Voices in the Dark

We've all tasted it now and then: the ability to shrug things off that might otherwise cause us distress and make us appear weak and needy is a fundamental and immense wellspring of power. The promotion you didn't get; the romantic advance turned down; or just the mix-up of times and dates that meant you missed something cool... If you reacted with petulance and frustration, you neither felt nor appeared dignified or in control. But oh, those times where you managed to find the inner strength and stability to smile and move onwards... those are moments to treasure.

But they are also moments to repeat and turn into your standard MO. Law 36 is all about creating and cultivating your own reality: you make things significant by dwelling on them and giving them your attention. In fact, that's the key itself: significance is something you give – it's in your power to withhold it and retain your power and poise.

This episode goes deep. We consider the limits of privacy and surveillance; the brain's tendency to value anything we perceive as scarce; and why your behaviour is more important than your achievements in the eyes of others. We dig into where the limits of friendship lie – just how far can you push a friend's loyalty and patience? And is unconditional love for those closest to you secretly a recipe for disaster?

We ponder whether it's possible for revolutions to happen in the modern western world, and whether war creates meaning in people's lives that could be worth the costs. But there's also plenty of time to hear Jon's tales of Grindr, the site of entirely unassisted personal meltdowns when you don't pay someone the attention which they crave. Oh, and we give you sound advice on how to ignore the Pope and perform the Wim Hof Method with a single ice cube.

• Restraining yourself when you feel like you just 'have' to say something
• Why the opposite of 'funny' isn't 'serious'. It's simply 'not funny'.
• How continued 'winning' can excuse a lot of other actions
• Disdaining mainstream lifestyles – and how people react when you do
• The Anti-Wim Hof Method!
• Once again, Law 35 plays a role – timing is essential for when you show interest or disdain something or someone
• The difference between unconditional love, compassion and empathy
• The importance of drawing boundaries, especially with the people closest to you
• How the presence or observation of another person changes what you do, whether you know it or not
• Why overreacting paves the way to ruin
• How Law 19 plays into these issues

• The John Favreau movie Swingers
• The ever-disturbing, BoJack the Horseman
• Idries Shah's Caravan of Dreams
• The stats on the US prison population

Challenge: If you don't get something you wanted in your everyday life, don't complain about it. Play the other card: make out it was no big deal and see if other people are impressed with your power and poise.

Join us as we continue our 48 Laws of Power review, exploring Robert Greene's provocative and compelling book, in which he lays bare the history, practice, psychology, and philosophies of power that ultimately shape all human relations. Often seen as a handbook for the 'modern Machiavelli', we take a closer look, beyond the hyperbole, and discuss how understanding and implementing these Laws can actually enrich your life personally, professionally and spiritually.

Jon and Dre aim to get to the heart of each of the Laws, grapple with their sometimes disturbingly amoral nature, and discuss what the Laws mean in everyday life (often revealing their own experiences – good and bad – when they've either observed or transgressed them).

Inspired by our friends Nic Gregoriades and Thomas Faustin Huisking over at Digital Communion, this is the second of a series of short (20 mins) but deep conversations between Jon and Dre. Each episode begins with a question designed to make you (and us) reflect and to think about life and our experience of it.

Today's episode poses the question: 'What's your favourite place in the world?'

Some of the areas we get into:

• Jon increasingly aims at a feeling more than a place
• Finding flow – alone and in company
• Moscow: Jon's favourite city in the world and why
• The space in Russian culture for really wearing your emotions on your sleeve
• Dre takes us back to the beautiful south island of New Zealand and its fjords
• The timelessness of the landscape and the sea... and how good that can make you feel
• To be beautifully lonely without being alone
• Our place in the world
• Jon's Ayahuasca retreat – which you can read about here

Do you have your shit together? Drowning under to-do lists? Time is the one resource you can never replenish, so mastering how to use it wisely is not only powerful, but essential. Law 35 gives us a bracing confrontation with the ways we let time use and abuse us, before showing how we can make it serve us instead... Not least, as a tool to influence other people.

