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I want to share the  true aha moment that came to me this week.  I've been beating myself up lately.  When I say beating myself up, I mean those internal thoughts asking myself why.   Why am I not being productive?  I have all this time and all I want to do is sit around, sleep and do nothing.   Why don’t I have the energy and drive?  Why I am shutting down?    

These feelings were becoming so heavy that it was affecting my mental health.  I tried to fight the demons in my head by going for a walk, journaling and continuing my self-care.  That helped a bit but I had to be honest with myself, I still felt like I was not myself.  I was yearning for the good old days.  

Do you believe things happen for a reason?  I do.  Kinda like, you have to go through the hard shit to enjoy the good times and you have to go through the crazy seasons to enjoy the boring times.  

Last week, I attended a coaching session on the DISC - This is a personal assessment tool used to help you deepen your understanding of yourself and others.  DISC stand for D  dominance, I  influence,  S  steadiness, C  conscientiousness.

The DISC training provided me with more self-awareness.  Constructive change begins with self-knowledge. DiSC profiles show you how you respond to conflict, what motivates you or stresses you out, and how you solve problems.

To understand more information about the disc, you can pretty much google this.  And, to note,  there are other assessments that can help you get a better understanding of yourself.  

During the DISC, training the instructor went through the basic behavioral styles and personality indicators.   It was so eye opening for me.  This presentation was just what I need knowing my situation.  

I learned that my challenges and situation right now are stressing my personality traits and behaviors.    I love security, being organized and in control.   I am very task orientated and an high achiever.  I love my alone time since it fuel me

My coach hit it on the head  and said when you lose control or fear security or can’t have consistency.  You go into reserved mode.  I am outgoing usually but clam up.  

What about you?   Think about your personality and behaviors.   Your emotions, feeling and mental state may be suffering and you shouldn’t be blaming yourself.  

My coach when on to tell me.  Control what you can control right now.  I can’t control the schedule, my location and my spouse’s condition.  But I can control my self-care right now.  

When you better understand yourself, you can then dissect your situation, your emotions/feelings, your behaviors in this situation you are in and most importantly - how you can handle the situation.  

For me right now, I get Denis appointment times 24 hours before.  So instead of intense planning out each day like I love to do - I am focusing on my top 3 priorities.  (Self - care<    Caregiving, Workload )

Too many times caregivers think they can do what they used to do and minimally adjust.   I really thought I could move into Kathy’s house and adjust a bit.  Well it was like putting a square peg into a round hole.    The environment,  stresses of your loved one’s health and your own personal behaviors and personalities, all play into it.  

As you experience frustrations, emotions and challenges, take a pause and think about everything.  This past week, I spent some good, long time journaling. 

• Who am I?
• How do I respond?
• Why do I feel this way?  

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