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December can light up old wounds as quickly as it lights the tree. We invited Dr. Jake Smith Jr. of Plumline to help us turn holiday triggers into a plan for presence, connection, and real growth. Together we unpack why family dynamics can collapse time in the brain, why anger is never alone, and how the eight core feelings give you a simple language to name what’s true and meet your needs without handing your heart to the room.

We walk through affect labeling step by step—name the feeling, find the need, choose a healthy action—and show how this loop cuts off codependency at the root. When emotions spike, you’ll learn the “window of tolerance” and the concept of charge, plus exactly what to do when you jump from a four to a ten. Hint: it’s not more thinking. It’s sensory grounding—slow walks in the cold, a long shower, doing the dishes, beginner yoga—and giving full attention to sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste until your body settles. We also talk about spiritual bypassing, why the opposite of addiction is connection, and how to make daily check-ins a gym for the heart.

If you’re a loved one managing fear, we map out the three buckets of control to build protection, help, and refuge before the first party: what you fully control (lodging, exits, check-ins), what you partially control (clear expectations), and what you can’t control (someone else’s sobriety). We reframe boundaries as self-limits that protect connection, like shortening the visit or staying off-site, without trying to control the family system. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s presence. Smell the cider, feel the blanket, see the lights, and let attention do its healing work.

Grab the free Eight Core Feelings resource at ValiantLiving.com/episode52, then listen, share with a friend who needs a steadier December, and leave a review so more people can find this conversation. Subscribe for more honest tools for recovery and relationships.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

Healing doesn’t happen in perfect sync, and that’s okay. We explore tandem recovery with Brooke, our family advocate who coaches partners and parents through the messy, courageous work of rebuilding trust and balance after addiction. Think of a tandem bike: sometimes you steer, sometimes you push from behind, and either way the goal is shared direction. Brooke brings clear, compassionate guidance on how families can stop rescuing, start feeling, and move forward together without losing themselves.

We dig into emotional responsibility and the difference between healthy care and control. You’ll learn how to spot subtle codependency—automatic fixing, people pleasing, and quiet resentment—and replace it with boundaries rooted in intention and motivation. We also get practical about the body’s early warning signs: the held breath, the heat in your face, the stomach drop when the phone lights up. Those cues matter. Pausing to regulate before you answer is not avoidance; it’s wisdom. From there, we talk about natural consequences, how to accept an apology without erasing the harm, and why letting someone sit with shame can be an act of love.

One of the most powerful tools we unpack is digital detox during treatment. Creating space breaks the cycle of emotional management, reveals where each person has leaned on the other to self-soothe, and opens the door to interdependence. We close with a simple mantra: attraction, not promotion. Live the calm and clarity you hope to see. The pace of recovery will shift, leadership will change hands, and the ride won’t be perfectly even—but with honesty, boundaries, and shared purpose, you can pedal the same road and actually enjoy the view.

Subscribe for more conversations on recovery, family healing, and practical tools you can use today. If this resonated, share it with someone who needs hope and leave a review to help others find the show.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

The path through addiction and betrayal trauma isn't linear – it's messy, painful, and often seems impossible to navigate. In this raw and honest conversation, we sit down with a spouse whose husband went through the Valiant program to hear the story from her perspective.

She doesn't hold back as she describes life before treatment: the exhaustion of overfunctioning, the unpredictability of living with active addiction, and the constant fear of the next discovery or disclosure. For nearly a decade, she weathered cycles of betrayal, attempted repair, and eventual relapse that left her emotionally depleted and uncertain about their future.

The turning point came when she reached her limit and delivered what she now recognizes as "loving leverage" – he needed to leave their home, either for treatment or permanently. This boundary, while painful to establish, became the catalyst for profound healing on both sides. While he worked through the Valiant program, she embarked on her own tandem recovery journey through therapy, support groups, and intentional self-care.

What emerges from her story isn't just survival but transformation. She discovered strengths she never knew she possessed, gained confidence in setting boundaries, and learned to separate the addiction from the man she married. Today, their relationship features healthier communication, quicker emotional repair, and a vocabulary that allows them to navigate triggers without escalation.