In this episode, we consider how to master the art of timing during revolutionary periods – how can you escape the guillotine over and over again while still remaining in a position of power? Why do revolutionaries rarely end up in power in the long term? And what's the difference between recognising and running with the spirit of the times?

Picking your moment is essential to practising this Law, so we ponder just how wise it is to 'burn the boats', 'go all in', and place yourself on 'death ground'... it's called death ground for a reason! We also discuss where the line really lies between giving a project the time it needs, and simply procrastinating from fear of failure.

Dre reveals how he discovered deep patience and tenacity through psychedelics; Jon gets lost trying to understand the physics of inertia; and we explain why you've really got to stop tonguing each other's buzzwords, you filthy perverts. We also have a good rant about why going on protest marches often strokes your ego rather than stoking real change, and explain the smart way to use an attitude of 'everything will work itself out' (even in Trump's America).

Dre reveals the online marketing techniques that companies keep using against you; we break down what the '10,000 hour rule' really means; and Jon introduces you to his new nicotine habit while burning himself in the mouth. We could not be more classy.

• What quantum has to tell you about patience (no, really)
• Is slowly always surely?
• How to feel the spirit of the times
• The dangers and powers of the civil service
• Protesting against Trump – worthwhile, or idiotic?
• Always play for time – so much more can happen than you might expect
• Putting yourself in the place of possibility
• Taking control of your emails – using timing to nourish your power
• Online marketing techniques that warp your sense of time
• The power of the deadline
• Stalin as an example of flow
• Playing with power like a jazz musician

• The philosophical tshirt Jon's been wearing: 'Sometimes, even to live is an act of courage' – Seneca
• Our awesome interview with Jamie Alderton – Mindset With Muscle
• The Ned Stark quote Dre mentioned: 'Can a man still be brave if he's afraid?' – Bran Stark. 'That is the only time a man can be brave.' – Ned Stark.
• The British sitcom, Yes Minster and Yes Prime Minister
• The entertaining if light-on-evidence biography of Stalin by Simon Sebag Montefiore, Stalin: Court of the Red Tsar
• Puppet sex, uncensored, from Team America!
• Neil Strauss's amazing book, The Game
• Robert's superb book, Mastery, which was itself written in 'end time'
• Nassim Nicholas Taleb's The Black Swan
• The Radiolab podcast... which we don't recommend
• Odysseus's wife was indeed called Penelope

Join us as we continue our 48 Laws of Power review, exploring Robert Greene's provocative and compelling book, in which he lays bare the history, practice, psychology, and philosophies of power that ultimately shape all human relations. Often seen as a handbook for the 'modern Machiavelli', we take a closer look, beyond the hyperbole, and discuss how understanding and implementing these Laws can actually enrich your life personally, professionally and spiritually.

Jon and Dre aim to get to the heart of each of the Laws, grapple with their sometimes disturbingly amoral nature, and discuss what the Laws mean in everyday life (often revealing their own experiences – good and bad – when they've either observed or transgressed them).

One of Dre's favourite Laws, this one treads the fine line between performing, lying, and simply showing the side of yourself that you most want the world to see. Are you ready to escape the roles and limitations that other people foist upon you? Well, here's a newsflash: it all starts with you and how you present yourself. Kings can be unmade if they do not act like kings, and power can be gained if you act like it's yours already.

Dre reads this Law through the prism of Superman (Jon's least favourite superhero), but what does it really mean to be a king or a hero? How can you push for more without upsetting (and being held down by) jealous people around you? And if you end up a martyr, did you really achieve what you wanted?

This is a wide-ranging episode, taking us from Christopher Columbus to Buddhist psychology; how to react when the world tells you to 'Be Less You'; plus we break down the intense complexity of choosing handshakes or hugs in Britain and elsewhere. We get into a pretty intense debate over whether it's ever OK to pull down statues; if having the right accent is the real key to using this Law; and Jon tells the story of how he rejected two contracts from a major publisher because they seriously undervalued him and his work.

