Whether it's potty talk or the f-bomb, kids will eventually say something offensive. How do we decide what's unacceptable and what to let slide? Katy Gosset looks at swearing and its subtleties.

Whether it's potty talk or the f-bomb sooner or later our kids are probably going to say something offensive. How do we decide what's unacceptable in our homes and what we're prepared to let slide?

Katy Gosset takes a look at swearing and its subtleties.

And yes, a little warning - the audio contains some swearing!

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Rhiannon's* son, Luke*, has well and truly discovered 'the f-word'.

At age 15, it's very much his means of expressing himself, sometimes 'with a bang or thump of irritation on the wall'.

And while he hasn't specifically sworn at her, Rhiannon is concerned by how often the word comes out.

'It's mostly 'Oh for f-'s sake'. Quite often directed at his little sister: 'Oh you're such an effing b_."

In Melissa's case, it came out when she was least expecting it, on a shopping trip with her two-year-old.

''Calling me 'an effing f-er' in the middle of the supermarket once. It was one of those moments when it just boomed across the whole place. Everyone went silent and all you could hear was him swearing.''

Maeve's* kids are also young so she's still contending with 'things like "poo bum", you know all that potty language.'

It's not what any of these Mums want to be hearing.

Still, clinical psychologist, Catherine Gallagher, says swearing is all relative.

''Swearing means different things to different people. For some, it's an absolute no. For others, there's a time and a place and for others, well, there's always a time and a place.''

While it was not possible to completely control children's swearing, parents could learn to manage and reduce its use, particularly in the home.

It was partly because swearing was such a trigger for some parents that it had become a great way to get a reaction.

''Kids are going to be exposed to different influences and if you react big time then in a child's mind it becomes an even bigger trump card to pull out when they're angry and they want a reaction.''

Don't mention the swearing

Of course, it's tempting to just ignore it and rise above the provocation. Easier said than done.

Gallagher warned it only worked if parents were genuinely ignoring the swearing rather than just pretending…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details