Where Beautiful Things Hide

Maybe you've spent your life making choices without being able to feel what you actually want.

In this episode I speak with Natasha, author of Somatics for Rope Bottoms, about embodied consent, sexuality, conditioning and the ways our bodies carry the patterns of our past.

Growing up in Moscow, Natasha followed a conventional path into law before a series of life changes led her to Canada, China and eventually Berlin, where she discovered sexological bodywork and Kinbaku.

What began as an exploration of sexuality became something much deeper: an investigation into how we relate to ourselves and others, how we respond under pressure, and how we recover the ability to choose.

We explore:

• Living by "should" — how social expectations can replace our own desires
• Returning to the body — learning to recognise feelings and sensations we've been taught to ignore
• Embodied consent — why saying yes is only part of the story
• Kinbaku and relationships — how rope can reveal unspoken dynamics between people
• The body's survival patterns — why we brace, please, withdraw or disconnect
• The pursuit of intensity — questioning whether what we chase is what we truly want
• Freedom under pressure — learning to respond rather than automatically react
• Healing and its limits — why awareness and choice matter more than promises of transformation
• The truth about change — why old patterns may remain even as new possibilities develop
• Everyday embodiment — finding awareness through movement, stillness and ordinary life

This conversation is about learning to notice ourselves, trust what we find and make choices that are genuinely ours.

Explore Natasha's work: www.ropesomatics.com

IG: @nawataneko

For years, Hana's life looked disciplined from the outside: exercise, university, work, carefully controlled food and endless attempts to fix her sleep. Behind it was a very different reality. Digestive problems had made eating frightening, she struggled with severe insomnia, and she felt caught in a cycle of exhaustion, caffeine and pressure to keep going.

In this conversation, she shares her experience of being put on restrictive diets and hormonal contraception, the frustration of feeling unheard in medical appointments, and the personal changes she associates with finally feeling better. We explore the discomfort of slowing down when busyness has become part of your identity; how women experience their menstrual cycles differently; her work as a facialist and lymphatic therapist; and why health advice can become another impossible to-do list. Above all, this is a conversation about learning to listen to your body without making self-care another performance.

Topics and chapters

• 00:00 — Food anxiety, digestive problems and the beginning of the spiral
• 04:48 — Insomnia, university and surviving on coffee
• 09:33 — Coming off contraception and experimenting with a different rhythm
• 14:10 — Feeling unheard by healthcare professionals
• 19:24 — Why slowing down initially felt unbearable
• 24:15 — When a to-do list feels like a threat
• 26:52 — Exercise, compulsion and learning to rest
• 32:20 — The menstrual cycle and making room for different needs
• 44:08 — From personal experience to lymphatic and facial treatments
• 46:46 — What the lymphatic system does
• 49:00 — Movement, breathing and everyday habits
• 52:23 — The trap of trying to optimise everything

Editorial/medical note: Hana describes her personal experiences and professional views. Her account is not a diagnosis. Listeners should seek individual clinical advice about their symptoms, severe insomnia, contraception.

In this episode I return to Spirit Horse, a retreat community in a wild Welsh valley, to speak with Shivam about nearly five decades of self-inquiry and the 36 years he has spent creating a place where people can encounter themselves, each other and the natural world.

From his early questioning of religion and industrial culture to his experiences with Enlightenment Intensives, Tibetan Buddhism, ritual and ayahuasca, Shivam reflects on what can open us—and what it takes to integrate those openings into an ordinary life.

We explore:

• The question “Who am I?” and the humility of not knowing
• Love as acceptance, rather than merely a feeling
• Why vulnerability can precede profound experiences
• The difference between psychedelic revelation and sustained practice
• The risks of rushing into powerful experiences without preparation or support
• Indigenous traditions, the natural world and the pressures of commercial culture
• Why community, ceremony, grief and humour belong together
• Building Spirit Horse from three teepees into a living retreat landscape
• Creative rebellion: building the world you want rather than only protesting the one you dislike
• Why the next step may lie in the pain you keep avoiding

IG: @shivamobrien

Leo Rutherford was born in 1935.

He grew up during the Second World War, spent ten years in boarding school, became an engineer and eventually ran a manufacturing company employing more than 200 people.

Then, in his early forties, the life he'd built stopped working.

What followed was an extraordinary second life: therapy, Findhorn, San Francisco in the 1970s, Gabrielle Roth, holistic psychology, wilderness, vision quests and eventually the creation of the Eagle's Wing Centre for Contemporary Shamanism.

In this conversation we explore:

• Being sent to boarding school at eight and experiencing it as banishment
• How childhood experiences become adult beliefs about love
• The emotional legacy of British boarding-school culture
• Building the respectable life and discovering it wasn't enough
• Breakdown and beginning again in midlife
• Why conventional therapy initially failed him
• Recovering anger, grief and lost pieces of self
• Shamanism as experience rather than belief
• Vision quests, medicine wheels and altered states
• Why people fear stepping outside the tribe
• The lifelong question: “Am I good enough? Am I safe?”
• Why external success cannot repair an internal wound
• Love, avoidance and the relationships Leo now sees differently
• Appearance versus actually becoming who you are
• Why schools teach information rather than how to become a human being
• Where a 90-year-old man still finds beauty

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IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Phillipp Fussenegger is a documentary filmmaker, artist and owner of Cybrothel Berlin. Based in Berlin Phillipp has recently premiered his film surrounding the famous KitKat club in the city.

