This caller doesn't come from a place of loss. They come from a place of curiosity, and a theory they've spent years quietly assembling.

It starts with reincarnation. But not the straightforward kind. Not a linear return to another body in the next moment. The caller imagines all points in time as equally available. Past, present, future. When you die, you pick a new life from any of them.

From there, the conversation moves into the one electron theory: the idea that a single electron might be tracing a path so vast and complex that, from our perspective, it looks like billions. And the caller's question: what if souls work the same way?

We also talk about non-duality, about the grief they're able to feel versus the grief they're expected to perform, about the Catholic upbringing that they've mostly moved away from, and the one part of it that still quietly unsettles them. And at the very end, after an hour of theory and philosophy, the conversation lands somewhere unexpected.

This is a good episode if you enjoy ideas. If you're comfortable sitting with a framework that's genuinely unusual and doesn't resolve neatly. The caller isn't here to convince. They're here to share what helps them.

In this conversation:

• A theory of reincarnation that isn't tied to linear time
• The one electron theory, and what it might mean for the soul
• Non-duality, and why the caller thinks separation is something we invented
• Consciousness as a gradient scale, with humans nowhere near the top
• The grief they feel versus the grief they know how to show
• A Catholic upbringing, a mostly-abandoned belief system, and the one fear that stayed

Book recommendations: The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh and Morning, Noon, and Night by Spalding Gray

All Anonymous Book Recommendations: View the full list

Video Episode: If you'd like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This episode includes an open and personal conversation about suicide, suicidal ideation, and suicidality, including experiences from childhood. If you're in a tender place with any of these themes, please take care of yourself first. If you need support, Thrive Lifeline is a great resource. 

This caller has spent most of their life in relationship with death, and they'll tell you that relationship started before they had words for it.

A first-generation Filipino American who grew up without a fixed sense of home, they found their way into community death care not through a course or a calling they could name, but through the accumulation of things they survived and the people they stayed for. What brought them to this work was loss. What keeps them in it is something harder to explain: a sense that being present for someone at the end of their life is less about training and more about showing up with your whole self.

This is a conversation about learning to live inside uncertainty, and finding that the mystery of death doesn't have to be something you solve.

In this conversation:

• What it means to grow up without a fixed home, and how that shaped an early, complicated relationship with death
• Witnessing a parent's suicide attempt as a child, and carrying that in relative silence for most of a lifetime
• How a family crisis became the unexpected doorway into community death care
• Volunteering to sit with people who are actively dying, and what that actually looks like
• The idea that suicidal ideation is more common than most people admit, and what changes when we stop treating it as unspeakable
• Settling into "I don't know" as an answer to what happens when we die, and why protecting the mystery might matter more than solving it

Book recommendation: The Merriam-Webster Thesaurus

All Anonymous Book Recommendations: View the full list

Video Episode: If you'd like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This week's caller grew up in a Roman Catholic household where death was treated as simply another part of life. Something to be at peace with rather than afraid of. But the conversation quickly turns to something that's shaped most of their adult life: being the one who shows up.

From early childhood spent in chemo waiting rooms to becoming, at 16, the family member who could see what others couldn't (or wouldn't) admit was happening to aging parents and grandparents, this caller has spent years as the person carrying the weight of decline that the rest of the family wasn't ready to face.

This is a conversation about what it means to be the one who's honest when honesty isn't welcome, what caregiving costs a person in the years they don't get back, and how someone holds onto curiosity and faith even while putting their own life on hold again and again.

In this conversation:

• Growing up with memento mori as a normal part of family life, and what it's like to be raised Catholic in a way that felt welcoming rather than fear-based
• What it's like to be the one who notices a parent or grandparent is declining — and the toll of being disbelieved by family members who aren't ready to see it
• Being present for a peaceful death in early hospice care, and what it meant when pain relief wasn't yet standard practice
• What it costs to keep putting your own health and education on hold for the people who need you
• Finding small ways to hold onto a life of your own while still being on call for everyone else
• A different way of imagining what "nothing" might feel like after we die

Book Recommendation: Sunrise on the Reaping by Suzanne Collins

All Anonymous Book Recommendations: View the full list

Video Episode: If you'd like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This week's caller is a retired physician who spent decades at the bedside of dying patients and now works at a funeral home. They have been present for death on both sides: as the person trying to slow it down, and as the person who shows up after. Somewhere in all of that, faith became the thing that held it all together.

This is a conversation about what it looks like to build an entire life around proximity to death and come out the other side more certain, not less.

