Sex is the elephant in the room that most people can’t stop thinking about but also which most of us have no good language to discuss. We hide it, or we flaunt it, and far too many learn from porn, which is so rarely a good teacher about good sex.

We owe it to ourselves to be better. We deserve the ability to talk about sex without hiding from it, to have clear and honest discussions of what we want—assuming those conversations are with partners who also want to have these discussions and not just women you happen to see on the internet—and find shameless ways to realize those desires.