This episode explores technology, masculinity, sexuality, and the growing gap between intimacy and control.

Key themes:

• Inside the world’s first immersive doll brothel
• Why people choose machines over humans
• The appeal of no rejection, no judgment
• Masculinity, shame, and emotional suppression
• Technology as a safe space vs an escape
• Practicing intimacy vs avoiding it
• Fantasy vs reality in sexual expression
• The rise of controlled experiences
• Berlin: intensity vs intimacy
• The future of sex, relationships, and connection

For more episodes or to head down the rabbit hole...

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IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Julian Parker is a metal worker by trade. 6ft something, greasy hands and an eye for beauty. He founded a men’s lingerie company called Moot and has won awards for restoring historic vehicles. He also likes to shave his entire body and wear lingerie.

This episode explores masculinity, identity, honesty, and what it really means to live a truthful life.

Key themes:

• The origin of Moot and men’s lingerie
• Why men suppress identity and desire
• Masculinity and emotional disconnection
• The power of honesty in male friendships
• Shame, judgment, and societal conditioning
• Failure, suicide ideation, and rebuilding
• Money vs meaning
• Parenting, freedom, and raising confident men
• Craft, beauty, and the energy behind creation
• Why beauty is truth
• The courage to be fully yourself

For more episodes or to head down the rabbit hole...

www.wherebeautifulthingshide.com

IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Miss N Pieces has lived. From heroin addiction to rehab to single parenting and putting her daughter through private education to now running club nights and designing for a Latex fashion brand. She has stories…and a lot of sage advice.

This episode explores addiction, identity, control, and the uncomfortable truth behind the things we chase.

Key themes:

·      Growing up in chaos and rebellion

·      Early exposure to control, punishment, and authority

·      Addiction: drugs, sex, attention, consumption

·      The psychology of “filling the void”

·      Latex, persona, and identity as protection

·      Body dysmorphia and hiding behind identity

·      BDSM, control, and emotional regulation

·      Consent, blurred boundaries, and lived reality

·      Chaos vs stability and self-sabotage cycles

·      The power of saying no

·      Finding beauty in simple, real moments

For more episodes or to head down the rabbit hole...

www.wherebeautifulthingshide.com

IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Diana Mann is a model, speaker, equestrian and maths tutor. She also survived meningitis in her twenties requiring her legs to be amputated and numerous other surgeries. She has a beautiful view of life.

This episode explores identity, survival, and what it means to rebuild your life when everything changes overnight.

Key themes:

• Sudden life-threatening illness and survival
• Losing physical ability and identity
• The psychological impact of rebuilding from zero
• The difference between progress and real life
• The pressure of societal expectations vs real direction
• Why losing “the path” can be freedom
• Identity vs labels (disabled, successful, etc.)
• Dating, confidence, and self-worth
• Finding beauty in nature, pattern, and emotion
• The importance of self-honesty and time alone

For more episodes or to head down the rabbit hole...

www.wherebeautifulthingshide.com

IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide

They’re paying for someone to talk to

Princess Anna is a British adult actress and creator. This episode explores the hidden emotional layer behind the adult industry-and what it reveals about loneliness, intimacy, and modern relationships.

Key themes:

·      The reality of working in the adult industry vs the perception

·      Why people subscribe: connection, not just content

·      Loneliness in men and lack of emotional communication

·      Digital relationships as "real enough" relationships

·      Compartmentalising work and identity

·      Early childhood wounds ‚ feeling unimportant

·      Rebuilding identity after anorexia

For more episodes or to head down the rabbit hole...

www.wherebeautifulthingshide.com

IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Mic-L is a Nigerian Afrobeat artist from South London. Now living in Dubai we get into an interesting conversation about the striking differences and similarities between two men from completely different cultures and backgrounds.

Growing up around chaos.
Learning to shut fear down just to walk outside.
Becoming the calm one.

We get into:

• Growing up on an estate where danger was normalised
• Learning to suppress fear just to function
• The difference between provision and emotional presence in fatherhood
• The impact of strong maternal energy vs absent masculine guidance
• Over-giving in relationships and fear of disappointing others
• Avoiding conflict, building resentment, explosive reactions
• Why most men aren’t taught how to process anger
• Social media and the pressure to be a “perfect man”
• The illusion of one “ideal” partner or relationship model
• Learning to be alone without being lonely
• The simplicity of honesty vs the complexity of self-deception

Mic-L Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/artist/3F9RJz1fP7p1gDVmtIX12M?si=HOrgnOSpS4qsyq-lk035QA

Mic-L Instagram: @nsntmike

For more episodes or to head down the rabbit hole...

www.wherebeautifulthingshide.com

IG: @wherebeautifulthingshide

Youtube: @wherebeautifulthingshide