We also dig into the dangers of agreeing to work for free or for less than you're worth: it's almost impossible to escape the resulting perception that you're actually not worth anything.

In between nearly choking to death over the course of the episode, Dre makes a strong case that hard work is a tool, not a truth; we ponder the importance of reconnecting with your inner child (with psychedelics or otherwise) to (re)discover your creative freedom; and insist that you need to say the word 'cunt' if you want to get into Jon's good books.

• Setting an example without becoming a martyr
• The Rhodes Must Fall controversy
• Christopher Columbus: cunt or kingly?
• Be prepared to fail if you ever want to get anywhere
• How to successfully set your own price
• The difference between being angry and experiencing anger
• The need to believe in yourself precisely when you're trying to convince others
• The recursive mirror of dickheadedness
• The importance of psychedelics to your mental health
• Finding and holding to your own integrity
• Beware of permitting bad precedents – and never leave them unpunished
• Act with dignity, no matter the circumstances
• The difference between being vulgar and being crass and weird

• Ryan Adams and his love of cats
• The former country of Rhodesia
• The autobiography of WWE superstar, Daniel Bryan: Yes!
• The Tim Ferriss book, Tools of Titans – highly recommended
• 'This is Fine'
• The episode of Sherlock we discussed
• Our awesome interview with Jamie Alderton – Mindset With Muscle
• 'Violence is the last resort of the incompetent' – from Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy
• Snoop Dogg's super-smooth handshake recovery
• The article Jon mentioned on leaders using vulgar language
• Jon's own piece on whether humour does or should have limits

Join us as we continue our 48 Laws of Power review, exploring Robert Greene's provocative and compelling book, in which he lays bare the history, practice, psychology, and philosophies of power that ultimately shape all human relations. Often seen as a handbook for the 'modern Machiavelli', we take a closer look, beyond the hyperbole, and discuss how understanding and implementing these Laws can actually enrich your life personally, professionally and spiritually.

Jon and Dre aim to get to the heart of each of the Laws, grapple with their sometimes disturbingly amoral nature, and discuss what the Laws mean in everyday life (often revealing their own experiences – good and bad – when they've either observed or transgressed them).

Time to crack out the torture devices! Well, actually Law 33 turns out to be much less about tightening those thumbscrews than releasing the pressure of them, making it a rather neat counterpart to Law 32's invocation to Play To People's Fantasies. Discovering someone's soft-spot may be the way to their hearts, but that doesn't mean you have to stab them in it. In fact, this Law proves to be a particularly acute lesson in the need to choose the right Law for the right situation and, beyond that, understand the specific way to apply it.

When you begin to understand what makes other people tick – and how it betrays itself in everyday interactions – it can feel like information overload... even like seeing the Matrix. So don't think this sort of thing comes easy or is going to feel enjoyable.

This week we share stories of Robert Greene's own use of seduction techniques and thumbscrews; take a deep-dive into the mentality of homophobes and other people who're secretly hiding from their own desires; and reveal why Dre's telepathic mother could well be your guru. We also reflect on how addicts see the world; why sometimes you can end up having to 'translate' between friends who fail to understand each other; and (quelle surprise) consider what this Law plays into relationships and pick-up artistry.

Dre reveals what he sees in the Ugliness Mirror; how to terminate conversations when you damn well please; and contemplates whether he'll finally manage to master 4-D chess. Jon, meanwhile, warns you that making him feel obligated is a terrible idea for everyone involved, and wonders whether he's super-manipulatable, given how much he wears his heart (i.e. insecurities) on his sleeve.

In the end, we conclude that it's probably only being utterly contrary that's going to save us.

