Voices in the Dark

A special episode to bring in the new year in which we answer questions from podcast titan, angel investor and lifestyle revolutionary Tim Ferriss!

Tim's posed some of the most important questions he's discovered while creating The Tim Ferriss Show, a podcast that's racked up over 200 million downloads.

We each give our own (sometimes diametrically opposed) answers and invite you to do the same. Let's take stock, reflect, and set out to make 2018 our best year yet.

Find Out More:

• For all things Tim Ferriss, check out his site
• For the book which spawned this episode, check out Tribe of Mentors

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

A rather messy letter which covers physical vanity; the three greatest fears people have; how to avoid getting lynched; when it's useful to retire from the public eye; and why humour, fear and love are at the heart of the human condition.

We give Seneca a hard time in this one – it's a rambling letter, but includes a few intriguing vignettes which prompt us to go on our own ramble through some fundamental aspects of the human experience.

We dig into humour and laughter – core elements of being human – and how they work and inform our lives. Stoic laughter doesn't get much press, but Jon thinks there's more to the picture here and brings his 10 years' worth of research on humour to make the case.

Psychology is at the heart of this episode, from why it's easier to deal with pain when you know it's coming; why being admired can be as bad as being scorned; why serious scholars believed for decades that women didn't really have a sense of humour; and how to recognise when your emotional world is actually being controlled by your guts.

Seneca also forces us to make the crucial distinction between living for and knowing that you cannot live without something, from your body to your belief systems. We take off from this to explore our own everyday cognitive biases and how they colour our experience and actions.

Dre revels in his culturalism; we try to enter the mind of Louis CK and his compulsive public masturbation; and we discover some unexpected connections between Stoicism and The 48 Laws of Power.

Also Including:

• The difference (or not) between emotions and feelings
• Vanity and social media
• Anticipation – why it can both horrify and arouse us in equal measure
• Why we'd laugh in the face of death
• Controlling the atmosphere in the room
• Antisemitic probiotics

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Ryan Holiday's superb and accessible book on Stoicism: The Obstacle is the Way
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism
• Find out more about the amazing Cory Allen
• Daniel Gilbert's book, Stumbling on Happiness
• The Humor Code – the book that argues that the root of humour is 'benign violations'.

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This episode is a Tim Ferriss favourite – the basis for his TED talk on 'Fear-Setting'. This one's about overcoming the paralysis of worrying; how to tell whether our fears are real or imaginary; how to see through the web of our own fears and be able to release into the moment; and how we constantly trip ourselves up trying to plan and control things, rather than actually living.

Fear of the future and the unknown can leave us powerless and paralysed. But it doesn't have to be that way. As Seneca teaches in one of his most famous letters, 'We suffer more often in imagination than in reality'.

How easily we get lost in projecting problems and arguments into a future which hasn't yet happened. The trick, then, is to realise whether our fears are justified, or if they're just phantoms of the mind.

Dre provides a healthier mental perspective to apply to our lives so that we can effectively plan ahead and consider the possibilities without having to freak out in the process. Jon shares personal trials and tribulations from his long history with depression and anxiety, and how Stoicism has helped him to begin to put those fears to rest.

We deconstruct Tim Ferriss's powerful yet simple 'Fear-Setting' tool to help you take action and overcome decision paralysis, and draw out some surprising parallels with Buddhism.

This episode, we raise some deep questions for reflection: If we spend all our time preparing for what we think might happen, are we actually living at all? Does 'think positive' ever really help us in life? And does 'worrying' ever serve a purpose (except for insurance salesmen)?

Also Including:

• Dre's (melo)dramatic suicide plans
• What Teddy Roosevelt has in common with Seneca
• How to make a comeback in real life, not in the movies
• What happens when your fears are justified?

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Ryan Holiday's superb and accessible book on Stoicism: The Obstacle is the Way
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This Episode: How to grow wiser as we grow older; how to be content when you go to sleep at night; what it means when pleasures grow stale; and a brilliant conceptualisation of the different stages of life that, if we use it, helps us to truly accept ourselves AND keep growing.

Do you feel the grip of time beginning to fasten around your body and mind? We often fear the ageing process, but it doesn't help us or anyone else to do so.

Age doesn't have to cause grief and difference; if we can grow wise and compassionate as we grow older, we can continue to better understand the people around us, whatever their generation

In fact, Seneca thought that growing old is a good thing, because the best pleasures are those we find at the end, as we reach the top of the ski-lift of growth and begin our descent.

We're not so sure: do we really have to be old in years to be rich in experience?

Yet as our bodies fail, can we still enjoy life and want to go on? Dre breaks down the biological and neurological aspects, and his grand theory of why old people find it so difficult to enjoy life.

This week we hit at the seeming paradox at the heart of Stoicism – that if we are to accept things we cannot change, then how can we become true revolutionaries who refuse to accept the status quo and set about improving life for everyone?

What about our personal development, too? What does acceptance mean if we also want to grow?

Seneca provides a beautiful conceptualisation: what if we saw our lifespan as a series of concentric circles, growing outwards – the whole contains everything, but we're always moving, expanding, building. We can't erase and discard phases of our life that we've moved on from; instead, we must find ways to accept and integrate them, even if they're traumatic. They lie within their own circle, contained with the greater whole.

