When we see our exex' negative traits showing up in the kids, it is a call for us to step up and model the behaviors we want the kids to embody.

This is also true when we see our own past or present undesirable traits taking root in the kids. Or when we see negative traits that remind us of our parents or grandparents.

The best way to influence kids’ behavior is through consistent modeling of the desired behavior. Shaming them that they are like so-and-so and cracking down on the behavior is unlikely to work well if there is no modeling of the better behaviors.

It’s always worth repeating...kids learn from our example far more than from our words. The traits we model for them influence the traits that take root in them.

When the kids have negative behavior examples in their lives, it is vital for us as parents to embody the far better ways of being. If we want them to develop better traits, we need to consistently show up as examples of those better traits.

When we see the ex’s negative ways taking hold, we are called to live the example of what better things we want to see in the kids. There is again no need to shame the kids for being influenced. Instead, we choose to show them a consistent and impeccable example and let the influence do its work.