When We Speak

Today's episode is with my closest friend Andrea Kingsley Miller. We recorded this episode at Andrea's home during the weekend of my birthday weekend and it was easily one of the BEST birthdays I've ever celebrated. Having Andrea as a friend has honestly been the gift I didn't know I needed. She is one of the kindest, most empathetic people I've ever met and I am so glad that we both took a chance at getting to know each other and being intentional about growing our Instagram conversations into an actual friendship. On this episode we discuss the following: 

Why I'll never be anyone's token Black friend

The importance of safe friendship

Being your full self in relationships

The grief experienced when relationships end

 Andrea Miller is a Jesus follower and justice seeker on a journey of discovering what it actually means to pursue both. She’s a fellow sojourner and wilderness wanderer exploring life at the intersection of evolving faith and being fully who God created her to be while making space for others to do the same. With a degree in Communication/PR, she’s worked in church ministry and in the non- profit arena but currently is a full- time mom raising two daughters- Grace (18) and Mary (12). Andrea is also the host of the HerStory Speaks Podcast which she created as a platform for brave women to share their stories over vulnerable conversations. Andrea believes nothing has the power to both break and heal like our stories. The power of collective story telling is central to her passion for lifting up the voices of women on the margins. After living in the Bible Belt for the last 6yrs, Andrea now resides with her family in the Kansas City area. As a recovering people pleaser and enneagram 5, you can usually find her outside connecting with nature or settled on her porch with a good book. 

Amanda Seales Podcast Episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0JPIy5uSOhAkqikR2LKTfy?si=rPQ4Fg-jRLO8vLZRbr6Krw&dl_branch=1

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Listen to Andrea's Podcast 

Visit Andrea's Website

Connect with Andrea on Instagram

Today's episode is by request and I'm speaking about the people pleasing. I am discussing some of what I believe is the root cause of people pleasing behavior, symptoms of people pleasing behavior, Internal Family Systems perspectives as the behavior being a protector, and the long-term impact of people-pleasing, and ways to address the behavior and speak up without allowing fear to stop you.

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website 

Today's episode was birthed from an idea that I had several months ago. So Cha, Lettie, Marcie, and Patricia all said yes to speaking about the power of being a Black woman and some of what we deal with on a regular basis.  I wanted to utilize the month of August to talk to feature all of us together.

This episode is more than I could have dreamed. They represent healing, love, courage, authenticity, and truth. Listening to the convo made me proud to be in community with them and this wasn't just a podcast recording--- it was Black Woman power being exemplified. Here are just a few of the questions that I asked them:

1. What will you no longer return to?

2. What will you no longer accept from others?

3. How are you honoring your Blackness from the perspective of self-care?

4. How is pleasure incorporated into your lives? What give you pleasure?

5. What have you learned about love?

Marcie Alvis-Walker is a writer and the creator of the blog and Instagram feed, Black Coffee with White Friends and Mockingbird History Lessons.

She is passionate about what it means to embrace intersectionality, diversity and inclusion in our daily lives. As a history enthusiast, she believes that learning our comprehensive history from diverse narratives is not only racially healing but also radically anti- racist.  She recently moved to Chicago, Illinois with her husband, daughter, and their dog Evie where she reads a lot of books, watches a lot of movies, and drinks a lot of tea and coffee.

Lettie Shumate is a historian, educator, and facilitator in Wilmington, NC. She is also the host and owner of her podcast "History Shows Us" where she educates about history and bridges the past to the present, she discusses racial and social issues, and she doesn’t hold back the truth. Her gift and ability to "connect the dots" is something that is critical to learning from the past. The love she has for history is evident! Lettie received her M.A. in History in 2015 where she focused on American history and specialized in Black history and race studies. She also completed her M.A. in Conflict Management & Resolution in May 2020 which equipped her with skills to incorporate effective communication with hard topics and how to navigate these situations, mediation and facilitation knowledge, and this MA contributed greatly to her work as both a historian and antiracism educator. Lettie's story and journey is filled with strength and resilience, receiving "noes" and continuing to have faith and be obedient, regardless, and learning what it means to truly choose and cultivate joy while growing and healing.

