I am thankful for this opportunity to talk about a Blue Christmas service and give you a sample of the content. Our world is in turmoil, fear and sadness. The Christ Child was born into such times and for our needs. For many who are grieving and feeling the pain of our world, this is the perfect type of service to celebrate with contemplation among other people who are going through a similar pain and loss.

Her stage name was Nightbirde when she appeared on America’s Got Talent. She got the golden buzzer from Simon Cowell, but unfortunately, she had a recurrence of breast cancer and had to withdraw from the competition. She and her brother Mitch were really close, and he gives us a peek into their relationship and what it was like to walk alongside his sister in her five years of the rollercoaster of cancer. Now Mitch oversees a foundation that honors his sister’s memory by helping other women find hope as they face cancer. In this episode Mitch also tells the type of interactions that were most helpful and some good intentions that were hurtful. We can learn from both.

Don is a recovering alcoholic. When he was a teenager, he drank at parties because he wanted to fit it. But he couldn’t handle it and years later it was ruining his life. He could have died; his body was in such bad shape. He lost everything and served time in prison for mistakes he made. In jail and after he got out, a couple key people and an accepting AA group helped him regain his sobriety. Soon he will celebrate his 19th anniversary of not having a drink! Hearing Don’s story gives hope to those struggling and guidance to friends, families and colleagues of people who have a drinking problem. 

Everyone wants to know they’ve made a difference in someone's life. We accomplish a lot of things, but this is the one thing that matters most. The way we care for people assures us that we do make a difference. In this episode Susan and I discover the moments when we felt we were making a difference. The good news is that it was the way we cared that made the difference and those skills, included in The 7 Essentials for Caring That Makes a Difference, are transferable to every person and ever situation. We want to make a difference in the lives of people and our world is in great need of being cared for.

It took decades to learn the skills that made everything else work better. Why didn’t I know that way of caring before? The reasons I didn’t know them affect others too. Other areas of theology, preaching/teaching and leadership got priority. Sadly, the skills that would have made all those things work better were neglected. Actually, they have been neglected in all areas of life and relationships. Thank God, I learned them in the secular work world (customer service and sales for bankers), clinical settings and the church setting. I applied them at home too. Everything improved! Now the big question is, “How can I use them to make a difference?”

Care doesn’t just happen. It is not an accident. Care that makes a difference comes from people who practice the 7th Essential of Care Ministry, Being Ready. I share an insight from Henry Nouwen. “Are we pins and needles or do we have a comfortable room in our life for people to find God’s love?” And after the challenge for the inner life, I share a practical idea to get ready for the opportunities we will encounter in the outward living of life. We can make the choice to be ready to care, by getting ready to care.

“Satan is tempting us to believe God was absent at the time of our loss and in the time of our grieving.” That’s what Karen Schoenhals said on this episode when she shares more of her grief journey and expertise on grieving. But the opposite is true. God is near to the brokenhearted and the source of comfort and hope. We need to recognize that grieving is not just emotional but also a spiritual journey.

Karen Schoenhals has been an inspiration and teacher to me. Her wisdom related to grief and grieving is unsurpassed both as a highly trained Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and as a person with her own grief journey. One day, when she thought two little boys should not be laughing, she knew her grief was destroying her life and she could not go on. Having nowhere to turn, she began to read. Then she was asked to teach what she still did not know, but as she studied and taught about grief, she also learned about grieving and experienced healing from her own grief from the tragic death of her six-year-old daughter. Her knowledge and experience makes her someone you learn from, just by hearing her story.

Caring hinges on how well we listen. We can’t blow it here! The answers to why it is difficult and why it is important are closely connected. Listening is difficult because it is hard for us to get out of the way. We tend to feel the need to be the center of attention and to get our point across. But effective caring is about the other person so we’ve got to get out of the way. Even God listens to us as Jesus is our intercessor. So, let’s get serious about listening because when we master listening, we will live and care in the best way.

Jason Mueller is back. Five years after the loss of his son to murder, Jason has found reward in and passion for helping others travel the grief and loss journey. Most people don’t realize there is a goal for grieving. It is a journey with a destination and, while grief never goes away, it does change, and one can arrive at a place of wholeness as they find a way to remember and honor their loved one. Jason and I discuss a number of ideas. There are many GriefShare groups across the country. Jason describes this great tool and the value of participating in a GriefShare group.