What if the reason someone keeps pushing your boundaries is because, without realising it, you've taught them that pushing works?

Every time you give in to keep the peace, stay quiet instead of speaking up, or say yes when you really want to say no, you're communicating something about how you're willing to be treated.

The good news? You can teach people something different.

In this episode, I'm talking about boundaries, people-pleasing, standing up for yourself and changing unhealthy relationship patterns — particularly the ones that have been playing out for so long they simply feel normal.

I share the story of a client who realised that the people around him had learned they could keep pushing because eventually, he would give in. Not because he was weak, but because keeping the peace had become his automatic response.

That realisation changed something.

Because once you recognise the part you're playing in a relationship dynamic, you also recognise that you have the power to change it.

We'll look at what happens when you begin setting boundaries with people who aren't used to hearing no, why they may initially push back harder, and how to hold your ground **calmly, clearly and without creating unnecessary drama**.

And there's another layer to this: the people around you are watching how you handle these situations too. Your children, family, friends and colleagues can learn from what you accept — but they can also learn from watching you speak up for yourself.

What You'll Learn

In this episode, you'll discover: -

- How you may unknowingly be teaching people how to treat you - Why giving in to avoid conflict can create unhealthy relationship patterns - The difference between keeping the peace and giving away your voice - Why setting a new boundary can feel uncomfortable at first - What to expect when someone is used to you always giving in - How to stand your ground without arguing, fighting or creating drama - Why a simple sentence like "That won't work for me. What are our options?" can begin changing a long-standing dynamic - How your behaviour can model healthy boundaries for your children and the people around you - Why awareness of your own behaviour is the first step towards changing a relationship pattern

Remember

You may have spent years teaching someone that you'll eventually give in.

That doesn't mean the pattern has to continue.

You can start teaching a different lesson with one small moment: speaking up instead of staying silent, holding your ground instead of automatically giving in, or saying:

"That won't work for me. What are our options?"

You don't need a huge confrontation or a complete overhaul of your relationships.

One calm, clear boundary at a time is enough to start changing the pattern.

Resources

Free Video Guide: How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Or contact me directly - Email: [email protected]

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

How often do you say "I don't mind," "it is what it is," or "don't worry, I'll handle it" when that's not actually what you mean?

These everyday phrases can sound easygoing, flexible and completely harmless. But sometimes they're doing something else entirely: helping us avoid expressing what we really want, how we really feel or what we actually need.

In this episode, I'm unpacking the hidden language of people-pleasing — and what can change when you stop disappearing behind comfortable phrases and start using your voice.

For years, I thought saying "I don't mind, you decide" meant I was easygoing and flexible.

What I eventually realised was that easygoing and invisible had started to become the same thing.

When we constantly put other people's preferences ahead of our own, avoid difficult conversations or keep our feelings to ourselves because we're afraid of creating conflict, we're not just teaching other people that our needs don't matter. We can start teaching ourselves the same thing.

In this episode, I'm breaking down eight common phrases we use when we're avoiding saying what we really mean — from "I don't mind" and "it is what it is" to "I have a lot on my plate" and "living the dream."

We'll look at what might really be sitting underneath those words, why our brains can treat uncomfortable conversations like danger, and how avoiding conflict can leave us feeling unheard, resentful and stuck.

I'll also share a simple way to start expressing your preferences without feeling demanding or difficult, plus one question you can ask yourself whenever you notice that you're about to default to one of these phrases.

Because being clear about what you want and need doesn't make you difficult.

It makes you visible.

What You Will Learn

In this episode, I explore:

- Why saying "I don't mind" can sometimes be a form of people pleasing rather than flexibility - How repeatedly ignoring your preferences can contribute to feeling invisible or resentful - The eight everyday phrases that can signal you're avoiding a difficult or uncomfortable conversation - What phrases like **"it is what it is," "I have a lot on my plate,"** and **"I'll handle it myself"** may actually be communicating - Why both men and women can fall into patterns of avoiding preferences, needs and conflict - How to express what you want while still being flexible and collaborative - Why your brain can interpret emotional discomfort as danger - The difference between avoiding a conversation and avoiding the feelings that conversation might create - How unspoken needs and feelings can affect relationships, families and workplaces - A simple question to help you recognise what you're actually trying not to say - Why awareness is the first step towards changing people-pleasing and communication patterns - How one honest sentence can open a conversation you've been avoiding

Remember

This week, I want you to notice the phrases you automatically reach for.

