I put my instagram on private and then saw that I had a hometown follower, a horror, so I told my therapist. Somehow that leads to me exposing my sugaring experiences. How it started, who knew I was doing it, and the different relationships I had with some of the fathers.  We also look into research that explains the different types of sugaring relationships as well as potential reasons why my sugar fathers participated in arrangements in the first place.
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 TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• paid arrangements
• sexual experiences

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My therapist let me know that he thinks emotion is energy in motion. I told him how I try to see emotion as colour, and he let me know we can take it further. So now, I'm learning how to identify emotions using Plutchik's model, and it turns out my lack of emotional regulation could be related to a lack of development, due to childhood trauma. I also discuss the things i find funniest in this world and how Teja's thinking annoys me to my core. 
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Links

• Interactive version of Plutchick's Wheel Of Emotions
• YouTube - Save Ralph

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 TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• this episode is listener friendly 

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I start by mentioning to my therapist that I have requested (but have not yet received) my foster care file, and that phone calls freak me out. I also let him know that I broke into my parents unlocked safe once. I raise my concerns with the foster care process, and issues I have with science, and adoption. My therapist tells me about CPTSD (complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder). We discuss the lessons I learned prior to turning six, including roots of my competitive and independent nature. We also take a quick look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

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 TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• foster care
• psychical abuse
• parental neglect 
• abandonment 

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I ask my therapist if he believes in monogamy.  We examine how my first relationship started as fully monogamous until one of us needed a way to explore our sexuality....Which led to my next monogamous relationship with Ithan, that is... until he cheated. My therapist also explains to me that sexual fantasies can have meaning, and I discover why group sex turns me on.

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 TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• sexual fantasies of all types 
• infidelity 

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I had to find out what the plan for this therapy thing was, I mean, I live by spreadsheets so it's only natural.  Also in this session, I tell my therapist about the time my friend caught me in a weird act, I vent about how my ex boyfriend was always late, and how crying became part of my skin care routine. My therapist told me that this was because I need to feel safe, have control, and attempt to avoid chaos based on , you guessed it, my childhood. So, now,  I am attempting to become responsive not reactive to stressful situations.

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 TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• graphic description of the thoughts and feelings I have during stress

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I had to complete a pretty intensive "intake form" before starting my therapy "sessions". 

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TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• very low detail - biological family separation 

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I read that therapy is like dating, so I went online, and found the hottest therapist I could find. I'm kidding, humour is just something I use to control conversations.

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TW -
This podcast contains sensitive topics (most times) please read the trigger warning list for this episode before listening:

• this episode is listener-friendly

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• incase you forget who is who, or what happened when.

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