Why Do We Do That?

Why do romance readers keep coming back to stories when they already know there's going to be a happy ending? In this episode, Sarah MacLean explores what makes romance novels so compelling, from yearning and familiar tropes to the emotional payoff of watching characters overcome impossible odds to find love. We also discuss how the genre has changed over the past 50 years, what romance can teach us about relationships and sexuality, and where we should be careful about confusing satisfying fiction with real life.

romance novels, psychology of romance, Sarah MacLean, relationships, love, romance tropes, enemies to lovers, happily ever after, yearning, sexuality, consent, fiction, relationship expectations

Why knowing there's a happy ending doesn't make romance novels less satisfying

What separates a romance novel from a love story

Why conflict and yearning are essential ingredients in romance

Why familiar tropes like "enemies to lovers" and "only one bed" are so compelling

How romance novels can provide joy, hope, representation, and a sense of possibility

How the romance genre has evolved alongside changing cultural attitudes

Why relationships that work wonderfully in fiction might be terrible ideas in real life

How romance novels portray sex, pleasure, and consent

Whether romance novels create unrealistic expectations about relationships

Why the genre continues to evolve even though the happily-ever-after ending stays the same

00:00 What do readers get from romance novels?

03:46 What makes a romance novel a romance novel?

06:50 The psychology, joy, and hope behind romance

10:31 How the modern romance novel began

15:23 What makes a compelling romance story?

17:36 Why yearning and struggle are more satisfying than happily ever after

19:59 Why romance tropes work

20:24 Enemies to lovers and the psychology of conflict

24:56 Friends to lovers—and why Sarah doesn't love it

30:28 Can romance novels inspire us in real life?

34:42 When romance novels become bad relationship advice

37:24 Are romance novels like pornography?

38:42 Sex, pleasure, and consent in romance novels

42:26 Do romance novels create unrealistic expectations?

44:39 How romance writers stand out in a crowded genre

47:21 How romance novels have evolved

Website — https://www.sarahmaclean.net

Books — https://www.sarahmaclean.net/book-list

In this episode, Barry Schwartz explores why making a good decision isn't always as simple as weighing the pros and cons. We discuss why trying to find the "best" option can sometimes leave us worse off, when we should trust our judgment instead of the numbers, and why having so many choices today can make even simple decisions feel overwhelming. Along the way, Barry offers a different way to think about making choices—and what it really means to choose wisely.

decision making, rational choice theory, judgment, behavioral economics, trade-offs, regret, modern decision challenges

• Why rational choice theory doesn't capture how many real-world decisions should be made
• Why some choices simply can't be reduced to numbers
• How quantification can create a false sense of confidence
• Why we sometimes prioritize what's measurable instead of what actually matters
• The difference between maximizing and choosing something that's "good enough"
• Why having more choices can make decision-making harder
• How judgment differs from simply following your intuition
• Why values and flexibility both matter when making difficult choices
• How regret can improve future decisions
• Why the modern world may be making thoughtful decision-making more difficult

00:00 Introduction to Barry Schwartz and his new book

09:30 The limitations of quantifying decisions and outcomes

11:00 The importance of context, framing, and norms in decision making

13:24 The seductive nature of quantification and its pitfalls

14:56 The futility of searching for the 'best' in decisions

16:54 Mechanical errors in probabilistic thinking and uncertainty

18:09 Challenges of quantifying complex decisions like college choices

19:44 The risks of over-reliance on quantification and metrics

22:09 The influence of quantifiable metrics on decision priorities

23:36 The problem with maximizing and searching for the 'best'

25:21 The paradox of choice and satisfaction

27:12 The limits of rational search in life decisions

28:46 When to apply rational choice theory and when to rely on judgment

30:12 The role of reflection and goals in decision making

31:58 Balancing logic, intuition, and emotion in decisions

40:36 The importance of values, principles, and flexibility

41:30 Life as a series of judgment calls, not formulas

42:29 The role of regret in learning and decision improvement

44:29 The right amount of regret and its importance

45:54 Final thoughts on decision making in a complex world

Website - https://www.swarthmore.edu/profile/barry-schwartz

In this episode, Ryan Wexelblatt shares insights on behavioral interventions for children with ADHD, focusing on practical strategies for parents to support emotional regulation, motivation, and behavior management both at home and outside. Discover how understanding the ADHD brain can transform parenting approaches and foster better outcomes for kids.

