Happy New Year! We’re back, and talking about how you can’t run a pawn shop while investing in horny cowboys anymore, because of woke. Then, the U.S. finally pulls the trigger on Venezuela, after Maduro did TikTok dances and apparently that was the last straw. Trump screwed the opposition, announcing it was purely a war for oil. Plot twist: U.S. companies don’t want the oil, but no one asked them.

The FBI cracks a mostly imaginary terror case. Indiana Republicans bravely face death threats to do nothing. Trump finally signs his executive order banning AI regulation, so you’re free to buy Christmas toys that sell your kids on the brilliance of Chairman Mao. How will we power all these toys? We’re getting rid of Christmas trees, folks. All a part of a very sensible plan.

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It seems what we all knew is true, Elon stole your information from the government and gave it to his robot girlfriend. The right wing internet is mad at a preacher for having read the Bible. ICE tries to hire a 500 lb. agent until his doctor says no. That’s true, and just one example of ICE’s hiring spree finding some truly exceptional candidates, which we have a lot of fun getting into.

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The Shamwow Guy is running for Congress, where a Congressman with a twin brother is trying a “Parent Trap” kind of life swap. Then we get into everyone finally acknowledging Pete Hegseth is a war criminal, and Trump’s pardon of the cocaine cowboy former President of Honduras and the real extremely dumb reason he seems to have done it, which involves an already failing Bitcoin utopia.

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Marjorie Taylor Green quits Congress like she works at Pizza Hut. The AI nerds are angling for a government bailout for a crash that hasn’t happened yet, so your Social Security can fund chatpots that give you recipes with rocks in them. Then we talk with Tennessee State Rep. Aftyn Behn about her run for Congress in next week’s special election, and what it’s like becoming a national target for attacks just because the race is closer than anyone thought it would be.

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What do Steve Bannon, Deepak Chopra, Noam Chomsky, Obama’s former White House lawyer, Bill Clinton’s treasury secretary, several Trump ambassadors, and one of the kids from Mighty Ducks have in common? Besides ‘Being mammals,’ it’s basically just being big fans of Jeffrey Epstein. We talk about how a lot of powerful people are huge losers who needed his travel tips and advice on how to talk to girls, then we get into the emails everyone’s ignoring which also depict Epstein as a kind of aspiring Bond-villain and warlord. Join us.

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After a pretty resounding message from the voters that they should stand strong for healthcare, Senate Democrats make the heroic decision to let Donald Trump have everything he wants and rub their bellies. Then we get into the now possibly moot fight over SNAP and all the silliness around last week’s elections, which included Kentuckyans who were shocked and upset they couldn’t vote against the mayor of New York, and an enthusiast for Nazi-adjacent porn who lost a Lt. Gov race despite debating an AI of his opponent that he made say dumb stuff.

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We’ve found a new family who fled to Russia to escape Woke, only to endure a Biblical level of suffering, which includes having to snuggle goats to not freeze to death. The lady we’re gonna install as the dictator of Venezuela says they have Hamas now, so please act quickly. And the FBI director joins the mile high club on your dime, patriotically.

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First we talk about a fun development in China, that our overlords are certainly jealous of, where the government is forcing people to stop being sad on the internet. Then, we talk about a pretty big special interest group in America called ‘People Who Eat Food,’ and the Trump administration’s plan for everyone to live on Hamburger Helper while he cosplays as Jay Gatsby in a ballroom apparently designed by ChatGPT.

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This week BJ Barham, the lead singer of American Aquarium, stops by to talk about his run for town board. What’s it like to be in The Rolling Stone the same week you’re being called a Communist for pointing out that local officials are giving sweetheart land deals to their relatives? We get into it. Before that: Jelly Roll-based psyops, the No Kings protests vs. Operation A.I. Sky Diarrhea, and the cartels’ (fake? fake.) bounties on CPB.

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