• What does it mean to be a man today?
• Reading unconscious body language
• Why some people are so draining to spend time with
• Tipping waiters and what it says about you
• In conflicts and dramas, it's not about what happened, it's about how you made someone else feel
• How addicts see the world... and you
• The power of social proof – even just a little bit of it
• The way tactics only become offensive when we feel insecure in ourselves
• The serious dangers of letting people's fears spiral out of control
• ...But the serious positives of pitching in the nude
• Look out for the small stuff that really tells you who a person is
• The difference between power and just the thrill of control

• Our super-fancy feature interview with Jamie Alderton
• Dre's favourite: RuPaul's Drag Race
• Our brand new Meathead-Philosophy Shirts!
• Microexpressions and how to read them
• The Tony Robbins documentary on Netflix: I Am Not Your Guru
• Jon's time in a Buddhist monastery for a month – Before & After
• Neil Strauss's classic, The Game
• Daniel Priestley's book, Key Person of Influence

Challenge: Try to identify your own thumbscrews. What triggers or sweetens you? And reflect on someone else in your life in the same way... give it a little test and see what happens!

Join us as we continue our 48 Laws of Power review, exploring Robert Greene's provocative and compelling book, in which he lays bare the history, practice, psychology, and philosophies of power that ultimately shape all human relations. Often seen as a handbook for the 'modern Machiavelli', we take a closer look, beyond the hyperbole, and discuss how understanding and implementing these Laws can actually enrich your life personally, professionally and spiritually.

Jon and Dre aim to get to the heart of each of the Laws, grapple with their sometimes disturbingly amoral nature, and discuss what the Laws mean in everyday life (often revealing their own experiences – good and bad – when they've either observed or transgressed them).

World record holder; iTunes chart-topping podcaster; creator of the world's first online gym; fitness model; former soldier; body transformation coach; husband; father… and now author of the Amazon bestseller Mindset With Muscle, Jamie Alderton is a man with more than a few strings to his bow.

WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE

As the title of his book suggests, Jamie likes to flex his mind as well as his biceps, and in this exclusive interview we dive into some powerful ideas about life, goals, self-perception, relationships, mental health, and more:

• What can the gym teach you about life?
• How to learn discipline, but not be trapped in obedience: how Jamie went from the soldier mindset to super successful entrepreneur
• The incredible power of turning your life into a game
• The power of listening other people… and how to avoid serially triggering each other's insecurities
• Debunking the myths that fitness magazines continue to peddle: what do you really have to do to get the body you want? And why does that even matter?
• Why setting goals can be counterproductive
• When things are tough, how to tell when it's time to go 'all in', or to recognise that you're on the wrong track
• What does it mean to be a man in 2017, and what should it mean?
• Breaking down the stereotypes of The Meathead and The Geek
• The difference between Knowing and Doing, and why most of us get stuck at Knowing
• 'Fun Shit Friday' – what it is and why you should have one too

Check out Jamie's most-gifted book, the 30-million-copy bestseller, Psycho-Cybernetics

LAW 32: Play To People's Fantasies

You're living a fantasy, whether you know it or not. We all tell stories about ourselves and the world around us, making us intensely vulnerable when someone comes along and bursts our bubble. Or, perhaps worse still, when they tease us with the possibility of making those fantasies real...

Fantasies can be dangerous things, and Law 32 explains why. When we want a fantasy to exist badly enough, we're alarmingly good at ignoring any evidence that exposes it – everyday life can be so mundane or even painful otherwise. But Robert takes no prisoners and goes on to describe the unpopular reality that real success and quality work take consistency, discipline and time... And the reasons why we belligerently go on searching for quick fixes and shortcuts. Needless to say, this offers plenty of opportunities for the power-hungry.

This week's episode includes tales of travelling alchemists, Dre's spiralling 'cheat days', and the online scams which both of your dear hosts nearly fell for. We discuss the psychological reasons why it's so hard to break out of familiar patterns; why trying to live up to other people's fantasies about you can be beneficial; and why those Nigerian email scams just keep on going. We also delve into the way language works; why we tend to believe the present will last forever; and why people who entwine their identities with their jobs are generally insufferable.

We lament the endless proliferation of online coaches coaching you how to coach others to coach you (or something), coin the term Procrasturbator... and Dre promises to get you off, no matter what.

