Why Didn’t They Tell Us? Self-Confidence Coaching For Teen Girls

“Time for yourself is one of the most important gifts that you can give yourself,” says Sandra Merrill, holistic mind, body, and energy coach. Born an anxious kid and later struggling with the high intensity of living in New York City, she discovered the power of savasana yoga and the importance of taking time to be quiet and alone with one’s thoughts. She explains that for many, this is a scary prospect. People often feel too busy or fear there is a ‘right’ way to meditate and that they might do it ‘wrong.’

In today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us?, Sandra dispels many myths and extols the virtues of meditation. Despite the uncontrollable aspects of our world, we can control how we show up in it. We can accept our thoughts and responses and mindfully bring ourselves back to center.

Sandra points out that if you can spend ten minutes mindlessly scrolling social media, you can take the time for meditation and experience life-changing results.

Quotes

• “We are constantly distracted and feeling like we need to be doing more, and we need to be moving and we need to be creating and we end up, I think, doing less. But I think that is what pushes us back. Who wants to sit down with themselves and dedicate time to sit down with themselves for 10 minutes? It sounds daunting and it sounds long. But I can guarantee you that those same people—sometimes myself included—have no problem scrolling on any social media platform for ten minutes, mindlessly, wasting that time.” (13:39 | Sandra Merrill) 

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“If we only go after goals that we have evidence of our ability to achieve, then we’ll never conquer new frontiers,” says host Leslie Randolph. This is why we need to believe in ourselves ahead of time. So many of us, when pursuing a new goal, get caught in what she calls ‘a cycle of sabotage.’ Since we don’t have a past example to prove that we can achieve this goal, we get caught in a feeling of hopelessness, which means we don’t try and thus fulfill our own prophecy of impossibility. Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to action—or inaction. 

On today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, Leslie explains why our brain’s natural function of protecting us can backfire on our success, and what we can do to move past our “as-soon-as” thinking and believe in ourselves even while we’re waiting for evidence that we can do it.

Are you ready to go confidently in the direction of your dreams? Today Leslie will help you gain the self- confidence to take your first step forward. 

Quotes

• “So many of us have goals and dreams that we have no evidence of our ability to achieve or proof of possibility. And if you want something that you’ve never had before, something you’ve never achieved before, then you have no reason to believe it’s possible, right? If we can’t look back to our past for evidence that we’re capable of doing it, we have no reason to believe that we can, that it’s possible.” (4:59 | Leslie Randolph) 

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“It’s no wonder we claim to not know what we want,” says host Leslie Randolph on today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us. “We’ve been programmed to follow a path that isn’t for us. It’s actually for everyone else’s perception of us.” When what we truly want comes into conflict with all of the expectations placed on us by society, we experience what she calls ‘should shame.’ Women, especially, are given a rigid and narrow set of rules by which they are expected to live, and when you want to deviate from them, an emotional deficit begins to grow. 

Before Leslie found her calling as a coach, she experienced a lot of the same conflict. She shares the story of discovering her passion, hiding behind a safe and respectable job option and how she finally summoned the courage to be honest about what she really wanted and never looked back. 

What will you do with your one, precious life? Join Leslie to learn how to discover your purpose and passion, as well as the self-confidence to go after it. 

Quotes

• “First of all, I think so many of us believe that there’s a wrong answer, like, ‘I know what I want but it’s not what I should want.’ Whenever I hear the word ‘should,’ an alarm goes off in me because I know that ‘should’ always leads to shame.”  (3:20 | Leslie Randolph) 

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“I’m out of my league. Someone else could do it better. I bring nothing to the table.” Imposter Syndrome, which is when we feel like a fraud in our lives or careers despite evidence to the contrary, causes so many of us insecurity, anxiety and doubt. What’s worse, we all think we are alone in this feeling, despite leading figures from actress Natalie Portman, singer Lady Gaga and even the Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris, all admitting to feeling like they don’t deserve their success and that they’ll be exposed to the world at any moment. Luckily, Leslie has the antidote for all of these negative thoughts, and on today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, she’ll show you how to challenge your false beliefs by answering one simple question. 

