A Disney movie was the last place we expected to find powerful and profound insight about what happens when families avoid having difficult conversations. And yet that is just what we discovered when we recently sat down and watched their latest movie entitled, "Encanto."

We promise not to share too many details about the movie, in case you haven't watched it yet. Even if you haven't seen the movie, you may have heard the song "We Don't Talk About Bruno," one of the many popular tunes from the film. (You can listen to it HERE). The title of this song describes an all too common way people avoid difficult or unpleasant conversations, which is to adopt an attitude of "we don't talk about ……." In "Encanto," the reason for shunning the family member named Bruno is that he has dared to speak of things the family doesn't want to think about, let alone discuss. His family instead pretends that he doesn't exist, trying to ignore the problem rather than face the truth he has spoken. I

t is not unusual for groups of people (families, friends, organizations, etc.) to have unwritten rules about things that should not be discussed. Some common examples are:

"We don't talk about conflict,

"We don't talk about money,

"We don't talk about how much so and so drinks,

"We don't talk about our feelings, and "We don't talk about religion, sex, or politics."

It is easy to internalize these unwritten rules as simply a given that can't be questioned if everyone silently agrees to follow them as a way of keeping a false sense of peace. The paradox is that not talking about something difficult usually makes it worse, as the suppressed emotions build in intensity. So not talking about conflict, for example, almost always guarantees the conflict will eventually spill out in a way that is likely hurtful to all involved.

We don't think it's too much of a spoiler to let you know that "Encanto" has a happy ending. After all, it is a Disney movie. The hopeful ending is made possible because the Madrigals (Bruno's family) learn to, in the words of the Brené Brown quote above, "Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters."

It does indeed take courage to start such conversations. But if you have any doubt about the healing effects of taking such a risk, then make time soon to watch "Encanto." Before long, you too will be singing along with the soundtrack (written by Lin Manuel Miranda), and maybe, just maybe, you will find yourself becoming a little braver when it comes to talking about hard things. Making It Personal: Are you aware of any unwritten rules you have internalized about things that one should avoid discussing? Can you think of a time when you or someone you care about took the risk to start a difficult conversation? What did you learn from that experience? Is there a conversation you want to start with someone right now? If so, what is the first step you need to take to do so?