Patricia Taylor is a wife, mom and California native turned Georgia peach. She believes in Jesus, loving all our neighbors, and having critical conversations around racial justice with grace and honesty. Her work is rooted in anti-racism education, and she currently serves as the BIPOC Educator for Be The Bridge. Patricia is also a co-host for Upside Down Podcast, which is an ecumenical faith space that has unscripted conversations around justice, spirituality, and culture. You may find her on Instagram @patricia_a_taylor and on Facebook at Some Thoughts From Your Black Friend by Patricia A. Taylor.

Cha Barefield is a powerful speaker, entrepreneur and talk show host of The Cha Show. The Cha Show is committed to curating meaningful conversations that bring people together. It creates a safe space for people to share their stories. The Cha Show inspires our hearts to be better, love better and hope more. Cha believes in the power of pushing the needle towards love. She sees the extraordinary in the ordinary and causes us to see the same. The world needs what Cha seeks to amplify, now more than ever.

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Connect with Lettie on Instagram  

Follow History Shows Us on IG

Listen to Lettie's Podcasts 

Visit Lettie's Patreon

Connect with Marcie on Instagram

Follow Marcie's story on her website

Support Marcie on Patreon

Connect with Patricia on Instagram 

Listen to Patricia's Podcasts 

Visit Patricia's website 

Connect with Cha on Instagram 

Watch with Cha's Show on Youtube

Visit Cha's website  

Lettie Shumate is a historian, educator, and facilitator in Wilmington, NC. She is also the host and owner of her podcast "History Shows Us" where she educates about history and bridges the past to the present, she discusses racial and social issues, and she doesn’t hold back the truth. Her gift and ability to "connect the dots" is something that is critical to learning from the past. The love she has for history is evident! Lettie received her M.A. in History in 2015 where she focused on American history and specialized in Black history and race studies. She also completed her M.A. in Conflict Management & Resolution in May 2020 which equipped her with skills to incorporate effective communication with hard topics and how to navigate these situations, mediation and facilitation knowledge, and this MA contributed greatly to her work as both a historian and antiracism educator. Lettie's story and journey is filled with strength and resilience, receiving "noes" and continuing to have faith and be obedient, regardless, and learning what it means to truly choose and cultivate joy while growing and healing. 

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Connect with Lettie on Instagram  

Follow History Shows Us on IG

Listen to Lettie's Podcasts 

Visit Lettie's Patreon

Trigger Warning: I discuss childhood sexual abuse, sexual trauma, and other forms of childhood maltreatment.This episode is inspired by Glennon Doyle's podcast " We Can Do Hard Things". I listened to her most recent episodes which pertain to sex. It made me realize the importance of speaking out and why we must do everything possible to de-stigmatize the topic of sex and sexuality. It also prompted me to want to discuss some of the barriers that we face that prevent us from having healthy sexual relationships with others and why at times we feel unsafe in our bodies. As many of us know, it is often due to child abuse. As long as I have a voice, I will never grow tired of advocating for abused children and anyone living with PTSD due to childhood abuse, neglect, and abandonment. I will never get tired of speaking about how we heal.  If you would like to listen to those episodes  here they are:

Silent Sex Queen

Sexy Qs, Farewell to Faking It & Vouching For Vibrators

This episode was recorded in honor of the 1 in 4 females who are sexually abused in the U.S and the 1 in 5 males who are sexually abused in the U.S. ---as of this date the Darkness to Light statistical research does not include gender inclusive language that also represents those who identify as non-binary. I discuss the  ways child abuse, abandonment, and dysfunctional and abusive family behaviors impact adult's ability to trust, form trusted relationships, and have healthy sexual relationships. I also share a small bit of my own story. I hope that anyone who listens to this episode will leave feeling less alone and prepared to seek help.

If you would like to read my story of surviving child abuse, neglect, and abandonment you can purchase a copy of my book here or by emailing me for a signed copy.

