Voice Lessons Podcast

Barbara Huson has devoted decades to empowering women as a financial therapist, wealth coach, and author. In this episode, Kim speaks to her about her 7th book, Rewire For Wealth, and the three steps every woman can take to step into their power and program their brain for financial success.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• How Barbara's father and first marriage didn't teach her about money but prepared her to help women financially.
• Banks could refuse women a credit card until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974 was signed into law. Prior to that, a bank could refuse to issue a credit card to an unmarried woman, and if a woman was married, her husband was required to cosign.
• Why women are afraid of their power.
• Being MetaFISCAL and what it means.
• How a women's spiritual journey connects with her financial wellbeing.
• Barbara's three levels of financial development: survival, stability, affluence.
• Are you an under-earner?
• The two emotions to recognize when going from survival to stability on your financial journey.
• Barbara's 3-step formula to rewiring our brains for wealth.
• Why it can be difficult to rewire.
• The connection between our brain and our thoughts and how we can change the negative thoughts we tell ourselves.
• The balance between love and fear.
• Receptive surrender and how it relates to COVID-19 and what we are collectively going through as a whole.
• Why Barbara changed her last name.

#LESSONUP:

(2:50- 3:50) I realized very early in my work with women and wealth is that women's issues with money have very little of anything to do with money. And it has everything to do with their fear up or ambivalence about power because women don't understand power from a feminine perspective. And in my definition, a powerful woman is someone who knows who she is, who knows what she wants, and expresses that in the world unapologetically. So essentially our fear of power is our fear of becoming all of who we're meant to be, to really shining our light in the world, and dimming ourselves down. So we don't make waves. And for the patriarchy men see power as power over we don't, for us, power is power with, we are collaborative. We are all about power with.

(4:09-5:00) I remember interviewing a psychologist who specialized in financial matters and I asked her, why are women so afraid of their power? And she said to me, something gave me full-body chills. She said powerful women have been burned at the stake. Yes. And I believe it is in our collective unconsciousness that we have this fear of being punished or having catastrophic outcomes if we are powerful. But in order to create wealth in order to make a difference in the world, we have to become a container that can attract, sustain and grow our money. And that's what's required of us. Mother Theresa said it takes a checkbook to change the world. And it's so true.

(10:07- 10:20) Under-earning never feeds your soul. It is always an act of deprivation and not just of money, but of time of choices, of freedom, and most of all of self-esteem.

(10:45- 11:20) Our brain which is a physical organ in our body controls our behavior. Everything we do inhaling, exhaling, saving, spending is controlled by our brain. Our mind is a non-physical entity, the source of thoughts and feelings. And what flows through the mind is what shapes the brain. So if you want to change your behavior, it's really hard. It's really, really challenging to change your behavior unless without changing your brain first, and the way you change your brain is by changing your thoughts and feelings.

(13:28-13:56) All rewiring is unlearning the thoughts that don't serve you so you can, we can program into your brain thoughts that serve you. You recognize the thought you reframe it, but it's not enough to change your behavior unless you do the third step, which is respond differently. Don't want to do, do what doesn't feel. Right. Do what you think. This isn't me. This isn't me. Those are all signs that you are rewiring your brain.

(14:55- 15:40) The effects of COVID are many, but one of it for us is enforcing us to reconsider our life. And are we going in the direction we need to go? And thing to do when you get the call, when you realize, Hmm, I need to make some changes. Whether you want to or not. The universe tells you time to make a change. What you need to do is step back and receptive surrender… to get quiet because the idea is to tune into your soul. And in order to hear our soul, we must be quiet. Our soul needs stillness. Our ego, which is telling us, telling you, you're not enough. You must do this. You should do this. It's so loud. It's screaming at you. So you need to get quiet to see what your soul has to tell you.

(20:30- 21:50) I think we do not need to get to the state where I was, where it was feeling heavy. I do not think we need to get to this point. This is about you as a black woman asking for support because you give it to other people without question. So why can you not give it to yourself? And I think that is what I would say to any woman listening, give to yourself what you would give to others without question. And a lot of us do that, but we don't think that we are worthy of that. And that was a lesson that I had to learn because I do it. I show up for everybody and I show up in a way and give a hundred percent at all times. And yet I don't feel that I'm worthy of that level of support.

