When Harry Met Fatty

I put my hand up on your hip, when you dip, I dip, WE DIP! Serendipity, starring John Cusack, Kate Beckinsale, John Corbett, Molly Shannon, Jeremy Piven and Eugene Levy. Fatty spends Christmas Eve in a department store with Cusack and Kate, who are fighting over the last pair of cashmere gloves in existence. Kate ends up having to buy him hot chocolate for the gloves but Cusack ends up getting a steaming mug full of hot air about fate, destiny, and free will. They exchange numbers via a five dollar bill and a 1st edition copy of Love in the Time of Cholera. The bill is spent on a pack of Certs and the book is sold to a used bookstore. If either one of them happens upon each other's phone number, then it is fate telling them to move Heaven and Earth to find each other.  Smash cut to three years later. Both of them are engaged to other people, living on opposite sides of the country, having the worst case of cold feet. They make one last ditch effort to seek each other out, only to find that fate has a massive hard-on for pulling them together and keeping them apart. Serendip? More like just the tip!Christmas break is upon us at Fatty studios and Dave talks of his planned trip to New York to take that Olsen Twins New York Minute movie tour.  Noah talks of his past adventures in kitty sitting. Merry Christmas!

Sweet Mandy Bynes, BUM-BUM-BUM- good times never seemed so androgynous...From the year Two-Thousand and SEX comes a tale of female to male...She’s The Man, starring Amanda Bynes, Channing Tatum-tots and David Cross.  

Be sure to top off your gender blender with some peach schnapps, cuz we’re gonna make one helluva shake outta Shakespeare.  Inspired loosely by The Bard’s Twelfth Night, this rom com is about a soccer playing Tomboy who impersonates her twin brother in order to make first string on an all boy’s soccer team.  Along the way, she falls for the team's striker, Magic Mike who wants her to fix him up with her hot chemistry lab partner, who’s bunson only burns for the faux boy Bynes. Warning, this flick features graphic scenes of honesty, emotion and caring...about soccer.

Dave shares stories of divorced parent trickery and Noah reveals what he and his mother unearthed whilst decking their halls.

Warning: the week’s episode features full frontal Brittany!  Hide your bangers and mash, Dave and Noah review 2006’s Love and Other Disasters Starring Brittany Murphy, Matthew Rhys and Catherine Tate.  Brittany has just graduated from the Madonna Academy of Fake British Accents and she lives her life one Breakfast at Tiffany’s at a time.  She’s obsessed with Holly Golightly and she drapes herself (literally) with gay men, working as an intern at UK Vogue. However, the world can only have so many fruit flies for her to play matchmaker with and when she nets a tall dark and mansome one at work, she thinks she's found the ultimate gay dude for her to marry.  Yes, we are serious.  She's in the market for a homo hubby.The only problem is, this dude is a breeder who just wants to feed her some good old-fashioned love, American style, with a side of extra heterosexuality, because, like King Midas, everything this chick touches turns to gay.  She is like a heavenly body that supernovas gayness every ten minutes, creating galaxies of gay in her path,all she sees is gay and in the words of John Lennon all you need is gay.  Not that there's anything wrong with that.Like Bob Dylan, Dave's gone electric! His first young adult ebook, The Ragged Mountains hits the mobile marketplace just in time for the fiscal cliff!  Noah shares a wonderful memory about the Nineteen-Nineties situation comedy Blossom. 

It's National Novel Writing Month and Noah goes nanners. 

This week Dave and Noah forget to hang the Do Not Disturb sign and they are subjected to MAID IN MANHATTAN from the year 2002.  Starring Jennifer Lopez and Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes), this rom com is MAID to order!  J-Lo is just another ethnic survivor of the plight of inner city plot contrivance.  She works at a swanky hotel where she raises her son, MTV's future TEEN WOLF Tyler Posey, and while trying on the latest fashion of one of her guests she gets mistaken by Ralph Fiennes as one of the rich-bitch guests.  Ralph is running for senator, and he's campaigning for a place in J-Lo's pants, but she can only offer him turnover service because she's a lowly maid in ManHELL.  Alas, we are all fooled by the rocks that she got. Dave and Noah celebrate Thanksgiving by updating their gratitude Journals.  Dave is thankful for a mummified maid he had when he was just Davy from the block. Noah is thankful for his days he spent toiling in the Cuntry Inn.Happy Thanksgiving.  May it be Maid in Man-turkey-lurkey!

Reach for that tiara and tell Honey Boo Boo to shoo, because this week Dave and Noah are in it to win it!  From the turn of this Century, we review Miss Congeniality starring Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, William Shatner, Candice Bergen, and Michael Caine!  When a creepy serial killer threatens to make the Miss United States Beauty Pageant end in a BANG, FBI special Agent Sandra Bullock must go undercover as Beyonce’s alter ego Sasha Fierce!  This stirs up desires that her field partner and mission leader Benjamin Bratt never knew he had, mainly because when it comes to crime and punishment, tomboy Sandra has Bullocks that are too big for the both of them!  Time is running out and so is the double stick tape for the swimsuit competition!

Dave and Noah report live from Midway Lanes in St. Paul, MN where this year’s MISS MIDWAY Pageant is underway!

In just ten days Kate Hudson must be a chooser, a user and a loser!  Dave and Noah are inoculated by 2003’s How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days starring Kate Hudsuckerson, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Lennon and Bebe Neuwirth. 

Kate Hudson is your average blonde New Yorker... meaning she is required by several city ordinances and federal mandates to write a column for some publication and be on an endless quest to fulfill the whimsies of her heart’s desire. After her dowdy best friend gets dumped bigtime, Kate is inspired to hold an experiment: She will catch a man and drive him away in 10 days utilizing all of the mistakes her friend and most average dowdy sistah friends make when dealing with the male persuasion. 

Matthew McConaughey is a Ad man for Douche Digest and in order to win a huge client he must wager that he can make a woman fall in love with him in less than 10 days. By forces of nature swirling within the Lipstick Jungle of NY, they meet and do their darndest to make with the love/hate relate!  Come watch this elaborate multimillion dollar excuse to see Matty McConman half naked in various predicaments!  

Noah attempts to survive the night in his haunted apartment.

Bye bye Ms. American Bynes, drove your crazy to the levee but the levee was dry. Dave and Noah travel back in time to see Amanda Bynes take Walt Disney's Snow White to a whole new level. 2007's Sydney White stars The Royal Bynesness herself, along with Sara Paxton, Matt Long and Danny Strong. It's going to take a continent's worth of woodland critters to help gussy up this retread of a Grimm Fairy Tale.  Amanda is off to school to follow in her dead mother's sorority footsteps, only to find that the Queen Bee of the Kappa house will stop at nothing to put her to death...in a social sense.  After throwing her out of the pledge coronation, Sydney gets taken in by seven dorks who live in overflow student housing.  The Queen of the Kappas, who's running for class president, is fixing to demolish their house unless one of them will stand up and run against her.  With the help of her fellow dorks, and the supportive yet lovingly bland hand of Tyler Prince, the Queen Bee's ex-boyfriend, Sydney will have to take the "Heigh" road on this blond "Ho". 

From a beach in a bikini next to K-Stew, Dave offers stirring words of encouragement to Amanda.  Noah cleans the Koi pond out back.