Voice Lessons Podcast

When her grandmother and her small dog died within months of each other, author Kim Kuhteubl was forced to learn about receiving in an unexpected way. In this deeply personal episode, you'll learn about why women struggle with receiving and conflict, how women's brains are structurally wired to explain these differences and why a practice of receive is essential to writing your narrative of "self-love".

• How to practice receiving, not just giving.

• The balance between when giving is beneficial and when it becomes harmful.

• How to take care of yourself, not just others.

• Why some women feel unworthy of being taken care of.

• What is a caregiver archetype and can natural caregivers learn to be better at receiving?

• How women are actually wired to receive.

• A daily lesson for receiving from Kim Kuhteubl.

• How women lead differently.

(1:14) …your archetype is a portal to the deepest part of you, your authentic self.

(2:03) You can talk yourself into believing that small efforts don't matter when measured against the great challenges of the world but history is full of small actions that produced big results. One person's small act of courage can spark massive transformation.

(9:32) Not only do we worry about how others feel, but we also remember emotional events in great detail. It's why you'll often hear women say, 'I don't like conflict.' Our brains are massively triggered by social rejection, and conflict puts us at odds with our urge to stay connected, to gain approval and nurture, so we would rather defuse it.

(10:05) ...whether you are awake to it or not, women are receiving stations designed for high- level communication with the world around us. Receiving is not the problem. Receiving is automatic. Whether it's verbal or non-verbal, visible or invisible, subconscious or conscious, we take it in. The more sensitive you are, the more you receive. So the problem is not that we don't know how to receive, it's our relationship to what we receive that is the problem.

(12:35) Receiving is like breathing: required for living. You must receive the air back into your lungs after you exhale, otherwise, you will die. Allowing, opening, being magnetic these gifts of receiving that used to come naturally are vital for your wholeness. They are intimately connected to the fulfillment of your vision and to your increased prosperity. To love and be loved you must be able to receive because you cannot give what you do not have.

Join Kim on Instagram Live at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

Female entrepreneur advocate, mentor, and founder of the Selfmade Summit, Sigrun joins Kim to talk about her journey to entrepreneurship and what sets women leaders apart. How can we shatter the mindset that society has integrated into us, convincing us that women are limited? What excuses are we using to stop ourselves from pursuing our extraordinary dreams?

• How to be bold, speak up, and make a path to success for yourself.
• What does the notion of jealousy say about the way women avoid following their dreams?
• Self-made Summit, and how it came to be.
• Sigrun's journey to entrepreneurship.
• The narrative created by our culture that limits women from pursuing their dreams.
• How to use your passion as a platform to inspire and help other women.
• Stop ignoring those "crazy ideas" and pursue them!
• How women lead differently.

(8:26 ) I was one of the first to lose my job because I was the one to speak up and ask questions like, why do we spend so much money and we don't make so much money?

(10:37) I had no business background, no business education, but I got this crazy idea and it wouldn't leave me alone. And I think that when you have crazy good ideas, they come back no matter how much you push them away.

(20:20) It's not the child that makes you give up your dreams. It's your relationship to your dream and the way you're trying to execute it. So, if you are too busy to do your passion and you say because of your child, that's putting extra blame and unnecessary blame on your child. That actually has nothing to do with them.

(21:37) We just are very used to this narrative in the culture… but I believe if you're called to have a child and called to have a career, they feed each other, and that there is a way to navigate both.

(29:03) I think women are fantastic leaders, and I think we need definitely more of them. It is shocking how few we have in the highest positions, and how somehow women stop trying to go for the top job.

Join Kim on Instagram Live at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

What does it take to be truly visible? How are you creating your own obstacles to fulfillment? What excuses are you making that are stopping you from being seen, heard and loved for who you truly are? Join Kim as she shares her definition of true visibility, and what it takes to be "available" to receive what was destined for you.

• Who are you hiding from?
• Visibility is not just being seen. It's about being available.
• You don't have to look for permission to pursue your desires.
• You will receive back the energy you put into things.
• Make space for the things that fulfill you and let go of whatever weighs you down with doubt.
• Your fear is your biggest obstacle into becoming visible and available to receive what was destined for you.
• How women lead differently.

(5:47) This legacy of invisibility, if silenced among women, is one that is so embedded into our culture and consciousness. Others won't see you, all of you, until you see yourself.

(6:44)… that inner voice is not an impression. It's not what you think you know. It is your guidance. It's a voice that is beyond intellect, the ultimate wisdom. And although it may seem elusive or tricky, it's always available and always right.