(17:38- 18:00) I want women to know how much power they have to create the life that they want. How much power, how much is in their control. How absolutely much how their thinking is so powerful. The creative power of thought is mind-boggling. And then when you can shift your thinking, you actually rewire your brain and your behavior will change. And there's nothing you can't do.

Why is it still so difficult for women who lead to ask for help, especially when it comes to their mental health? And, why are Black women even less likely to ask for it? In our special SEASON 2 launch on INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY, Kim speaks to award-winning producer, writer, and speaker Trey Anthony, best known for her work "Da Kink in My Hair" and most recently, her new book "Black Girl In Love (with Herself)." In this lesson on showing up for yourself, Trey speaks openly and honestly about coming to terms with her own depression, and how we as women can find freedom in expressing the truths about our daily struggles and fall back in love... with ourselves. (This episode includes colorful language). TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• How Trey's grandmother influenced her creativity, career, and eventually her voice.
• Why Trey started her first piece "Da Kink in My Hair" and what the show represents in regards to issues Black women face in their daily lives.
• How "Da Kink in My Hair" became an overnight sensation.
• Trey is the first Black woman in Canada to ever have a television show on a major prime-time Canadian network.
• Black Culture in Canada vs. the United States.
• How Trey made space for Black women in the self-help market.
• Black Girl in Love (with Herself) addresses the real things that occur to Black women as they move through spaces.
• There's a stigma in the Black community around depression and mental health issues that we do not talk about, and yet it's happening.
• How do we create a safe space for Black women to fall apart if they need to?
• If you look at so many of the movements of social change that are happening, Black women are at the forefront.
• When you are not recognized, you have nothing to lose.
• Many women leaders are viewed as the strong ones and have a hard time admitting when they are struggling, and how Trey navigated this personally.
• By the time Black women actually seek health for mental health issues, their symptoms are 5X more severe than white women.
• As women, we think we can handle more than we actually can and it's ok to ask for help.
• There is a common misconception among women that receiving comes with strings attached.
• Asking for that support and being carried is part of the modeling of what the new success means.
• How mothering changed Trey and her journey as a solo parent.
• The rules that are written in the culture for the way we do things don't actually make sense for busy women.
• Feminine leadership looks like in today's society looks like so many different things, because we are doing it all.

Author, speaker, and activist Joy Bennett shares a story no parent can ever imagine being a part of. What happened to Joy and her family was the beginning of her spiritual transformation. This is the story of a woman who shifted from intellectual know it all, to a questioner. Listen to how she healed her unbelief in this episode in "faith".

In this "Lesson on Trusting Your Gut", Kim Kuhteubl pulls an interview with serial entrepreneur, author and visionary Christiane Lemieux out of the vault to talk about the growth of her business, saying "yes" and why this moment was meant for creative women who were born to lead.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE

• How the designer challenges "tradition in a quintessentially American way," and her "American design visionary" status.
• Canada, does that feel ironic or did you always know you would end up in New York?
• Christiane's first two strategic jobs including working with Isaac Mizrahi.
• The emotional experience of her brand DNA
• Christiane's collaboration with target.
• Why young entrepreneurs should take the risk
• The changes in the online retail space and the importance of being nimble.
• Christiane's collaboration with Target.
• Evolution of social media.
• When to say yes and when to say no.
• What is the hardest thing about being visible and the face of the brand?

Interior designer, author and visionary, Vicente Wolf's list of projects is an interior designer's bucket list that includes hotels, retail spaces, apartment buildings and private residences across the United States and around the world. He's been recognized as a leader or legend in every design publication you know including the AD 100, Elle Décor's A-List, NY Spaces Top 50 Designer and House Beautiful's 10 most influential designers, to name a few. In this "Lesson On Longevity" from the vault, Kim Kuhteubl speaks with him about his journey to interior design, licensing and the business of being an interior designer.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Vicente's circuitous journey to the interior design profession.

• Is there an emotional experience behind his rooms?

• Was his business built strategically or from the gut?

• How did he get into licensing?

• Is he comfortable with the visibility and being the face of the brand?

• How big is his team?

• Should designer's who want to be published work for free?

In this "Lesson On Embracing Creativity" Kim shares the big lesson she learned about creativity in the first writing class taught by #1 New York Times Bestselling Author Liz Gilbert. Thanks to our listener All the Arts for All the Kids for the suggesting the idea!