We talk about the difference between the brain that perceives and the brain that just keeps the lights on, what it felt like to be airlifted off an island during a military coup at 22 years old, and why the anatomy lab might be one of the most quietly spiritual places a person can sit. We also get into what families get wrong about what their loved ones are experiencing near the end, why the body is so complicated it's hard not to believe something made it, and what it costs a person emotionally to keep showing up for other people's worst moments without breaking down.

In this conversation:

• What the brainstem keeps doing after the upper brain goes quiet, and why families often mistake that for suffering
• This is the anatomy book mentioned during the call: Body of Work: Meditations on Mortality from the Human Anatomy Lab by Christine Montross
• Why promising to be there at the deathbed changed how this caller practiced medicine
• Being airlifted out of Grenada in 1983 and what that moment did to how this caller decided to live
• What burying your emotions to help other people actually does to you over time
• Why the caller can't understand choosing to believe there's nothing after death

Book Recommendations: The Bible

All Anonymous Book Recommendations: View the full list

Video Episode: If you'd like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This week's caller is 79 years old and has spent the last three years going down every rabbit hole death has to offer. All in service of a book that's about to come out.

They have lost a husband and a mother. They have survived breast cancer. And somewhere in all of that, they stopped being afraid of dying and started being afraid of being dead.

This is a conversation between two people who have ended up in surprisingly similar places on a topic most people won't touch.

We talk about what it means to sit with "I don't know" as an actual answer, why sadness might be easier to live with than fear, and what panpsychism and a pretty intense psychedelic experience have to do with any of this. We also get into ego, annihilation, the logistics of being a ghost, and why the idea of nothing before you were born is somehow less terrifying than the idea of nothing after you die.

In this conversation:

• The difference between being afraid of dying and being afraid of being dead
• Panpsychism — the idea that everything, including rocks and plants, has some form of consciousness — and why it's making a quiet comeback
• 5-MeO-DMT vs. DMT, and why machine elves are not the vibe
• Ram Dass on ego dissolution and why releasing the self might be the only real antidote to the fear of death
• Why fear might just be sadness wearing a disguise
• The "nothing before you were born" reframe — and where it came from
•  Annaka Harris' book Lights On (I mentioned this during the call but couldn't remember the title at the time)

Book recommendations: The Emigrants by W.G. Sebald

More book recommendations from past episodes: View the full list

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This week's caller was diagnosed with a terminal illness at eight years old. They have never not known that death was part of their life.

They are an actor, a writer, a reader, a person who rescues snails and keeps a pet millipede and loves sharks because they understand what it feels like to be misunderstood. They are also someone who has spent their entire life figuring out how to live fully inside a body that makes that complicated.

This is a conversation about what it looks like to choose life, loudly, intentionally, and without apology, when death has always been in the room.

We talk about the guilt of knowing you're going to hurt everyone who loves you, the difference between being afraid of death and being afraid of dying, and why so much of how we portray terminally ill people in media gets it completely wrong. We also get into what they hope they can do once they're gone, why they want to perform at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival even though their doctors would disagree, and the one thing they still want to experience before they die, which is not what you'd expect.

In this conversation:

• The difference between fearing death and fearing the process of dying
• Why "you don't look sick" is something we should all agree to stop saying
• The guilt of knowing your death is going to hurt the people you love most

Book recommendations: Reverie by Ryan La Sala; I Fell in Love with Hope by Lancali

More book recommendations from past episodes: View the full list

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This week's caller is a pediatric nurse who has been around death long enough to stop fearing it and start getting curious about it.

They lost their father to suicide as a teenager. A few months later, they were the one doing CPR on their childhood best friend after an accidental fentanyl overdose. They were sixteen. They didn't become a nurse because of those losses exactly, but those losses made them someone who couldn't look away.

This is a conversation about what it looks like when death becomes a daily presence instead of a distant fear, and what a person builds out of that.

We talk about what it's like to have a job where you see about two people die every week and what your mind does to keep moving. We get into reincarnation through a video game analogy that is really fascinating, the difference between what you believe and what you hope, and why this caller's fear isn't death itself. It's leaving people behind. We also hear the story of a man who died alone because he'd told his children he never wanted to see them again, and what he asked this caller to pass on.

Content note: This episode includes a brief mention of suicide and accidental overdose. Neither is dwelt on at length.

In this conversation:

• What it actually feels like to watch someone die and how nurses keep moving after
• The three-lives theory: reincarnation, Mario, and why deja vu might mean something
• Why their fear of death is really a fear of what they'd leave behind
• What a dying man asked this caller to tell people, and why she still hears his voice

Book recommendation: Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

More book recommendations from past episodes: View the full list

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

Referenced in the intro: Gift Economy — A Mission Statement on Donation-Based Teaching by David Sudar

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This one is different.