For spouses currently drowning in the chaos of addiction, her message offers a lifeline of hope: you're not alone, healing is possible, and the work – while incredibly difficult – is worth it. By recognizing that neither person chose this struggle and that both are battling the same enemy (addiction itself), couples can find their way back to connection, trust, and a relationship that's healthier than it's ever been.

Have you experienced betrayal trauma in your relationship? What boundaries have helped your healing process? Connect with us and join our community of people walking similar paths toward recovery and rebuilding.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

Ever been told that “real” trauma work should leave you wrung out and wrecked? We take that myth apart and show a different path—one built on careful pacing, body awareness, and tiny changes that add up. With training across EMDR, IFS, neurofeedback, and trauma‑sensitive yoga, our guest guides a live Internal Family Systems demo that turns abstract ideas into a concrete experience you can feel.

We start by swapping “triggers” for trailheads and using a simple life satisfaction check to find where to begin. A tight chest and tense shoulders open a path to a childhood scarcity memory and a protector who keeps every plate spinning. That drive to hustle isn’t random; it’s guarding against shame and the terror of being unlovable or losing belonging. You’ll hear how work can become a numbing strategy, why avoidance and the inner critic quietly slow healing, and how to tell the difference between productive discomfort and harmful pain.

Then comes the turn: self‑energy. When we access that lighter, hopeful, creative core, protectors often want to help in new ways—without the exhaustion. Instead of overnight reinvention, we lean on cognitive neuroscience: 1–3% changes. Track the moments you fear disappointing your family. Notice when people‑pleasing spikes. Name the inner critic, and pause before numbing. Observation builds choice, and choice builds momentum.

If IFS resonates, we share practical next steps to find certified support via the IFS Institute and high‑quality resources from Richard Schwartz. No plastic‑banana knockoffs, no heroics—just honest work at a humane pace. If this conversation helped you see your patterns with more kindness, follow the show, share it with someone who needs a gentler approach, and leave a review to help more people find it.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

The moment a loved one enters addiction treatment, a parallel journey begins for the entire family. In this eye-opening conversation, Brooke—family group facilitator at Valiant Living—shares wisdom gained from both professional expertise and personal experience with addiction's devastating impact on families.

Brooke introduces the powerful concept of "parallel recovery," explaining how both the person with addiction and their family members need healing—but must travel their own paths. "Parallel recovery is this idea that we both need healing, but we don't heal side by side," she explains, using the metaphor of two cyclists riding next to each other. When one person tries to control the other's handlebars, both crash. Her message is clear: we must learn to support without trying to fix.

Drawing from her own journey as someone who lost multiple family members to addiction—including her ex-husband and sister-in-law—and parented a son through substance use disorder, Brooke speaks with rare authenticity about the rage, guilt, and codependency that often characterize family responses to addiction. She vulnerably shares how she transformed from "an ostrich with her head in the sand" to finding her voice through anger, and eventually through boundaries and compassion.

For family members feeling forgotten while their loved one receives treatment, Brooke offers practical guidance on managing codependency, setting healthy boundaries, and beginning their own healing journey. She explains how education about addiction creates space for compassion, and how finding your voice can begin with something as simple as saying "no" to making dinner.

Whether you're a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend of someone struggling with addiction, this conversation offers hope that healing is possible. As Brooke reminds us: "You are not alone. I see you, I hear you, I am you, and let's start to heal."

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What if the opposite of addiction isn't sobriety, but connection? Scott Davis, Chief Clinical Officer at Valiant Living, opens up about this profound truth and much more in our latest episode, sharing wisdom gained from years of guiding men through recovery.

With vulnerable honesty, Scott addresses how we can find peace during tumultuous times by seeking authentic connection rather than isolation. "The best thing you can do is limit your social media," he advises, suggesting instead that we reach for human connection that transcends political divisions and touches something deeper – our shared humanity.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn as Scott reveals the transformative power of group therapy. For many men entering recovery, the thought of sharing their deepest struggles in a group setting triggers intense fear. Yet Scott demonstrates how this very vulnerability creates the healing environment so many desperately need. "If it's in your head, it's a dangerous place," he explains, highlighting how bringing thoughts into the open – whether through writing or sharing with trusted others – creates clarity and relief.

