'There are male writers who think being a writer will impress the ladies, which it never does. Best say you’ve recently been invalided out of the Royal Marines. '

There are male writers who think being a writer will impress the ladies, which it more or less literally never does. Best say you’ve recently been invalided out of the Royal Marines. I once told a young barbershop trainee I was a fairground safety inspector.

'I’m not the kind of poet whose work is archivable in the conventional way. Only a forensic IT specialist would be able to retrieve all the earlier iterations.'

I’m not the kind of poet whose work is archivable in the conventional way. The first draft is overwritten by the redraft, and all subsequent edits until the final version. Only a forensic IT specialist could retrieve all the earlier iterations of a poem of mine.

'I became mildly obsessed – okay, not so mildly – with a friend who described herself as an ‘arch-planner’. '

I became mildly obsessed – okay, not so mildly – with a friend who talked about her folders of research and her identical ring-bound notebooks, each page neatly marked with bullet points charting every pre-planned chapter she was going to write.

'Names read out in reverse order. Ten, nine, eight. With each name, another swig of Bloody Mary. Seven, six, five. Where was my name? '

Tension ramped up. Names read out in reverse order. Ten, nine, eight. With each name, another swig of Bloody Mary. Seven, six, five. The crunch of celery in my ear. Four, three. Where was my name? Two. No? My name was last. I’d won!

'I whittled the cemeteries down to two. My editor was adamant — two was still too many. And of course she was right.'

I whittled the cemeteries down to two. My editor was adamant — two was still too many. She was right. My personal, emotional, response was blinding me to the fact that if I wanted to write about cemeteries of World War I, I should write a different book.

'Half way down the first page of a new novel I’d shrug. Nothing wrong with the writing, just that I felt I knew it already. Ditto cinema. Weeks passed, then months. '

Half way down the first page of a new novel I’d shrug. Nothing wrong with the writing, just that I felt I knew it already. Ditto cinema. Weeks passed, then months. That span of openness I’d hoped for took on a different aspect. I began to feel lost.

'I phoned Paddy Power the bookmaker and asked for odds on a novelty bet: Scarborough winning a Scotsman Fringe First. I got odds of 16 to 1.'

I phoned Paddy Power the bookmaker and asked for odds on a novelty bet: Scarborough winning a Scotsman Fringe First. I got odds of 16 to 1 and was going to put all of Debbie Horsfield’s money on but they capped my bet at fifty quid.

'Sometimes, when I sit down to write, despondent because my mind feels empty, the magic happens anyway. '

Like Dorothy Parker, I love ‘having written’. Sometimes, when I sit down to write, despondent because my mind feels empty, as though nothing worthwhile can emerge, the magic happens anyway. As if my hand is guided by an unseen force.

'I remember the thrill of excitement that went through me. Here was my favourite TV programme in book form! It was like a dream come true.'

I remember the thrill of excitement that went through me. Here was my favourite TV programme in book form! It was like a dream come true. I wanted both books, but opted for the non-Dalek one because it had a multi-tentacled creature on the cover.

'When I talk to RLF students or children in schools, I show them that scribble. Inspiration often comes in snatches of thought.'

When I talk to RLF students or children in schools, I show them that scribble. I show them my notebook, full of crossings out. I do this to illustrate that inspiration for me often comes in snatches of thought; that a story doesn’t usually arrive fully formed.