Why We Took It Personally

Why do you keep hoping an old job will call, even one you hated? Psychotherapist Sia Bartrum thinks you're not waiting for them to need the file. You're waiting for them to say you mattered.

This week's letter is from a man who was asked to write a manual of everything he did, then fired for being a few minutes late. He'd seen it coming and password-protected the file. Two weeks later they called. He said no. His friend says he's being petty. He hated that job and would never go back, so why does he keep hoping they'll ring again?

Read the letters: https://www.siabartrum.com/letters
Write to the show: [email protected]
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id6821636246

Chapters
0:00 The letter
1:19 The short answer
1:35 Why getting fired lands so deep
2:54 Being needed isn't the same as being valued
4:06 Who gets to say when it's over?
4:56 Why do I keep hoping they'll call?
6:02 What the call can't give you
6:49 For everyone listening
7:47 A password keeps them out

A conversation, not therapy. Letters are retold with details changed.

This week's letter is from a wife who shouts at her husband. Not often, but when she does, she says cruel things. Then she apologises, means every word, and promises it will never happen again. He says: "You said that last time."

She asks: why doesn't feeling this terrible change anything? And what can she possibly say to him now?

Psychotherapist Sia Bartrum's answer starts somewhere unexpected: feeling terrible isn't the first step towards changing. For most of us, it's what we do instead of changing.

Read the letters: https://www.siabartrum.com/letters
Write to the show: [email protected]

A conversation, not therapy. Letters are retold with details changed.

This week's letter is from a husband who is sure he is about to be judged. His wife's inheritance bought their house. He pays the bills, and he won't pay for her haircut. He asks: am I in the wrong, and why are we fighting over a stupid haircut?

Sia's answer starts where he doesn't expect: he has a point. Then it turns to what a gift that size does to the person who receives it, and to the person who gives it.

Read the written reply: siabartrum.com/letters/the-man-who-accepted-a-house-and-refused-a-haircut

Write to the show: [email protected]

A conversation, not therapy.