Selecting from the festive kids' menu our trio draw the curtains, flip out the screen-glare shields and brace for a dead leg and an all-expenses-paid trip to Bethlehem in Watch. Then it's back in good old blighty where everything is refined, restrained and furiously beige as tradition meets aspiration in To The Manor Born.

Will there really be Peace On Earth when a TV presenter ends up stranded in Television Centre alone with a pair of scissors, two cameras and four hundred empty shoeboxes? Will there be goodwill toward men when a prime-time Christmas Special is commissioned seemingly in the second week of December and with the budget of a clip-show? AND WILL THERE BE ANY PORT LEFT?

Crack open the eggnog and hit Play to find out...

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