And that's just for starters; this episode is pretty awesome, even if we say so ourselves.

This episode includes:

• How to recognise when people are acting on autopilot and how to deal with their emotional outbursts
• What Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler have in common
• Health and fitness magazines and the fantasies (lies) they tell you
• The importance of teaching others in order to learn things yourself
• Telling the truth is often just a blunt instrument
• The utterly obvious (but deeply unpopular) secret to success
• Blogging scams and money laundering which all too easily play with your fantasies
• The classic illusion we choose to believe: the Honeymoon period in relationships
• Why everything is a fantasy anyway, but is that a bad thing?
• Purpose is a feeling, not a destination
• Romance or reality? Do we have to decide?
• The power of words
• The serious dangers of putting this Law into practice

Mentioned in the episode:

• Our friends over at Diapers Off – a podcast which we produce, all about men, growing up.
• The After Nepal episode: what happened to Jon after a month of meditation in a Buddhist Monastery
• The article on the new edition of Mein Kampf selling like hotcakes
• Jamie Alderton's excellent book, Mindset with Muscle
• The cool cartoon show, BoJack the Horseman
• Show favourite, The Truth by Neil Strauss
• The episode of Sherlock we discussed
• The book Everything Was Forever, Until It Was No More by Alexei Yurchak
• Alan Watts's book, The Wisdom of Insecurity
• Chris Ryan's books, Sex At Dawn, and Civilized To Death
• Steven Pinker's The Better Angels of Our Nature

Challenge: Come up with a fantasy pitch for your business or yourself. How can you shape your message to play to people's fantasies... and how do they react when you do so?

Be silly. Be kind. Be weird.

Join us as we continue our 48 Laws of Power review, exploring Robert Greene's provocative and compelling book, in which he lays bare the history, practice, psychology, and philosophies of power that ultimately shape all human relations. Often seen as a handbook for the 'modern Machiavelli', we take a closer look, beyond the hyperbole, and discuss how understanding and implementing these Laws can actually enrich your life personally, professionally and spiritually.

Jon and Dre aim to get to the heart of each of the Laws, grapple with their sometimes disturbingly amoral nature, and discuss what the Laws mean in everyday life (often revealing their own experiences – good and bad – when they've either observed or transgressed them).

What happens when you try to record a live podcast in the lounge of a 5-star hotel without asking permission? It turns out you have a really powerful conversation, an excellent cocktail, you break down what 2016 meant and what 2017 is going to be… and no one interferes with you whatsoever. Not bad, eh?

Recorded on the road during Dre's trip to Jon's home town of Edinburgh, we decided to cast an eye back over the last year and share some of our BIG plans for Voices in the Dark in 2017. Dre's quit his job; Jon's writing for big sites and flying round the world to interview guests… and that's only the beginning.

Needless to say, we also get angry about various topics, break down some social and psychological problems we all face, and then head off to drink a good deal of expensive whisky. Join us!

• Our plans for 2017!
• Dre quitting his job
• Is Jon retaining any of his meditative calm or insights from the monastery?
• A big debate on free speech, no-platforming, censorship and punishment
• The importance of having high-quality conversations
• What makes something a thing?
• Why things can only be art if you show them to an audience

• The amazing book (with a terrible cover), The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk
• And its sequel, City of Refuge
• Dre was referring back to Law 23: Concentrate Your Forces
• Isaac Asimov's Foundation Trilogy
• Terry Pratchett's Discworld books
• Our friends over at High Existence
• Jon's Ayahuasca article for them
• Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah and Malcolm Gladwell's podcast about the evolution of the song
• Carsie Blanton's wonderful album, So Ferocious
• The Scotch Malt Whisky Society

Control The Options: Get Others To Play With The Cards You Deal

How did I end up in this mess? All too often that's the question we ask ourselves when we look back and realise we've been led by the nose into a situation we'd never have chosen willingly. And yet it seemed like we were free to choose every step of the way. So what happened? Law 31 is what happened: when someone manages to control your options, you find yourself playing on their chessboard, never quite sure of the rules and yet still wanting to believe that you can influence the way the game plays out. You can't; this episode explores why.