We also take time to demolish (and then worry about) the idea of intellectual property, and discuss our growing oral hygiene concerns...

Also Including:

• Avoiding becoming a grumpy, bitter old person
• The secret of the 'late 20s boost'
• When men should start taking testosterone
• Having yourself carted to mock funerals while eunuchs sing your praises
• Does dying free really count for anything?

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Ryan Holiday's superb and accessible book on Stoicism: The Obstacle is the Way
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This is a special minisode, in which Jon breaks down Ryan Holiday's bestselling book, Ego is the Enemy. Drawing on his own lifelong experience with depression, Jon asks: if egotism is toxic, does that make depression somehow helpful in life?

For the full written article, click here

Philip McKernan is an emotional terrorist.

Quite a statement for a man who's advised the Pentagon, top business leaders, and even the Canadian Olympic Team, but this man has reduced auditoriums full of people, from writers and artists to hard-nosed entrepreneurs, to floods of tears.

And they thank him for it.

Because when you hear Philip McKernan speak, nothing is quite the same again.

Have you ever really known who you are? Have you lost your identity in your work? Do you listen to your gut, or are you still trying at some level to gain your parents' approval?

Philip's got a knack for finding the answers to such questions, shattering the stories we keeping telling to hide from our truest selves. This can be shocking and painful, but Philip doesn't care: he asks you what you most need – but are also most afraid – to find out.

Philip works to bring people back into alignment with their values; to recognise why they're pursuing a particular career or lifestyle... and more often than not, it turns out they're running away rather than towards something.

He helps people to answer life's most fundamental questions: Who am I, at my core? What is my gift? How can I impact the world, and what is the legacy I want to leave behind? His job is to help people uncover those things so they don't – like so many people – die with regret for a life unlived.

In his speeches, books, retreats and film work, Philip sets about reconnecting us with what truly matters in the human experience. We live in a world which values thinking over feeling, and logic over emotion. We can tie ourselves up in infinite knots trying to think our way out of our doubts and confusion. But what happens if we try to connect to how we truly feel about those things? Philip's mission is to shift us out of our heads and into our hearts – from mindset to 'soulset'.

If that sounds too hippie to you, you're in for a shock. Philip's no-bullshit, laser-guided insights don't come with a 'Namaste' at the end. They come with action, understanding, and deep, lasting change.

His philosophy is summed up in the name of his first documentary film, Give and Grow (stream it for free with the exclusive link below). Some of the deepest work we can do to get back in touch with our truest values is done by acting selflessly to help others. But there's a catch if you're not careful. Giving is not the same as giving yourself away.

Philip also created the incredible One Last Talk event, where 'ordinary' people share stories of personal discovery, trauma, and transformation. What would you want to say to the world, if you had just one last chance to do so? And what would it feel like to open up in such a profoundly vulnerable way?

We've wanted to get Philip on the show since our very first episode. It took 100 more episodes to get him in person, in the studio. And it was more than worth the wait.

Also Including:

• How to access flow states 'off the ice', in everyday life
• What is intuition and how (and why) we can learn to trust it
• Communicating better with your children and learning from them
• Why couples shouldn't get on the same page
• Outgrowing the people around us
• Why sharing your story can save lives
• The dangers of tying your value to whether it brings in money

Find Out More:

• Watch Philip's film Give and Grow for FREE with this EXCLUSIVE link
• Philip's website and how to work with him
• Learn more about One Last Talk
• Philip's books, Rich on Paper, Poor on Life and Dead Man Walking (free download)

This episode is about not just having but creating role models, and on being your best self without needing a mentor directly involved in your life. We explore how to create your own guardian angel or virtual privy council, and how to learn to accept and work with, rather than reject elements of yourself.

Enjoy the podcast? You can help us continue and grow by giving us a 5* review on iTunes, telling your friends about the show, or – best of all! – support us on Patreon and receive a bunch of exclusive content and bonuses too!

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How much of our nature is in-born, and how much do we have the power to shape? The heart of Stoicism is learning the difference between that which we can change and that which we can't. When it comes to personal development, this can be the toughest part of that mantra, but it's far from impossible.

We talk about how to channel negative personality traits into creativity and how to access the kind of confidence which comes from being comfortable, not arrogant or egotistical (which are always ultimately driven by fear).

Seneca advises us to act as though someone we truly respect is watching us, but we take a different tack: why not appoint a virtual privy council of advisors and ask the most appropriate one about a given issue or decision?

It's time to create your own role models, mix and match them to suit your life, forge your own unique path, and (crucially) remain flexible enough to flow with the needs of the moment rather than turning yourself into a poor copy of other people.

We challenge you (and ourselves) to find someone who sees the best in you and hold yourself to that, rather than some socially-produced, standardised model.

These days a lot of people talk incessantly about needing mentors, but this too easily slides into depending on others rather than working on yourself, forming that virtual privy council, and spending time with the people who make you feel most like your truest self.

