Oh, thank God for Ted Cruz! Once again, the far-right-wing US Senator is saving you and me from a political horror that doesn’t exist.

This is Ted’s specialty, for he seems unable to deal with the real economic and social problems that workaday people actually have. Thus, he constantly tries to divert attention from his senatorial incompetence by staging embarrassing political stunts, such as his furious fulminations against Big Bird, Mickey Mouse, and other fictional characters. Unable to triumph over them, however, Cruz is now conjuring up entirely fictional conflicts to let him (a Harvard educated elitist) pose as a hero of working-class commoners.

Beer drinkers, for example. The Cruzer recently swooped onto a Republican TV show, squawking like Chicken Little that Joe Biden intended to restrict us Americans to only two beers a week! Oh, the horror. “What is it with liberals that want to control every damn aspect of your life?” squealed the senator (who, by the way, does want government to control every woman’s reproductive rights, people’s voting rights, the rights of labor, what books people can read, etc., etc.).

But Ted’s in a tizzy over Biden’s two-beer limit. Only… there’s no such thing. Actually, Biden has said nothing about beer – zero, zilch. Joe’s kinda busy – you know, Ukraine, global warming, health care… real problems – so unlike the little senator from Texas, he doesn’t have time to play political pickle ball.

Embarrassingly, such other GOP officials as Iowa Sen. Joni Ernst have joined Cruz’s screwball crusade to stop Bidens non-existent Beer Bust. It’s like they all went to clown school to learn to be “senatorial.” As for Ted, his non-stop series of nutty PR antics reveals that he is to a real senator what near beer is to beer—only not nearly as close.

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