Our thoughts are deliberate. If we can choose to think negative thoughts we can choose to think positive thoughts. Leslie shares a series of affirmations to tell yourself so that you can begin to change the course of your emotions, and replace feelings of doubt with feelings of pride and self-confidence. 

Quotes

• “Imposter syndrome is a feeling caused by a collection of thoughts that are rooted in disbelief of you, your ability and capability.” (6:54 | Leslie Randolph)

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“It’s more than just visual—it’s also psychological, it’s emotional, there’s a physical component to it, there’s even a spiritual component to it,” says Sandy Thinnes, founder and CEO of Beauty Flow, a holistic beauty and wellness brand that takes an inside approach to beauty. Sandy explains how the desire to feel attractive and express oneself through makeup is common among women of all ages. However, she raises concerns about the impact of social media platforms like TikTok, which have young girls obsessing over makeup and skincare products. These products can be inappropriate for their age or even harmful based on their ingredients.

Sandy addresses how Millennial Moms can guide their daughters through the overwhelming beauty landscape. She will detail which products and ingredients to avoid, how to set positive beauty standards and attitudes, and ways to foster "foundational beauty" by helping teens and tweens develop their inner selves.

Furthermore, Sandy highlights the interconnectedness of physical health and beauty, sharing insights on how a healthy gut biome contributes to a healthy mind, spirit, and skin barrier. Listeners will learn about the scientific links between meditation and anti-aging, the benefits of daily physical activity, and why maintaining a regulated nervous system is crucial for beauty.

The episode emphasizes teaching girls to value who they are and what they have to offer, so they can show up confidently to present their unique gifts to the world and to heal it in a way that only women can. 

Quotes

• “There’s really nothing wrong with you or your body, there’s just something wrong with where your focus is.”  (24:50 | Sandy Thinnes)

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“Would you say to your best friend, ‘Well, you kind of suck. You’re a total failure?’” asks host Leslie Randolph on today’s episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us? Most likely—and hopefully—the answer is no, so why do so many of us so easily and frequently say these things to ourselves when we fail to achieve our goals or get something we wanted? We attach disparaging narratives to our failures and positive narratives to what we perceive as other peoples’ endless stream of successes. There are three major forms of what Leslie calls self-confidence kryptonite, and today she’ll share what they are and what we can do to guard against them.

She’ll reveal the one small word to add to your negative self-talk that will completely change your outlook. She’ll discuss sticking to the facts and how to avoid the traps laid by social media that prey on our doubts and insecurity. Learn a series of lists to compile, how to be aware of negative self-talk and deliberate about positive self-talk. 

As Leslie says, self-confidence is an inside job!

Quotes

• “If your goal is to one day make the team, or to one day get that promotion at work, those thoughts are not going to motivate you to try again. Why would you? If you believe you suck, or you’re a failure, or it’s never going to happen, then what’s the point? Those thoughts not only make you feel bad but they stop you from going after what it is you want.” (5:55 | Leslie Randolph)

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"Self-confidence is an inside job," Leslie Randolph asserts in this solo episode of "Why Didn’t They Tell Us?" Despite this truth, many of us allow others' opinions, which often mirror our own insecurities, to shape our self-perception. This fear of external judgment hinders us from pursuing our desires, whether it's starting a business, joining a club, or parenting in our own way. To combat this, Leslie introduces practical tools to help us reclaim our self-confidence and courageously pursue our true paths.

Echoing the investigative approach of journalists with the Five Ws—who, what, when, where, why—Leslie guides us to interrogate the fears and seek approval from the "they" whose opinions we fear and crave. She debunks the myths surrounding these perceived judgements and uncovers the true nature of criticism. Leslie then encourages us to ask ourselves a pivotal question, one that connects us more deeply with our desires and empowers us to act with confidence.