Visit Darkeness To Light 

Darkness To Light Research

Darkness To Light Child Abuse Statistics

" What I know for sure is, it's never too late and it's never over."My friend Monica DiCristina joins me for today's show where we discuss anxiety, grief, fear, and common barriers to becoming the person you were always meant to be. Monica shares her experience with anxiety which is sure to encourage and inspire listeners to keep going even with fear. Monica also shares the following:

Identity vs our struggle

How we create a new narrative

What we grieve on our journey to becoming

How we welcome in tenderness and compassion

The  benefits of opening our hearts

Finding our worth and value

Monica DiCristina is a Licensed Professional Counselor with more than a decade of experience in individuals and couples therapy. She walks with people as they process difficult experiences, helping to bring healing to their relationship with themselves and others. Through her podcast, writing, speaking, and counseling work, Monica carries out her heartfelt mission to guide and collaborate with others in their process of becoming who they were made to be.

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Connect with Monica on Instagram 

Listen to Monica's Podcasts @ Still Becoming and  Still Becoming Kids 

" If I have to modify myself for you to value, see, or hear me--- then that means I'm not seen, valued, or heard." Cha Sears- BarefieldOn today's episode, I get to talk with my friend and sister Cha Sears-Barefield. I first became acquainted with Cha while listening to her the Still Becoming podcast with Monica DiCristina, Episode 65 for anyone who would like to listen to this powerful, loving, and passionate woman. Cha has the kind of voice that commands anyone in her presence, to take a seat and just listen--- because if you don't you're going to miss something valuable and potentially life-changing. Cha shares the following:

--what life has taught her about people

--what she's learned about authentic relationships

--how to exit toxic relationships

--what it means to show up for others

--how to know when you've found your people

Cha Sears-Barefield is a powerful speaker, entrepreneur and talk show host of The Cha Show. The Cha Show is committed to curating meaningful conversations that bring people together. It creates a safe space for people to share their stories. The Cha Show inspires our hearts to be better, love better and hope more. Cha believes in the power of pushing the needle towards love. She sees the extraordinary in the ordinary and causes us to see the same. The world needs what Cha seeks to amplify, now more than ever.

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Connect with Cha on Instagram 

Watch with Cha's Show on Youtube

Visit Cha's website   

"Hey I see this pain. I see it. I'm willing to sit with you in it. I don't want to drag you out of it. I don't want to tell you it's going to be ok. I see you. And that pain is valid, but that pain won't last forever."

On today's episode we are hearing from Grace Kingsley Miller as she shares her journey healing from self-harm. Grace reveals what it was like growing up and being unable to express her feelings at a young age. During this conversation, Grace bravely shares past family difficulties that led her to protect herself by becoming a people-pleasure at an early age. While coping with painful and unexpressed emotions, Grace details the impact of not having any safe people or spaces.  Grace also shares the following:

--how she learned to give herself grace

--her experiences with therapy

--how the church responded

--her sources of encouragement

--how she copes with her emotions today

--how she plans to use her voice in the future

Grace Miller is an 18 year old young woman currently living in Kansas City with her parents and 12 year old sister. Grace has a passion for social justice, and political advocacy. She attends the University of Kansas, studying political science.

" In those lonely moments that was when I was able to love myself the best...." Grace Kingsley Miller

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website 

On today's episode we listen to Diamond Williams as she shares why we need more Black professionals in the STEM ( science, technology, engineering, mathematics) field. Diamond works in the engineering field and shares her professional journey. She delves into some of the barriers that prevents so many people from entering the STEM field and how they can move past those barriers. Diamond also discusses the following:

--The Black tax

--The pressures of being first to succeed in her family

--Recommendations for math comprehension

--STEM career navigation

Diamond is  the host and curator of the Nahledge&Pettiness podcast. Nahledge&Pettiness is a podcast for those full of knowledge yet equally petty; the intersection of informative content and culture. Nahledge&Pettiness is available on Apple Podcast, Google Podcast, iHeartRADIO, Pandora, Spotify, and many more. Diamond is a dog mom, data engineer, educator, and business owner.

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my website

Connect with Diamond on Instagram 

Connect with Diamond's podcast IG Page

Visit Diamond's website