When parents lose the plot ! Most of us can think of times when we've shouted at our child, ranted and potentially failed as 'Parent of the Year' contestants. Katy Gosset looks at why we lose our rag and what we can do to prevent it

Most of us can think of times when we've shouted at our child, ranted and potentially failed as 'Parent of the Year' contestants. Katy Gosset looks at why we lose our rag and what we can do to prevent it.

Listen to the episode here

Subscribe free to Are We There Yet? on iTunes, RadioPublic, Spotify, RadioPublic or Stitcher.

Every so often Annette* imagines being a 'Stepford Wife'.

"I wake up every morning and I think 'I'm going to have a day today where I don't yell at everyone.

"We're going to have a lovely, happy 'Stepford Wives' day today."

She's joking but it's kind of a goal, none the less.

"I would love to not lose it. I yell far too much."

Because with both high school and primary aged children, life can be intense.

"Sometimes I sit in the corner and rock and cry. Occasionally I lock myself in the bathroom and cry, so they don't see it."

Clinical psychologist (and mother of two), Catherine Gallagher, is the first to admit that losing your rag can feel good.

"You have to admit it, it's bloody satisfying."

Like many behaviours parents worried about, having a tantrum was normal, she said.

"It's OK to get angry. Our children need to know that their behaviour has an impact and that we're humans and we have negative feelings too."

"Our challenge as parents is to try and stay in as much control as possible."

Ms Gallagher admitted that in her early, pre-children, days as a psychologist she sometimes struggled to understand the difficulties parents faced in managing children.

"I was thinking 'Well, just be calm. This is the plan. Why aren't we doing this?"

"Then I had kids of my own."

And it all became clear.

"I've never yelled at anyone the way I yell at my children."

So why do parents get so wound up by their kids?

Ms Gallagher said it was helpful to look at the many things that led up to a parental 'tantrum'.

Exhibit A was the images of family life, as found in glossy magazines, advertisements and on Facebook

"It's all blissful smiles, a look of competence, well behaved children.

"In reality it's tiring, hugely challenging and, more often than not, our children are covered in mud or snot or staring at us in defiance. That's actually the stuff of life."…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details