Widow's Permission Slips with Gladys Jean Ullstam

 Early in my grief, my brain told me a lie. It said I deserved to be widowed. In this episode, I share where that thought came from, why it felt so true, and the simple journal exercise that broke the spell. If your brain has ever told you that your loss is somehow the price of your love, this one is for you. Your permission slip this week: I give myself permission to be that loved. 

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

It sneaks up on you. Out of nowhere, you want something again. You laugh a real laugh, you crave a good meal, you catch yourself enjoying an ordinary morning. And then the guilt rushes in right behind it, because how dare you want anything when he is gone.

In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the strange guilt of wanting things again. I share how long I refused to let myself enjoy a single thing after Gary died, the backwards belief that was hiding underneath it, and why your wanting is not a betrayal of him. You can want a good life and miss him with your whole chest at the very same time.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

People love to reassure you that the old you will come back, that one day you will feel like yourself again. But what if that is not true, and what if it does not need to be? Grief changes you all the way down, the way becoming a parent does. There is a you before and a you after, and they are not the same woman.

In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I talk about being changed by loss on a cellular level, a lifelong fear that vanished the moment Gary stopped breathing, and the square dancing club I never in a million years would have joined before. Grief is a time of learning, and curiosity is how you meet the woman you are becoming.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, you probably started treating your grief like a problem to solve. The books, the stages, the journal, the app, the quiet hope that if you just do the right things in the right order, one day you will wake up and be done with it.

In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I talk about that day you keep waiting for, the finish line that never actually comes. I share how long I spent treating my own grief like a checklist after Gary died, what finally shifted for me, and why your grief was never something that went wrong in you. It is love that still has somewhere to go, and love is allowed to stay.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

Sometimes grief shows up in ways that surprise you. Laughing at the worst possible moment. Feeling nothing at all when you expected to fall apart. A flash of relief that frightens you. Anger that seems to come from nowhere and land everywhere.

In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the parts of grief that feel strange or even wrong, the ones that make you quietly wonder if something is broken in you. We talk about why anger belongs to grief, why numbness is a form of grieving too, and why each of these reactions is your heart doing exactly what grief asks of it.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

It has been a while now, and you can feel the expectation in the air. The sense that you should be further along by this point. Maybe someone has said it out loud, or maybe it is just the way the conversations around you have moved on while you are still standing in the middle of it.

In this episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the myth that grief runs on a schedule. We look at where the idea of neat stages and tidy timelines came from, why it does not match the real experience of losing your person, and what starts to loosen when you stop measuring yourself against a clock that was never built for grief.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.

Episode 1 — You Don't Have to Be Okay

Everyone around you seems to need you to be okay. The friend who keeps telling you how strong you are. The coworker who relaxes when you smile. The part of you that has learned to say "I'm fine" because it is easier than watching someone's face fall.

In this first episode of Widow's Permission Slips, I sit with you in the exhaustion of performing okay when you are anything but. We talk about where that pressure comes from, why it shows up so early in grief, and what starts to ease when you finally set it down.

Widow's Permission Slips is a production of Ember & Bloom Coaching for Widows, hosted by Gladys Jean Ullstam, certified life coach and Gary's widow.

If you are ready to be met exactly where you are, my free discovery call, Holding the Ember, is open at emberandbloomcoaching.com/appointments.

Follow the show so a new permission slip finds you each week, and share it with a widow who needs to hear it.

Website: emberandbloomcoaching.com

You are not alone in this.