The episode invites listeners to dial down their "bully brain" and amplify their "bestie brain," reconnecting with their adolescent selves—a time when many of us were acutely concerned with others' views. Through Leslie's insights, we learn to silence our internal critic and foster a supportive inner dialogue, empowering us to believe in ourselves, irrespective of external voices.

Quotes

• “When we’re so concerned about what other people will think about us or say about us if we go after our goals, then we often don’t.” (4:15 | Leslie Randolph)

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We know we’re not supposed to care what people think of us. But as host Leslie Randolph explains on this solo episode of “Why Didn’t They Tell Us,” we are literally hard-wired to care what people think of us, to want to be liked and accepted, and to belong. At one time, when we all lived as members of tribes, the approval of others was literally a matter of life and death. To illustrate this, Leslie recalls her time spent living in South Africa and why the sight of a lone impala filled her with such dread. 

Caring about what others think isn’t such a bad thing. After all, it’s important to be mindful of other people’s feelings. The most important thing is to make sure our concern is mindful, and that we don’t please others and seek validation at the risk of our own self-confidence or sense of self. There is only one of each of us in the world, and it is our responsibility to the truest versions of ourselves. Leslie shares a story of shopping for a dress she loved but that her daughter hated, and what Leslie decided to do in response. 

So, let’s cut ourselves some slack. Caring what others think is a default setting, which won’t go away. But with Leslie’s help throughout today’s discussion, we can make a deliberate mental shift, and make sure our opinion of ourselves reigns supreme. Join the conversation to learn more about the upcoming Bully to Bestie Bootcamp, where you’ll learn more about self-confidence and positive self-talk. 

Quotes:

• “Doubt, fear, and anxiety are all part of the package of being a perfectly imperfect human. The only difference between those successful and self-confident people among us is that we don’t let those emotions be the decision-makers in our lives. We don’t let those emotions and the voices creating them, the thoughts creating those feelings, have the microphone in our minds.” (1:28 | Leslie)

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In the last episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us, Leslie offered us a series of steps to make doing hard things a little easier. Now, she invites us to play “doubt detective!” Whether it’s launching a new business or auditioning for the school play, fear is underlying the tasks we avoid and procrastinate about, one that we must identify. Get ready to dig deep–what you are afraid of is not always the first or most obvious answer. 

Once you pinpoint your fear, your goal is not to get rid of it. On the journey toward your dreams, fear is along for the ride. The point is to put it in the backseat and let courage, confidence and compassion be your GPS. There is an emotion far greater, more painful and longer-lasting than fear, after all. 

Leslie reveals what it is, as well as what we can do to give us a fresh perspective on our emotions. She also reveals the secret to being unstoppable and to living a limitless life. Get ready to jump in the driver’s seat and head out for your dreams with all of your emotions in tow. Those dreams are worth it and you are worthy of them. 

Quotes:

• “The secret to self-confidence is not that you never feel doubt, that you never feel insecure, that you never feel afraid. It is that you do not let those emotions stop you from going after what it is you want.” (3:50 | Leslie) 

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“There’s no poetic way to say it,” Leslie says on this solo episode of Why Didn’t They Tell Us? “Often, what you want to achieve is hard.” Since our brains are designed to seek pleasure and avoid pain, it’s no wonder that it’s difficult for most of us to face or achieve the things we find difficult. Luckily, Leslie is here to help, offering three specific ways to change our mindsets and attitudes toward the things that we avoid doing.

She shares examples from her own life when changing her internal messaging made overcoming a previously insurmountable obstacle much easier–even if it was only for a few hours at a time, at first. She shares how she has been able to meet her goal for the year, and the negative inner dialogues that have kept clients from achieving theirs. 

So, members of the “confidence crew,” please tune in to learn a better way to face the challenges in your life by working with your brain’s default settings instead of against them. Not only will you find yourself being more productive, you will have more fun in the process!

Quotes

• “Try on what I teach today. See if it fits. It ain’t couture–it’s off the rack. So, if it doesn’t, adjust, my friend.” (4:50 | Leslie)

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