Dog. Phosphorescence. YOLO. Find out what these words have in common as Tim and Joe somehow wind up talking a little about the Boston bombing three weeks after the fact.

Joe is very tall and Tim is very small. Together, they barely make a coherent conversation.

In a world where one neurotic writer and one gentle giant hold the fate of an Oscars-themed episode in their hands, Tim and Joe manage to stay focused enough to decide whether or not Philip Seymour Hoffman is a dick. (Also: Joe’s grandma thinks he’s a coward and Tim can’t grow a beard.)

Some people (like Joe) see driving just as a means of transportation. Other people (like Tim) see it as tangible evidence that evil exists in the universe. Only one can be right. And the other is very tall. (Joe is very tall.)

After a failed first attempt, Tim and Joe return to try tackling the Super Bowl with minimal references to football.

Things we learn in this episode: Joe loves the word "absolutely," Tim just might live past age 37 and people aren't really stoked for a new year—they're just stoked to be done with the last one.

Did dinosaurs exist? And how exactly do you pronounce "Sufjan Stevens"? Tim and Joe inexplicably tackle these topics and more when they meant to talk about Christmas.

Look, everything has to begin. And everything isn't always perfect in the beginning. Look at babies. You can barely trust them to do anything right. Or Parks And Recreation. Remember Mark Brendanawicz?

That's what the pilot episode of Why I Hate Today is like. It's like babies and pre-Lowe Parks & Rec. Hosts Tim Karan (an idiosyncratic writer) and Joe Bacharach (a tall waiter) attempt to discuss the pending apocalypse of 2012 before it's too late (one way or the other) while also establishing the basic premise of the show.

It'll get better. But as it is, it isn't all that bad. After all, the theme song is by Andy Hull of Manchester Orchestra. And that's gotta be worth a listen alone, right?