Oh Christmas crimes, oh Christmas crimes, I can’t think up another verse. Did you know criminals don’t take holiday vacations? Check out these weird and funny Christmas crimes.

We explore how to incorporate your Halloween remnants into the festive seasons and why you should be answering the door expecting trick-or-treaters year round. Also, Rachel has never heard “12 Days of Christmas” aloud ever.

Can Santa fight the devil? Is Santa’s best friend Merlin the wizard? Can Santa successfully drug all the children in time? Are all of these really answered in the same movie? We try to guess the plots of these whacky Christmas movies and crack the code on what makes a Hallmark holiday movie.

Solid life advice today. Also providing the answers for what to do when your significant other chops down your family tree, won’t stop rapping, or keeps yelling EMERGENCY over dumb shit. If you’re looking for a community, you have one here.

We’re therapists today(not really), and our methods of diagnosing rely solely on internet personality tests. Surely, we’ll receive accurate maps of our psyche and in no way will this go awry.

‘No such thing as a stupid question’ I’m told, but we refuse to stop looking for that question to discredit the rule. We also talk about depression, sex in space, the Keller language, new words for twat swat, and that weird wife of yours who keeps scaring you while you poop. It’s all on the spectrum.

Don’t let Rachel into your house because she’ll just light all your damn candles. In this episode, we cover the proper procedure for handling an individual feeding rocks covered with peanut butter to birds. Also the appropriate moment to comment on a baby’s name is never.

It’s our favorite time of year again. This year we’ve gone with some real spooky stories of history. Roanoke colony? Donner party?? Demon core??? HEADLESS CHICKENS???? Yeah, we got it. Send us pictures of your mom's Halloween costume for data collection reasons.

For better or worse, it’s the end of the road. Gamage has finally passed the kidney stone that is this show and we move on to better stuff. Except if you’re reading this before listening, then I guess you still have to deal with it. It’s okay, though, none of it meant anything.

Gamage didn’t take his adderall and is on a tantrum about the middle chunk of Supernatural. You can’t really discuss the beginning and the end without this bit, but feel free to skip this one.