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Elizabeth Gilbert's advice on writing and what gets in the way of so many creatives expressing themselves.
• How creativity is linked to relationship.
• The exercise that changed Kim's relationship with her creativity
• How to claim your own creativity and celebrate it
• As women, we can own and profit from our creativity like never before
• What your creative work teaches you about your inner life

After the murder of George Floyd, Kennedy Mitchum found herself locked in battles on social media about race in America. Tired of people using the dictionary definition of racism in their defense, she contacted the editors at Merriam-Webster to argue that the entry for racism should be revised and better reflect how systemic racism is in society. In this, "Lesson On Racism", you will find out their answer and why Kennedy believes now is the time for women to be brave.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Black history in our education systems is not prevalent enough
• How Kennedy's own personal experiences as a black woman have motivated her to push for a greater understanding of what racism means
• The incident that prompted Kennedy to reach out to Webster to change the definition of racism
• The old definition of racism does not include systemic oppression and factors that are missing
• Fighting for what you believe in
• What gave Kennedy the courage to reach out and what gave her the persistence to continue until they said yes
• The response Kennedy has received for making this change and the visibility she has received from it
• Culture is a container and it needs to change based on the people who are in the container with you
• Using your voice for change
• Everyone's narrative deserves to be part of the story
• You don't make a change unless you ask questions
• Question everything, educate yourself and keep pushing
• Helping lead women for those who can't

#LESSONUP

(4:05) And then combined with my own personal experiences as a black woman, being stereotyped, being looked over and things of that nature that hurt me and my mental health in college. The fact that people are understanding that a lot of these systems, whether it's in the healthcare, whether it's an education and things like that are it's continued to perpetuate racism. They didn't understand that connection. It's not just individual bias. It's not just disliking someone because of the color of their skin. It's a lot deeper than that.

(7:55) I've had these same different conversations over and over again. And I just realized that that definition was the problem at that point. People continue to go there to justify ignorant behavior and it's a stay stagnant.

(8:45) A lot of systemic oppression and a lot of the systemic factors that are missing from the definition. It's very passive and it doesn't show how active racism is in today's society. So I emailed them and said at this point, you guys are misinforming the masses by using this definition. People continue to go to the dictionary for a more nuanced way of understanding a word. And racism is a word that you should have.

(9:55) I'm sick of you acting like you're for diversity and inclusion, but not taking care of your people, your students of color, not caring, not doing anything if they have to drop out because they can't can't afford it, but you brought them here. I'm sick and tired of it. We don't need words. We need actions. I need to see how you are actually for people of color at this point in time.

(14:55) Question everything. We've been listening to narratives that aren't in our favor for so long, whether it's in the media or whether it's the history books o in the dictionary, I definitely want to create a way to continue. Advocate and educate

(22:25) Keep pushing. Educate yourself. Start questioning this stuff because it's just so programmed, just going with the status quo. I definitely understand, and I've definitely been there, but you just reach out and find those resources for yourself. At the end of the day, they're comfortable in their spot. They're comfortable with the way they are right now, but you aren't and that's not okay. So if you're uncomfortable, you shouldn't be uncomfortable. So keep pushing, keep doing, find different routes. Find ways in order to bring about the change that you need. If one isn't working and find another one.

Matthew "Levee" Chavez (our first male guest!) believes his art and creative tools can grow community dialogue and encourage positive activism. His Subway Therapy project started with only a table and two chairs, a table where New Yorkers would sit and share secrets while they were waiting for the subway. The day after the 2016 election, he brought sticky notes and what happened at that table went viral.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The Subway Therapy movement and Matthew's nonlinear past that helped him spark the idea
• The Secret Keeper and why secrets are meant to be released
• Matthew's second name and what it means for him on his journey towards creative openness
• Combining social service with performance art
• Conflict resolution and how people deal with conflic
• The one sticky note that stood out to Matthew and why?
• Violence in school and it's direct relationship to the Trump campaign
• How do you see both sides and hold space for all while still having a stance?
• Navigating the rapid spread of a movement.
• How do you take care of the caretaker?
• The Secret Telephone installation
• The liminal space between male and female in creativity and leadership

#LESSONUP:

(4:05) I was a sophomore in high school and I would go and talk to middle schools about the transition between junior high and high school. And then in college, I was a peer counselor. In that liminal space between high school and college, I really liked it. You're active, you're there, you help people to transition. And so I started kind of developing this ideological framework around me being like the bag, like if you're a goldfish and you're going from the pet store to home, you need that bag that like scoops up the water you're in and then takes you to the new tank. And then you have to sit in the water for a little bit. Like that bag is super important for the fish, not feeling shocked when it transfers from the temperature water that it's in, into the new temperature water, even though the water is relatively the same. Always wanting to be in that liminal space, like the transition place between things really is what my mind was so interested in like always.