Maybe it's "I don't mind."

Maybe it's "It is what it is."

Maybe it's "I'm fine," "I've just got a lot on," or "Don't worry, I'll do it."

You don't even have to change what you say yet.

Just notice it.

And when you catch yourself, ask:

What am I actually trying not to say right now?

That awareness matters. Because being clear doesn't make you difficult — it makes you visible.

You have preferences. You have feelings. You have needs. And you have a voice that deserves to be heard.

Every time you choose the honest phrase instead of the comfortable deflection, you're practising believing that what you have to say is worth saying.

And remember: somebody somewhere is following your lead, so make sure you're leading them somewhere worth following.

Resources Mentioned

Free Video Guide: How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Or contact me directly - Email: [email protected]

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

What if the conversation you've been avoiding isn't going to cost you what you're afraid of losing - but could actually give you something you've been missing?

When we're unhappy in a relationship, job, friendship or family dynamic, our brains tend to calculate one thing: what could I lose if I make a change?

But there's another calculation we rarely make: what could I gain?

In this episode, I'm exploring why we naturally focus on what we might lose when we're facing a difficult conversation or big decision and what can change when we start looking at what we might gain instead.

I talk about loss aversion, the habit of rehearsing worst-case scenarios, and why the conversations we avoid can become far bigger and scarier in our heads than they are in reality.

I also share the story of a coaching client who was rebuilding her life after the breakdown of her marriage. By changing the questions she was asking herself, she moved from feeling powerless and uncertain to creating a life she genuinely felt excited about.

If there's a conversation you've been avoiding, a change you're afraid to make, or a situation you know isn't working anymore, I want you to try a different calculation: What might become possible if this actually goes well?

What You'll Learn

* Why your brain naturally focuses more on potential loss than potential gain * What loss aversion is and how it can keep you stuck * Why we repeatedly rehearse difficult conversations going badly * How imagining a different outcome can change the decisions you make * Why avoiding a difficult conversation can have a cost of its own * How asking "What might I gain?" can shift you from feeling powerless to taking action * Why asking for what you need is an important part of building confidence and self-worth * How having the conversation can change not only your circumstances, but your relationship with yourself

Resources Mentioned

Free Video Guide: How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Or contact me directly - Email: [email protected]

Don't forget to listen to episode 87 and episode 88 to complete this trilogy.

Final Thought

This week, I want you to ask yourself one question:

What is one thing I might gain that I haven't allowed myself to imagine yet?

Because the gain isn't only what might happen on the other side of the conversation.

The gain is also who you become by having it.

Every time you say the true thing calmly, clearly and confidently, you practise believing that what you have to say matters. Every time you ask for what you need, you practise believing you deserve to ask for it.

Maybe you've spent long enough rehearsing everything that could go wrong.

What if, just this once, you gave yourself permission to imagine what could go right?

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

Why haven't you left yet?

If you've ever found yourself staying in a relationship, job, friendship or family dynamic that no longer feels right, you're not alone.

In this episode, I explore the hidden psychology behind why so many of us stay in situations that drain our energy, confidence and peace. Often, it's not because we truly want to stay, it's because fear, familiarity, guilt or self-doubt quietly convince us that leaving isn't an option.

Together we'll unpack the five most common reasons people stay stuck, how these patterns show up in everyday life, and the one question that can help you move from surviving to making conscious choices that align with the life you actually want.

Whether you're avoiding a difficult conversation, questioning a relationship, or feeling trapped in a role that no longer fits, this episode will help you understand what's really keeping you there—and what to do next.

In this episode, you'll learn: - Why intelligent, capable people stay in situations that make them unhappy. - The psychology behind feeling stuck. - How hope can quietly become a reason not to change. - Why familiarity often feels safer than happiness. - The hidden cost of always protecting everyone else. - How fear of being alone shapes our decisions. - The damaging belief that "this is the best I'll ever have." - Why victim thinking often disguises itself as responsibility. - One powerful question that can help you understand what's really keeping you stuck. - How having one honest conversation can become the turning point for your future.

