When Will It End?

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Pray for us. Pray that John and the rest of the cowards at Disney do not resurrect The Carsverse in the same way that G*d let his dipshit son out of that tomb. Jesse is back for Cars 3 and it seems only fitting, as the world begins to get vaccinated, that the boys are allowed to move onto kinder things.

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Welcome to a special Passover edition of The Carsverse! With Josh and Jesse both spending time with the family this weekend, scheduling a recording time that worked for everyone was impossible. So rather than let Jesse walk away from this, the boys decided to cram in one more episode of extraneous bullshit before next week’s finale. This week, Josh and Charles watch a bunch of the Cars short films together and have live reactions on mic. If you’d like to watch while you’re listening, just click those links!

Short 1: Mater and the Ghostlight

Short 2: Mater’s Tall Tales // Rescue Squad Mater

Short 3: Mater’s Tall Tales // Mater the Greater

Short 4: Mater’s Tall Tales // Tokyo Mater

Short 5: Mater’s Tall Tales // Heavy Metal Mater

Short 6: Mater’s Tall Tales // Time Travel Mater

Short 7: Tales from Radiator Springs // Bugged

Short 8: Tales from Radiator Springs // The Radiator Springs 500 ½

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Why does The Carsverse continue? Why does Jesse keep coming back? Are planes and cars immortal beasts with no heaven or hell or end in sight other than idling decrepit on the tarmac? Is G*d dead? Planes: Fire & Rescue asks a lot of questions but offers nothing to soothe us.

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This sucks, no one is having fun, and the big takeaway from Planes is how a big-dicked farmer learns the value of becoming a eunuch so he can win a race or something. But hey, Josh and Charles and Jesse might get matching Jolly Wrenches tattoos, so at least something is coming out of The Carsverse.

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Friend of the show and returning guest Jesse Rose-Pulitzer brings the same vroom-vroom energy he brought in The Furiousverse to help the boys out with The Carsverse. Cars 2 decides to go full Mater/full Lasseter and, well, you can probably figure out how that went.

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The boys might have made a mistake with The Carverse. It’s been 15 years since either Josh or Charles watched Cars, and they somehow forgot that is was an intensely violent, hyper-sexual celebration of American conservatism and capitalism. Buckle up Carheads, because this might get bumpy.

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Happy Jobs Day! Subscribe to the Patreon show Why Won’t It End? to listen to the special 5th anniversary episode celebrating the first time the boys watched Jobs together.

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Charles is ready for the end of The Cubeverse, making sure to stay hydrated with a big ol’ mason jar full of more than 600ml of Polar fizz. The boys talk Miracle on 34th Street, Jorge Luis Borges, Smashing Pumpkins, and of course, Cube Zero.

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In addition to having the greatest title of all time, Cube²: Hypercube might just be the perfect sequel. In Part 2 of The Cubeverse, Josh makes a great case why you should love this sequel, the boys make the promise that if they ever get trapped in a tesseract they will still release episodes, plus there’s some pretty good haircut chat.

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One day into The Cubeverse and the boys have already discovered cube-pooping wombats, cube prime numbers, and the opposite of a cube. Josh and Charles watch the only cube-based Canadian horror movie from the 90s that they could find: Cube.

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