Dre also argues most people never really change after the age of 15, but that grief and moments of unexpected transcendence might still provoke a real shift; Jon decides to title his autobiography 'The Opposite of Comfortable'; and we both share our experiences with the number one fear in the world: public speaking.

Also Including:

• Overcoming social anxiety
• The power of grief to make real change to your life
• The secret to winning at public speaking
• Why some people genuinely want to cut their own limbs off
• Creating the right vibe rather than a rigid plan
• When belief in yourself turns toxic

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Ryan Holiday's superb and accessible book on Stoicism: The Obstacle is the Way
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism
• Rick and Morty – discovering true level
• Our awesome interview with Erick Godsey of the Metaprogramming Podcast

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This is a crosscast with the incredible Metaprogramming Podcast. After our phenomenal interview with Erick Godsey, we heard your feedback and are bringing you more of him!

This is the complete audio of Jon's appearance on The Metaprogramming Podcast, where Erick asks the questions and takes Jon deeply into corners of his psyche which he's rarely if ever shone a light on before.

Erick's deceptively simple questions gradually build up to unveil the inner workings of his guests' minds; the childhood fascinations which continue to echo through their lives; and the origins of their moral compass in adulthood.

Try the questions on yourself and let us know what you discover...

Find Erick:

• The Metaprogramming Podcast – website, on iTunes, and on Facebook
• Make friends with Erick on Facebook

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This episode is all about being self-sufficient. Is it possible and, if so, is it really desirable? Do we need friends? Can we really be so 'stoic' that if everyone and everything we love and have is gone, we'd still be OK? Plus – how to make true friends & alliances. And where does happiness really come from?

What does being self-sufficient really mean? It's often held up as the pinnacle of being a wise, fully-developed human being, but doesn't that mean a life of severely restricted emotions?

This one really gets to the heart of Stoicism and what it means for us today. We unpick the difference between stoicism and capital-S Stoicism – it doesn't mean being uncaring and unfeeling about the world and what happens in your life at all! No, Stoicism is about feeling your troubles and overcoming them; to feel the pain but not be truly damaged by it.

We share deeply personal stories of broken hearts and broken promises; how we've tried to let go of the past without disowning it; and how grieving relationships has been healthy but deeply, deeply challenging.

Seneca's words offer up surprising parallels with Buddhism and the science of flow states; challenge our idea of what 'friendship' really means; and forces us to confront – with compassion – the possibility of never achieving what we dream of.

We also learn that Dre intends to be the terrifying instrument of karma and how Jon replaces his friends according to Role Playing Game principles...

Also Including:

• The difference between Needs and Wants
• How to suffer well and grow stronger in the process
• Why friendships aren't about having someone there for you, but to be there for someone else
• Feeling guilty about dark, violent thoughts
• Emotional mastery – what it means and how to develop it

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism
• Jon's article on Buddhism and Pro-Wrestling

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.

This episode examines the subtle madness of crowds; why 'upgrading your peer-group' is a recipe for disaster if you don't understand what it really means; how to help others without them becoming dependent on you; setting strong personal boundaries; and how to avoid the chill embrace of the Success Vampires of this world.

Seneca was appalled at the blood-sports of Rome, but not because of the violence itself. He warned that if we join the crowd and lose ourselves in its midst, we subtly but continuously poison ourselves. Substitute reality TV, political rallies and social justice warrior stand-offs for the Colosseum, and the same drip-drip-drip of poison continues to infect us today.

So are we consuming mental junk-food? Or can we study 'the crowd' to learn something more fundamental and useful about the human condition? We think the latter, and in this episode we explain how we can and why we should.

Seneca tells us that we can hardly cloister ourselves away from society, but that we must be very selective about the company we chose. How careful are you being today?

Going out into the world inevitably means meeting people who can seem so much more confident, smart, and successful than us – and so the slippery slope of comparison begins... if we let it. We set out the strategies we need to have in place to stop that happening, by building a strong sense of self which isn't reliant on others for validation. It's not easy, but it's absolutely essential.

This isn't about 'upgrading your peer-group', as entrepreneurs and business coaches like to call it. They advocate becoming a Success Vampire and feeding off the blood of those who've actually achieved something. No – this is about true mentorship, which means including people in your life that you can help; teaching as well as learning.

It's when we help others that we truly learn about ourselves; and it's when we teach something that we really, deeply learn it. We improve ourselves as we strive to help improve others.

On top of all that, Jon and Dre ponder whether they've lost or found themselves in the crowd, in which we find both the best and the worst of human nature; Dre explains how porn taught him to be dynamite in the sack; and Jon comes up with a graphic analogy about all this philosophy that will probably haunt him into an early grave.

Also Including:

• Do crowds unleash our inner savage?
• Why social life might as well be '10 Reasons To Become Autistic'
• How to avoid feeling awkward and defensive when challenged
• Does watching violence poison our minds?
• Double-blind Jesus studies
• Success Vampires and how to spot them
• Does art exist if there's no one around to see it?

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Ryan Holiday's superb and accessible book on Stoicism: The Obstacle is the Way
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism
• Jon Ronson's book, So You've Been Publicly Shamed
• Jon's article for High Existence on self-harm

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.