(8:01) A woman who is cut off from her soul's desires is cut off from the highest vision of her life, because women's desires are the threads. They're like the fibers of her heart.

(9:19) What if the fact that you had the desire was permission enough? Why would you have the desire in the first place if it wasn't meant for you, if it was impossible? When you focus on how they make you feel, which I hope they make you feel good, you get more of that.

(9:55) Delay is not a denial. If you're focused on the fact that the desire has not come to you instead of the desire itself, then it's you that's holding it at bay.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

How does one live life luminously? Author, speaker, and coach Maria Nemeth discusses the difference between happiness and becoming truly luminous: a state of being. Can our hearts' callings lead us to find true purpose and value? Listen and discover how transformational one's own inner standards of integrity can be for finding meaning in life.

• Happiness is an emotion, but Luminosity is a state of being.
• Let your callings lead you--even if the road is tough-- because it will give you a true sense of your purpose.
• How to embrace who you are, and use it to drive your life.
• What is the concept of "trouble at the border" between our vision reality and physical reality
• The value of our inner standards of integrity and how to identify them.
• How ontological leadership transcends gender lines.
• How women lead differently

#LESSONUP:

(5:38 ) … my 'advice' to people is that if ever you have something that looks like a calling, let it grab you because where it will lead you, up and down, you know, through wonderful times and difficult times, but there will always be a sense that you are doing what you're meant to be doing on this planet. And that, I say, is the true nature of healing.

(10:55) A luminous moment sometimes can be happy, sometimes can have a little sadness attached to it. It's a state of being, and happiness is an emotion, and emotions come and go. You know, you can be happy and sad within the space of 20 minutes any given day, but a luminous moment stays because it latches onto your heart.

(11:24) Luminosity is about living the life that you were meant to live without running yourself into the ground and driving those around you crazy.

(13:23) And that's what women need more and more to be able to sink inside of ourselves, to see what it is we value and to be willing to claim it and use it on a day-to-day basis.

(19:25) I say that we're at a point now, in our journey together as a species, where we have to learn to come together and recognize with both men and women, what are the values that really work, that we really need on this planet, at this moment, to handle some of the incredible issues that we're here to handle.

Join Kim on Instagram Live at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

Where does creativity come from? And how do creatives, especially women, tackle failure? Ilana Ben-Ari talks about how she turned her creative vision into a business, despite the stigma that women and creatives are limited to just coming up with ideas. Why stop at invention, when you can build your own business? Find out how to tackle the fear of failure and use playful creativity and bootstrapping efforts to build something you can truly be passionate about.

• How to take the leap and start your own business
• Can designers be business owners?
• Risk tolerance and how it plays a role in predicting economic, social and personality outcomes among women
• Failure and how the notion of failure directly impacts women's' decisions for their future
• Negative gender stereotypes in the workforce today
• Why perfection shouldn't hold you back
• The difference between running a business and maintaining a business
• How to nurture your creative gifts
• Creative women and the notion of feminine leadership

(10:20) A massive new study of over a million people from 23andMe suggests that genetics makes some people more willing to take risks. More important than that though is that the research shows that environmental, demographic and of course cultural circumstances play a much more significant role in determining risk tolerance.

(11:24) High -achieving women in particular derive less confidence from positive feedback than men at the same caliber and negative feedback takes a greater emotional toll. From a cultural standpoint, when women are put in situations where they are aware of negative stereotypes about their gender, they become even more anxious about feeling and proving those stereotypes right.

(14:19 ) Calendar your creativity, calendar the blocks where you can have space because we need space as creatives to receive ideas. Now a lot of people will push back on that. I can't schedule my creativity and I'm like, yes, you can. Especially if you're running a business. It's part of your process and part of your creative discipline. You were given these gifts and so you have to nurture them in a certain way.

(16:06) My thinking and the reason why the failure toy exists is so that we can just start talking about all the nuances of what we feel like when we talk about failure and what does failure mean? Failure can only exist if we have the definition of success and that's all posts can move. When you introduce competition, when you introduce new people, literally the context of the room, you can feel like you're winning in one room and you're failing in another room. The spectrum of just human beings and how we respond to risk and competition and blame and all of those things. But also there's a spectrum to failure.

(17:34) Failure is simply the emission of required or expected action. It's not predictable, not boring. Failure can be a fluke. It's a pattern interrupt and sometimes it can be done right miraculous. Case in point, like these inventions that were made by mistake penicillin, the Slinky, post-it note, popsicles, the pacemaker and my favorite color mauve. Failure is not what you're looking for when you accept what is, but it will allow you to see.

