What Drives You

Matthew Del Negro is a celebrated actor credited for roles in some of TV's most-renowned and award-winning shows such as SOPRANOS, SCANDAL & WEST WING, and films HOT PURSUIT and WIND RIVER. He returns for SEASON 2 of his recurring role as Detective Caysen on the SHOWTIME series "City On A Hill" opposite Kevin Bacon that comes out in early 2021. In this episode with me he referenced talking with Kevin Bacon on set the day before, and I was admittedly honored he chose to spend time with me, a little bit lesser known Kevin, on this day. I had him on the show of course to talk about motives. As I quoted at the top of the show, Matt said being a professional actor is a career of being told no for a living, and three years ago he decided to give voice to this journey of overcoming rejection by starting a podcast called 10,000 NOs. From the success of that podcast he was offered a book deal and just came out with it, titled also, 10,000 NOs. That’s why he’s here. I was intrigued by his personal story of starting out as the peacekeeper in his family, being shattered by a breakup with his girlfriend and finally finding himself and taking up acting later in life. What were his motives? What drove him, good and bad? As you’ll hear, we really resonated as we got to the heart of...motives. You can connect with Matt at 10000nos.com/ and he said to please check out Season 2 City On A Hill, on Showtime.

Let me lead off with an important concept. The world of personal development and self help and even business development is led by what to do to succeed. In all truth, I find most aspiring people like you and me are pretty knowledgeable of what we need to do. What we don't understand is why we so often don’t. This is what I’m covering here in this episode. Now we could write numerous novels on all the reasons why people don’t do what they want to do, so let me define our parameters here. By proxy of you listening to this show in the Education and Self-help category of podcasting, you are what I refer to as an aspiring person. You are seeking to improve and to grow. So these four areas are the primary Saboteurs for you. You who are striving and evolving and growing and mattering to this world.

A primary motive for this guest was simply but profoundly, a different lifestyle. A different life, even. Dan Miller is the bestselling author of “48 Days To The Work You Love” and renowned as a leading, global expert on careers. Through all he does however the most fitting term is authentically, life coach. Leading people in lives they love. Which is a natural fit, as you will hear in this show, as it’s the main thread of his own story. His parents were born Amish and his lifestyle was similarly remote, conservative, and austere. He was up early milking cows at age five and expected to take over the farm someday. Instead he witnessed the town doctor visiting his home in nice clothes and a nice car who lives such a different lifestyle than he was surrounded by and he began a quest to understand and earn a different way, the threads of which still run true today. Admittedly my conversation with this particular guest runs deeper than most, as Dan is my father. Yet in digging into his motives I uncovered drives even I was unaware of. I trust this journey through a high achievers motives will help you discover and clarify your own, one step more. You can find Dan at 48days.com.

This is a story of overcoming obstacles to pursue what you care about because of a strong motive. Kara Goldin was the youngest of five children and at age eight realized both her parents had dreams they didn’t pursue. Then she witnessed an older brother overcome many obstacles to go after what he cared about. This gave Kara the impetus to do the same and she did so with a flourish. In this story you’ll hear her career trajectory and willingness to believe in herself and have faith in overcoming the obstacles that will present themselves with any endeavor of worth. If you’ve ever seen or had Hint water, maybe from Starbucks or Whole Foods or today possibly from any grocery chain, Kara started it out of her home kitchen. She has an incredibly impressive resume working with companies such as AOL and has been cited by Fast Company as one of the “Most Creative People in Business, Fortune’s named her as a Most Powerful Women Entrepreneurs and HuffPost listed her as one of six disruptors in business, alongside Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg. She’s appeared on nearly every news source worth listing. And now she’s written a tremendous book titled, “Undaunted” which we touch on in this show. Matter of fact, check it out at drinkhint.com/Motive and if you buy the book you get a free case of Hint water!. But as this is the Motive podcast, our focus here is not just what Kara has done from childhood to now with a 150 million dollar company that is saving people from the negative effects of sugary drinks. Our focus is very much her motives from childhood to now. Her reasons for what she did it and why she does what she does...today.