Resources Mentioned

Free Video Guide: *How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding*

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Or contact me directly - Email: [email protected]

Remember

The life you want doesn't begin when everything feels certain—it begins when you're honest about what's really keeping you where you are.

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it today. And if you're ready to stop avoiding the conversation that's been weighing on you, don't forget to download Jenny's free guide linked in the show notes.

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

Sometimes life changes in an instant. A relationship shifts. A client leaves. A conversation changes everything. It's in those moments that your mindset is tested the most.

What do you do when life takes an unexpected turn?

In this episode, I open up about a recent experience that completely caught me off guard. While I'm not sharing the details of what happened, I am sharing something far more valuable, how I chose to respond.

Instead of trying to change someone else, questioning my worth, or slipping into victim mode, I leaned on the habits, mindset and boundaries I've spent years building.

We explore why difficult moments don't define us - they reveal us.

You'll discover how to protect your peace, stay grounded in the middle of uncertainty, and shift your perspective from "Why is this happening to me?" to "What if this is happening for me?"

If you're navigating change, disappointment, conflict or uncertainty, this episode will remind you that your greatest strength isn't avoiding life's challenges - it's how you choose to meet them.

What You'll Learn

In this episode, you'll discover:

* Why life's hardest moments test the inner work you've already done. * How to stop trying to change people who aren't willing to change. * Why protecting your personal power is more important than proving you're right. * The difference between reacting emotionally and responding intentionally. * Practical ways to look after yourself when life feels overwhelming, from movement and creativity to rest and reflection. * How shifting from "This is happening to me" to "This is happening for me" can completely change your perspective. * Why the people around you are always learning from how you handle life's challenges. * How choosing wisdom over woundedness can shape the life you create next.

Resources Mentioned

Free Video Guide: *How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding*

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Remember

Life will always present moments that challenge us.

The question isn't whether difficult things will happen - it's who we choose to become when they do.

If this episode helped you feel a little less alone or reminded you of your own strength, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who needs to hear it today.

And remember...

Your calm is your superpower. Protect it, trust it, and let it guide your next step.

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

I Told You So: Why Being Right Can Cost You the Relationship

Have you ever watched someone ignore your advice, only for everything you warned them about to happen? That little voice inside your head screams, "I told you so." It feels justified. It feels deserved. But does saying it ever bring you closer to the people you care about?

In this episode, I'm sharing why resisting those three words has transformed my relationships—and why choosing connection over being right might be one of the most powerful habits you ever build.

We all want to feel heard, valued, and respected. But when someone ignores our advice, it's easy to slip into frustration, resentment, and the temptation to prove we were right.

In this episode, I share a personal story about my son, Danny, whose long road trip took an unexpected turn when his truck broke down hundreds of miles from home. It would have been the perfect moment for an "I told you so." Instead, I chose something different—and that single decision created a deeper conversation and stronger connection than I ever expected.

Together we'll explore why resentment isn't the real problem, what it's trying to tell us, and how learning to pause before reacting can completely change the way we communicate with the people we love.

What You'll Learn

* Why saying "I told you so" rarely gives us the satisfaction we expect. * How being right can quietly damage trust and connection. * What resentment is really trying to communicate. * The powerful question I now ask myself before reacting emotionally. * How one small pause can completely change the outcome of difficult conversations. * Why awareness is the first step towards lasting habit change. * Practical ways to respond with compassion instead of proving a point. * How choosing connection over validation strengthens every relationship in your life.

The goal isn't to stop feeling frustrated. It's to stop letting those feelings decide what comes out of your mouth.

Every time you pause before reacting, you create the opportunity for a different outcome—one built on understanding instead of resentment, and connection instead of conflict.

This week, notice the moments when you feel the urge to say, "I told you so." Ask yourself what matters more: proving your point, or protecting the relationship.

That one question could change everything.

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to **follow the show** so you never miss a new episode.

And if you know someone who always has the perfect "I told you so" waiting on the tip of their tongue, share this episode with them—it might be exactly the perspective they need.

Resources Mentioned

Free Video Guide: *How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding*

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

When Your Automatic "Yes" Is Costing You More Than You Realise

Are you saying "yes" before you've even had a chance to think?

Have you ever agreed to something you didn't really want to do, only to feel exhausted, resentful or completely overwhelmed afterwards?