Perhaps most powerful is Scott's exploration of shame, which he calls "terminally shameful" rather than "terminally unique." The shame that makes us feel fundamentally flawed and isolated becomes, ironically, the very thing that can connect us when shared in a safe group setting. "When somebody shares their pain with you, it is a sacred thing," Scott reflects, describing the "tragic beauty" of witnessing others' vulnerability and recognizing our shared struggles.

Scott also unpacks how individual therapy works alongside group therapy at Valiant, preparing clients to bring their deepest wounds into a community where deeper healing happens. Even conflict within groups becomes an opportunity for growth, often reflecting unresolved family-of-origin issues that can finally be addressed in a supportive environment.

Listen now to experience this profound conversation about connection, vulnerability, and the courage to be seen. Whether you're struggling personally or supporting someone who is, Scott's wisdom offers hope that healing is possible when we brave the journey together.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

Recovery isn't a solo journey—it's a family transformation. This profound conversation with addiction specialists Madison Burke and Henry Maxwell from Maxwell Recovery Services reveals how the healing process must extend beyond the individual to encompass the entire family system.

Madison shares her personal story of using substances to escape reality after being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at age 12. Her recovery journey illuminated how addiction manifested not just in substances but in relationships and work—"it ran through my veins in everything that I did." Henry describes his path from IV heroin addiction at 17 to becoming a recovery professional, explaining the powerful "outside-in paradigm" that drives addictive behavior: the desperate attempt to fill internal wounds with external solutions.

The specialists offer a revolutionary perspective on family involvement in recovery. Rather than viewing the person struggling with addiction as "the problem," they advocate for seeing addiction as a family system issue requiring everyone's participation in the healing process. Madison notes how families often orbit around the person in crisis, leaving them unsure of their identity when that person enters treatment. This insight reveals why family members need their own recovery work—not just for their wellbeing, but as a powerful model that "makes an impact" on their loved one's journey.

Perhaps most helpfully, they reframe the concept of boundaries as "limits"—recognizing when we've reached the end of what we can safely provide rather than attempting to control outcomes. Modern interventions have evolved far beyond the dramatic confrontations portrayed in media, now emphasizing collaboration, transparency, and "leading with love" while maintaining necessary limits. The experts share that these conversations often go more smoothly than anticipated because the person struggling may secretly want help but doesn't know how to ask.

For families feeling overwhelmed, the message is clear: you're not supposed to know how to handle addiction. The healing begins by reaching out for professional guidance, building community, and developing the skills to cultivate resilience. Despite the challenges, addiction is highly treatable, with recovery possible for both individuals and their families when they embrace the journey from chaos to strategy, from crisis to connection.

What step will you take today toward your family's healing journey?

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

Everyone carries internal narratives that shape how we see ourselves, others, and the world. These stories—often formed in childhood and reinforced through years of living—can either liberate us or keep us trapped in cycles of shame, fear, and self-doubt.

In this powerful conversation, Michael Dinneen and Drew Powell dig deep into how these narratives influence our recovery journeys. Dinneen vulnerably shares his ongoing struggle with a "younger son" identity despite 33 years of sobriety and significant professional success. "How much hustle I've gone into in my own life," he reflects, "has been this overcompensation for this kid that thinks he's unworthy and just messed up."

The discussion takes a transformative turn when they explore the parable of the Prodigal Son from a fresh perspective. In Western culture, we focus on the wayward son, but Eastern traditions call it "The Parable of the Running Father"—shifting attention to the parent who desperately loves rather than the child who strayed. This reframing offers a powerful metaphor for recovery: perhaps our healing comes not from fixing ourselves but from allowing ourselves to be seen differently.

Both men examine how our protective mechanisms—whether withdrawing completely or charging forward with excessive intensity—often represent polarized reactions to fear rather than expressions of our authentic selves. "Neither of those are really the essence of me," Dinneen observes about his tendency toward either isolation or aggression, "but I think they are me."