(11:55) So I had that up and then I just sat there and invited people to write. I wrote express yourself. And then like thousands of people wrote, starting around two o'clock in the afternoon until midnight. There were about 3,000 people that wrote on sticky notes.

(12:45) I guessed that people were going to write, but I didn't actually think that people were gonna write with such fervor. And so I didn't want to leave cause I didn't want to risk somebody vandalizing it or trashing it or whatever. And so I kind of wanted to be like gardener of that garden that I had started.

(21:03) I know the moment where it felt like I had really done something and it was that same night…it's midnight. I'm trying to figure out what to do. And I stood back and I was just sort of trying to figure out how to process what had just happened. It just got interviewed by like New York One. There were all these notes. And I was just looking at it and I, the way that people had put the sticky notes on the wall actually had formed this shape. That looked like two wings that were coming from the table. And it like angel wings. I had that thought and I had this really, really strong, wash of emotion and I'm feeling it right now. And it was so powerful. Whoa, I don't really know what just happened, but it's definitely beyond me. Like, something really wonderful has happened that I channeled or like open the doorway for is really, really wonderful. Yeah. It's like a natural shape. You could think of the way people stick things to places. It kind of like there's this density right at the center. And then it kind of like shapes up to where people's arms are. And so it looked just like wings. It's really wild.

(27:21) I think the goal has changed over time. When I was doing subway therapy, I was very much in the front seat driving and people could see me driving and really what I'm trying to create now are installations and opportunities for people to be the driver. If writing is the thing and that's the only experience that allows people to share themselves with other people, then they create the work by writing. And if I'm sitting at the table, people are asking me for permission to do it. And I actually don't like that. I don't want people to do that. I want them just to do it. And so I've been trying to find ways to eliminate myself from my public works so they can exist without me.

(32:02) I think there's something so fun about secrets and it's childish. And a lot of people have secrets that they have accrued over a lifetime and I respect that. I think people have like a few that they don't even think of as secrets until they're presented with an opportunity to share one. So when you hear stuff that you wouldn't normally hear, it provides like something really interesting as like a human experience. I do think we like unearthing hidden stuff. And so that's very exciting.

(34:55) I think about my role now, what I'd really like to do is create more of that. If we take a design perspective and look at some of the challenges that we have as a society and what we're missing, there's all this knowledge in religion and in ancestral knowledge and in different cultures that can give us and provide us with all the things that we need in terms of like connection and ritual and daily experience. And we just aren't using it. And I think how do you create that moment of connection randomly? The sticky note project is a really good version of it with subway therapy, being able to talk to a random therapist, that's sitting there, it's like obviously BS, but, but also like really serious stuff like marital problems and suicide and all these different things. And then secret telephone is like such a fun thing, but it does let you jump into someone's life for a second. And I think that regular experience creates empathy and it creates community and it creates connection. And you can imagine what those people's lives are like. And therefore it makes you a more well rounded person and better at making connections when you have the opportunity to make them with people. So that's sort of my mission now is to drive society towards connection and towards understanding by creating different experiences.

(47:25) I think we are in profound need of what is considered feminine because it has been so diminished. And with this particular President has brought up all of the fire. I mean, femininity is fierce, right? It's brought it up in a new…and the moon moves the tides. So there's lots of things that in this moment are… it's interesting, the way that you're leading, because you're again, holding space for both sides, which I do consider feminine.

(50:04) I am so lucky to have that because I know I have a lot of friends who are men who can't process the world in that way. And I just feel immeasurably lucky to have whatever it is that allows me to hold that space and be comfortable in that feminine energy. It's such a blessing and I feel so good about it. If I could restart my life… I think about being a woman all the time. I dream as a woman. And I just think about it a lot. I would trade if I had the opportunity to…I know that I'm very privileged to live in like a white male society is like the power absorber. I'm a little envious of how powerful women are, not in contrast to men, but just to have like all, like I have like 50% or less, I have like a tiny piece, but to have like that whole feminine energy and fire and fierceness and power, that is just incredible. So in all of a lot of the people that are out protesting and doing different things and different arenas, it's like, man, look at all those warriors out there being fierce and powerful and awesome.