In this episode, I share a very personal experience that forced me to stop and listen to what my body had been trying to tell me. After breaking out in hives twice in just 30 days, I realised that stress wasn't just affecting my mind - it was showing up physically.

We explore why so many of us automatically say "yes", where that habit comes from, the hidden cost of constantly putting everyone else first, and how learning to recognise your body's warning signs can help you create healthier boundaries before burnout takes hold.

If you've been feeling stretched too thin, struggling to say no, or avoiding a conversation you know you need to have, this episode is for you.

What You Will Learn:

* Why we automatically say "yes" before we've even thought about it. * How people-pleasing can quietly lead to stress, resentment and burnout. * The surprising ways your body warns you when something isn't right. * Why overwhelm often starts long before you realise you're struggling. * How learning to pause can completely change your decision-making. * A simple awareness exercise you can start using today. * How to stop ignoring your own needs without feeling guilty. * Why difficult conversations become harder the longer we avoid them.

Resources Mentioned

**Free Video Guide:** *How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding*

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

If this episode resonated with you...

The automatic "yes" isn't a personality flaw—it's a habit. And like any habit, it can change.

The first step isn't saying no.

It's noticing.

Pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you this week. That small pause before you answer could be the moment that changes everything.

If you found this episode helpful, please follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who always puts everyone else first. It could be exactly what they need to hear.

This episode was produced by www.keystepsupport.com

FIRST Check out this free video - https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Now to the episode

Have you ever rehearsed a conversation over and over again, knowing exactly what you wanted to say... only to freeze when the moment finally arrived?

If you've ever driven home thinking, "Why didn't I just say it?" this episode is for you.

Today, I'm talking about what really happens in those moments when your nervous system takes over, why it isn't a confidence problem, and how you can finally stop the freeze before it stops you.

Episode Description

In this episode, I'm exploring something I see all the time with my coaching clients—and something I've experienced myself.

That moment when you know exactly what you want to say, you've practised the conversation a hundred times in your head, but when you're standing in front of the person, your mind goes blank. Or you say something completely different. Or you say nothing at all.

The truth is, this isn't because you don't know how to communicate. It's because your nervous system has decided that speaking your truth feels unsafe.

I share real client stories about people who looked confident on the outside but still found themselves freezing, people pleasing or taking responsibility for someone else's emotions. I'll explain why this happens, what your brain is doing in those crucial few seconds, and the one simple tool I come back to again and again that can completely change the outcome of a difficult conversation.

If you've ever struggled to set boundaries, speak up at work, say no without guilt or have the conversation you've been avoiding, I hope this episode helps you understand what's really happening—and gives you a practical way forward.

What You'll Learn

→ Why you freeze during difficult conversations, even when you know exactly what you want to say.

→ Why this isn't a communication problem—it's a truth-telling problem.

→ What's happening inside your brain and nervous system in the seconds before you shut down.

→ Why people pleasing often shows up as fixing, rescuing or taking responsibility for other people's emotions.

→ How to recognise "the charge" before it pulls you back into old habits.

→ Why I believe the pause is one of the most powerful communication tools you can learn.

→ The difference between being ready to have a difficult conversation and being willing to have it.

→ How to stop replaying conversations afterwards and start saying what you really mean in the moment.

Resources

Free Video Guide: How to Have the Conversation You've Been Avoiding

If this episode resonated with you, I've created a free video guide to help you take the next step.

Inside, I'll walk you through:

My MAP framework for difficult conversations. A simple tool that replaces assumptions with information. A practical three-part framework you can use straight away in the conversation you've been avoiding.

You can download it at jennymcoaching.com, or simply click this link https://jennymcoaching.com/conversation/

Can anyone learn to invest?

According to investing educator Martin Macleod, absolutely.

In this episode, Jenny and Martin explore why so many people avoid investing, the hidden beliefs that keep us financially stuck, and why understanding your relationship with money matters just as much as understanding the stock market.

From overcoming fear and information overload to recognising spending triggers and creating financial freedom, this conversation offers practical insights that anyone can apply, whether you're investing £25 a month or planning for early retirement.

