Building engagement in a virtual context can be much more challenging than in a face to face situation. Not only do the technical issues make it more difficult, but the design and flow of the interaction, regardless of whether it’s a workshop or meeting is vital. Engagement needs to be built consciously and we cannot not just rely on it to happen by itself.

In this episode our discussion focuses on what we can do to prepare for a meeting in terms of interaction, design and flow, to create one that is truly engaging. How to actively involve all the participants in the way the interaction is run, to ensure that everyone feels heard and that they have been able to contribute enough for them to buy into the focus and outcomes of the session.

Asking open questions is an essential element of Conscious Listening, especially in a virtual setting.

Most often, we ask closed questions, which very often makes life even more difficult.

Two of the challenges that we face, especially online, when asking questions are the following:

How do we deal with these and other challenges, to ask questions that really build conscious listening?

In this episode, we cover the issues that we have come across in our experience and explore some suggestions to solve them

In episode 2 on Conscious Listening, we identify and discuss Level 3 and 4.

With Level 3, we focus on what we call mind side-tracks. With this we mean all the thoughts, thought processes and reactions that occur and distract our attention while we are listening to Level 1 & 2.

Ultimately, we often listen only to our own mind chatter and not to what others are really saying. In a virtual situation where we feel less connected than in a face to face situation, this is even stronger.

The essential question is really, how to stay curious and actually use what distracts us, using curiosity in a constructive way to deepen the conversation.

Listening at Level 4 encompasses meta ‘interruptions’. This could be our intuition kicking in with input from our subconscious. It could also be something else that we see or hear, happening in the physical world outside of the direct conversation.

Again, we are able to use curiosity and use what distracts us, to deepen the conversation.

In our discussion, going beyond Active Listening, we define the 4 levels of Conscious Listening. Often, listening is defined as consisting of 3 levels, but in our model we identify 4 levels or channels. Level 1 covers most of what is usually known as active listening. This essentially covers the words, content, message and meaning of what is being said and understood. Level 2 focuses on what transpires between the lines, in what is not said directly, during silences as well as through body language. We also cover specifically the challenges that we face when in a virtual context, as this is much more challenging to deal with than in a face to face situation, where our ability to really listen is already seldom great.

In the 2nd episode on Conscious Listening we focus on how to manage our awareness in virtual situations, through better connection and curiosity, helping us to better understand what others are saying. In online conversations we face many more challenges than in face to face situations, and we talk through many of the variables we need to address, to be able to do this effectively. We conclude the episode with a conversation about how to actively listen in an online environment using the classic Active Listening technique: listening, feedback and confirmation of what was heard.

In the virtual world, listening becomes much more important because of all the additional - real or perceived - barriers we need to overcome. However, instead of listening more, we tend to listen less.

We often listen to what we think others are saying, instead of concentrating and listening to what they actually say. Few people really even practice active listening in their day-to-day life despite being aware of the need for it.

In our 16th episode, we go even further than just active listening. From our perspective, developing curiosity is the foundation for what we call conscious listening, and this needs to be actively developed and nurtured. Both curiosity and conscious listening start on the being-level, where we need to foster interest, that in turn can develop into curiosity. Crucial also, is creating a safe space for people to be able to speak freely,despite feeling vulnerable. This is the starting point for building a deep connection, so often missing in online interactions.

On a practical level we actively need to bring people into a conversation, while at the same time, following our intuition and be able to listen at different levels. If we are able to do all of this, combined with the right questioning techniques, interaction amongst participants will need far less intervention from our side, as we would function more as a conductor in these conversations. Leading to a different kind of virtual conversation.

To manage ourselves in a virtual leadership development context, we need to take ownership for our attitude and emotions related to the challenges we face.  How do we show up? Where is our focus when things are not going to plan in a specific situation? The Player attitude enables us to focus on our ability to take responsibility and act, rather than blaming others. The Learner attitude opens the space for curiosity and is absolutely essential for effective listening.

When disruptions happen, what capacity do we have to deal with the impact they have on us emotionally? How does this impact on others? When a participant shows up in a disruptive way? How do we deal with their disruptive behaviour.

Emotionally reacting to unforeseen events is normal human behaviour. However, we need the mental capacity and awareness to accept these and deal with them constructively and not being overpowered by them. To keep calm when things are not working out as they should, is an essential role model or the participants. Making issues transparent and staying calm helps normalise them.

They secret to interaction, is to keep the best possible connection to participants. Technology and its inherent challenges at best play a secondary role.

 Be proactive not reactive!

Own issues that show up as normal.

We discuss the 7 key themes that always emerge in an RoE alignment conversation. These again, give rise or connect to every other topic or behaviour that is important to participants in a virtual interaction. Essentially, if we are able to align participants and their behaviour around these, we effectively establish psychological safety.

The 7 are:

Respect, which underlies almost all other behaviours

Openness, which is the starting point for everything

Trust, which in turn fosters collaboration

Confidentiality, for example is really important in an online context as effectively participants allow others into their private environment

Honesty, in a sense of being truthful in your interaction and behaviour

Fairness, without a sense of fairness it is difficult to be open

Listening, is key for online work so people feel to be heard and seen

A specific circumstance or context requires additional topics that need to be explored through open questions and reflection on connected attitudes and behaviour

Supporting participants to reflect on these helps them get clarity on their intention and purpose and enhances their commitment

Episode 13 continues our discussion on Rules of Engagement (RoE). We dive deeper into how the alignment process works and how to use this to create a solid foundation for safety, trust and collaboration. In online situations, this is even more important, as well as difficult, than in face to face situations, so that participants feel empowered and not subconsciously vulnerable, having to distance and protect themselves. We also focus on the impact of values and behaviours, touching on how to deal with, for example, disruptive behaviour, aligning participants behind constructive behaviour.

RoE builds a really strong connection with participants helping them uncover what they deeply need, in order to be able to work together constructively and effectively, supporting them to create what is important for them.

The 12th episode dives into the first part of Rules of Engagement (ROE). The essence of Rules of Engagement is to align on how we engage with each other, which in an online interaction is much more difficult to do than in face to face. The direct outcome of this alignment is the establishment of a circle of safety, which in turn lays the foundation for trust and in turn fosters collaboration. 

Return on Engagement: If we are able to collaborate more and better when we engage online, we find a natural impact on results. In other words, we achieve a direct return on our 'investment in engagement'.

In Rules of Engagement, the focus lies on the process, in helping participants understand and express, for themselves, what is important for them in how they want to show up and engage with each other during the virtual reaction.  It is not so much the specific topics, as the process that builds trust. This means that focusing only on the topics in a discussion will not have the same effect as using the process of alignment.  Therefore it is important to take sufficient time for this, and allow for depth in the conversation. This will allow for an understanding of both acceptable and unacceptable or disruptive behaviour to be aligned on. This particularly pays off in especially longer engagements.