(18:41) There's so much that we can do if we ... definitely, as a woman, if I don't give up my power so easily, I really hold it. But I'm also able to ask for help and bring other people in and learn from them.

(19:25) So I think that there's so much that we can actually accomplish and the biggest shift, I think the first step is just the mindset. You're allowed to start a business and you're allowed to have a successful business. There's a million obstacles in your way and it's important to be aware of those, but it's not impossible and I think a lot of people just opt out of that even being an option because they have this idea of what a real business person is.

(22:15) So I would say as a toy designer, I live in the world of contradictions and friction and the idea that you're holding multiple truths at the same time and how they butt up against each other is where get creativity. I really believe the greatest creatives are the ones that can hold multiple truths and multiple energies at the same time and it's the friction that they create that leads to some really exciting inventions.

(23:38) Designing a business is one of the most fascinating, exciting, interesting things to do and I think the majority of designers that exist, I don't know if they call themselves social entrepreneurs, but really true good designers search for the right problem so they don't ... our whole mantra is that you don't find a solution, you don't jump into the solution and go, this is what everybody wants and then sell and market it. You are constantly searching for the right problem and you're working towards the problem and really good design is human-centered.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

How do you create change when your starting point is success? It's a question that women wouldn't have been asking as little as a few decades ago, but as more of us move into traditionally male-dominated fields, many are wondering, isn't it selfish to want more? In this episode, Sallie Holder talks about her new book and what it means to hit "Rock Middle". Find out how you can change your alignment if on the outside you "look" successful but on the inside, you are unfulfilled.

• Is there a link between personal and professional growth?
• How to set your own individual and personal goals outside your corporate goals.
• How to cultivate bravery to speak the truth to yourself to make hard changes in your life.
• Southern expectations for women and how they are still present in many women's lives today.
• How do you create change when your starting point is success?
• How to listen to your inner voice when it's calling for you to pick that path for your soul and what it wants you to do
• Why women blame ourselves when we feel something isn't right.
• What is "stinking thinking"?
• Where do subconscious beliefs pertaining to women's "roadmaps to success" come from?
• How women lead differently.

#LESSONUP

(4:23) Have you ever been in your car and you were driving home one day and you intended to stop for an errand, whether it was run by the bank or go to the grocery store, but for whatever reason you're in a daze and you're driving, driving, driving, and then somehow you drove home without even thinking about it? So I equate the first 15 years of my professional career, like me just asleep at the wheel, driving in the car and I should have stopped for all of those errands and things. And had I been awake, I would have, but I wasn't.

(6:51) I felt completely stuck, because I was in this successful career and how could I possibly leave when I was externally successful?

(7:48) And for me that's what rock middle was, was that point where the two parts didn't align. And so you don't have to be in a position where you're wanting to change careers, or anything like that. It could be in a position where you're out of alignment and you know that you have more to give the world than what you're currently giving.

(8:57) I think what's interesting is that if you think of middle, or if I thought of middle, if you think of mediocrity but it's actually not. It's excellence. You were achieving, in overachieving mode, which is what a lot of women do and they are looking for that fulfillment in the achievements.

(11:15) We were all put on this earth todo something unique. And I believe that what we're here to do is figure out what that is and be able to give that gift not only to ourselves, but to the world.

(12:10) My belief is that when you're doing the thing that you were meant to do, the work will be easier, you will flow through it faster, you will be able to give unique traits to it that no one else can give, that will make you stand out remarkably.

(17:07) I want people to know that it's not selfish to at some point question whether or not you're on the right path.

Join Kim in our Facebook community at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

Plenty of books offer left-brained suggestions about how you can save, invest and get out of debt but for a lot of people, the subject of money is emotional and intangible. If you're a chronic under-earner or even if you earn good money, but have an income cap, changing your relationship to money has to do with one of these three things. Hint, it's got nothing to do with giving up your morning latte.

• How sale culture teaches you to reduce the value of your work.
• The top three ways you can shift your ability to bring more money in.
• Why women undervalue themselves.
• Why your creative energy is a powerful form of currency.
• How sale culture shows up in our negotiations.
• How lack energy has leaked into our careers, romantic relationships, and friendships.
• Questions to ask yourself before you "collaborate" with others or offer your creative services in trade
• How to not operate from the scarcity mindset; the belief that we don't have enough, will never have enough, will never be enough.
• The power of receiving

#LESSONUP

(5:29) Women's unpaid work subsidizes the cost of care that sustains families, supports economies and often fills in for the lack of social services. There is a legacy of people who profit from its value unconsciously and as women, we're used it to it, immune to it.