In this episode, Kim Kuhteubl goes unedited to speak to you from this moment and share memories of racism, hurt and injustice that she has experienced in her life. Now, more than ever, is the time to use our voices, to not give up, and to not be silent. It's ok to feel rage right now. Rage is a teacher. Your rage is going to help you deal with what comes next. How will you speak up and use your voice for change?

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Kim's story on being mixed
• What Clarissa Pinkola Estés says about rage
• Women who become socially, politically or culturally conscious find they have to deal with the collective rage that comes up and it's psychically sound
• Companies that are culturally and socially making an impact will move us forward
• Now is the time for us to state our values, and not be silent
• Call-out culture and why we're afraid
• You did not come here to be persecuted by people who do not see your value. And so we do not have to prove it to them
• It is not our obligation to continue to support a system that was not built with us for us, but definitely by us
• Children know that they are whole and valuable and loved
• Everyone needs you to speak your truth and lead right now

#LESSONUP

(3:06) …my visible whiteness, giving people permission to unleash their true, true thoughts. I think the thing is this we're tired, right? I'm tired. I'm tired of playing by the rules of a system that actually wasn't written with me in mind.

(3:25) I'm a light skinned black woman or mixed woman, depending on who is looking at me. And I'm tired of having to justify the color of my skin or what my soul, the depths of my soul knows to be true, because it has nothing to do with the color of my skin. My passing, as some people love to point out to me, does not give me a free pass on racism. If you have trouble with the color of my skin and please take it up with God. And just because you think, I look like you does not mean that. I think like you.

(4:25) So if you're really angry right now know that your rage is a teacher, your rage is going to help you deal with what comes next. And to the people who've stayed silent to the people who didn't put a blackout on their Instagram feed, who didn't reach out to say, Hey, how are you doing who's politics. They keep in the dark so that the rest of us don't ever know who we're fully dealing with. We know who you are. We know who you are in this moment.

(6:01) People who stay silent in this country are a dying breed. People who are silent are afraid, afraid they'll lose their or their social standing. Oh, my silence is not your friend.

(6:45) Even if you're afraid to say something because you don't want to get it wrong. I understand that. But say something, it means so much more than your silence because your silence is killing us. I also want to say to those of you who feel less than who feel like your journey is somehow invalidated by this hatred that lives unconsciously and consciously in people who don't deserve to be in your presence, that you, your gift, your divine nature comes from source.

(9:10) You came here to be an expression of love and joy to live in abundance. You did not come here to be persecuted by people who do not see your value. And so we do not have to prove it to them. I saw Patrisse Cullors, one of the cofounders of Black Lives Matter speak two years ago at the United States' Women's Conference. And she said, "let your joy be your resistance." Your ancestors worked so hard for you to be in this moment for you to have reaped the benefits of all of the persecution and hatred and hard work that they did.

(10:15) It is time to use our voices and not give up until this kind of way of being this tolerance of ignorance and hatred. And this belief that some people would be more superior than others. When we are all in fact, creatures of the divine, no more, no more.

(11:45) Don't hold back your rage, unleash it, unleash it on the systems and the people who support the systems that oppress us demand, accountability, demand, progress, demand improvements. It is your right.

In this moment, it can feel exhausting standing under the weight of the world and its problems. It's going to take all hands on deck to speak the truth about what isn't working so that we can figure out a solution together. In this episode author, speaker, and movement builder Alexis Jones shares her belief that audacious ideas have the ability to change the world. Her company I Am That Human works with the biggest, baddest people, brands, organizations, campaigns, and initiatives to inspire people and innovate humanity.