In this episode, Jon and Dre look at the Law from all sides, from the dangerous ways it can be used to enable and support domestic abuse, to the way it can garner you a few freebies at your local restaurant. We learn how Dre's Mum always gets what she wants, the role ape social dynamics play in our social interactions, and how to become the most powerful courtesan in history.

Jon shares some tense real life examples from his own dating history, and reflects on how voicing your insecurities can actually create the reality you fear. Dre breaks down how Law 31 works in everyday life when dealing with clients, as well as the fiendish tricks that online marketers use to get your money. To round things off, they contemplate the dangerous ways informal practices can later be reinterpreted and cost you everything, and provide some strategies to avoid incriminating yourself under pressure.

• Is it better to know a subject deeply, or see the broader dynamics?
• Sausage duels and how to conduct them
• How this Law interacts with Law 16: Use Absence To Increase Respect
• The danger of working within other people's parameters – and assuming those parameters even exist
• How to craft and hold the strongest frame
• Control the questions to get people to do what you want
• Behavioural cues and their power to shape all our interactions
• The uses and limits of reverse psychology
• The sunken costs fallacy
• Why we need privacy even when we have 'nothing to hide'

• Dre's favourite shirt: Fuck You, Don't Tell Me What To Do!
• And our Enlightened Meathead tanktops
• The matchstick trick we mention
• The delicious Scotch Malt Whisky Society
• The ever-excellent Philip McKernan
• Tony Robbins – shit or not?
• Friend of the show, Peter Sage – check out our in-depth interview with him
• The Serial podcast
• And the amazing spin-off which played a role in getting Adnan's case reopened, Undisclosed

Challenge: Use Dre (and Dre's Mum's) tactics to get yourself some extras when you're next in a customer service interaction. Act calm and confident that things are not as they should be and so clearly something must be done to improve things. Don't be rude or crude; this is about your frame, not your ego.

Join us as we continue our 48 Laws of Power review, exploring Robert Greene's provocative and compelling book, in which he lays bare the history, practice, psychology, and philosophies of power that ultimately shape all human relations. Often seen as a handbook for the 'modern Machiavelli', we take a closer look, beyond the hyperbole, and discuss how understanding and implementing these Laws can actually enrich your life personally, professionally and spiritually.

Jon and Dre aim to get to the heart of each of the Laws, grapple with their sometimes disturbingly amoral nature, and discuss what the Laws mean in everyday life (often revealing their own experiences – good and bad – when they've either observed or transgressed them).

It's been a whole month. A month of 2-3 hours of meditation every day, no internet or phone calls, 5am starts, amazing people from around the world, and no caffeine... So who is Jon after all that? Is he a Buddhist? Did he find what he was looking for? What's next for Voices in the Dark? Time to find out.

Recorded the day after he arrived back from Kathmandu, Jon answers Dre's questions about what he's learnt and how he's adapting to life outside the walls of the monastery. This is Part II of our Before & After piece, so check out Part I first if you haven't already!

Earlier this year, Jon interviewed Martijn Schirp (editor of the excellent High Existence website) for Talking the Walk. Martijn used to be a professional poker player, but was looking for a lot more from his life. With a bag of money and no sense of direction, he happened to hear about a month-long meditation course at a Buddhist monastery in Nepal. The experience would prove transformational – which is why he's now the editor of a site dedicated to self-development, challenging everything you think you know, and generally opening our minds beyond our cultural programming.

Something about that conversation stuck in Jon's mind, and just a few months later he'd booked himself a place on the same course at Kopan Monastery.

• Jon's Ayahuasca vlogs, chronicling his experiences in the Am
• Check out Jon's popular recent piece for High Existence, 10 Things I Wish I'd Known Before Drinking Ayahuasca