and with memories of an armed conflict which might not even be theirs. All this goes just about as well as you’d expect, with inexplicable flashbacks, studio sets pretending to be outdoor locations, some odd gurning by Ethan, and some characteristically unpleasant shouting from the Worst Robert. But in spite of it all, there’s a point to be made, and some last-act location work lifts the whole thing considerably.

This week, a seminal moment in the history of television appears to be taking place at 0.5× speed.