What You'll Hear In This Episode

→ Why most people don't avoid investing because of money -but because of fear

→ The biggest myths that stop people from ever starting to invest

→ Why investing isn't about being good at maths

→ How childhood beliefs quietly shape your financial decisions as an adult

→ Why your bank account reveals what you truly value

→ The surprising psychology behind impulse spending and Amazon purchases

→ Why "I don't have enough money to invest" is often not the real problem

→ How visual reminders and pattern interrupters can stop emotional spending

→ Why successful investing is more about consistency than picking the perfect stock

→ How investing creates more freedom, more choices and more time—not just more money

→ Why Martin believes every child should learn about investing

→ The simple mindset shift that helps people finally get started

Quotable Moments

"You don't need to be good at maths to become a successful investor."

"Most people don't have a money problem. They have a spending pattern problem."

"Your bank account tells you what you truly value."

"Investing isn't about getting rich. It's about creating more choices."

"Money is simply a tool that buys you more freedom and more time."

"We all start with nothing. Every investor made their very first investment once."

"You're climbing the ladder... but is it leaning against the right wall?"

"Delayed gratification changes everything."

"The stock market isn't rocket science. It's something anyone can learn."

"Confidence comes from understanding—not guessing."

Resources

Connect with Martin Macleod

LinkedIn - @martin-macleod

Website - https://financialhealthclub.co.uk/

Follow Jenny

• Website: https://jennymcoaching.com

• Instagram: @jennymcoaching

Subscribe to Who Do You Think You Are Talking To? on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen.

This episode answers questions like: How do I start investing for beginners? Why am I afraid to invest my money? How much money do I need to start investing? Can anyone learn how to invest? Is investing difficult? How do I stop wasting money? Why do I keep impulse spending? How do I build wealth over time? What's the difference between saving and investing? How can I make my money work for me? Why is mindset important when it comes to money? What are the biggest investing mistakes beginners make? How do I become financially confident? How do I stop reacting emotionally to money? Can investing help me retire earlier?

This podcast is produced by www.keystepsupport.com

How many times this week did you give something away for free? Not money. Not a product. Your time. Your knowledge. Your expertise. Your energy.

In this episode I share a real client story about a man who kept answering calls he shouldn't have been taking — not because he didn't know better, but because somewhere along the way he learned that being available was the same as being valuable.

He's not alone.

This episode is for anyone who keeps picking up the phone when they shouldn't. For the expert who keeps explaining things for free. For the professional who stays on calls too long because ending them feels rude. For the person who has ended up in the friend zone with clients, colleagues or anyone else — and doesn't know how to get out.

This is the people pleasing pattern. Just in a different context.

What You'll Hear in This Episode

→ Why giving your time away for free is a people pleasing problem not a business problem

→ The client who had spoken to the same person ten times without charging a cent — and what was really underneath it

→ Why we end up in the friend zone with clients and what it actually costs us

→ The Michael Jordan analogy that reframes everything

→ How we teach people that our time has no value — without ever realising we're doing it

→ The simple boundary that changes everything — and why most people resist it

→ Your action step for this week

Quotable Moments

"How many times this week did you give something away for free? Not money. Your time."

"We are always teaching people how to treat us. And when we keep picking up — we teach people that our time is free."

"Every call you take for free is time you're not spending on the things and the people that actually matter."

"You can't be everybody's person. And neither can you."

"The friend zone feels generous. But here's what it actually creates. Resentment."

"The people who truly value what you do will not go anywhere. And the ones who only stayed because you were free? Let them go. They were never your people."

"I just need to be about me a little bit more."

Resources

Get on the waitlist for The Reset — starting Tuesday September 15th 2026: jennymcoaching.com/group

Not sure if people pleasing applies to you? Take the 2 minute quiz: bit.ly/notapeoplepleaser

Follow Jenny on Instagram and LinkedIn: @jennymcoaching

Subscribe to the podcast: Who Do You Think You Are Talking To — weekly on Spotify and Apple Podcasts

This episode directly answers: 'How do I stop giving my time away for free?' · 'Why do I keep answering calls I shouldn't?' · 'How do I set boundaries with clients?' · 'What is people pleasing in business?' · 'How do I stop being available to everyone?' · 'Why do I feel guilty charging for my time?' · 'How do I get out of the friend zone with clients?' · 'How do I stop over-giving?' · 'What does people pleasing look like at work?' · 'How do I start valuing my own time?' · 'Why do I keep helping people for free?' · 'How do I charge what I'm worth?'

This podcast is produced by www.keystepsupport.com