(7:09) Why not practice a new belief—and remember, beliefs are thoughts you practice over and over again. Why not practice a new belief that you are paid the full value of your services and that money flows in and out of your life and bank account when you need it. You've got nothing to lose.

(10:42) Creative work, service work, women's work has LONG been devalued but creative women need not be complicit in the devaluation process. The ease with which your ideas flow to you and your desire to help people is your currency, your wealth. You can do amazing work AND get paid. You are SUPPOSED to get paid but to do that you have to start receiving.

(12:01) Receiving is not your problem. Receiving is automatic. Whether it's verbal or non-verbal, visible or invisible, subconscious or conscious, we take it in. It's your relationship to receiving that is getting in the way, especially when it comes to money.

(15:03) Imagine if you spent all of your time focused on what you want instead of what you don't? It is impossible to think two contradictory thoughts at the same time. What kind of woman would you be? What kind of bold, change-making, life-affirming, humanity-moving visions would be unleashed?

Join Kim in our Facebook community at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

In this episode, psychologist, DR. VALERIE REIN talks about why some high-achieving women feel disconnected from their purpose and relationships. Using science, she redefines the definition of trauma and connects the dots to reveal an invisible lineage, a previously undefined trauma that has been passed down among generations of women, one that holds many high achievers back from living a full and thriving life. It's called Patriarchy Stress Disorder.

• A new definition of mind/body trauma and how it affects our daily lives.
• How and why some women feel like they have invisible inner walls that hold them back.
• What is Patriarchy Stress Disorder and how what does the study of epigenetics have to do with it?
• Is there a place for spirituality in science?
• Why some women seek external validation.
• Redefining femininity and what the goddess Kali has to do with it.
• How women lead differently.

(5:23) On the level of the mind, thinking, "Oh, no one would want to listen to me." Like, "who cares, who do I think I am? What do I have to say?" Right? Talking yourself out of it, the inner critic, the imposter syndrome, what we call the upper limit problem. These are all trauma defenses.

(9:20) 90% of all health conditions are stress-related. And especially seeing that among high achieving women was really troubling.

(10:36) And so I started wondering, "well, what kind of trauma could we all have and not even realize that?" And the light bulb moment was that women have been oppressed for thousands of years and oppression is traumatic and trauma is genetically transmitted. So that's how Patriarchy Stress Disorder as a term, as a definition of a condition was born.

(19:53) Men doesn't equal patriarchy and patriarchy doesn't equal men. Patriarchy is a system of inequality of power. A system where historically men have more political, financial power, social power, power of decision making. Every kind of power. But it doesn't mean that men benefit from it on a deep whole-person level.

(23:23) I do think feminine leadership has changed. This generation of women leaders are asking questions, they're probing, they're asking if the old structures, the old definitions of success are working out for them. And many women are waking up to the fact that these are not working out for them.

Join Kim in our Facebook community at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.

ALLISON CRAWFORD is giving women a design-centric way to feel at home with friends when they travel. Fueling a micro-tend that combines the vibe of a boutique hotel with an extended stay, her boot-strapped brand Hotelette has been profitable since day one. This female founder is not afraid to follow her creativity and in this episode talks about the biggest mistake she made as an investor, how she built her brand and how she's building a company culture that inspires women to lead.

• How to stand behind your ideas and represent them in your work.

• The importance of confidence in your career, daily life, or path to motherhood

• Why staying true to who you are is your own secret weapon

• How to combine all of your passions into a satisfying career

• When breaking the rules works

• The importance of finding your niche and owning it, even if no one else is doing it

• Traits that make women lead differently

• The roles of Motherhood in today's society and how women feel they can't have it all

(4:20) This wasn't my first career. This is my so-called second life. I think that to be a successful creative, you really have to have the business side down, too. And so, I'm constantly honing my business skills.

(8:57) I think that executing interior design in a home takes a certain attitude and self-confidence to break the rules because not everything in my projects are to scale.

(9:42) I think women are I think we're better leaders because we're compassionate, empathetic, and more relatable.

(14:23) Anyone can go and get a good deal on a house and be a shark in real estate.

Join Kim in our Facebook community at 12 pm PT every Wednesday to chat about the episode.

More in-depth show notes and shareables available at voicelessonspodcast.com.