Episode 31: When Putting Yourself Last Catches Up
In this episode, Jen Hoyer explores the all-too-common experience of women putting themselves last while caring for others, and the impact this has on health and happiness. She shares personal stories—including the “coconut cream pie” anecdote—discusses the importance of boundaries, and offers practical strategies for finding balance between self-care and caring for others.
Timestamps & Key Topics:
[0:00] Introduction
Jen introduces the episode and the theme of putting yourself last.
[0:51] The Common Story
Jen shares how often women come to her feeling overwhelmed from years of self-neglect.
[1:38] Why Women Do This
Exploring the caregiving instinct and how it’s ingrained in women.
[2:24] The Cost of Caring for Others
When the strength of caring for others starts to cost us.
[2:42] Men vs. Women: A Story
A story illustrating the difference in how men and women approach decisions and responsibilities.
[4:56] Strengths Overused Become Weaknesses
How selflessness can become a weakness if overused.
[5:25] People Pleasing Patterns
Jen reflects on her own journey with people pleasing and boundary setting.
[6:13] The Coconut Cream Pie Story
A personal anecdote about saying yes to please others, even when it’s not true to yourself.
[7:13] The Pendulum Swing
How we sometimes overcorrect and become too rigid with boundaries.
[8:15] Honoring Two Truths
Balancing the desire to help others with the need to care for yourself.
[9:04] The Yoga of Balance
Using yoga as a metaphor for the constant adjustments needed to maintain balance.
[10:03] Why Your Reason Matters
The energy behind your actions—obligation vs. love—changes everything.
[10:26] Emotions as Clues
How emotions like resentment, overwhelm, and guilt signal when you’re out of balance.
[12:06] Five Strategies for Balance
Jen shares five actionable steps for regaining balance:
- Listen to your emotions
- Understand your “why”
- Have hard conversations
- Delete, delegate, or delay
- Keep readjusting and stay authentic
[19:52] Midlife and Redefining Balance
How needs and balance shift over time, especially in midlife.
[20:45] Prioritizing Your Health
Why your health matters for your joy, relationships, and future.
[21:14] The Coconut Cream Pie Reflection
Jen asks listeners to reflect on their own “coconut cream pie” moments—times they said yes when they meant no.
[22:24] Final Thoughts
Encouragement to keep adjusting and protecting your own space.
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