TOPICS DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The vision behind #IAmThatGirl and what girls wanted and needed at that time
• Building a brand when you make people a part of it
• What are her squads?
• Visibility can be a double-edged sword
• Staying authentic in who you are
• Alexis's spiritual practices
• How to get specific about the thing that you love the most and not apologize for that
• What the E-Myth taught Alexis about shifting gears within the leadership roles and leaning into different communication styles
• The differences between feminine and masculine leadership
• What cause is Alexis willing to be unpopular for?
• What is a "good man" and do women who are raised by them have an advantage?
• Kobe Bryant and how do women approach the conversation of forgiveness with Men
• Making the invisible bro-code system visible and rewriting the rules of it
• We need to talk to young white men about privilege
• How Alexis got involved with "13 Reasons Why"
• How movements like Black Lives Matter and #METOO are changing the cultural conversation

#LESSONUP

(5:25) And I think if you're a true founder, you have the humility to recognize that it's just a tapestry and everyone is a different color thread in that tapestry. And so for me, I think having the initial, the impetus and the spark for I am that girl, but truthfully, women have grabbed it and run with it and created so much of their own thing. And I think that was a big part of kind of our pillars in it were I am but one girl originally from Texas, I have a very, very specific perspective to myself. We wanted every single girl, every single woman, every single person who identifies as female, we wanted all of them to be able to feel like it was a home.

(6:55) I think visibility is definitely double edged sword and I think learning how to manage visibility, because I think the moment as a human and I think it's something I've certainly struggled with over the years. Because the expectations and quite frankly the validation that exists outside of you. I think it's really easy to loose who you are in a world in which we are crowdsourcing confidence outside of ourselves and I think visibility offers you that temptation of saying "Oh, all of these people have all of these ideas and all of these opinions", because that's really what visibility is, right? It's the mirror recognition that people now have an opinion on your life and often strangers have an opinion on their life.

(14:32) Leading with a femininity, which I think leadership requires both of it. And it's really up to each individual. I think of what you lean into. Because I grew up with four older brothers, I grew up in a very masculine environment. I was an athlete. I worked at Fox Sports, ESPN. I've always been around a whole lot of men. I think that a lot of it is nature/nurture and that nurture aspect was I learned how to communicate very directly, which men predominantly communicate very directly. And I remember being 14 years old and having this kind of aha moment of that distinction when we talk about feminine, masculine energy.

(16:40) I think it takes a lot of humility back to that word of like malleability back to that word of flexibility, back to that word of almost this emotional intelligence to recognize that whoever's before you, whether it's a man, whether it's a woman, regardless of how they're dressed, regardless of how they're coming across or what their job title is. I think so much of leadership is recognizing my only job is to take the time to learn how the human being in of me needs to be communicated to.

(19:05) We are taught so much and we can unlearn so much. And we kind of this idea within technology, like we're always like upgrading with our technology, are we upgrading within our humanity?

(31:48) If we're ever going to get to a place of actual change, one is addressing, acknowledging, listening to the righteous indignation and anger. There's righteous anger that if you're a woman in America today and you see the things that are happening, if you are a person who is looking at statistics of one in five girls will be sexually assaulted on a college campus. One in two women walk around having been sexually assaulted in our lifetime. If we don't all have a low grade fever out of like a mild rage that exists all the time, then we're not living and breathing. And again, that's just with women. And so I think when we look at social change, we have to make space, which I think is very much happening in this moment right now with Black Lives Matter. We have not made space in order to hear the righteous, indignation and anger that is so tangible in real.

(35:40) We can be messy and we can be mean, and we can make mistakes. And we can have a miraculous piece of us that is like God breathed and all of it belongs. And I think the bravest, most courageous conversations that we can be having right now in the midst of #MeToo and Times Up is what does progress look like? What, what does moving forward look like? And I do think that is having really great conversations around things like forgiveness and things like rehabilitation. And how are we better educating again? How are we working with young men to help them unlearn and to stop reading off a cultural script they've been handed, which, this idea of toxic masculinity is, is damaging to all of us. It's not just to women, it's damaging, the cost is so great.

(41:25) The trendsetters and the influencers within the male space, so many athletes or who like the little boys are looking up to. And so what we found was identifying those locker rooms and creating a new, normal, a new standard, a new expectation of what it means to be, this kind of a 21st century man who like boys will be boys, as long as there are always respecting women, like kind of these new adage bro-code. Love, support, defend each other, but not at the expense of other people. Can inject into this new concept of bro-code is I'm going to hold you accountable to being a really good human. It's kind of this evolution because there's a lot of really good about bro-code right about that brotherhood.

(44:30) I think we don't realize the practicality of language and the power of language when you give people the actual words. None of these young men are talking that way. So can you give them actual tools in that moment and prepare them.