When We Die Talks is built around anonymous conversations — people calling in to talk about death, dying, and what they think comes next. No names, no faces, just honest conversation. This episode breaks that format entirely, and I think once you hear it you'll understand why it had to.

Don Sires was one of the very first guests on this podcast. Over a year ago he sat down with me, not anonymously, by his own choice, and talked about living with ALS, his Baha'i faith, and what he believed waited on the other side. That episode, Episode 8, became one of the most listened to conversations this show has ever had. It's still the one I get contacted about the most.

A few weeks ago Don texted me. His nurse had given him four to six weeks to live. And then he asked if I wanted to do a wrap-up interview.

That's very Don.

I went to his home and we sat down one more time. This conversation is quieter than the first one. Slower. The Don you met in Episode 8 is still very much there, the curiosity, the warmth, the willingness to go deep, but you'll notice the difference. He wanted to wrap things up, offer some final thoughts, and leave something behind.

If you haven't heard Episode 8, please start there. Get to know him first. Then come back.

I'm honored that Don trusted me with his story over a year ago. I'm even more honored that he trusted me with this.

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

This week's caller has been living with grief long enough to become a student of it. They lost their mom at twenty-two. Then their cat. Then their soul dog thirteen months ago. 

This is a conversation about grief that doesn't rank itself, animals as family, and what it means to believe your soul chose this life even when this life has been really hard.

We talk about losing a parent young and what it does when no one ever talked about death before it happened. We get into ecological grief, the mourning of a world as it used to be, and how a hottest summer on record in Greece sent this caller on a path toward becoming a grief recovery specialist. We talk about souls, reincarnation, the possibility that time doesn't exist where our animals go, and the very real question of whether you'll get to meet your dog again.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, we end up laughing about whether the old souls are just patiently waiting while the young souls keep coming back around to figure it out.

In this conversation:

• Ecological grief and why grieving a changing world is not a disorder, it's a response
• Anticipatory grief — the kind that starts before you've lost anyone
• Why they found it harder to lose their cat than their mother, and why that makes complete sense
• The case for anti-speciesism in grief work — why every animal deserves to be mourned without shame

A few lines from the call:

• "Death is the only thing that is sure that's gonna happen to our body after we're born, and yet no one speaks about it."
• "I didn't even want to live anymore." What losing their soul dog did, said plainly.
• "We don't overcome grief. We learn how to live with grief."

Book recommendation: The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller

More book recommendations from past episodes: View the full list

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.

Note: This episode includes an open discussion of suicide and suicide loss. Please listen when you're in a good place to do so.

This week's caller has lived through a concentrated stretch of loss that would bring most people to their knees. A beloved grandmother who raised them. Another grandmother, expected but still hard. And then, in March of 2021, their husband — suddenly, traumatically, in a way that left no warning and no clean answers.

They came to this conversation not from a place of unresolved pain, but from one of hard-won peace. And they wanted to talk about how they got there.

At the center of it is a belief they've held since childhood and leaned on through every loss: that no one dies without a final chance. That in the last moments of any life, there is still an opening — for forgiveness, for grace, for something that doesn't close until it actually closes.

In this conversation:

• Losing three significant people in three years and how each grief felt entirely different
• What it means to find your grandmother on the floor and just know before you know
• Surviving the death of a spouse by suicide
• Why the caller believes their husband is in heaven and the theological reasoning that got them there
• The difference between religion and relationship, and why that distinction mattered most when the questions got hardest
• What it means to be a widow in your forties when you were expecting to grow old together

A few lines from the call:

• "I didn't know up from down. I was totally crushed."
• "He didn't commit suicide. He died by suicide."
• "In those last twinkling moments — every single person has that one last opportunity."
• "When it's my time, I'll be ready. And not fearful."

Book mentioned in this episode: The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

More book recommendations from past episodes: View the full list

Video Episode: If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube

About When We Die Talks: When We Die Talks is a podcast built around anonymous conversations about death, loss, and how contemplating mortality shapes the way we live. If you’re new here, start with the Episode Guide. It’s designed to help you find conversations that match where you’re at—curiosity, grief, hesitation, or openness.

Stay Connected
🌐 Website: whenwedietalks.com
📰 Substack: When We Die Talks
📸 Instagram: @whenwedietalks
▶️ YouTube: When We Die Talks
✉️ Email: [email protected]

Want to share your thoughts? Leave a voicemail at 971-328-0864 and share what you believe happens when we die. Messages may be featured in a future episode. If you’d like to have a full conversation, you can apply to be an anonymous caller at whenwedietalks.com.