On this episode of Trending with Timmerie, guest host Brooke Taylor brings on Fr. Dave Heney to talk all about forgiveness. You can listen to the entire hour on this topic here.

Fr. Dave jumps right in, saying that forgiveness isn’t just something “nice” we should do—it’s absolutely central to living a joyful life. We all get hurt, he says, and if we don’t learn how to handle that pain, it can end up running our lives. What most people want when they’re hurt is to “get even,” but as Fr. Dave explains, you can never actually even the score. That cycle of hurt just keeps spiraling until someone is crushed under it. It's not a good way to live! 

He then unpacks Jesus’ famous words: “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemies”—verses you might struggle to understand. Fr. Dave explains that it’s not about ignoring the pain or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about knowing your dignity comes from God, not from the person who insulted or hurt you. And when we’re anchored in that, we can let go of revenge.

What’s beautiful is how he separates forgiveness from reconciliation. Forgiveness is an instant decision — “I’m not going to hurt you back.” Reconciliation, though, is a process that takes time. It’s exactly what happens in confession: you stop the harm, admit what you did, promise to change, and try to make things right.

A listener, Hannah, calls in asking what to say to friends who were abused as kids and are now struggling with that trauma. Fr. Dave answers with so much tenderness—he says one powerful path to healing is helping others. When someone who was hurt steps into helping or ministry, they reclaim strength and purpose that abuse tried to steal. And, of course, he affirms how important counseling can be when wounds run deep.

Brooke also reminds us of all the saints who lived out this radical forgiveness—saints like Maria Goretti and St. Bakhita—showing us the way back to Christ.

Yes, forgiveness is hard—but it’s possible, and you are never walking through it alone.