keywords

ADHD, parenting, behavioral interventions, emotional regulation, executive functioning, motivation, child development, ADHD strategies

key topics

ADHD and executive functioning delays

Cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation

Behavioral interventions and scaffolding

Managing disrespectful language and meltdowns

Creating structure and expectations for ADHD kids

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to ADHD Parenting Strategies

02:59 Meet Ryan Wexelblatt and his expertise

04:29 Understanding how ADHD brains differ from neurotypical brains

06:40 The role of cognitive flexibility in ADHD behavior

08:34 Emotional regulation challenges and solutions

09:25 Living in the moment and its impact on therapy

12:37 Internal dialogue and impulsivity in ADHD

13:39 Triggers of emotional outbursts in ADHD children

15:58 Negative attention and reinforcement of behaviors

18:31 Calmness and response strategies during meltdowns

20:10 Setting expectations and opportunities for self-correction

22:21 Disrespectful language and how to address it

32:26 Teaching accountability and repair after hurtful words

36:45 Managing emotional blackmail and severe behaviors

40:03 Impulsivity and behavior outside the home

43:32 Supporting motivation and routine at home

53:30 Key takeaways for parents of ADHD children

guest links

Website - https://adhddude.com

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/ADHDDudeRyanWexelblattLCSW

Happy 4th of July! I am pleased to announce that I am in the process of migrating to a new podcast platform. While there may be some technical issues along the way, this change will allow me to focus more on VIDEO CONTENT. Stay tuned for more updated!

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical sexologist & licensed mental health counselor Dr. Rebecca Eudy to discuss sex in long-term relationships.

They discuss how sexual desire evolves as relationships grow, how past experiences shape our expectations, the importance of open communication, how to navigate differences in desire, the dynamics of pursue–withdrawal cycles, and practical ways to repair connection and rekindle attraction.

Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work.

Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter 

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical psychologist and couples coach Dr. Isabelle Morley about building relationship intimacy.

They discuss the complexities of building intimacy in relationships, why intimacy is something to be cultivated rather than rushed, the role of safety and vulnerability in creating real connection, how our past experiences shape the way we relate to others, and practical ways to deepen intimacy in long-term relationships.

Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work.

Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter 

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with martial arts expert Stephan Kesting about the psychology of martial arts.

They discuss the evolution of the martial arts, the surprising relationship between martial arts and aggression, the psychological benefits that come from training, the lessons learned on the mat that can carry over into everyday life, and mindset tips for anyone considering stepping into a martial arts gym for the first time.

For more on Stephan, visit Grapplearts.com.

Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work.

Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter 

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Cortney Warren about her new book, Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction.

They discuss why breakups can feel so destabilizing, how longing for an ex can begin to resemble an addiction, the past experiences and thinking patterns that increase vulnerability to love addiction, and practical strategies for healing after the end of a serious relationship.

Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work.

Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter 

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with philosopher and writer Rebecca Newberger Goldstein about her new book, The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us

Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs the human experience from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work.

Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter 

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Ryan Moyer speaks with executive coach and author Christian Van Nieuwerburgh to discuss his new book Radical Listening: The Art of True Connection.

They discuss the importance of listening intentions, how to quiet internal chatter so we can fully focus on others, what situational cues we should pay attention to in order to communicate effectively, the role of curiosity and intellectual humility in meaningful dialogue, and how to use thoughtful observations and questions to help people feel comfortable and understood.

For more on Christian, visit https://coachonamotorcycle.com

Why Do We Do That? is a psychology podcast that deconstructs human behavior from the perspectives of social scientists, psychologists, and others that use applied psychology in their work.

Web | Patreon | YouTube | Facebook | Instagram | Twitter