The conversation reveals that true transformation requires courage to question everything—our perceptions, reactions, and deeply held beliefs about who we are. The journey isn't about arriving at a destination where struggle ceases but developing a different relationship with our internal experience. As Dinneen powerfully concludes: "The alternative is you just keep reinventing a more savvy way to outmaneuver yourself...and it only lands you temporarily in the sweet spot."

Whether you're in recovery or simply seeking a more authentic life, this episode offers profound insights into breaking free from limiting narratives and discovering who you truly are beyond the stories you've been telling yourself.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

What does an effective intervention truly look like? Beyond the dramatic portrayals in television shows lies a thoughtful, compassionate approach that Stephen Wilkins has perfected over more than two decades as a certified clinical interventionist.

Stephen takes us behind the scenes of what he calls "interventions with integrity," revealing a process that begins long before the actual confrontation. The preparation involves seven to eight hours with family members, carefully crafting letters that affirm love rather than simply highlighting damage. "An intervention letter is about how much I love you, happy memories that I have of you," Stephen explains, contrasting this with harsher approaches that focus solely on consequences.

The podcast uncovers the profound emotional dynamics at play during interventions, illustrated through powerful stories like that of an alcoholic attorney whose defenses crumbled when her tough Marine grandfather showed unexpected vulnerability. Her response—"What took you so long?"—captures the complex reality that many addicted individuals secretly want help but remain trapped in ambivalence.

Perhaps most illuminating is Stephen's multi-goal model for interventions. While getting someone into treatment remains important, equally crucial goals include challenging learned helplessness, beginning to heal family relationships, and surprisingly, giving the addicted person back some control. "Addicts and alcoholics don't have a lot of control in their life, but they have a delusion that they're in charge," Stephen observes, explaining how his approach acknowledges this paradox.

For families wondering if intervention might help their loved one, Stephen offers clear signs to watch for: increasing isolation, abandoning previously enjoyed activities, and the telling presence of shame around substance use. These indicators suggest someone may be ready for the loving confrontation that an intervention provides.

Ready to learn more about helping a loved one struggling with addiction? Contact us at 720-756-7941 or email [email protected] to discover how we might support your journey toward recovery and healing.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.

Send us a text

When Dan Griffin found himself carving "F YOU" into his arm as a teenage boy who hadn't hit puberty, he wasn't just acting out—he was experiencing the profound disconnect between his authentic self and society's expectations of manhood. This pivotal moment led to a lifelong journey of understanding what he calls "the water we swim in"—the invisible but powerful gender conditioning that shapes how men experience everything, especially recovery.

Drawing from 30 years of sobriety and expertise in men's trauma work, Griffin articulates a revolutionary perspective on masculinity that offers hope for men struggling to reconcile recovery principles with their gender conditioning. "The man rules are for one core reason," Griffin explains, "safety." But these same rules—don't cry, don't ask for help, don't show vulnerability—directly contradict what recovery demands, creating what he calls "psychological dissonance" that can derail healing.

Griffin's concept of "conscious masculinity" offers a powerful alternative. Rather than rejecting masculinity outright or remaining trapped in rigid gender scripts, men can learn to make enlightened choices about their expression. Through awareness, acceptance, and action, men can reclaim their full emotional range without shame. "We don't need permission to be ourselves," Griffin asserts. "We need to let go of the lie that says it's not okay."

This conversation dismantles the false gendering of emotions and reveals surprising research showing baby boys display more emotionality than girls before conditioning takes effect. For anyone working with men in recovery or navigating their own healing journey, Griffin's insights illuminate why vulnerability feels so threatening and how men can finally integrate their authentic selves with their recovery. By understanding the "water we swim in," we gain the power to move beyond it—into a masculinity defined not by cultural limitation but by conscious choice.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, you don’t have to face it alone.

Valiant Living helps men and their families move from crisis to stability through clinically driven care, community, and hope.

Learn more about our programs at www.valiantliving.com
or call us confidentially at (720) 796-6885 to speak with someone who can help.