Of course it is, but to what degree? Guilt is a primary hidden driver that we’ve accepted as a norm. How much of your lives and actions are being driven by this life draining motive? Probably more than you are aware of. But why, is the question. In this episode I bring you Valorie Burton. Valorie is founder of the Coaching and Positive Psychology (CaPP) Institute and has written more than a dozen books on personal development. She has a unique combination of research, faith, and personal transparency that inspires people to action and delivers practical tools to find fulfillment and purpose in work and life. She has a large following with almost half a million on Facebook alone. She’s just published a book titled, “Let Go Of The Guilt.” Her research into the reality and nuances of guilt and the hold it has on us is profound, which is why I pursued her to be on the show and shine a light on this very insidious and pervasive driver that is leading so many of us to frustration, exhaustion, burn out and unfulfillment. I begin, of course...getting very personal with Valorie. What were her early motives? What drove her to push and strive and get herself into the Air Force Academy on a presidential appointment, then what drove her to drop out. What drove her to realize how much of her drive was fueled by guilt and what drove her to start a PR firm then abandon it to be an author and speaker? What drove her to marry, then divorce, then to marry again? What drives her today? Type Valorie Burton in any search engine and you’ll find her everywhere, and her coaching business is at cappinstitute.com

We are creatures of want. We speak the language of want and the marketplace appeals to us from an economy of want. What we have wanted has shaped our lives and is the result of where we find ourselves today, for better and worse. But two stark realities exist; more and more we aren’t clear on what we truly want and we actually want less and less. Together, as a culture we are just settling for less and less and the less true and meaningful wants we have and pursue the more we sink into numbness, medication and disappointment. So on one hand we have a reality that wanting bigger things leads to more happiness, but we are also afraid to want much for fear we will be disappointed. In this episode I’ll walk you through how your wants have shaped where you are, for better and worse. And why “wanting it more!” is not the solution, but wanting it authentically is.

I bring you Silicon Valley legend and all around wise guy, Guy Kawasaki. I’ve read Guys books, had him on my Ziglar Show twice, hung out with him face to face in San Diego at the Social Media Marketing event, and I think our relationship was solidified after he butt dialed my cell phone one afternoon and we talked a while about him starting a podcast, which he did...called Guy Kawasaki’s Remarkable People. Guy was the original Chief Evangelist of Apple and has many stories about him with Steve Jobs and the early foundations of Apple. Today he’s an evangelist for Canva and Mercedes but much more than that just a big influence and all around fun guy. I brought him here to the Motive podcast to talk about his early and current motives, both personally and professionally. Honestly this is just a fun romp through Guy admitting he never had huge visions, but he did have clear motives and he went forth and accomplished them. This will be a good showcase that you don’t need giant killing, uber altruistic goals to get you going and achieving. Just clear goals you have faith in. You can connect with Guy Kawasaki...everywhere, he’s a social media giant. His website is guykawasaki.com and I really encourage you to check out his podcast, Guy Kawasaki’s Remarkable People.

Everybody has drive, and everyone has positive and negative drive. We generally speak of a person who is really “driven” in regards to them being in consistent action toward something positive or worthwhile. While we cite the person who seldom gets off the couch to participate in life as having no drive. My muse here is Motive...the reason for all we do and don’t do. We all have a reason, a drive, for all we do. We are just often not aware of it and we end up somewhere wondering…”How the heck did I end up here!” There is a reason, something driving you. I can show you two people with the same hard circumstance that was the primary ingredient in their drive. One is driven to overcome and achieve and do great things. And the other person from the same circumstances is driven to minimize themselves and hide and possibly engage in self-destructing actions. What I want you to see and understand the relevance is, it’s drive either way. Motive. A reason. In this episode of the Motive show I’ll help you unpack and understand the reality that you are...driven. In all you do. Where you are not getting the results you want, is where your drive is coming from an unhealthy or hidden source.

What would motivate someone to become a criminal defense lawyer? For 20 years. Then leave to become a humanitarian chocolatier? I’ve chosen this show with Shawn Askinosie as my first guest appearance on the Motive podcast because it got to the heart of my desired focus. His company, Askinosie Chocolate, was recently named by Forbes “One of the 25 Best Small Companies in America.” The Oprah Magazine “One of 15 Guys Who Are Saving the World.” Friends, if you are a chocolate lover...of real, fine chocolate, do yourself a favor. Go to Askinosie.com/. But to this show, Shawn's dad died at 14 and tore his world apart, he set a maniacal pace to accomplish big achievements and prove to God he didn't need him. He ultimately pursued law school and withstood 11 law school rejections, and went on to have an exemplary career. But he never overcame his dad's sickness and death. This led him to volunteering for palliative care at a hospital and starting a five year journey to a different vocation. A significant statement from him in this episode is this, “It’s a funny paradox, but the first step in sorting myself out was actually not to think about myself, and instead to focus on other people.” Shawn wrote a book that was first sent to me, along with some great chocolate, by my Dad, Dan Miller, who got to know and greatly appreciate Shawn. The book is called, Meaningful Work - A Quest To Do Great Business, Find Your Calling, and Feed Your Soul. I highly recommend it and you can find it wherever you buy books, and at his website, shawnaskinosie. Let me say this, if you want a great taste of what this Motive podcast is about, this is a show to listen to.