Step into the confessional with Simon Mayo and the Confession Collective for another week of chaos, questionable logic, and tape-speed chat that nobody fully understands (7 and a half IPS, apparently).

First: Clara’s lunchtime ice creams take a horrifying turn when a “respectful” window manoeuvre collides with a cathedral town funeral.

Then Sally relives childhood vengeance as a Cindy-doll disaster ends with an “ever so slight” push into a lily pond… and a decades-later Facebook block.

Plus: Alison reports a mystery powder to the police (taste test included), only to discover it’s not what original thought, and Tommy commits the ultimate school photo sin.

Got a confession? Send it to [email protected].