This week, Meg sat down with Erich Henninger, a Seattle therapist who runs divorce support groups specifically for men.
Erich's view: underneath the arguments about finances and schedules lives a much deeper grief — what he calls "the loss of the dream." Not just the marriage, but the envisioned future. Retirement together. Walking a daughter down the aisle.
One of the most practical ideas Erich shared is the importance of making "bids" — small, no-pressure reach-outs to your kids, especially when they're pulling away. "Send a photo. Text a song you just listened to. Let them know: I'm here. When you're ready, we'll talk." It's the equivalent of knocking gently on the door when your teen storms off — and teens, no matter how annoyed they seem, want you to keep knocking.
Here's more of what we cover in this episode:
- Why men get stuck on finances and legalities instead of what's actually hurting
- "The loss of the dream" — grieving the future you thought you'd have
- How group therapy is uniquely powerful for releasing shame
- Erich's "rebuilding the playground" metaphor for reclaiming the emotions men were taught to hide
- Why bids matter even when your kids don't respond
- What usually keeps men from signing up — and what happens when they do
Books mentioned in this episode: Dr. Lisa Damour's The Emotional Lives of Teenagers and Untangled — both worth having on your shelf if you're parenting tweens or teens through a transition.
P.S. Erich runs two men's divorce support groups out of Seattle (Wednesday and Thursday evenings), with a midday online group launching soon. He offers a free consultation — no pressure, no commitment. Learn more at mindbrooktherapy.com.